A/N- I promised to get this up by today and I did it...YAY! Anyway this was originally going to be a one-shot but then my friends Emerald begged me to write more so this will be 3 or 4 chapters long...I really hope you enjoy it...And Sirius is not dead he's just...misplaced!! If I get reviews for this(which I hope I will although I don't tend to get them much)then I will update quickly...So I hope you enjoyreading it as much as I enjoyed writing it(no matter how much I complained about writing it I really had a lot of fun.)
DISCLAIMER:As I've said before I don't own Harry Potter...I don't really want to either...Poor J.K.Rowling has a hard time writing the books without us complaining that she's not getting them done fast enough...I love the books I really do but give the poor woman a chance to breath will ya?(I have to remind myself of this everyday) Anyway I don't own Harry Potter but I do own the plot to this story...
Dedicated:This story is dedicated to EnglishMuffin2...thank you for getting me off a bad road(that of H/G)...And to BlackShuck who wrote 'Fever'...a cute Sirius/Harry story...I love both of your stories and I hope you'll enjoy this one as you've helped to convert me to HP/SB...Enjoy!
With a Letter Comes Realizations-Chapter one
Harry placed the letter on the table before grabbing his suitcase and running hurriedly out of the house. Sirius would be coming home soon and Harry wanted to be well away from this place by that time. Hopefully out of the town,hopefully out of Britain altogether.
He continued walking to the safe apparition point, and as he turned around to look back at the house he had spent the past two years of his life in he couldn't hide the tears that fell from his emerald green eyes. "Goodbye,Sirius,"he whispered before disappearing with a pop.
Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were walking to the quant two story house on the quiet sidestreet in Godric's Hollow. Sirius-who always seemed to speed up the closer they got to the house-began to speed up, and Remus who always sped up just to keep up,grinned as he did as well.
The animagus had no idea why he was always in such a hurry to get to his home...to Harry. And yes, in a way he supposed he was hurrying to see Harry as much as he was to relax. But somehow-
Remus' laughter rang out in the night. Sirius had been so caught up in his thoughts that he had ran into the door and fallen on the ground. He ignored Remus' grin as he pulled himself up(with as much dignity as he could muster) and slammed open the door. He walked up the stairs in the entryway calling for Harry the entire time.
Remus shook his head and went into the kitchen to make some tea. He half-suspected to find Harry sitting at the table but instead he saw an envelope with Sirius' name on the front. He frowned as he saw Harry's handwriting but turned to the kitchen door and pushed it open.
"Sirius!Sirius!" Remus called only to hear the sound of stampeding footsteps on the staircase. The owner of said footsteps entered the kitchen and looked to Remus. The werewolf pointed to the envelope and turned away to give Sirius time to read whatever was inside.
Remus had some idea of what it was...he just hoped he was wrong
As it was the night after the full moon Remus was staying at Sirius and Harry's house in Godric's Hollow. Harry,who always took the day off to take care of Remus,had told him he ahd work to do upstairs.
A loud crash filled the house and Remus,thinking something had fallen on Harry in a freak accident of some sort,ran up the stairs. As he opened the door to Harry's room he sighed in relief as he saw Harry kneeling on the floor picking up a stack of books he had obviously dropped. Remus frowned as he saw Harry putting the books in a cardboard packing box.
"Harry?"The young man looked up. "What are you doing?"
Harry rushed over and helped Remus into the bed. The werewolf laid down gratefully and repeated his question.
"I'm packing,"Harry replied blankly.
"Packing? Sirius didn't tell me you were leaving," Remus said, sounding hurt.
Harry sighed. "Well if he knew I'm sure he would have told you," Harry turned and continued packing.
Remus was stunned! Sirius didn't know Harry was leaving! Oh Merlin...Sirius wasn't going to like this...
"Are you going to tell him?"
"No...I'm not,"Harry replied faintly.
Remus raised an inquisitive eyebrow, asking a question silently. When Harry looked up he swore and ran a hand through his hair.
"I can't stay here anymore,Remus. Sirius will be extremely uncomfotable with me here.I'm not going to tell him I'm leaving because he would try to stop me, and I would listen no matter how hard it would be. And I'm not gonna tell you why we would be uncomfortable because he should know first. If he wants to tell you then he will. I'm so sorry Remus. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. It wasn't supposed to happen at all. I'm sorry!."
Harry turned away, but Remus saw the tears and the unknown emotion in his emerald green eyes.
BACK TO PRESENT
While Remus was lost in his thoughts, Sirius was looking concernedly at the envelope on the table. As he picked it up and saw the handwriting his frown evolved into a grin.
As he opened it and began to read his grin turned,once again, into a frown.
When I moved in here 2 years ago I had no idea of the hell I was about to put myself through. I was 17,just out of Hogwarts, and still naive of the things roommates could go through. I thought it would be easy.
But I seemed to forget that I'm Harry Potter and if something could happen to make my life uncomfortable it would happen...
And it did.
Big time...Something so impossible...so unacceptable...That I couldn't tell you. I couldn't let you find out.
I am-was-afraid that you would be disgusted. But as you can see I'm not there. I'm not there to see your reaction when you find out.
I've left Sirius and I'm not coming back. I've been keeping a terrible secret from you Siri. One that I'm not sure you want to know. But I'm not gonna beat around-the-bush any longer. I'm just gonna come out and say it-er-write it.
I'm in love with you.
I'm so completely and honestly in love with you that I couldn't bear to have you look at me in disgust.
So I left. I can't stay here. It's too hard, and I can't stay here knowing that you could never love me the way I wanted you to.
I don't regret falling in love with you, I don't think I ever could...or that I ever will.
What I do regret is is messing up the friendship that we had. Our friendship meant the world to me. It still does but...I don't think I could live with being ONLY your friend. It hurts to be around you. Too much for me to stay.
Remus may already know so feel free to show this to him.
I really am sorry about this Sirius. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. I mean I was supposed to fall in love but not with you Sirius...
Our friendship was not supposed to end...Especially not like this.
But it has...so I suppose this is goodbye. When you are finished reading this you will never have to hear from me again...
But even so...If you're feeling down and alone...just remember that I love you (as little comfort as that may bring).
...You aren't alone...
...You aren't useless...
And I will forever be...
Sirius placed the letter on the table. His face was molded into a pain-filled expression. He couldn't believe it. Harry had been in love with him and he'd never noticed.
"Sirius? What's wrong?" It hurt Remus to see his friend in so much pain.
Sirius pushed the letter across the table and Remus picked it up and began to read.
The animagus watched him and the varying emotions he went through while reading but he found that he couldn't really concentrate on anything. Harry had left him.
Remus placed down the letter one line really penetrating through:I'm in love with you.
He looked at Sirius and saw him being seemingly captivated by a memory. He knew that Sirius was thinking about Harry as he had the same unknown emotion in his eyes that Harry did.
"I've lost him, Remus. He's gone,"Sirius cried.
And now that emotion wasn't as unknown as it had been an hour ago. But was it possible for that emotion to conquer? Was it possible that fate would bring them together again?
Because in not noticing that Harry was in love with him Sirius had completely missed the fact that he was in love with Harry too.