Notes: This is probably going to offend some people. Please, if you don't think poking fun at the bible is a good thing, MOVE ALONG. You have been warned.
Dedication: To Bounce. You see, SHE'S the one who was siccing plot bunnies on people to do this.
Rewritten by Ana Lyssie Cotton
Everyone knows the story of the Bible. It begins simply, with God creating the heavens and the earth, and various other things like animals and plants and water. And, finally, people. Adam and then, later, Eve.
But what if it hadn't really happened that way?
A flash of light startled a bird in the Garden of Eden. It was a happy bird, just having recently been created. And it was getting used to this whole idea of life. I rather liked it, especially all the cooing and cawing it could do.
Flashes of light were not something it liked. They were startling, and created two odd birds. Or maybe they fell out of it. The bird really wasn't sure, and soon really didn't care.
The flash of light wouldn't have really had anything to say on this matter, being as it was, merely energy particles.
However, the creatures the flash of light had brought into the gardon, DID.
For a moment, the two clung to each other, their eyes still dazzled by the light that had descended upon them out of nowhere. Finally, the woman sighed, "I can't find any other human mind on this planet, Scott. It's as if they don't exist."
"They could all be shielded," He pointed out prosaically as he stood, dusting off his back end.
Jean giggled, "Have you noticed?"
"I've been trying not to." He replied, virtuously averting his eyes from his cutely blushing--and naked--wife.
"How do you think we got here?"
Studying the area around himself, Scott shrugged, "I'd say Rachel, or the Mother Askani, but I think we've come into the past, not the future."
Jean frowned, "That doesn't sound right."
They turned, looking for the source of the voice.
::YOU TRESPASS ON THE PROPERTY OF GOD.::
"Uh, God?" Scott blinked.
::YES. YOU KNOW, THE MESSIAH, THE THREE-IN-ONE, THE HOLY GHOST?:: The voice sounded mildly impatient.
Jean cleared her throat, "We didn't want to come here."
::SO I SEE. HRM. VERY WELL, I WANTED TO MAKE HUMANS, ANYWAY. YOU TWO SHALL DO.:: The voice shifted, slightly, into a tour guidey-type drawl, ::YOU ARE NOW IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN, EAT OF ANYTHING YOU WISH, SAVE THE TREE OF KNOWLEDGE THAT LIES AT THE CENTRE.::
"I didn't know God was Canadian." Scott muttered.
::WHAT? NO. SHUT UP, PUNY HUMAN.::
"Sorry, sorry. So, we get to stay here, except we can't eat from the tree of knowledge. Got that."
::YES. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.::
The voice sort of faded away, leaving the two staring at each other. Jean gave a soft laugh, "Well. I guess this proves one thing."
"Everyone's a Summers!"
We all have a vague grasp of what happens next. And, really, Jean's not REALLY at fault.... Besides. Jean and Scott found out that roast snake is really tasty.