Title: Lesson 101

Ships: Definite Seras/Pip. It is NOT Alucard/Seras, no matter how it looks.

Genre: Mostly humor, with some romance thrown in there.

Summary: Okay, I admit it. This is smutty. But it's not that kind of smutty. This is rated R for a reason. It's rated R because Alucard is simply just that delicious. Sorry, I digress. Alucard has been teaching Seras how to be a vampire. They are powerful and do a lot of things differently than humans. That includes love. There is a little bit of OOCness in here, but it's for humor's sake so that's allowed.


The day had not shown any signs of being something Seras would look back on and blush. Quite the contrary. She'd just had one of the best sleeps she'd ever had. She'd actually enjoyed her meal for the day. And Pip was so delightfully flirting with her she'd actually returned every single one and had left by giving him the smallest peck on the cheek.

Wasn't it just like Master to go and ruin everything?

She'd been walking back to her room with a goofy grin on her face, thinking about Pip, when suddenly her Master's voice had echoed ominously in her brain.

Police Girl.

Master, not now! I'm happy, and not even you can ruin it.

Police Girl, NOW.

Immediately, she knew better than to backtalk him.

Yes, Master.

With that, she'd kept walking instead of turning into her room. She didn't like going into where Master talked with her (mostly because his talks with her weren't very pleasant). It was very small, and in the dungeons. Well, her room was in the dungeons too, but this was different somehow. Maybe it was because her Master was in there.

When she slowly opened the door and peered meekly inside, he was already there, boots kicked up on the table, hands folded lightly across his lap. Only his eyes turned and faced her.

"Shut the door."

She obeyed, closing it and walking to the chair he had separate of them. He stared hard at her, an amused grin playing across his lips. Seras couldn't help but fidget—he was staring her down, and that always made her uncomfortable.

"You and Pip seem to be getting along much better than before," he said nonchalantly, making her blush with embarrassment and irritation.

"You've been spying on me, haven't you?" she said accusingly. Alucard only laughed at her.

"I don't have to, when you broadcast your mind and thoughts on the man—but yes, I have spied on you," he said bluntly, making her blush darken, along with her mood.

"You have no business spying on me."

"You belong to me right now—that gives me every right," he answered, voice a little harder.

"What if I asked to be freed? You offered it before—can I have it now?" she shot back, almost standing up and pounding on the table.

"No. It's too dangerous right now. Besides—I don't feel like it," he replied. Part of her felt flattered that he'd actually expressed some concern about her, and the rest of her felt irritated and annoyed that he'd tacked on that last bit to cancel out the concern.

"Did you invite me in here to talk about my love life or is there—"

"Yes, actually, that is why I called you in here," he interrupted, grinning at her. Seras was struck dumb. He'd called her in here…to talk about love.

"Err…I don't think that's necessary…" she began, faltering when he pulled his glasses off and stared at her.

"I know how you feel about him. Mentally and physically," he said. Seras blushed furiously now.

"Master! This—this—this is inappropriate!" she squeaked.

"That may be, but you will thank me later—and so will he," Alucard added, his grin widening. "You are inexperienced and uneducated. And even if Pip doesn't necessarily get to enjoy what I am about to tell you, someone else will. You do have eternity, after all," he said, sliding his feet off the table. Seras was confused.

"Uneducated?" she asked warily.

"Yes. Uneducated. And it's not because you are unbroken."

Dawning realization hit her like a ton of bricks. She vaguely thought that there was no way she was going to stop blushing now.

"M-Master! Uh, I don't need this talk! I know all about…that…" she trailed off, and he openly laughed at her now.

"And yet you're afraid to say it's name. What did you think, that I was going to teach you the ways of humans?" he said scornfully. Seras was well aware she was shrinking in her seat.

"Um…"

"I know that's what you thought, Police Girl. No. I am not going to teach you the clumsy, disgusting methods of humans. Those are for just that—humans. And as such, they are inferior. You already limit yourself in ways I cannot understand—but limiting yourself and the one you choose is simply ridiculous," he stated matter-of-factly.

"Master…I don't know if—"

"Be quiet. Vampire love is different. There is no fondling, there is no sloppy kissing. There is no sweat, and there is no ravishing. It's above that. That is human. However, it is difficult to describe, so—"

"Master, I refuse to let you do anything to me!" Seras immediately said, knowing what was coming. Alucard gave her a withering look.

"Seras Victoria, you are a nuisance. Now watch, listen, feel, and learn," he said. Seras was on her feet and going for the door already. Unfortunately, Alucard was faster than her and blocked her way immediately.

"You will stay here until I see it fit you leave," he said calmly. Seras had opened her mouth to say something, but she snapped it shut quickly as her Master's coat began to sway, along with his hair. She backed away, watching his hair seem to come alive in tendrils of swirling black. He was advancing on her, and all she could do was back away—until her back collided with the wall. He quickly slammed his hands on either side of the wall, grinning.

"Master, please!" she begged, wanting nothing more than to leave. Having her Master give her "The Talk" was simply humiliating.

"Oh, so now you're begging me to do this? Whatever you say," he said, laughing at her.

"No, Master, that's not what I—" She'd said it frantically, but her words had been cut off at the first feel of his darkness. Her voice had completely left her, and sanity was well on its way.

His hair was caressing her—no, his entire body was caressing her. She was surrounded by him completely, nothing but blackness around her and a pair of red eyes directly in front of her own. She let out a small gasp as those tendrils slipped over the cloth of her uniform and up and down her legs. If she'd been worried before, she didn't know why she'd done it now. This was absolutely wonderful.

It is all of me, Seras. I am not limited to hands and a mouth—I am using all of me. It is much finer, isn't it? Answer me, Seras.

Y-yes, Master.

A small moan escaped her—she couldn't help it. He was now on her skin, sliding gently under her clothes, not taking them off at all. Tendrils slid over her breasts, over her hips, over her legs, inner thighs—she jumped and bit down on her hand when they slid a little higher.

"M-mast…er…" she groaned, his blackness teasing her and caressing her lovingly.

I've completely disengaged myself for you. I have not pinned you down with my body, nor have I embraced you with my arms. I have completely enveloped you—it feels better than just an embrace.

She didn't have the voice (or sanity) to reply. Everything was leaving her. Tension, anger, embarrassment—this was just too much for her to take. His mind was completely interwoven with her, and his form had completely enfolded her. He was everywhere—no where on her body had been untouched. And they were still being touched—everything was being touched all at once, making her moan and want it to continue forever.

Master suddenly concentrated his energies between her legs. It was so unexpected—and so damned wonderful—she cried out.

"Master! Oh, Master!" she gasped, shivering and shaking. He was pushing her, making her chase what she knew was coming. Everything was coalescing to one point. Her legs were getting weaker, and her hands wanted something to hold onto. As if he'd read her mind,

(As if? He's melded with my mind right now!)

she felt his hands on her back and his arms against her. She gripped them tightly, her cries rising in volume. And then everything broke. She let out a high, wavering cry, nearly sobbing as the most incredible feelings washed over her. She held his arms tighter than before, gasping for air as she sagged against the wall, feeling she may pass out at any moment. He continued to gently caress her, his motions soft and small.

And then he pulled away, his form returning, his mind withdrawing. She closed her eyes as he did, marveling at what had just happened. When she opened her eyes again, Alucard was standing before her, staring down at her, his hat and glasses resting on the table. Seras staggered away from the wall, managing to get to the chair she'd been sitting in. Alucard joined her, sitting in his and returning his hat and glasses to their original location.

It was about that time when Seras realized what had just happened and what her Master had just done to her.

"M-Master! Did you have sex with me?!" she cried, trying to rise but finding she simply did not have the energy to do so. Alucard shook his head, smiling. "Then—then what did you do?!" she demanded, furiously wiping sweat from her face and shifting uncomfortably, very well aware of the fact she would need to change when she got back to her room.

"I did what I said I would do—I educated you. Do you realize that, if you would learn how to do that, what you felt is how your partner would feel? And it's even better when two vampires with the same abilities connect," he said, leaning forward and staring hard at her. Seras did not know what to do. Part of her wanted to run to Integra and tell her exactly what had happened, part of her wanted to simply run and hide, part of her wanted to curl up and die, part of her wanted to eagerly ask how to do that.

"Now, do you want me to teach you, or are you going to foolishly limit yourself to clumsy human activity?" he asked, leaning back and kicking his legs up again. Seras sat in her chair, shivering as her sweat evaporated and cooled her body down. She didn't know what she wanted—there was a part of her wanting to learn how, because she would eventually want to do that to someone,

(Pip wouldn't mind it at all)

but learning it from her Master was…awkward. She still remembered how she felt about him for the longest time—a silly, schoolgirl crush on the vampire, days filled with dreams of something right out of a romance novel. But now he was offering to teach her the methods of vampire sex. That even sounded embarrassing. And what would people think if they found out?! She didn't want to think about that in the slightest.

"Master, can I think about it for a little bit?" she asked quietly. Alucard merely nodded, then looked off, his way of dismissing her. She gladly bolted from the room, her energy returning to her long enough to get her back to her room and out of her clothes. She changed as quickly as possible, contemplating on whether or not she should just throw them away—she had no desire for anyone to see her underwear.

Master had just put his hands—no, his entire form—all over her body. Strangely, she didn't feel violated, like she thought she should be feeling. It seemed somewhat natural—Alucard was her Master and all but her Father now. It was his intent to teach her the ways of being a vampire. She just didn't expect him to teach her ALL of them.

Sighing, she wadded up her panties and threw them away. Then, preening herself and fixing her appearance, she opened the door and began wandering again. She had contemplated just hiding in her room (her blush still hadn't receded fully), but she knew her Master would've put an end to that very quickly. So wandering it was.

Most everyone still in the castle was asleep. Not only that, today had been completely uneventful. No attacks, no missions, no nothing. That had been exactly why she and Pip had had time to flirt and talk and spend time together. That was also why her Master had decided to…to do that to her. Not only that, his implications had been quite mean. She knew exactly what he'd been doing—he'd been teasing her about Pip. And, unintentionally, she agreed very much with him. Pip would enjoy that very much.

"Seras?"

(Speak of the devil.)

Immediately, a flush covered her entire face. She turned slowly and faced him, swallowing hard as she saw Pip, his hat off and his hair unwound from its braid. Clad in only a t-shirt, a pair of jeans and his boots, she could not help but admire him.

"Hello, Pip. I thought you'd gone to bed," she said, trying her hardest to get rid of her blush. He shrugged.

"I couldn't sleep. I was zinking of somezing. And I know I won't be able to go to sleep until I get it off my chest," he said, walking slowly towards her. Seras bit her lip. Not now, she didn't need this right now.

"Err…what is it?" she said, putting her hands behind her back so he couldn't see her wringing them. Pip stopped a few feet away.

"I enjoyed your company today, and forgot to ask you somezing before you left," he said. She didn't respond, just waited on bated breath for him to say it.

"Is zere anyzing…you know…between you and Alucard?"

Seras felt as if her stomach dropped out of her. Her jaw dropped in tandem with her guts and she was temporarily rendered speechless. He immediately saw it and held up his hands.

"I'm not trying to be nosy or anyzing, I just want to know, so I won't flirt with you—I don't want to piss Alucard off," he said quickly. Seras quickly found her tongue again.

"Certainly not. Alucard is my Master—he annoys me and irritates me most of the time. He's mean and I have a feeling he doesn't respect me—actually, it's more than a feeling. It's common knowledge by this point," she said, managing a smile. Pip looked relieved.

"Ah. Well, then zat is good. I now feel very comfortable asking you what I meant to ask. Can I take you to dinner tomorrow night? I know a place. They have dancing—I heard you dance?" he ventured. Seras felt that same goofy grin creeping back into her face.

"Sure, Pip. I'd love it. However, I'll come to you when I can go to it. I'll talk to you tomorrow. However, I was just heading to Alucard. He's summoned me," she said, wanting to get out of this situation immediately now. Alucard…his "conversation" was beating her about the head, just thinking about what dinner and dancing might lead to with this mercenary. Pip, however, was fooled.

"Ah. Well, you go ahead. Alucard isn't one to be ignored. I'll see you tomorrow, Seras," he said, leaning forward and returning the peck she'd given him earlier. The blush that she'd just managed to subdue came back again. As soon as he had turned the corner, she'd broken into a run and dashed back to her room.

She decided staying there was the best option right now. The castle, while quiet and sleepy, still held things she didn't want to face. But, for now, she wouldn't think about what had happened between her and her Master. She would think about the kiss she'd just gotten, and about dinner with Pip.

Alucard chuckled to himself.

"What is it?" Integra said, mainly wanting to know why he had laughed during one of their conversations when nothing had been said to warrant it.

"Oh, it's the Police Girl," he responded. Integra nodded.

"Say no more. How did her training go, anyway? Do you need another day of limited restriction again?"

"No, I think she understands it," he answered.

"What did you teach her?" she asked. Alucard only grinned.

"Just a few perks."


Ah, there. Got another one out. I hope you enjoyed it—thanks for sticking it out though the end. Review, tell me if it was amusing enough or whatever. Thanks for reading.