life in moderation
"What we want to say is that in life, there are many challenges, some painful, some tough, some that do make you wish you were dead, but you fight your battles, you overcome, and you trudge on, and no matter what comes your way, you live, damnit."
- Kirito of now disbanded Pierrot
It's a little funny, you know, how time just goes on. Doesn't matter what happened. Life goes on, with only a few newspaper articles – "Japanese Businessman Found Dead, Foul Play Obvious" – to assure you it happened. Sure, there's your memories and your scars, but sometimes those are hard to trust. And when the rest of the city is rushing by, continuing life as it was, I find it difficult to believe, sometimes.
Three months. It's been three months, give or take, since his death and all of that happened, and was then "cleaned up". I'm sleeping better now, without as many nightmares. The thought of him is still clinging to me heavily, and I doubt it will ever leave, but I'm getting over it. I'm a little pissed that I have to work through it all over again, but I'm getting over it. I could sit and wallow in it – let it consume and degrade me, day after day – but what would the point be? That part of me is over now, and I'm free to start something new.
It makes me sick to think that people will throw their lives away without even a second thought. Whining, "What does life matter if we're all going to die in the end?" Shitheads. Yeah, you're going to die, like it or not, but you're going to live first and you might as well make the best of that. Memento mori and carpe diem. Make it fucking worth it. There'll be mistakes, but make them whole-heartedly. Don't take the easy way out and throw it away by loading yourself with drugs or too much alcohol or whatever.
It's a little funny, you know, just how simple it all seems now. Everything.
Jakotsu and Bankotsu have gone back to pretending to be normal citizens – they moved from this city a month or so ago, and I've only gotten a postcard since. Suikotsu only laughed a little when I asked him if he knew where they've gone, saying, "Well, with those two you never really know…"
Speaking of Suikotsu, he's certainly had his hands full lately – he expanded the clinic with a government grant. At least it has a better paint job now. Kikyou's back too and doing well, though Suikotsu only lets her work some weeknights and weekends, as he's making her go to school.
"She has potential – I can't let her waste away here with me forever," he told me as he wrung his hands and smiled a little, sadly. Oh, and that girl he found a while back – that girl whose parents I'm almost certain Naraku slaughtered – was reunited with her brother, though he's still in a coma. I have no idea what Naraku intended for him, but the bastard's dead, so it doesn't matter. Ownership of he and his sister (Kohaku and Sango, I think were their names) has been passed to someone else, or so another newspaper article said. Lucky kids.
Also, it turns out Kanna was the one at the library all along. She didn't know I worked there or anything – she just went there to get away from Naraku, which I definitely don't blame her for. I have to say, I'm proud of her, and the feeling is one I never thought I'd have. After a few days of silence, she finally opened up a little and explained how Naraku had brought her along as some kind of sick joke. Not many details were given, but apparently, Naraku was going to kill Sesshou-maru and I both after he questioned me about the jewel. It was on a whim she bought the gun a few months earlier and decided to bring it with her in case. She hadn't even thought she might kill him when waiting in the other room for him to call on her for an audience – she said it just sort of happened, and we all left it at that.
Kanna seems to be dealing well, though. She's got her own small apartment and a full-time job in the bakery where Sesshou-maru used to work for now, though no longer. His book did well, so we've got enough money to last us for a while. He's been working obsessively on a new one these days, though he won't tell me what it's about yet. I think he gets a kick out of it – watching me brim with curiosity and denying me the knowledge. Ah well, I'll get it out of him soon.
As for me, I'm doing all right, I guess. My school year ended about a week ago, so my days have been spent working at the library and catching up on all the sleep I missed studying for exams. Mrs. Higurashi's got a new boy working there, that friend of Kagome's – he's been living in their guestroom for the past while. Mrs. H doesn't mind, since it keeps him out of trouble. He was on the street before, she told me.
The weird thing is though, this boy looks a lot like Sesshou-maru. It freaks me a bit when I see him, even now. Actually, Sesshou-maru saw the boy once when he picked me up from work (he's still rather protective, but I think I like it a lot now). They met eyes but didn't say anything, so I guess they just happen to look alike, nothing more.
I sigh and lean my weight back against Sesshou-maru, who is still asleep on the bed beside me. Warm flesh to warm flesh. Morning light is flooding into our (seemingly) permanently messy bedroom, making my eyes ache a little. Damn sun. I wanted to sleep in longer… though I guess I'm content to lie here half-conscious, hair messy, my limbs tangled with Sesshou-maru's. It's in no way perfect, but I'm pretty much happy here.
Breath against my shoulder, a hand touching my stomach…