Konnichiwa minna! Here is yet another fic by the Goddess of Pocky and Ramune Soda… Reiannah! Yay! Gomen nasai for taking so long to post another fic or chapter… as I explained previously, I have been living at my job and have had no time to update.
This fic is a thank you to all of my reviewers that have stuck me through "I Only Hear What I Want To" and "Some Things Last Forever"… I love you all!
This fic is especially dedicated to the following persons:
Jenn, Lynda, Kolie, Helena, Clari-chan, Red Mizu, Guren, Greenarrow, Camille Gallano, and Virenta… arigato minna for caring about me when I got hurt. You guys are too sweet!
Disclaimer: Gravitation is the property of Maki Murakami, and I'm too poor to be her.Chapter I: The End of the Beginning
He's giving me 'The Look.' The one that says he's disappointed in me.
I hate that look.
And I hated it even more when the tears begin to fall. Which followed immediately after 'The Look.'
Making him cry was like making shooting Bambi… and who with half a heart would do that?
I did. I'd shoot Bambi. And I made HIM cry almost every day.
It's not something that I took pride in. But after being with him for almost two years, it became a habit… something I didn't even notice occurred. It was just too normal.
And this time was no exception. I expected him to cry… it would've been strange if he didn't do it.
Anyway, I think he's expecting a response to whatever it was he just said. What DID he say…?
"I just asked the reason why you didn't want to come with me. Yuki, don't you even care?" He's pouting now. I have to admit, he is kind of cute when he does that.
"Not particularly. Should I?"
"Demo, I'm leaving Japan in two weeks! And I won't be back for an entire year! That doesn't even matter the slightest bit to you?"
"What am I supposed to do about it? Pack my shit and just take off with you into the sunset? On a white horse no less? Get real."
"It's not happening brat."
I didn't bother to look up at him anymore. Instead, I occupied my thoughts with a mix of ideas for my new novel and a craving for nicotine.
Cause I knew if I looked up, I'd have to see him cry. I could already hear him sniffling. I mostly tried to ignore it.
It wasn't good to watch him be pathetic. He had a strange effect on those who saw him crying… they either felt guilty or started crying as well.
I refuse to feel guilty. It's not my problem. I do not cry. Only weak people cry.
I keep on repeating this inside my head like my personal mantra.
Out of the corner of my eyes, I can see him hang his head down in defeat.
That's right, you can't win.
Heh, maybe I'm a sadist… not really sure what I get out of this. Do I really enjoy crushing his hopes and dreams?
Maybe… or maybe not.
Maybe it's my mold… I can't change.
Or can I?
I don't know… as they say, old habits die-hard.
Yes, that's it… I'm a creature of habit.
And yet… when I see those piercing violet eyes…
I look at him out of the corner of my eye.
Not his usual hysteria… just sad, lonely tears.
I flick my lighter to life and take a slow drag off my cancer stick. Inhaling deeply, I feel the familiar burning sensation within my lungs as the smoke enters.
He's still crying.
I look away.
"Am I just a burden to you, Yuki?" His question makes me wince inwardly.
How cruel. I'm such a bastard.
And I don't know how to answer.
I want to say, 'No, of course not. You're the most important thing in my life. You're the best part of me.'
But instead, what comes out is…
"Basically. You're such a pain. Clumsy, whiny, selfish. A brat like you just slows me down."
Oops. Did I really say that to him? Damn.
I glance at him again through narrowed eyes, waiting for him to respond.
Kami-sama… I hope he doesn't take it to heart.
His cheeks are flushed, eyes swollen, and nose red. Rising from the chair across from me, he throws me an angry glare.
"Fine. If I'm just some stupid little kid to you, I guess you don't want me around. Why don't I just leave?"
Must… control… mouth. Must… not… be… an asshole.
"Yeah, why don't you?"
Damn me and my mouth.
His glare turns into wide-eyed disbelief. After all this time together, I haven't kicked him out of the house in a while.
I'm such a bastard.
On the inside, I'm berating myself. And yet, my appearance shows no sign of regret for my harsh words.
In fact, I think there's an especially cruel smirk growing at the corners of my mouth.
Yup. It's definitely not a nice smile.
He keeps opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water.
Like he has so much to say and not enough words express it.
"Yu-Yuki… do you mean it? I-is that really all I am to you?" The words come out in a stutter.
And I can hear the pleading undertone in the question.
He wants me to assure him that what I said wasn't true. That it was just a joke. That I didn't mean any of it.
"Figure it out for yourself, baka. What- you want me to draw you a picture?"
He shuts his mouth abruptly as my words make their impact.
I think I just hit below the belt.
Another glance out of my narrowed eyes prove my guess to be correct.
I can see the outline of his jaw as he clenched his teeth. He gazed has dropped to the ground by now, and his small frame seems be trembling.
Is it out of anger or hurt?
I'm about to find out.
"I… see. I really must be stupid not to have figured it out long before this, ne Yuki?"
The tremors throughout his body haven't stopped. But the words he says are anything but shaky.
No. In fact, I think…
I think he really mean it.
He chuckles bitterly. The sound grates against my eardrums in a way that's a thousand times worse than any of his whining or screaming.
It sounds so harsh… so unreal.
Shuichi… he doesn't laugh like that. Not in that tone.
He doesn't know how to be sarcastic.
He's the most honest and sincere person I know.
I close my eyes to clear my head for a moment. This can't be real.
And yet, the image he projects and the cruel noise from his mouth doesn't disappear after I reopen my eyes.
He's still laughing. It sounds so… wrong.
He turns to face me squarely, as if he's come to some major decision.
"I really am an baka, aren't I? After all, it's taken me how long realize this out for myself?"
He pauses to chuckle again. I'm getting chills as I listen to him.
"But that's me… stupid Shuichi, ne Yuki? Well, you don't have to trouble yourself any longer. I know you never wanted me, and now I know you never needed me either. So I guess that makes me the fool."
My glare dissolves as I anticipate his next words. I know what he's going to say… and yet it feels like I'm frozen in slow motion, unable to react in time.
"I'm so sick of chasing you, so I guess this is the end."
By the time I can get my mind together, it's too late.
The words hit me hard. My mouth opens as I try to say something that would make him stop. Something to delay him.
It's what I want to say… so desperately.
But even as I try, I watch him turn his back to me and walk out of my office.
I hear the click of the door as it shut behind him, and still I am unable to neither speak nor move.
This isn't happening.
But it is… and that was the end.
Arigato for reading my fic minna… and onegai, remember to review before you leave! The next chapter for this fic will be out very shortly… I promise! And that's a promise I can keep since I've already finished it and am just waiting for some feedback before I upload again.
My apologies to my reviewers who are waiting for STLF… I am having a major case of writer's block, thus haven't made much progress. Onegai review this anyway… I'm using this fic as a jumpstart for STLF… arigato!