If I Smile And Don't Believe, Hoshiko

Summary: After a mental breakdown following Hao's untimely death, Anna seems to have lost all of her memories except of her beloved Hao…one night, when she attempts to escape from the En Inn where Manta has been watching over her, she is stopped by none other than Eliza, who stops her tears and begins to act as a mother for her. But as she grows more and more dependent on this new, "mother," Anna's mind drifts farther and farther away..and all Yoh can do is watch. Will Faust be able to help he and Eliza give Anna up as the daughter they never had, their "Hoshiko?" …or will they play onto the illusion and let Anna die?

A/N: I love this plot! I wanted to have a main character, but it frequently switches between many characters like Anna, Yoh, Eliza, and Faust…Yay for Faust and Eliza on their way to stardom!

FaustEliza: Damn straight!

Neko-Neko Faust VIII: My god, Faust you are a sexy beast!

Eliza: Second to that!

Faust: I am what I is!

All: big cheesy smile Have fun with this story! 'Tis dramatic and angsty but the Author Notes shall brighten your gloomy day! And please convince Neko-Neko Faust VIII to cease doing her author notes in script! 

Prologue: The Thin Line Between Love and Hate

"Hao's dead."

As soon as he trudged solemnly into the livingroom I knew, agonizingly so, that Yoh would say that to me…and how I hated him for it…but I was supposed to love him, wasn't I?

But forbidden loves always taste sweeter, like the black roses I laid upon his frozen body before he was cremated, and poured so carelessly into the vase just as though he were commonplace water or debris.

But that is not Hao. Hao is not commonplace…it is because Hao is unforgettable.

That long hair that would blow in the wind just as glorious as an earthy breeze, those intense, powerfully loving, oaken eyes that I would look into, and he would promise me someday that we would be together…and the long, sweeping tan-colored cape that would billow out behind him like the grand sails of a majestic warship, the cape he had wrapped me in, during that cold, blissfully unaware night of obliviousness that had cost Hao both his love and his life…

Why in the damned world did he have to commit suicide?!

When I saw him, if I really did indeed see him, the rope chafed at his elegant neck, his eyes once so alive, and vivacious, now so bloodshot, so full of the pain of loving someone…

I think, that maybe, just maybe, Hao could have been a little afraid of loving me…afraid to love anyone, because of Yoh.

Even though they were twins, Yoh was his beloved baby brother, his little fluffy chick, so naïve and inexperienced but also, as Hao saw, so capapble of so many great things…

I think all he wanted was for Yoh to be happy with me…but he never once, as much as he loved me and I him, thought about my feelings…

Did he once, even once think, that maybe it was his chance, god forbid, to have a moment in the sun? To feel? To…hold?

Did once even think of himself?

I hate Yoh, and I hate Hao…but oh how I love them both…

I love them so much, that it tears my heart out of my skin that they both had once rubbed against, carressed with their loving hands…

Yoh doesn't talk now….it makes me weak to look at him, his eyes have also turned cold…lost the glow of youth that he once possessed…

I don't feel young anymore…

I don't want to.

I want to die.

Someone…anyone…please, I beg of you…

Kill me so I can be with Hao…


Stop me so I can remain with Yoh…

Is this what love really is?

I thought I was so strong, but now it feels as if something…or, someone…weak and terrifed is trying to crawl out.

"Help me!"

"I'm scared!"

"Don't leave me alone!"

"I don't want to go away!"

"Help me! Help me!"

A/N: That was in Anna's POV, for your information….If Satine89 is reading this, or maybe KagenoKatana, or sakuuya, who have been my FAVE authors and REVIEWERS so far, here's to all of you! Yay!

PS: I don't know when I shall update this, but soon! 

Ja Ne- Neko-Neko Faust VIII