I'm Sorry

Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans

Dedication: Cale Brockmeyer. Cale, this is what happens when things are left unsaid. You don't leave a girl like me hanging for six months. This is what happens when nothing is ever said, notes are left unanswered, and goodbyes never exchanged. Also dedicated to anyone who's ever had their heart broken, too.

So, Cale, if you're reading this, thanks. You taught me a valuable lesson: don't leave anyone unanswered.


I'm Sorry


Beastboy, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for all those times I've hurt you. I'm sorry for all those times I've yelled at you, shut you out, avoided you, and for when I've failed you.

These damn emotions! I can't take them anymore! They make things too hard. The emotions… they don't only control my powers, they control me. I'm their slave. No matter what anyone would think, I'm not emotionless. I'm just too afraid to show my emotions. I know that everyone would shun me.

People think I'm strong. That's a lie. I'm not strong at all. Every time I look at you, hear you laugh, see you smile, my world comes crashing down. I know we can never be together. But I want to, Beastboy, I truly do!

I'm sorry that I was given a chance to protect you, to prevent this awful fate. I failed. It came too fast to stop. Fate is cruel. One minute you're standing next to me, laughing and egging me on. The next minute you're in fate's hands. I'm sorry that I fell to my knees, grasping your hand, and begging you to stay.

I'm sorry that I'm lying here, broken, helpless, inconsolable, pouring my heart through my eyes. It hurts so bad to know that you're gone forever.

I'm sorry I let you die. I'm sorry I'm alive. I should be the one that's dead, not you! The bullet was meant for me.

FLASHBACK

He was only human, your normal bank robber, bent on getting away with some extra cash. The plan was to rope him in, not to hurt him too much.

"Awesome Rae!" Beastboy yelled as I just levitated the bag of cash out of his hand. His yelling interrupted my concentration, his voice sending me into an absolute tizzy. The bag was dropped. The look was murder in his eyes. "You should have seen the look on his face!"

"Excellent." I said dryly.

"Aw, c'mon Raven. Give yourself some credit. You're too critical of yourself."

"Was that supposed to be a complement or an insult?"

"Only the best for you, Rae. Bring him down. I know you can."

Openly smiling a little, I nonetheless took his urging. "Azarath, Metrion, ZINTOHS!"

I created a wall in front of the convicted. Startled, he whirled around to face me, seeing black energy shoot out of me. Oops. I could see the connection taking place in his eyes.

Beastboy whooped with joy. "Awesome." He declared.

My grin grew wider. "Now for the finale."

Suddenly, I heard a sound that wiped the grin off my face and froze my blood. It was a gunshot.

I ducked, narrowly missing the bullet. It zoomed up harmlessly into the atmosphere.

The convict aimed at me again. I froze. He was pointing at me. He fired.

I could see the bullet coming towards me in slow motion. I was too shocked to react. I was about to meet a short end. But, next to me, I heard a cry.

Beastboy launched himself in front of me. Blood. Then he fell.

"NO!" I screamed. I dropped to my knees beside Beastboy. The rest of the Titans continued fighting, oblivious to the fact that someone was down.

I grasped his hand. "Please stay, Beastboy. Don't go."

He laughed weakly. Even in death he was laughing. "It's all right, Rae. Nothing can save me."

"No," I said, shaking my head. "You can't leave. Not now. You can't go." Tears streamed down my face.

"I'm sorry, Raven."

"No, Beastboy, I'm sorry. I should have moved out of the way. You didn't have to take that bullet for me. I failed."

"No, Rae. It's not what I meant." He started coughing.

"You see, Rae, I'm so afraid to tell you. I was afraid you'd shun me. But I was also afraid, so, so afraid-"

"Beastboy, listen to me. I'd never shun you. I couldn't. Please tell me what is wrong."

"Raven, I-"

He started coughing up blood. That's when I lost it. "Please," My voice broke. "Tell me."

His hand tightened on mine.

"I love you, Raven."

I started crying harder than I've ever cried before. I tightened my grip on his hand; afraid it would slip through my hand.

I was crying because I loved him. I knew it now. It hit me as hard as a freight train. I was crying because I knew I could never be with him. I was crying because he was dying, and I could never tell him I loved him.

"I'll stay with you till the end." I said.

"That's nice." He said, two lone tears tracking down his cheeks.

His hand went limp.

END FLASHBACK

Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die for me?

I'm sorry for everything. I am. For every single thing I've done.

I'm sorry I never answered you. I'm sorry I never told you I loved you, too.

I'm sorry for what I said. It was the last thing you ever heard me say. I'm sorry I never gave you an answer. I'm sorry I watched you die, lying half in my arms. I'm sorry to say that my world ended today.

I don't deserve you. Especially now. Maybe, if God can forgive me, and I go to heaven, I'll see you.

And I'll tell you everything.

I'm sorry to say that I'm writing to each individual team member, filling up page after page. I'm wishing them well.

I'm sorry that I love you.

I'm sorry to say that I'm climbing stair after stair.

I'm on the roof now.

I'm sorry I'm flying, through time and space, falling silently.

Forgive me, Beastboy. I'll be seeing you soon.


It's sad, I know. But, now that I feel comfortable with suicide: expect it. Especially in some upcoming songfics.

Please review.

...Thank you, Cale...