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Waiting

A CCS fanfic by Sakura

Standard disclaimers apply.

This fic is for Ki-chan. ^_^

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      Growing up takes longer than you think.

      Now where did that line come from?  I don't remember.  I'd ask you if you were awake, but now you are slumped forward on the desk, napping on top of some unchecked history papers.  I decide to let you sleep.  You must've had a hard day; classes can be so stressful, and with the finals coming in less than a week I'm sure the pressure must be hard to deal with.

      I gently brush away the hair from your forehead so I can peer at your peaceful sleeping face, nestled in the folds and creases of the arm of your polo.

      My poor little baby.

      Would you blame me if I want to take care of you?

      You had always struck me as a lonely man, right from the moment mother brought you to our house and introduced you to me as my tutor.  I was looking into those light brown depths, thinking, what sad eyes.  There was no decipherable slump of the shoulders; you even talked gaily and laughed at times, but I saw the deep sadness in those eyes --- it was not the trivial disappointment of being saddled with a job that you didn't like, not even the weary reluctance of teaching a child arithmetic and grammar, but it was the hurt, the misery of wanting to be wanted.

      Twenty-five, you said, almost wryly, when I asked how old you were.  Twenty-five and going, going, gone.

      You always talked like that; laughing bitterly at your age as if you were already this tired, worn-out man --- too late for help, too late for love.  And how I fiercely wished for you to be proven wrong, praying that somewhere along the way you find that one person to make you believe that there's still something worth living for.

      And, surprise, that person turned out to be me.

      But.

      You are so young, you say, eyes wistful, and though you leave it at that I know you wish that I were older.  And how it hurts, sometimes, to think of the years between us.

      Growing up takes longer than you think.

      A very long time.

      But you are forgetting something.

      My hands may be small, but they can brush your tears away.  My words may be clumsy, but they will soothe you and make you smile.  I may not be tall enough to hold you, but even so, my arms will hold you tight and keep you safe.

      And while you dream, I will watch over you.

      So for the moment, let this small, childish me suffice.

      And while we patiently wait, I will grow up and be the woman you need.