Disclaimer: I continue to not own anything that has to do with "Harry Potter" or "J.K Rowling" If I did, do you truly think I would waste my time writing mindless stories and publish them on the internet? I didn't think so..
Authors Note: This is my first story that is centered on Pansy. I have always felt that she has been looked upon in a unfair way, so I have written this story in hopes of helping people to see deeper on who she really is...
I am tired of being judged.
Judged unfairly. I am tired of the looks.
The ones that tell me that I'm different; unimportant.
I am tired of being told what to do.
How to live my life.
I live in a fantasy world.
Everything is not what it seems.
Poison lurks behind the smiles of visitors.
Danger awaits me at every corner.
Yet I do not have to face it.
I am sheltered.
Sheltered from all truth.
All my life I have been told lies.
Lies that led me to become who I am.
The one with no emotions.
The sneering, evil one.
The one that has no friends.
You wonder, does she not tire of this treatment?
Does she not want to break free?
I do, I do want to break free.
I so badly want to be accepted.
Not judged. I want to make a image for myself.
One that people will walk by me and say "I wonder who that girl is.."
I want to be respected.
I am tiring of my mask.
It is slipping from my grasp.
Yes, I shall continue to be Ice Queen.
But I will separate those who attempt to deceive me, from those that mean to help me.
I tell myself I do not need their help.
But I do. I need it desperately.
But I refuse to show weakness.
I was raised to be strong, and I shall stay that way.
I shall show my parents that they have not created one to be treated like a lapdog.
I will not do their bidding.
I am independent.
I shall show them how strong they have truly made me.
Yes, they will regret it. I am cold. I do not have friends.
I simply have acquaintances.
My parents call them "useful" connections.
On the outside I sneer at the mention of friends.
Those who will put themselves in the place of danger to protect a friend.
Those who value their friends like my parents value money.
I sound like I am talking about Gryffindors.
The supposed selfless, brave ones.
The ones the opposite of what I am.
I am prideful, and I put myself before anyone else.
That is what I am, what I have grown up to be.
What I remain to be.
My face smirks at the attempts of bravery that the Gryffindors so often stage for our amusement.
But my heart clenches, and I wonder if I, a Slytherin, could ever be so daring.
No, I know I could never be.
And I do not wish to be a Gryffindor.
I simply wish to perhaps test their qualities.
I am a Slytherin, inside and out.
I just do not share all the ideals that my "acquaintances" believe in.
I wish to make my own identity.
To make friends.
To laugh and smile.
To be one with a heart.
I am tired of my expressionless visage.
It is old.
Yet I am scared.
Scared of trying something like this.
Its new. I am so typical.
Fear has a stronghold in my life.
Fear is what has made me who I am.
Fear of defying the orders and commands of parents and those influences around me.
Fear of trying something new. Fear of being me.
That girl is in me.
The one that dreams of having friends.
Being like all those laughing girls that she watches out of the corner of her eye.
But she banishes all those thoughts.
She knows that she will always stand apart from them.
I do not wish to pity myself.
Pity is no good.
Pity leads to low self esteem.
Although, I think I already suffer from that.
I appear fine on the outside.
Uncaring about life, confident.
But on the inside I am so afraid.
Afraid of what people think every time I walk by them.
I call myself Ice Queen, but I am not entirely so.
Around my only two acquaintances I am different.
Blaise and Draco.
I show my emotions to them.
Not my insecurities though.
We do not laugh, nor do we 'hang out' a lot.
We understand each other, and sit with each other, making comments every now and then.
By saying that I show my emotions to them, I mean I can tell them how I hate so and so, and love a certain class.
No one knows of my fear.
I have hidden that very deep within myself.
Nor do I show my everyday gripes, and insecurities about being judged.
I keep telling myself to stand strong, for I am a Slytherin.
I am Pansy Parkinson.
Authors Note: Well, here goes my first Pansy story....right now I am considering making this Pansy/Harry or Pansy/some other guy....lol. Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed the prologue. I feel like it is reasonably good. If you don't like it..then well, too bad. -shrugs- Can you at least do me a favor, and review? Even if you will scream at me because it sucks. Sigh. Just please review...it helps my self esteem ;)