Fear Of Stability
Disclaimer: No. Not that I'd want Dylan, anyway.
A/N: AAHHH! It! Sdoifngah'rj!!!! Icefemina made me do it! Someone remind me never to get into debates about TV shows I don't even like (ER) and then get twisted into torturing Beka so! My Tyr muse is crying, now. I must go hug him.
I don't believe in the rebirth of the Commonwealth. Never have, never will. It's that simple, and yet certain High Guard relics just don't seem to get that. "You're making a difference," he tells me.
"No, I'm not. We're all just flying around like pebbles in a river, and one day, that river's gonna drop us off in the big dark sea, with all the sharks, and we're gonna be completely and utterly screwed, and then I'm blaming you."
He doesn't find my cynicism as amusing as, say, Harper might. Hell, even Rev appreciates a good dose of pessimism or sarcasm now and then, Wayest philosophy or no. Dylan's different. He's like this giant Boy Scout, ready to make the whole universe a better place for all of the living and non-living crap that has the pitiable misfortune to inhabit it. It's kind of sad. Or maybe I'm just jaded. Either way, I can't tell what he's feeling now as he paces the length of the observation lounge, fists clenched at his side, eyes riveted on the wall in front of him. It isn't like watching any of the others pace, something which I've been privy to more times than can be normal. Tyr moves like a caged panther, totally controlled, but seeming as if he's going to kill the next thing that has the unlucky chance to pass him. Harper doesn't so much pace, as he does bounce. From side to side, back to front, up and down, bunk to chair to railing to access way to consol to God knows where. Trance, well, I've actually never seen her pace, to tell you the truth. Rommie, when she's distressed enough to pace, often stops breathing, or smashes random objects as she passes them, walking back and forth in perfect rhythm. Rev and I, we have this same way of pacing. Yes, I do realize what a disturbing odd topic this is, but it's better than sitting here just watching Dylan as he becomes more and more agitated. Anyway, me and Rev do this kind of half jog, half prowl, and apparently no one dares come near either of us when we're like that. Or at least, that's what Harper says, so who knows how reliable that information is.
"Beka! He tried to rape you!" Dylan explodes finally. "Doesn't that bother you in the slightest?!"
I blink. "Of course it bothers me, Dylan! You'd have to be pretty sick for something like that not to bother you! But a lot worse has happened to me. It doesn't help dwelling on the past. I learned that from Harper. Sometimes, you just have to let shit like that go and move on with your life." I lean back, folding my hands behind my head and closing my eyes.
"The universe is really that bad, isn't it?" he asks after a few minutes.
I roll my eyes, forcing them back open to study the ever so interesting ceiling. "Yes, Dylan, the universe really is that screwed up. I'd thought you'd get that by now."
"It's just so…" he pauses, running his hands over his face tiredly. "It's all just so pointless."
I laugh dryly. "Everything's pointless in the long run, it's just a matter of weather or not you're gonna let that run your whole life."
He shakes his head. "No, Beka. This, what we're doing," he gestures around at the Andromeda and the blackness of space outside, "This does have a point. This is worth living for."
I rolled to my feet. "The Commonwealth. Yeah. I know. Believe me, you've told us all that a million times. And yet Harper's still suffering from nightmares, Trance still doesn't believe in a Perfect Possible Future, Rev can't go anywhere without people hating him on sight, Tyr still wants to get revenge on his own people for the death of his entire pride, and Rommie can't even have a successful relationship because the High Guard couldn't create sane ships! Yes, Dylan, the Commonwealth's working out so well."
I turn away, headed for the door. Dylan grabs my arm before I can get out. "Where does that leave you, Captain Valentine?"
I jerk loose from his hold, and spin on him. "What?"
"You've illustrated how the Commonwealth hasn't helped everyone else, what about you? How has the Commonwealth hurt Beka Valentine?"
I blinked. "Hmmm, let's see. Almost getting myself killed once a week because someone doesn't like you, having to assume the position of first officer while you gamble with my crew's lives, oh, and let's not forget the Flash addiction."
He looks pissed at that last one. "How did that have anything to do with the Commonwealth?!"
I don't answer. The truth is, I don't know. I just needed something to throw back in his face. Something to hurt him the way he's hurt me. Instead of the snide remark, or lecture that I'm expecting, he smiles this little secretive smile that really creeps me out.
"What's that for?" I ask, backing away. He follows, still smiling.
"I know what's really wrong," he tells me.
"Please do enlighten me, Captain," I smirk. He's backed me into the railing, now, and I stand and wait for his answer. He rests one hand on my shoulder, and the other one against my cheek.
"What the hell?" I demand.
"Just... Don't worry. I'm not going to hurt you. Just, let me see if my theory's right."
And then he's kissing me. I've got to admit, he's one good kisser. My world is reduced to the feel of his arms around me and the feel of his lips and tongue entangled in mine. Somewhere, in the very back of my head, I know that this is just so wrong, and that Tyr's gonna be pissed as hell when he finds out. But I just can't bring myself to care.
"Dylan," I get out as he leaves my lips to drop little kisses over my jaw and throat.
"What…are you doing?"
"Proving my theory."
"Which would be?" I gasp as he kisses a particularly sensitive part of my neck.
"He lifts his head, holding me close to him, his eyes sparkling warmly into mine, staring directly at me.
"You're afraid of stability," he tells me in all seriousness.
I blink. "Wha?"
He moves us over to the bench, and we sit beside each other. "No matter what you say, you hate normalcy. You crave the adrenalin rush just as much as you crave the Flash. You need excitement and change. You're an adrenalin junky, Rebecca." He smiles this heartwarming smile, and drops a kiss on my forehead.
"Oh God…" I mutter, dropping my head into my hands.
I feel him get up. "I'll be in my quarters when you make up your mind," he tells me, and then he is gone.
I sit there for about an hour, my mind a rush with strange new feelings that I never thought I could have for our captain. I exit the obs deck later that day, and Tyr is there to greet me.
"Um, hey, Tyr," I say softly.
He merely nods shortly to me, and walks away in the other direction. I have a long moment of doubt as I watch his retreating form down the corridor.
I spend about another half hour wandering the ship and chatting with Harper before I have gotten rid of the feeling of unease that Tyr's cold dismissal had brought. I guess that beer that Harper and I consumed might have something to do with it, too.
I stand outside of the captain's quarters, preparing myself. I never thought I could love romantically after Bobby. Now I think that I might have been wrong. Sometimes, a change can be a good thing. I reach up, and ring the chime.
A/N2: "Don't worry, Beka, I'll rescue you!"
This probably sucks, but I still like reviews! Just keep in mind that this was written under duress.