Hello! This is my first shot at Gohou (Legal) Drug, and one of the very very few songfics I do, but this song just struck a chord. Anyway, there's a couple things I have to say:
Disclaimer: I don't own Gohou Drug, the Characters, or Maroon 5's 'Must Get Out' to which this fic was written to. Excellet song, and the album is incredible, so check them out sometime. They're the ones who sing 'Sunday Morning, This Love, Harder to Breathe, and She Will be Loved.'
I had every stanza open up a new chapter, but because of the reinforcement/reminder of rules pertaining to posting song lyrics in fics, i've had to take them out. See if you can find the song though, because ... the song it really good and was the basis for this fic, and i hardly ever get inspired by songs. Chapter titles still done by the beggining of the stanza that should have opened the chapter.
Enjoy the fic!
Must Get Out
It was almost closing time when I heard Kakei ask the kid to bring up a box of cold medicines from the back storeroom, it being the winter season, when colds were practically flying from person to person, and I paused counting the money in the cash register. Kazahaya nodded determinedly, the idiot. Always trying to prove himself, as if he hadn't already. But of course, he didn't know that, so I couldn't blame him for trying to take on everything that came his way. And I guess it was my fault, since what he was trying to prove was that he didn't need me. That fact always seemed to stick in my mind with a stinging reality.
Green bills lay forgotten in my hands as I watched with narrowed eyes as he struggled with the box. Those boxes were too heavy for him; even I had trouble with them sometimes. Much too heavy for a shrimp like him…
So, not surprisingly, the box slipped from his fingers, and he slipped backward and cringed, eyes flying shut as he waited for the fifty-pound box to smash his brains into the floor. This was the reason I had been watching so carefully, and I dove forward, catching the box with a small grunt.
Hazel-green eyes widened as they opened, surprised to see me standing above him with the box in my arms, smirking at him. Saving his life once again. Why hadn't he realized it yet? I was here for him, to keep him from idiotically killing himself. He didn't need to fight it so hard.
"Baka! Don't try to carry around something that's heavier than you, you idiot!" I sneered, covering the worry in my eyes with a smirk on my lips. I may not have been as mean as I used to be to him, but I still couldn't afford to let my guard down completely around him. There was just too much at stake.
"It's not! I- I- Grr, you always act like a total showoff, you bastard! You think you're so tough, but you're not! You—urgh… " He turned his head away, knowing that there was no excuse, no buts, no 'I didn't need you', because he had.
I glared at him, then sighed lightly, "You never learn, do you?"
The dirty-blonde kid only mumbled something angrily; eyes averted, and eased himself up from the floor to begin removing the medicine bottles, restocking the shelves. I merely closed my eyes for a moment and turned back to the counter, finishing the money counting and locking up the register.
"I'm leaving," I called out to Saiga, since Kakei had already gone into the office. He waved at me, smiling in acknowledgement, and I turned around, walking outside into the frigid late January afternoon. The bitterly cold wind whistled around me, but I didn't bother tightening my coat, considering it was only a minute's walk to the apartment Kakei so graciously had given to the kid and me.
Slamming my bedroom door behind me and tossing the black coat to the floor, I sat down heavily on my bed, feeling the stress of the past couple weeks mounting. I was fairly sure there would be no extra jobs today, Kakei had seemed in a hurry to get in his office and pulling Saiga in as well. Good, a night of relief for me while they did who-knew-what.
I sighed lightly, running my hands through dark hair, turning my gaze outside, watching the snowflakes dancing past my window, the sky turning dark as the sun hid its ever-blinding face behind curtains of night- insecurities, memories, time for reflection and heartache.
A cold city, one I couldn't wait to finally leave. But if before I had thought that finding clues about Tsukiko was the only thing keeping me anchored to Green Drug, and this life, I was wrong. There was someone else now that kept me going too.
A small figure caught my attention, running past. Dark golden hair flew to the sides as the figure slipped on the ice, almost falling flat on his face. Kazahaya, of course. I could see his mouth moving, muttering some curse words most likely, as he rubbed his back where he'd fallen.
I tried to laugh. At any other moment I would. In fact, I would have been waiting for him at the door, ready to sneer and make jokes at his expense, only to be yelled at severely and extensively for it. For me though, it was pure amusement and I would have only laughed harder.
It had grown into something else though, more than amusement. And I had already realized what it was.
That was why I couldn't laugh, much as I wished I could, and instead closed my eyes against thetears that threatened to form in my eyes, refusing to let them control me. I could not cry. I hadn't in years.
Kazahaya was the one who now kept me anchored to this life. I knew why. I was always in control of my emotions, so I understood perfectly. The pain now stemmed from the fact that I would never hear him say the words that I knew I would someday tell him.
In other words, I loved him. But he didn't.
So the only option I had left was to wait, hope that someday he would see past my defensive walls, hope that someday he would realize the reason I saved him time after time. That he would accept me. All I could do was wait patiently for him to love me, as I was now, that he would simply grow to love me as I had him.
It was living this way, with an unrequited love, with thoughts like these that weighed me down so heavily.
A knock at the door made my green eyes fly open, and I immediately removed all traces of bitterness or sorrow from my face.
"Yeah?" I called out gruffly.
"Um, Rikuou, I wanted to tell you something…" I gazed at the door, waiting for him to continue.
"Grr… don't you have the decency to open the door when someone wants to talk to you!" he pounded on the flimsy brown door, and I let a soft smirk alight on my face. He was simply too much fun to tease and make lose his temper. His naïveté and incoherency when angry made it all too funny.
But finally I complied and sighed heavily before getting up and opening the door to find him glaring at me, in all his five-foot glory, or whatever height he was- It was still considerable shorter than mine. Kazahaya rolled his eyes and swallowed, looking down as he fidgeted with his hands. He really was adorable.
"Um, I wanted to thank you for… well, for earlier today," he said nervously, and despite his casual tone, I knew he was swallowing his pride to thank me, and it should have made me happy, it should have softened my heart, and make the corners of my mouth twitch into an invisible smile. It almost did, but didn't make it that far, because it was as painful as it was joyful.
One of the very few moments when he wasn't yelling at me, and was actually thankful for me. Because I saved his life. Otherwise, he wouldn't look twice my way. Not unless he was going to yell at me, at least. I turned my back on him, fighting to hide the pain I knew was becoming inevitable to hide—even he wasn't that naïve, somehow, he always seemed to realize when I was troubled or worried, and so I had to fight harder and harder to hide it.
Although… now that I thought about it, if he worried about me, didn't that mean he was paying attention to more than to just yell? That didn't mean anything. We lived together, it was only natural he would take some notice of the person he saw everyday. It didn't mean anything, because I was sure I didn't mean anything to him. Just a person he was forced to see everyday. I sighed, momentarily oblivious to the fact that he was standing expectantly behind me until I heard him make a small noise.
"Don't worry about it," I muttered shortly, once again running my hands through my hair, refusing to turn back around.
I could almost see him blink in my head, and actually heard him stutter, "You're not calling me an idiot?"
I gave a short laugh, and finally did turn around, smirking at him, "You mean you came to thank me anyway, even though you thought I would insult you for it?"
Kazahaya leaned back defensively, "Well, yeah, I mean… well, I felt it was only right to thank you!" he finished, still in that defensive tone. I stopped.
"You're too nice…" I murmured, more to myself, staring into those untainted orbs of golden hazel, watching them widen in confusion.
"Huh?" he said dumbly, and I reached out, patting his head softly.
"You're so nice, you could be starving to death in the streets, and see and old lady drop a five dollar bill, and instead of keeping it to buy food you'd give it back."
I was sure it was true, it was simply the type of person Kazahaya was.
"Er, well, it is her money, I couldn't just—" he stuttered, proving my statement, a light blush brushing his face as he glanced down out of embarrassment, and I smirked to myself.
"Yup, you're so nice you'd probably pass up your only opportunity to shag a girl just because the guy next to you asks you to baby-sit his dog," I said in that tone of voice I knew drove him crazy.
"Argh! You bastard! Here I am being nice, and you go and make fun of me!" he exploded, looking around for the nearest thing to hurl at me, but finding nothing within his reach he was forced to settle for stomping away into his room. The door slammed loudly, rattling the cheap china in the cupboards.
I'd screwed up again, I knew it, but I couldn't tell him, not yet. He would never accept my feelings, and I wasn't even sure I was ready to share them yet. It wasn't that I was so cold I didn't have emotions; it was just that I knew how to keep the inside very well. Too well. And it was to my misfortune that my personality was cold and closed, making it even harder for me to willingly expose my feelings.
Besides, I had lost too much with Tsukiko. I wasn't sure if I was ready to take the same risk. Not unless I was sure my love would be returned.
The door clicked softly to a close, and I sighed once again.
Was thank you the closest it would get to 'I love you'?
Oh, and i wanted to have a short explanation of the lyrics...
'I've been the needle and the thread/ Weaving figure eights in circles round your head' I kinda felt like that meant having Rikuou always be on top of things, and that manifests itself through him watching over Kazahaya, and knowing his feelings for him clearly while Kazahaya remains oblivious.
'I try to laugh but cry instead' that was pretty obvious. Kaza tripped, and Rikouo would have laughed if not for the fact that he was having very angsty thoughts at the moment.
'Patiently wait to hear the words you've never said,' He doesn't think that Kazahaya will say them on his own, that he'll have to say them first, but he's not ready for that, so in the end, it'll have to be naive Kaza who has to confess first...