Title – Justify My Love

Summary - An MbN songfic. Justin is waiting for Richard to justify his love.

Author – Rina

Rating – PG-13, language, sexual acts.

Warning – SLASH, boys kissing.

Disclaimer – Just for fun, not profit. Characters are not mine.

Justify My Love
Performed by Madonna
written by Lenny Kravitz, additional lyrics by Madonna

"Goddammit, Richard! Slow down! You're gonna get us killed," Justin cried, one hand hanging onto the passenger door armrest of Richard's cherished Mustang, the other digging into his friend's leather-covered thigh. Richard briefly turned to grin at Justin's shit-scared expression and then focused back onto the road, gunning the accelerator and making the vehicle go even faster.

"Richard!" Justin yelped as the car careened dangerously around a corner, sliding out widely, tyres screeching on asphalt. Richard whooped, throwing the steering wheel around, clearly enjoying himself, and enjoying making Justin thoroughly petrified.

"Dude, I'm not gonna kill us," Richard laughed, even as the car came within two inches of hitting a very large tree as he fishtailed across the road. Justin was beyond yelling at this point, he could only gasp, his blue eyes round and glittering with fear. Good thing Richard was wearing leather pants as the tough hide was the only thing stopping Justin's nails from gouging bloody crescents into his right thigh. The car went over a sudden rise and because they were travelling at such high speed, it became airborne, sending the two boys sailing through empty space for a few exhilarating seconds before slamming back onto the road with a heavy crunch, making Justin gasp again. His knuckles were literally white from hanging on for dear life. He had his seatbelt on; he made sure that was the first thing he did when he got in the passenger side, knowing in advance how Richard tended to drive. Richard swung the wheel and planted his foot onto the brake at the same time and the car did a three-sixty, all the way around, finally coming to a halt on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. The engine was purring quietly, like a kitten compared the tiger-roar of before. He looked at his friend. Justin was frozen in shock, his eyes still big and his mouth half open, panting softly. He was still clutching the armrest like a lifeline. Richard grinned, showing pearly white teeth.

"That was fun. Wasn't that fun, Justin?"

Very slowly, the brunette turned to face him, unhooking his hand from the claw it had become upon Richard's leg. He brushed his brown hair out of his eyes with shaking fingers and let go of the armrest.

"You…you asshole," he muttered, shooting Richard a dirty look. Richard chuckled.

"C'mon, admit it. You liked it. You got a buzz out of it," he teased, shoving Justin in the shoulder. "You got a rush. I bet your heart's pumping like crazy. You feel good, don't you?"

After an adorably petulant pout, the other boy's lips reluctantly tugged up at the corners and he returned Richard's grin.

"Yeah," he confessed bashfully. "Yeah, I'm rushing right now. God, who needs drugs, huh?"

"I do," Richard decreed with a lazy smile. "But there's something about your own adrenalin that you just can't beat."

"Mm," Justin agreed, still in a daze. He placed his hand over his chest to feel his heart hammering away furiously. Going for a joyride with Richard was always a life-affirming experience. You never feel quite as alive as when you come so near to death. Richard was feeling the same charge that Justin was. And when he was charged, he got horny. He leaned in and captured the second boy's luscious lips, kissing him hungrily, plunging his tongue into Justin's mouth and his fingers into that overly long chestnut-coloured hair. Justin kissed him back just as greedily, high on his own endorphins and wanting to do something with his new-found energy, anything. He was too wound up to sit still and be calm. Kissing was something to do but as great as it was, it wasn't enough. He wanted more. They broke apart and then Justin asked breathlessly, "So now what?"

I wanna kiss you in Paris
I wanna hold your hand in Rome
I wanna run naked in a rainstorm
Make love in a train cross-country
You put this in me
So now what, so now what?

Richard watched as Justin licked his bubblegum-pink lips, and grew instantaneously hard. He knew what.

"Blow me," he almost growled. "Blow me while I'm driving."

"Okay," Justin said without hesitation. He would do anything Richard wanted him to. Absolutely anything. Because he loved him. And he had told Richard so, more than once, usually in bed as it was then that all his inhibitions vanished. As Richard was claiming his body, he was also claiming Justin's heart. But Justin hadn't quite managed to claim Richard back. He hadn't heard Richard say those three little words. Not yet anyway. But he was working on it. Wasn't it said that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach? Well, Justin believed it was through another bodily part. As Richard pulled back onto the deserted road, driving responsibly now, Justin unclipped his safety belt, twisted around in the passenger seat and bent his head down, his fingers going to the button on his lover's black leather trousers.

Wanting, needing, waiting
For you to justify my love

What Justin was now holding was the key to winning Richard's affections. He was sure of it. Yes, Richard had no doubt received a lot of affection in the past, from both girls and boys, but Justin would stake his life that nobody had ever loved him the way that Justin loves him. And he was going to make Richard feel it. He lowered his head without fear, without repugnance, wholeheartedly, as he had done the very first time Richard had pushed him to his knees. He caressed with his tongue, feeling like their flesh was melting together with wet heat. Becoming one flesh. One body. And eventually, he hoped, one soul.

Hoping, praying
For you to justify my love

Justin poured all of his emotions into that intimate act, sending them out from the very core of his being into his mouth, aiming to transfer the feelings through skin and tissue and nerve cells in the hope that they would seep into Richard's blood and be circulated through his veins, therefore reaching his heart, the one place he hasn't been able to touch yet. He wanted Richard to feel it, to realise it, instead of just hearing it. Justin knows that words don't mean much to Richard. He's probably heard those three particular words on many occasions, when teenage girls confuse blossoming sensual sensation with something more. He probably thinks the same thing is happening to Justin. But it's not. It's love. Real love. Justin knows this. He knows it like he knows the stars shine at night. And he wants Richard to know it too. As he worships Richard with his mouth, he silently speaks to him, telling the blond what he wants, what he needs, more than anything in the world.

I want to know you
Not like that
I don't wanna be your father
I don't wanna be your brother either
I just wanna be your lover
I wanna be your baby

"Oh God, Justin…" Richard groaned, trying to keep his eyes on the road in front of him. He kept wanting to look down and watch. He had had this done to him often in the last couple of years, most recently from Justin, but never like this, in the driver's seat, as the car was in motion. Often, he had fantasised about this and now Justin, his gorgeous and willing boyfriend, was making it come true. And it was every bit as fantastic as he had imagined it would be. Even better. Damned if this wasn't the best he'd ever gotten!

"Yeah, that's so good…" he murmured, taking one hand off the wheel to rake Justin's hair back out of his face, alternating his gaze between the black asphalt passing under the car and the exquisite pale boy below him. For some reason, Justin had never looked as fetching to Richard as he looked right then, with his eyes closed and his brow creased slightly, his cheeks sucked in, highlighting the delicate bones in his face that run from his temples to under his eyes. He looked like he was completely lost in what he was doing; as if he was enjoying it so much, everything else was insignificant and meaningless. As if giving Richard pleasure was his only purpose in life. Suddenly, Richard felt exceptionally honoured and blessed to be the one who Justin was lavishing his care and attention on. He felt like the luckiest man on this planet, and every other planet in the universe for that matter, to have this breathtaking creature touching him in such an intimate way. He almost felt like he didn't deserve Justin, that Justin was too good for him. But Justin WAS his. Always had been, from the moment they spied each other across the crowded classroom. Justin belonged to him. Only him.

"You're my baby. MY baby," Richard couldn't help uttering possessively, the declaration almost overshadowed by the sound of the engine. But Justin heard him. It was working. Richard was starting to feel it, to know it. He lifted his head, met Richard's indigo eyes and smiled at him, like an angel smiling, pure and sweet and radiant as white fire. But under that sweetness and light, a demon lurked. An evil, wicked, sinful demon that made Richard insane with lust and desire. Richard utterly lost all interest in driving and swore to himself as he swerved over the road. He couldn't keep this up. He was gonna hit something. He really was gonna kill them at this rate.

"Fuck this shit," he said heatedly and yanked the wheel to the right, bringing the Mustang to a complete stop on the edge of the tarmac, simultaneously pulling the handbrake on and killing the motor. Justin glanced around inquisitively, wondering why he had stopped in the middle of attaining his fantasy but Richard didn't give him any further time to ponder this or ask what was going on. He coiled a section of Justin's silky hair around his fist and roughly drew him up so he could kiss his demonic angel. Justin's lips were wet and soft. Richard could taste himself in Justin's mouth.

Kiss me, that's right, kiss me

Richard moaned in his throat at the intensity of Justin's kiss. Justin's tongue was stroking against his, wrapping around him, just like his arms were wrapping around Richard's neck, holding him, not letting him go. Justin was kissing his spiky-haired partner with the same deliberate motion as before. Slow and sensual, yet strong and forceful. Giving him everything yet demanding the same in return. Again, he let his deepest affections flow from his chest where they resided, up his throat, and into his mouth, feeding it into Richard at the place where their lips were joined, wanting to fill the blond up with the euphoria he felt at simply being in his presence. Wanting to show Richard that he too could feel this if only he would give in to it. If only he would let his barriers down, if only he would let it in, if only he would recognise it for what it was. Then maybe, just maybe Richard will be able to love him too.

Wanting, needing, waiting
For you to justify my love

As they kissed, Richard pulled Justin over into the driver's seat, into his lap, until Justin was sitting on him, straddling him. Justin arched into Richard, pressing closer to him, voicelessly telling him that he loved him, again and again in his mind, hoping Richard would somehow hear him.

I love you, Richard. Love me back. Love me back. Love me. Love me, love me, LOVE me!

Justin was nearly whimpering in his need, nearly crying. Oh, it hurt. It hurts to want someone so much that you would die for them. And he would. Justin would die for Richard. A thousand times over. But would Richard die for him?He needed to know.

Yearning, burning
For you to justify my love

Richard cut off the kiss and stared at Justin. He stared at him for the longest time, looking like he wanted to say something.

"What, Richard?" Justin asked, gazing questioningly into Richard's dark blue eyes.

What are you gonna do?
What are you gonna do?
Talk to me -- tell me your dreams
Am I in them?
Tell me your fears
Are you scared?
Tell me your stories
I'm not afraid of who you are
We can fly!

When Richard finally spoke, his voice was surprised. Shocked even.

"I…I think I love you, Justin."

Despite Richard's sentence containing four of the words he wants to hear, it's the other two that worry him and so he won't allow himself to become too happy just yet. Justin cocked his head, frowning. "You think?"

Richard appeared to debate this. After a few moments he decisively stated, "No. Actually, I don't," causing Justin's hopes and dreams to come crashing down around him. Richard, handsome, golden-skinned, sapphire-eyed Richard, his charming, devious, fun-loving friend, the man he wanted above all others, above everything else in the world, did not reciprocate his feelings.

Richard didn't love him.

Justin's overwhelming dismay must have been evident in his face because Richard smiled gently and squeezed him.

"I don't think. I KNOW," Richard said softly. "I love you."

He said it. Richard said what Justin had been waiting all this time for. But the funny thing was, now that Richard had voiced his feelings, Justin realised they were only words. Mere words. Just letters strung together. Vowels and consonants. Richard's eyes were like open windows, permitting Justin to see right into the secret corners of himself. As Justin searched the second male's gaze, he realised something else too. Richard HAD loved him. Richard WOULD die for him. From the very beginning. But he hadn't seen it; he was blinded because he wanted the damn words. Well, now he had them.

"Thank you, Richard," Justin breathed gratefully, kissing his mate on the cheek. He murmured huskily into Richard's ear. "Now show me you mean it."

"I will, I will," Richard promised and pulled Justin in close, slanting their mouths together once more.

Poor is the man
Whose pleasures depend
On the permission of another
Love me, that's right, love me
I wanna be your baby

Richard urgently undressed Justin, cradled the alabaster-skinned boy in his lap and showed him exactly how much he meant it. With every tender touch, kiss and caress, with every careful thrust, with every heartfelt whisper, he proved his love for Justin. Over and over and over. Until the passion between then swelled and burst and they flew into the sun together, entering the flames, burning up and turning into ashes that drifted languorously back down to earth, mingling and becoming indistinguishable from the other. They were one. They had always been one and they would forever be one. Trembling in the aftermath of their dazzling climax, they clung to each other, crystal tears streaming down Justin's cheeks and Richard's face nestled in Justin's rainforest-scented hair. Overflowing with the brilliant, glowing emotion he felt for the beautiful young man in his arms, Richard hugged Justin tighter and whispered again.

"My baby…"

END