Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT. Yeah, that's a bummer.

Quick note: Any dialogue in italics is someone on the other end of the phone. Okay, proceed!

These guys are pathetic.

Day 23

"Dude, check out the projection of the vomit!"

"I know! If his eyes weren't closed, you'd think he was actually aiming for the toilet."

"Gross, look at the splatter…"

"That's not the worst of it…wait for it…"

"Nothing's happenin', Raph. Leo just pukin' his guts out into the toilet."

"Wait for it, bonehead. Do your ears work, or are they just there for decoration?"

"Hey! Shut up, you—"

"Quiet! Here's the part!"

"…"

"Well?"

"Man, that is the sickest thing I've ever seen. I can't believe he slipped in Leo's puke. Why'd Donnie throw up in the tub?"

"'Cause the toilet was occupied, genius."

"Oh, right. Hahaha."

"Hey, what are you guys watching? Oh gross! Raphael!"

"Ow! What was that for, April?"

"For exploiting the stomach troubles of your brothers. And no doubt you were the cause of their illness."

"No, Mikey was."

"But who made him his food?"

"…"

"She's got you there, Raph."

"Shut it, Casey."

"You two are so juvenile. Please tell me you're done watching this?"

"Nope, Raph brought over five more hours of footage! Isn't that great, babe?"

"Oh yes, thrilling."

"Wanna watch with us?"

"As enticing as that sounds, no thanks."

"You wanna make me a sandwich then?"

"…"

"Ow! Okay, okay! Forget I said anything."

"That's what I do most of the time when you speak, Mr. Jones."

"Hehehe…hey! Now you're hitting me, too?"

"Quiet, turtle boy. Let's just watch the footage."

As stimulating as the conversation had been with the two hooligans in her apartment, April shook her head in distaste and turned to finish cleaning the dishes in the kitchen. Raphael had come over a few hours earlier to have lunch with the human couple, as well as to share his precious, disgusting movies of his brothers being idiots. Not that that excluded the hot-tempered turtle from her labeling of 'idiot.' Just the thought of that stupid, silly experiment was enough to flare her temper again.

Rubbing viciously at a dish with a sponge, April blew a stray, silky strand of hair away from her face. Stupid Donatello and his stupid ideas! This experiment was certainly screwing up their family, as well as straining her relationship with the turtles. Most infuriating of all, they lost their elderly father. Sure, the rat knew how to fight, but that was beside the point. He was clearly in no condition to be wandering the streets of NYC alone! And if Raph's description of their dear father's behavior was any indication, April wasn't sure if he was completely all there recently.

Moving on to drying the dishes, the red head let out a sigh. Why couldn't things be normal for a while? You know, the Foot hanging around, aliens invading, or maybe getting zapped to an alternate dimension. What? Those things were bliss compared to a deranged rat and four irresponsible teenage turtles moping about with nothing better to do with their time than to torture one another. April finished drying and began stacking the kitchenware.

Reaching for one last glass to return to its place, the woman let out a gasp of surprise as she saw a shadow fall across her own. Spinning around and letting the glass plummet to the floor to shatter, she found herself face to face with a pair of assailants. Frantically feeling behind her for some sort of weapon, she brought forth…a skillet! She raised it high above her head in a threatening manner. The two Foot ninja shared an amused glance, only to yelp as April struck them both over the head with the skillet.

"Ouch! Get off you crazy woman!" yelled one ninja as April continued assaulting him with the cookware.

"Get out of here, you creepy, smelly Feet!" April scolded.

The other ninja grabbed her wrist and wrenched the skillet from her grasp. "It's the Foot, wench! And we have very good hygiene, thank you!"

Without her skillet weapon, April resorted to beating them with her fists. She felt one of the ninja grab her around the waist from behind. "Casey! Raph! Help! There's Foot ninja! Casey! Ra—"

And with that, they knocked April unconscious. As she slowly slumped in their arms, the pair of assailants froze, worried her companions had heard the ruckus in the other room. They placed the woman on the floor and prepared for an attack, waiting for them to spring.

And waited…

And waited…

And waited…

April's attackers warily looked at one another. One motioned for the other to keep quiet and crept around the corner to peek into the room. The turtle and vigilante were asleep, drooling and snoring loudly on the couch as a scene of another turtle licking the grease puddles off of a pizza played on the TV. He suppressed the urge to throw up at the sight, and the black clad figure returned to the kitchen. He muttered to himself, "These guys are pathetic." His partner had the red head heaved over his shoulder, waiting patiently.

"Well?"

"They're asleep. The idiots."

"They didn't hear that racket?"

"Guess not. Let's get out of here. We wouldn't want to keep the others waiting."

Ring. Ring.

Ring.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Ring!

"Yeesh, what?"

"Hello to you, too, sunshine!"

"Shut it, Mikey. What do you want?"

"Well, Raphie, O Fearless Leader wants you back in half an hour. It's getting late, and you wouldn't want to miss your curfew."

"Very funny, shell-for-brains."

"You have fun grossing April out?"

"Yeah, it was hilarious. Me and Case fell asleep though. Don't know how long we been out."

"You guys are so lame. So can I tell Leo you'll be back to the lair soon?"

"Yeah, I'll be back soon enough. What's for dinner to—"

"Raph, who's on the phone?"

"Hold on, Mike. Casey, will you be quiet?"

"Pft. Fine, be grouchy. April? April! Raph's bein' mean! You in the kitchen?"

"I'm outta here, Case. Fearless wants me home. Where's April? I wanna say goodbye."

"Raph, we got a problem."

"Aw, shell."

"Raph! Raphie! Still on the phone, remember? What's goin' on?"

"Mikey, tell Leo we gotta save April."

"Save April? From who?"

"The Foot. They're back."

"Dude…wait. How do you know it's the Foot?"

"They left their calling card."

"Oh, you mean the Foot symbol?"

"No, they left a business card."