A/N: I know that it has been some time since I have put anything out. Rest assured I'm trying to rectify that but it is taking some time. If only I could find the time to finish typing...As is, I thought I'd present this for your viewing pleasure. I'd actually written this some time ago but hadn't really done much with it. To let you know, it is a companion piece to "Gold and Silver, Fire and Ice" and "Of White and Silver".
Disclaimer: Me, own this? Hardly. >.
Of Silver and Gold
Severus watched the small child as he pulled himself on his tiny bed, trying to curl up with his thin, rather ratty, blanket. The Potions Master wanted nothing more than to reach for this child and pull him into his arms, as Albus had done for him so many times but he couldn't. Something would not allow him. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't break whatever barrier separated them. So all he could do was sit and watch in silent agony as the child suffered.
"Papa." What amazed Severus the most is that the child, the identity of which he didn't know, somehow knew he was there and talked to him, "Papa, I really wish you'd come and get me. I know you're there, I can feel you. But you don't come to me. Why, Papa?" Green eyes looked up and captured the dark-haired man in their tearful gaze. "Why don't you come? Don't you love me anymore?" Severus screamed in anguish, tearing at the barrier that separated them, the hole in his heart throbbing more painfully than it ever had in his life. But nothing, nothing would let him through.
(End of Dream)
Severus woke with a start and clutched his thin black sheets in his hands, breathing in short pants. When he'd regained some control he groaned and buried his face in his hands, trying desperately to hold in the sobs that threatened. Merlin, how many nights had he had these same dreams, over and over, each as gut-wrenching as the one before it? Why? Why did he have them? Why must he be cursed with this? But no, he told himself as he dragged himself out of the bed and towards the window, it's not a curse. That child, that child loved him, wanted him to be his…Papa. Of all the absurd things; but when the child said it, it didn't seem so absurd but, Merlin forbid, right. But why!?! Why damnit all! Why could he never reach the child to comfort him? Why must Fate taunt him from afar and make the child suffer just as he did.
He clutched his robe around his thin form. This was worst than the Cruciatus, who ever was doing this. And what's more, that damned "hole," as Albus put it, was acting up worse than it ever had, but why? It hadn't even twinged since he and Albus had found one another, since he had found the man he could truly call "Father." Now it was as though it was just as empty as ever.
He wanted to talk to Albus, right then, but didn't feel as though he should disturb the Headmaster. But…oh, he just didn't want to be alone. If nothing else he could just spend the night up in his office, on his couch, that won't disturb him. The mere atmosphere of the tower, that spoke QUITE loudly of the Headmaster, would be enough to sooth his frazzled nerves. He hoped.
With those thoughts in mind he slipped on slippers and headed up the stairs to Albus's Tower. This was only his second year in teaching but he knew the way better than any other considering that he'd spent so much time there as a student. Not for disciplinary reasons, no, but because Albus had invited him there. It made all the difference in the world and made him feel, Merlin forbid, special, which was also absurd, as anyone would tell you. What was so special about an ex-Death Eater turned spy now Potions Master of the most prestigious school of magic in all of Europe? Nothing, really, nothing; at least that's what he told himself, Albus on the other hand thought he was very special. Why, Severus wasn't sure; no one could really tell what was going on in that old wizard's head at times, not even Severus.
It was next to no time when he arrived in front of the gargoyle and tapped the eyes, it leaping aside to allow him entrance. He allowed the staircase to take him upstairs because he was just too tired to walk himself. When he entered the office he found it predictably empty but once inside found himself too on edge to lie on the couch but instead headed for the window. It was a wonderful night, he thought bitterly, thinking that nature should reflect his feelings at least. He hadn't been standing at the window long before the click of a door caused him to turn.
Albus entered the office with a cup of hot chocolate in his hand. "Child, is something wrong?" The Headmaster was immediately concerned when Severus did not reply but turned back to the window as though it had the answer to his problems. Setting the cup on his desk the Headmaster moved up behind his son and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Severus?"
He could not ignore the man, especially when he had come up here to talk to him in the first place. Resigning to his fate, Severus turned towards Albus and laid his head on the man's shoulder, shamelessly seeking comfort he knew the other would provide. Put off guard, Albus encircled the thin form in loving arms and laid his cheek on the soft black hair. "Iceling, what ails you?"
Obsidian eyes found his cerulean blue and he answered. "Dreams."
Albus hugged him tighter. Severus had told him some of these "dreams" and knew they caused a great deal of pain and the feeling of helplessness because he could not reach the boy in his dreams.
"I saw his eyes. They were emerald green." The Potions Master frowned, running his hand through the downy soft beard. "They seemed vaguely familiar." Albus knew, he knew there was only one person that had had those colour eyes and only one child that shared them.
"Come to bed with me, child, I will try and shield your dreams. Besides," The blue eyes twinkled, "I can fetch your favorite stuffed teddy bear." Severus let out a gusty sigh but followed the older man toward the bookcase entrance to the bedchambers.
"You never are going to let me forget when I ended up being two and you had to take care of me, are you?" He accused as he kicked off his slippers and shucked off his robe, climbing under the warm covers. A chuckle rose from his companion as he suddenly lay down beside him.
"Never, Severus, you were such a darling when you were two." Severus raised an intimidating eyebrow and attempted, though failed miserably, to sneer.
"Is that so?" A teddy bear was shoved into his hands.
"Yes, it is so." Severus gave up all pretenses of trying to be mean and hugged the bear. It was rather large, covered in Heaven Helper's wool that had been dyed black. The eyes were large blue buttons and the nose a small red one. He had loved it since the moment he had gotten it and always provided him with some small amount of comfort as Albus had given it to him. Now, holding it and being held in his father's arms, he drifted back off to sleep only to...
This time was different, he knew that immediately. What was different he didn't know yet but something was and he would figure out eventually. The small child lay on the bed, trembling and jerking in his sleep, small whimpers escaping his mouth. The Potions Master leaned to brush the raven hair, to soothe the child's hurts, and....touched him!!! His gasp of surprise seemed to bring the small child, who was no more than three, from his dreams and he woke with a small start, blinking up in confusion.
"Papa?" That word. That damned word. It was going to be the end of him but to hell with it all if it was. He nodded and gathered his child in his arms, rocking him as they both silently cried their relief at finally being able to touch. Eventually the green eyes looked up at him again.
"You're not coming." It was a statement.
Severus brushed the hair again. "I can't now, childing, but I will, some day, I promise you." The child only nodded, knowing and resigning himself to the wait. A sudden idea struck the Potions Master and he concentrated, imagining the teddy bear with him. It suddenly appeared beside him and he offered it to the small child. "How 'bout you keep this for me and when you hold it, remember me, 'k?"
The child immediately clamped onto the gift, taking a deep breath, imprinting the scent of the bear on his mind as it smelled of his Papa. The green eyes, this time filled with happiness, looked at Severus.
"I take good care of it, promise."
(End of Dream)
Severus woke the next morning feeling much better than he had in some time and lay quietly in the bed, enjoying the peace. It was then he noticed something missing.
His teddy bear was gone.
Harry sat digging through his old trunk, knowing that he needed to put his stuff in the new one he'd received for his birthday. He'd had the thing for nearly four months and had yet to actually make the transfer which was silly unto itself. But now he found time and intended to use it.
So far everything he had found had been expected, some of it good, some of it precious, part of it plain junk that had cluttered the bottom of his trunk. He swore it was building its only colony of junk down there, but that was just him...
What a minute, what was that? Very curious he pushed aside a pile of Vernon's old socks and pulled it from the trunk. 'It' turned out to be a teddy bear, a black teddy bear. Oh Merlin, he remembered this. He'd had it since he was nearly a baby, didn't remember how he had gotten it the Dursleys certainly never gave it to him, and he had kept it hidden from them so they wouldn't take it away. They had come close many times to finding it but somehow it would 'vanish' if it were about to be discovered and he would always find it later when he went to his cupboard. Just sitting there serenely, staring at him as if it knew all his secrets and loved him nonetheless. Now he remembered, he had packed it in his trunk and taken it with him, in the hopes of finding some way to preserve it at Hogwarts so he could keep it forever.
Getting up he went to the window, sitting on the settee below it. Hugging the bear to his chest he breathed deep the scent that still lingered on it from when it had been given to him.
And come to think of it, that scent was vaguely familiar...
Fire child! Harry looked up to see Sureves sitting on the window sill, waiting for him to open the window. The Gryffindor happily obliged and moved to allow his father phoenix to hop inside and onto the settee next him. Seconds later Severus was in the phoenix's place.
"What do you have there, child?" Severus asked as he pulled him to lie against his chest, running his hand through the raven locks. Harry did not answer immediately but breathed in his father's scent, loving the way the man smelled, and froze.
Merlin, could it be?
The scent was the same as that on the bear.
Severus felt his child stiffen and glanced down in concern, opening his mouth to ask what was wrong, and too, froze.
There was a teddy bear in Harry's arms.
The same bear that he had given all those years ago to the small child in his dreams.
That could only mean one thing...
That child had been and was...Harry. Oh Merlin.
Harry shook himself from his shock first and gazed up with those green eyes that the Potions Master knew all too well. That he had seen then and now, that were still filled with love.
"Thank you for coming to get me, Papa."
A/N: Severus hands her a tissue and she blows her nose Wasn't that a sweet ending? I such fun writing it!!!