Disclaimer: I do not own, as if I would own something like South Park. Shudder It's to twisted for my imagination... but that doesn't mean I don't have fun playing with it. :D

Summary: After his innocence was destroyed, Kyle loses his love of life.

Author Notes: Squee! The prologue of my first multi chaptered South Park fic! This is a dark fic, it's been rated R for good reason. It will also be slash, so if you don't like, don't read.

Special thanks once again to Lisitsa for her support and I would say BETA of the fic, but she disappeared off line before I could ask her. Twice… Hmmn…. Nevertheless, she did BETA it, so thanks goes out to her anyway!

Also a special cry out has to go to Blue Eyed Angel2 for her lovely reviews of my other South Park writing, and her constant love of Kyle/Christophe which I share. Check out her work, it's great! :D

Finally, before the story begins, I have one final announcement. I have created a Kyle/Christophe C2 community. I have added all of the G to PG-13 Kyle/Christophe works I can find, if I have forgotten any, please e-mail me, same if you want on the staff. R's are not allowed in, sadly since there are some beautiful R fics out there.

Well then… Nothing else to say… Enjoy!





I feel gritty, dirty, and lifeless. I can't even look at myself without shuddering. My red hair is matted, full of dirt and grime; I can't be bothered to wash it. My once bright green eyes no longer shine; they haven't shined since my innocence was taken from me.

I was always the more innocent of my friend; with a mother like mine, how else could I be? Kenny has a filthy mouth, Cartmen has a filthy mother, and Stan has a constant on and off relationship with Wendy. What do I have? A mother who doesn't let me live my own life, a father who doesn't listen, and a brother who becomes more selfish by the day.

I know I shouldn't complain, that I should be grateful. I know that there are people worse off than me, who are starving and close to death. Nevertheless, every morning I relive the moments when my innocence was stolen from me.


When I wake up in the mornings, I no longer think about the wonderful things I am to encounter, no longer reminisce over the previous day. Now I wake up and feel like shouting, screaming at God for not answering my prayers; for not letting me die during my sleep.

This morning is just the same; I wake up, and feel like screaming. Instead, I stretch, trying to bring life into my numbing limbs. I force my self to get out of bed and make my way down the hall, into the bathroom.

It seems like a lifetime when I finally open the door and stumble inside. I lean over the basin and throw up. The foul, acidic taste burns the back of my throat.

The taste of bile makes me brush my teeth and wash my face. With what little self-respect I have, I study myself, making sure I'm clean. Some of it got on my wrist. I pause before I wash it off.

I trace the long blue vein on my wrist, thinking of the thick red blood that flows through it. I enjoy the slight tickling sensation my fingers give me, but I need something more, something to make me forget. I need to escape from this nightmare.

Slowly, I reach over to the pearly white sink and finger the knife lying on top. It looks so innocent, harmless, but it will be my release. I tremble slightly as I pick up the silver blade, knowing what is to happen next.

I press it against my skin, softly at first, only to enjoy the feeling of cool metal on skin. Then I press down, forcing the knife in harder, deeper, tracing my vein. Quickly, I switch hands and slice up my opposite wrist in the same fashion.

My head begins to spin, the combined sensations of pleasure and pain forcing me to fall onto the icy-cold tiles. My head throbs, and my vision begins to blur. I raise my wrist to my mouth and suck hard; I relish the taste of my own blood.

I hear a sharp; high-pitched scream, my mother. I laugh, thinking of what I must look like to her; an empty shell. The last thing I hear is her calling my father's name before I black out completely.

Escape is mine.


I know it's short… But it's only the prologue; this could be read separately even. The actual chapters will be longer.

Did you enjoy it? Squee!

Please Review!