Disclaimer: Not mine.
Set: Early season seven. (after Birthright, though)
Pairing: Sam/Jack Notes: Kate's fault, with a little bit of Rabbit's help.

A Little Bit of This, a Little Bit of That.
by ALC Punk!

"...'spastic colon'? Carter, we have GOT to work on your insults."

Major Sam Carter shot her commanding officer a glare, "I'm so sorry, sir, that I'm not you."

"Yeah, yeah," he smirked. "I suppose we can't all be smooth-talkin' masters of the insult. Still, Carter... That was just bad."

"He's right, Sam." Dr. Daniel Jackson piped up from his corner of the cell. Daniel had escaped being chained to the wall, although both legs were chained together and his wrists were bound behind his back. "That was pretty lame."

"Oh, shut up, Daniel 'Chicken Dance' Jackson." She growled. Her shoulders ached from the strain of being stretched like this.

"Now, that, Carter, wasn't too bad."

"Maybe I'm learning," she muttered.

Colonel Jack O'Neill smirked, "Geeks can be taught. I'll have to remember that."

"Jaffa, kree!" The cell door clanged open, and Teal'c stood there, eyeing them all. Then he almost smiled and shoved a young boy into the cell. "Free them."

"Yes, my lord."

The kid scuttled around setting the other three members of SG-1 free. Jack grouched as he rubbed his wrists, "Took you long enough, T, what was the hold up?"

"I was exchanging insults with the great god Sark." The jaffa inclined his head to the child. "You are free to return to your master. Inform him that he is rustier than pig dung."

The child giggled and took off.

"See, Carter? Now that was an insult."

With a roll of her eyes, Major Carter stalked into the corridor. "We're going home now, right sir?"

"Yes. And I think I'll go... fishing."

"Great, Jack, you can make Sam go. Teach her some better insults." Daniel waved a hand, "And. Stuff."


"Yeah, like fishing. I bet Sam doesn't even know how."

"If you say 'after all, she is a girl' I will hit you, Daniel Jackson!"

"Gosh, Sam. Love you, too."

"Carter, you sure you're not having a time of the month thing?"

The other two male members of SG-1 prudently stepped out of the way.

"Why NO, sir. I'm sure I'm not." said Major Samantha Carter as she rubbed the now sore knuckles on her right hand.

Looking up at her from where the punch had thrown him, Colonel Jack O'Neill rubbed his nose, "Damnit, Carter."

"And I wouldn't go fishing with you if you were the last man on Earth!" With that, she flounced off.

"Uh, y'know, Jack..."

"Shut up, Daniel."

"Did you leave your brain in junior high, Jack?"


The archeologist crossed his arms and snorted, "Make me."

"O'Neill. Daniel Jackson." Teal'c's voice was firm, "We should return to Earth before continuing this fruitless discussion."

"Yes, dad," Daniel muttered.

Carter was waiting for them by the DHD, hands twitching with impatience.

"Thought you would've left without us," O'Neill called.

"I almost did."

Daniel rolled his eyes and waved a hand, "Dial, Sam."

"Yes, Maestro." She muttered.

Within thirty seconds, the familiar whooshing sound announced the formation of the stable wormhole. Daniel typed the IDC into his GDO and trotted up the steps, Teal'c right behind him.

Sam paused and glanced at the Colonel. "How's your nose, sir?"

He shrugged and nodded at the gate, "We should go, Carter."

"Yeah." She walked up the steps with him next to her, then stopped at the top and eyed him. "So. Fishing this weekend?"

He eyed her back. "Planning on hitting me again?"

"Planning on being an ass again?" She shot back.


She nodded, "I'll pick you up on Saturday at about 6."

"WE flyin'?"

"Unless you've got an Asgard transporter stored at your house, yes. Sir."

He nodded, "C'mon, Carter. Hammond's probably been informed we're tryin' to kill each other."

"Mm." She reached out and pushed the small of his back, causing him to stumble forward into the gate. With a schlooping sound, the wormhole swallowed him. "Not yet, sir."


PS. And then they went to Jack's cabin where, since it was snowing, there was no time to fish. So they had sex instead. In every room in the cabin. And almost on the dock, but Jack complained of shrinkage issues, so they went back inside and had sex in front of the fire (Sam complained about the fuzz on her ass, so Jack apologized with his mouth).

The End.

PPS. And Daniel and Teal'c mocked them. But were also secretly jealous because Daniel couldn't keep a girl longer than a few days, and Ishta wouldn't move into the SGC with Teal'c.

Really The End.