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Sakura, Eriol, and the Cake Mania (Or, What Happens if You Push Eriol Off a Roof) 

A CCS fanfic by Sakura

Standard disclaimers apply.

Version 2.0 up 2003.03.28.

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      Hiiragizawa Eriol was the perfect student.

      He was the one who aced tests, scored the goals, played the piano beautifully, baked the perfect pie, smiled at everyone, arrived on time, never wished pointy things would fall out of the sky and strike certain people --- so unlike his seatmate, a certain fiery-eyed unruly-haired Chinese boy named Li Syaoran, who glared at him all the time and wished the mallets on him.  Eriol was quiet, meek, reserved.  He was slightly built with pale skin, had very dark blue eyes with long lashes that were hidden behind a pair of glasses, as well as dark hair that contrasted greatly with his paleness.  The sort of looks girls imagine romance novel heroes would possess.  And he was courteous, both in manner and speech.  Half British, to boot.

      So what was wrong with Eriol?   

      He had the weirdest sense of humor.

      Standing on top of a building, holding a teacup in one hand and his long, magical staff in the other, Eriol smiled down amusedly at the sight of Sakura, Cerberus, Yue, and Syaoran wrestling with a giant penguin (which was actually a giant penguin statue come to life) in the Tomoeda Public Park. 

      Beside him, Ruby Moon yawned.  "Eriol, can I do something else other than hang around and watch these losers?"       

      "Where do you want to go?" Eriol asked, not taking his eyes off the spectacle.

      "He's leaving his post to flirt with the card captor's brother," Spinel Sun sniffed, eyes narrowing in disgust.  Ruby Moon ignored the sullen dark gray panther-like creature and flicked his long deep red hair over his shoulder.  "Can I go now, pleeease?"

      "You are free to go," Eriol replied absently.  His eyes brightened as Sakura whipped out Firey and started turning the penguin into barbecue.   

      Spinel Sun shook his head.  "Ruby Moon never did have his priorities straight."

      The latter spun on his heel and made a face.  "Au contraire, I do have my priorities straight --- SUPPI."

      Spinel Sun's eyes narrowed.  "Who are you calling Suppi?"

      "You.  You're Suppi.  And you always will be Suppi!"

      "WHAT DID YOU SAAAY?"

      A paw lunged, somebody jumped---

      Bump!  A staff went flying...

***

      "Fly!" Sakura yelled, summoning the Fly card and taking off before the burning (and visibly pissed off) penguin could crush her with a stubby fist. 

      "This is too much for us!" Kero gasped, exhausted.

      "Can't you do something other than fly around and dodge blows?" Syaoran demanded, impatiently gesturing with his sword. 

      "Well I don't see you helping out, brat!" Kero retorted.

      "Stay back," Yue calmly said, deftly pushing both out of the way and firing a round of razor-sharp blasts.  But the large penguin, oddly enough, managed to dodge every single blow.  And chase Yue, Kero, and Syaoran, making the three run for their lives even if they were too proud to do so.  

      "Kero-chan, Yue-san, Li-kun!" Sakura called out, breezing past.  "I think I know what to do!" 

      "Well just hurry up and do it!" Kero wheezed, wings flapping frantically.

      "Li-kun," Sakura gasped, "fire a gust of water at him when I tell you to!"

      "Wakatta!" He skidded to a stop, deftly holding out his sword in front of him.

      Sakura swerved around, pulling out Freeze from her pocket.  The penguin was gaining speed--- 

      "NOW!"

      "Sui ryuu shouraiiii!!"

      Ziiiip!

      They blinked.

      "Hoe?" Sakura scratched her head.

      "Where did he go?"  Syaoran blinked, looking around them.  The penguin had suddenly disappeared, leaving only a huge crater in the ground where the attack had struck.

      "You hit him too hard," Kero muttered.

      "It wasn't my fault!"

      Then Yue's eyes suddenly glazed over.  "Clow!"

      Before they could figure out what was happening, Yue was off, swiftly flying towards a nearby building, straight to the back of the parking lot, where there was no one except--

      "H-HOOOOEEEEEEE!!!" Sakura screamed.

      It was Eriol, lying on the pavement, shards of a teacup scattered around his limp frame.    

***

      When he woke up, the first thing he said was, "Cake."

      Everyone's eyes bugged out.

      If that weren't strange enough, his voice was somehow deeper, unfamiliar, and he was staring outside the window at something.

"Cake."

      "E-Eriol-kun," Sakura stammered, "are you all right?"

      Eriol turned to her.  "Cake."

      "What's with him?" Kero blinked from Sakura's bag, where he was hiding.

      "The idiot hit his head too hard," Syaoran scoffed, folding his arms.

      Eriol took a quick look around him and found the vase of flowers beside the bed.

      "Cake," he repeated, then grabbing the flowers, he proceeded to stuff them in his mouth. 

      Sakura and Syaoran immediately lunged at him from their seats. 

      "HOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

      "OI!!  What the hell do you think you're d--"

      The door burst open, and Kero quickly disappeared inside Sakura's bag. 

      "Is he all right?!" Yukito huffed, doctor in tow.  The bespectacled high school boy found himself at the hospital with Sakura, Syaoran, and Sakura's little stuffed toy, but even though he didn't know what he was doing there in the first place, a quick explanation from Sakura drove him to run downstairs and fetch a doctor.

      The said doctor was now frozen in the doorway, transfixed by the sight of Eriol calmly chewing petunias.

      "Y-Yukito-san, Eriol-kun is..." Sakura backed away from the bed, wide-eyed.

      "Mfeyffe," Eriol mumbled.  

      "What?" Yukito gaped.

      "He said 'cake'," Syaoran explained.  "That's all he's been saying ever since he woke up."

      "Is it serious?" Yukito asked the doctor, who managed to regain his mental faculties in time to come up with an explanation.  "He hit his head in a certain way that makes his mind linger on the last thought that he had before he fell."

      The explanation wasn't medical enough, but needless to say, it sufficed.

      "What will we do now?" Sakura moaned.

      "Hit him on the head again."  Syaoran smirked.

      "Li-kun, don't say things like that!"

      "But if we do hit him again," Yukito thoughtfully said, "we'll have to hit him the right way so his mind will start moving from where it got stuck.  Right, sensei?"

      The doctor was too busy pulling out a stethoscope from Eriol's mouth.  "Give that back, you little--"

      "Mfeyffe!"

      Everyone sweatdropped.

***

      Behind the counter at the cake shop where he worked as a waiter, Touya ran a hand through his dark hair exasperatedly.  "Let me get this straight.  The kid hit his head, woke up, and started eating everything in sight."

      "No," Yukito shook his head.  "He hit his head, woke up, and started eating everything in sight because he thought everything was cake."

      Touya's dark eyes focused on Sakura's table, where a dark-haired pale boy sat, eating quietly.  A growing pile of plates was resting beside him.  "He's sure eating a lot of cake now, if you ask me."

      "So what will we do?" Yukito turned to him, worried.  "If we don't stop him, he'll eat everything in this whole store!"

      "Well, I have no problems with that."  Touya grinned.  "He's good for business."

      "But To-ya--"

      "There's nothing to worry about.  Unless he doesn't pay up before leaving."

      Yukito sighed.  "I don't have a good feeling about this."

      The pair of tongs in Touya's hand clapped.  Twice.  "Anyway, Yuki, how come you aren't eating anything?"

      Yukito sighed.  "I think I lost my appetite."

***

      "E-Eriol-kun," Sakura stammered as they walked home from the cake shop, "did you really have to eat Y100, 000 worth of cake?"

      Eriol turned to her and pleasantly smiled.  "Cake."

      "AAARRGH, I can't take it anymore!!" Syaoran screamed, clutching at his head.  "If he says 'cake' one more time I'll--"

      Sakura frowned at him reprovingly.  "Li-kun!"

      "If we hit him now," Yukito cut in hastily, "he'll probably go back to normal."

      "Hurry up and hit 'em both," Touya muttered darkly, casting an evil eye on Syaoran, who glowered back menacingly.

      Sakura intervened before the glaring match could go on further.  "But we can't hit Eriol-kun, he's my friend!"

      "Sakura-chan," Yukito smiled, putting a hand on her shoulder, "I know you're worried about him, but this is for his own good."

      "B-but..."

      "Hey, where's Hiiragizawa?"

      They all stopped and looked around.  Eriol was nowhere to be found.

      A gust of wind blew and suddenly the air was filled with flyers, some of them hitting Sakura smack in the face.  "HOOEE!!"  She took them off and read.  "L-Look at this, quick!"

      They all crowded around the flyer.

      Bake sale, it read.  Ten million cake varieties to choose from.

***

      "You should've hit him when you had the chance," Touya commented.

      They were standing at the door to the hall where the bake sale was being held, staring at Eriol --- who was calmly stuffing himself with more cake on stage with five other people (whose faces were turning green with the effort of eating too much).    

      "A cake-eating contest!" Sakura clapped her hands.  "That's great, Eriol-kun!"

      "I don't see anything great about that," Syaoran scoffed.  "He's just eating more and more and more and more---"

      "Until he gets all fat and bloated," Touya finished for him.

      Sakura froze at the thought.  "HOOOEEEE!"

      "We have to stop him while we still can."

      "But how?"

      Sakura suddenly had an idea.  "I know!"

      And she ran off before anybody could stop her. 

      Sneaking behind a speaker, she drew out her key.  "Please, help me make this work!"

      Bright light suddenly radiated from where she was hiding.

      "Release!!"

      Then one by one, the people started drifting off to sleep --- some slumped forward on the tables, others fell onto the floor. 

      "W-What's happening...?" Yukito mumbled before he sank against a wall, closing his eyes. 

"It's Sakura, she..." Touya yawned and slumped forward, snoring.

Sakura cautiously peeped out from behind the speaker.  "Yayy, everyone's asleep!"

      Kero suddenly popped out from her bag, glaring at her.  "SAKURAA!!"

      "HOOOEEEE!"

      "Didn't you realize how badly I wanted to eat cake back there?!  How come you didn't give me any?!  And how come you just let that classmate of yours eat everything while--"

      "Oi."  It was Syaoran, sword drawn, impatiently pointing at something.  "You used the Sleep card, but he's still up and eating."

      True enough, Eriol was still on stage, eating to his heart's content, while the rest of the contestants were knocked out on the table.

      "Why wasn't Eriol-kun affected at all?" Sakura wailed.

      "I sense a shield," Syaoran muttered.  "It looks like he's using magic.  I always knew that Hiiragizawa was sneaky."

      "Magic?  Eriol-kun?" 

      "Anyway," Kero cut her off, "stop him before he finishes everything!"   

      "Kero-chan, you're just jealous because he's eating cake and you're---"

      "SAKURAA!!"

      "Fine, fine."  She whipped out a card from her pocket.  "TIME!!"

      But Eriol kept on eating.

      "Hoe?" Sakura blinked. 

      "Try Watery!" Syaoran commanded.

      She did. 

      The big wave just swerved past him, and he kept on eating.

      "What the--" Kero gaped.  "How did he do that?"

      "It's a shield all right," Syaoran grumbled.  "Looks like I have no other choice."

      And he was off in a flash, sword drawn, screaming a war cry.

      "Li-kun, no!" Sakura shrieked.

      "HAH!"  He yelled, swinging his sword at the air above Eriol's head and hitting something that went pssshiing!  Eriol then looked up from his plate, dark blue eyes narrowing at Syaoran.  "Cake," he stated in a deep, unfamiliar voice, and Syaoran suddenly found himself dodging a million lighting bolts all at once, jumping here and there and running for his life.

      "Li-kun!" Sakura screamed. 

      "Never mind him, look there!" Kero was pointing at something above their heads.

      Sakura looked.

      It was a grand piano.

      "H-HOOOOEEEEEEE!!!"

      "Stand back!" commanded an unfamiliar voice.  "We have to drop this while he's still distracted."

      "'He'?" Sakura and Kero looked at each other, then at Eriol, who was back to eating calmly as if he were used to having lightning bolts strike down from the sky --- and in close proximity, at that.

      "Listen to them!" Syaoran yelled, still jumping frantically.  "Hurry up and get out of the way before he kills me!"

      "But Li-kun--"

      "Sakura, hurry!" Kero screeched, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her away as quickly as he could.  Syaoran himself jumped out of the way a second before there was an audible snap and the grand piano began to fall--

      "Bombs away!" sang another unfamiliar voice.

      BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!

      Sakura coughed and tried to open her eyes, but all she saw was thick smoke, then an eerie pale glow, and a silhouette of a boy standing not far off.

      "Cease to remember," a deep voice commanded, and hearing him speak, there was a flicker of recognition and she managed to whisper, Eriol-kun, before her eyes grew heavy and darkness fell...

***

      "Ummm."  Yukito hesitated.  "Akizuki-san, I hope you won't mind my asking this, but why is your hair like that?"

      "Like what?" Nakuru snapped back, instantly furious.

      Yukito sweatdropped.  "Like...um, well..."

      "Burnt," Touya helpfully pointed out.  "Kinda crusty on the sides."

      Nakuru instantly turned to him with big puppy-dog eyes.  "Mou, Touya-kun, don't say cruel things like that!"

      Touya shrugged.  "I'm just telling you what it looks like to me."

      "A baking accident perhaps?" Yukito offered kindly, and promptly shut up at a scorching glare from his ruby-eyed classmate. 

      "Let's just say," Nakuru hissed, "that I got a little carried away."

***

      On the surface, Eriol was busy reading a novel, but the truth was he was furious. 

Livid. 

How dare Spinel and Ruby Moon drop a piano on me, he fumed.  And it wasn't just any piano; it had to be MY piano!  Those careless, insipid---  He turned the page.  I was this close to being found out; it was a good thing that my sorcery was still strong or else---

      "Eriol-kun," Sakura brightly roused him from his reverie, "would you like to come with us for a snack?"

      "No thank you, Sakura-san."  He smiled back.  "I have a book to finish, and..."

      "Oh come on, it'll be fun!" she persisted.  "We're going out for hamburgers."

      "Hamburgers?" he echoed.

      "Yes, so come on!"

      Hamburgers.  Hmm.  That sounded good.  Nodding his assent, he quickly stuffed the novel in his bag and trailed after them, failing to heed Tomoyo's quick reminder ---

      "Remember, the second door doesn't work, so use the other one or else you might--"

      BAAANG!    

      As the world took a spin before Eriol's eyes, an enticing vision flashed in his mind --- big, juicy hamburger, a vanilla milkshake, and a hefty order of fries --- before everything suddenly went pitch black.

[Coming Up Next]

BGM: Sakura's Theme II

Sakura Voiceover:  HOOEE!!!  How many Big Macs can Eriol-kun shovel in in five minutes?  What will Nakuru-san do about his unbecoming coiffeur?  Did Kero-chan get to have his cake and eat it too?  Will Li-kun do another lightning dance for his fans?  And whatever happened to Suppi-chan?  All this and more in the next post!  Card Captor Sakura ~ 'Sakura, Eriol, and the Mad Cow Disease'!  Jikai mo, Sakura to issho ni --- RELEASE!!

[O.Wa.Ri.]