'Is it painful? It must be.'
She made me jump. I hadn't even heard her come in. She walked like a cat. I was reminded that this was the woman who had screamed down the phone for Alucard to go out of the front door, killing everyone in the hotel. It was hard to look at her face, shadowed by the blonde hair.
'I heard from Walter. This is the way you've been at mealtime lately. Why don't you drink it? The Blood. You aren't human anymore . You are a vampire, Seras.'
She wasn't actually smiling properly, but there was a half-grin arranged around the cigar in her mouth, as if she was trying not to laugh at my dismay. I couldn't explain, how I felt, not to the master of my master, the woman in the impeccable suit with the smirk. If you looked at the two of us, which one would you think was the vampire, the bride of darkness? Yeah, exactly. She'd make a much better vampire than me. You can just imagine her can't you, sweeping through the night on white wings with a long sword, some kind of Evil Joan of Arc.
'But.. I.. I mean.. That is… uh…'
Seemed like all I could do was stammer. How embarrassing to be caught in the middle of being a sissy vampire, an "evening-walker" like master says. It's not as if I haven't tried, or I haven't seen people dying, I mean I was a policewoman, wasn't I? Admittedly, there aren't that many violent incidents in Somerset, but I had to go to Bristol a couple of times, when they needed extra cover, and there's all sorts goes on there and there were a couple of drugs busts in Weston-Super-Mare, kids not much younger than me taking E and Speed in night clubs. It's just… I've never seen that much blood. Not that much. I didn't want to look at her. She walked over and picked up the steak knife I'd optimistically laid out on a napkin. I thought she was going to cut the blood bag open for me, but I should have known better, 'cause she still had that smirk on her face. Instead, she slashed a line through her glove into her finger and held it out to me, barely even flinching as she did and smiling at me over her round glasses. Well! I was really surprised.
She knew I was, too. And she was enjoying it. I sometimes wonder if she really is as bad as master. I think she was playing with me. I just sat there, stammering. I didn't know what to do.
'I've cut my finger. At this rate, it might get infected. Lick it for me.'
'Eh.. ah.. er.. eh?'
'Lick it. That's an order. Are you not.. bound to my orders, Seras?'
That was true. Firstly, I worked for her and they were very military about following orders from a superior officer here, much more than at the station. Secondly, she was the master of my master. I didn't know what kind of power that gave her over me. Maybe she just had to say some sort of word of vampire-commanding and I'd lick her boots for her. I was sweating now, but that happens when I'm stressed. I stuck out my tongue really slowly, afraid of what might happen. She pushed her finger closer and I licked it. Her blood tasted delicious, warm and full of life. It was like a drink of spring water on a hot day. The medical blood was always cold and tasted of the heparin stuff they put in to stop it clotting, but hers was warm and alive. I wanted more, but I was frightened of what would happen if I started sucking on her finger, glove or no, so I kept it at tongue-distance. Every time my tongue touched her finger, I could feel the blood pulsing through her glove and skin, and I could smell it as well. She must have seen what it did to me.
'Be mindful, Seras. Don't forget yourself and bite down, all right?'
As if I would! There was probably a pistol in her jacket in case I did that, filled with silver bullets. She pulled her hand away, leaving a string of my saliva between the two of us. I had to stop myself from reaching out and pulling it back and taking more.
'The genuine article, 100 virgin blood. Did it relieve you somewhat, police girl?'
She was definitely smiling now. I didn't know why. She looked sure of herself, cocky, almost. I wondered if she did this with Alucard a lot. I could imagine how humiliating that would be for master. Then I realised that she had just told me she was a virgin, which was a bit odd. I mean, that's a pretty private sort of thing to tell someone. She seemed proud of it. I supposed that must be because she was so very christian and upstanding. She was probably saving herself until she got married to some handsome lord and continued the Hellsing Succession. Mind you, I can't imagine whoever she married'd much like having master around. I don't much like having master around, and I'm a vampire.
'Uh..ah…well… I..Th.. thank…. You.'
Well, I ought to be polite, at least. I mean, she had given me her blood and everything.
'Prepare your gear and stand by, police girl. Communication was lost with the HMS Eagle somewhere at sea near Wales. Likely due to Millennium.'
She was turning away now, throwing orders over her shoulder, calling me police girl again, like master. I bet she was laughing at me where I couldn't see.
It was almost a relief when she left the room. I could still taste her blood in my mouth. I thought that was the end of it then and there, but for the rest of the day, I kept thinking about that taste. When I got into my coffin that night, I found myself wondering why she'd fed me. Maybe Walter had asked her to? He was all right, Walter. Everybody liked him, even master, and it was the sort of thing he'd do.
I imagined her opening the door to my room, standing there in her pyjamas, like a statue carved out of glass. All icy on the outside, but with hot, thick blood flowing just beneath the surface. I imagined her coming over to my coffin and unbuttoning her collar, showing me her neck. It was like a marble column. She had a knife that I hadn't seen in her hand before, and she drew it slowly across the skin until blood welled out, then she pulled my head towards it and pressed my lips against her neck and whispered to me to drink. And I did. I licked and sucked, and her blood flowed into my mouth and down my throat. It was about then that I noticed I'd slid my hands down the front of my pyjamas and my knickers were all wet, I nearly had a heart attack. Do vampires have heart attacks? Dunno. Anyway, it was scary. And I was angry, too. She and master were as bad as each other, making me do things I don't want to and feel things I don't want to. I'd had enough. I got up and pushed the lid off my coffin. Ugh. I hate sleeping in a coffin. She would still be up, probably doing something in her office. Battle plans probably. I got dressed and wished I had some longer skirts or trousers. Then I closed the door of the room behind me and went to her office, thankful there was no-one in the corridors to talk to me on the way. I didn't think I could stand seeing Captain Bernadotte just then. He'd probably sing that song about the Eskimo. I knocked on the door of her office and was told to 'Come', which wasn't really the best word for me to hear just then. As I entered, she didn't look up from her paperwork. There was no cigar in her mouth for a change and a half-drunk cup of tea sat on the corner of her desk.
I couldn't think of anything to say, and just stood a few feet away from her desk. When I didn't speak, she looked up at me.
She smiled and rested her chin on one hand. 'This is about this evening, isn't it?'
I nodded, my head down.
'Let me guess. You've had a taste, and now you want more?' She raised her eyebrows, questioningly.
I was shocked. Me? Come begging for more? Like Oliver Twist? Never mind it was cheeky, it was embarrassing. 'No!'
'No? You didn't like it then?'
'No, it's not that either. It's just, I… I wish you and master would stop playing with me like this. I'm not some kind of Cindy doll for you to feed and mess about with when you're bored and ignore when you're not. Giving me orders to kill people, that's okay, I'd expect that. But ordering me to lick you? Isn't that sexual harassment or something? I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude…'
She looked at me funny and then frowned. 'Of course, you're quite right. I didn't know you would see it that way. I suppose I am used to your master's demands, and you are most certainly not him. I meant no harm by it. I felt rather sorry for you, you see. As you say, Alucard seems to have played with you once and then discarded you, making demands of you as a vampire, without any regard for your feelings. I thought perhaps I could encourage you to eat, but my gesture doesn't seem to have been well thought out. I apologise.'
'Oh.. oh no, it's all right. If you were just being nice.' I smiled and blushed. 'Don't apologise. I appreciate it. Really.'
She stood up and stretched her right arm, which must have been stiff from writing. 'So, would you like some more?'
That was a surprise. She laughed at my exclamation. looked at me, waiting for an answer. I realised I did want some more, and not just that, I wanted her, as well. Sometimes, when you're drinking blood, your head gets all mixed up. It's just such a close thing, you know? When you drink someone's blood, you can feel them close to you and the blood's just there and you can smell everything. You get mixed up. You see someone you fancy, and you find yourself thinking about what their blood would taste like and imagining what it'd be like to bite them. And it works the other way round as well. I'm not gay, or bi, at least I don't think so. There were a lot of other girls in the orphanage, but I never felt anything for them. We didn't get to see boys much, so sometimes at night you'd hear two girls in the same bed and you'd know what they were up to, but you didn't say anything because that wasn't fair. No-one would smack them or anything, but you knew the way people would look at them, and that was bad enough. But that's what it was like when I saw her taking her glove off and looking around for something to cut herself with. I'm just saying this so you'll understand the rest of what I did. She did it so easily that I thought she must have done it loads of times before, and when I got closer, I saw there were other scars on her arms and hands. I wondered if that might be why she wore the gloves. She didn't seem like the sort of person who'd cut herself, I know a lot of girls do, but I didn't think she would, so she had to be feeding master. I tried not to think about him sucking at her wrists, because it made me feel uncomfortable. She took a razor blade out of her desk drawer and ran it across the hard bit of bone on the outside of her wrist and looked up at me.
'Well? Why are you still over there?'
I noticed what a wally I was being, just standing there and hurried over and around the desk. She sat down on the edge and offered me her wrist, which was wet with blood.
'Remember, no biting. I realise you aren't male, but I'd rather not take the risk, hm?'
'Would you like to kneel? Alucard sometimes likes to kneel. I have no idea why, and frankly, I don't want to know.'
That made me stare, but I didn't want to know either. 'Do you want me to kneel, sir?'
'I honestly don't mind either way, now would you just drink, before I bleed to death?'
'Sorry!' I took her wrist and pressed it to my mouth. I thought it was a bit funny that she was the knight and I was the woman, here was me kissing her hand. I carefully licked at the cut, trying not to let my teeth touch her, but as soon as I tasted that wonderful stuff, I forgot about being careful. I just wanted to fill myself up with it. It was so hard to control my tongue. I felt like a cat, licking a bowl of cream. It was just so good. I looked up at her so I'd know if it was starting to hurt. Her face was completely blank. She wasn't smiling, or frowning, or enjoying it, or anything. She was just completely blank, looking at me. There was nothing in her eyes. But the smells coming off her, they were different. She definitely smelled like she was enjoying it, and she didn't like that she was enjoying it. I wondered why, then I thought about master. She wouldn't want him to know she was enjoying it, she'd hate that. So she must always put this face on so he wouldn't know, but I bet he knew, because I bet he can smell things loads of times better than I can! It made me think how much control she must have over herself. That made me think how amazing she was. And the blood made me think how pretty she was, which is why I kissed her. It makes you think funny. I stopped sucking at her hand and pulled her arm down and pulled her close to me and kissed her. She tasted like tobacco and tea and metal, but that might have been the blood. Her glasses went click when I leaned on them. When I kissed her, she went all stiff, but when I moved away, her eyes were closed, and it took a little while for her to open them. I thought she'd be angry, but she wasn't, just surprised.
'What was that?' She said, laughing a little.
'Er… thank you?'
'Really.' She didn't sound convinced and the corner of her mouth turned up a little so I just had to kiss it again. I thought about how much stronger than her I was, and how easy it'd be to hold her down and keep kissing her. She was a bit bigger than me, but that didn't matter because I was a vampire. I very, very gently and slowly pushed her onto her back on the table. I didn't want to hurt her, ever. . She wasn't glass, even though she seemed to be, but she could still break. I don't notice when the blood is making me do things like this. It's like being drunk, you think it's all fine at the time and then you wake up next morning and realise what you did and go 'Oh no!' and then your head hurts. I pulled away and looked down at her. She was confused, and she wasn't hiding it. Maybe she didn't think I could hurt her, or she wasn't expecting I could ever do things like this, but was worried that maybe I would. Normally, I wouldn't.
'Seras? Seras, this is a sin.'
'Where does it say that in the bible?'
'Sodom and Gomorrah?' They made us go to church at the orphanage. 'That was just men, wasn't it? I don't think God says anything about girls anywhere.'
'No, I don't think he does, not specifically about women. But we both know it's a sin.'
'I don't care.' I kissed her again. I wasn't sure what was better, her blood or kissing her. They get all mixed up. 'Besides.' I said, when I stopped. 'I'm a vampire, I'm evil, so everything I do is a sin. When I die I'm going to hell whatever I do.'
'Aren't you concerned about my immortal soul?'
'When God asks, say I made you.'
She laughed, but it was nervous. I think I was frightening her. She wasn't used to me being like this. I think she remembered what I was like when I was killing the Valentine Brothers' ghouls and I went a bit crazy, and was wondering if I was going like that. She looked very scared then, and she put her arm around me to stop me. That was brave of her. I kissed her again and without really thinking about it, I started to undo her tie and shirt and kiss her neck. She twitched under me. I looked up.
'I won't bite you, I promise. I'll never, ever hurt you.' It was true. Even though I could feel the blood just under her skin, and it would be so easy to break through and get at it, she was the only one who'd felt sorry for me. She was worth a hundred of master. Inside, she was warm, and brave and a knight who fought to save the world from darkness. I completely forgot that she'd ordered those police men killed in Brazil.
'I believe you.'
I kissed her collar bone, carefully. I didn't want to let my teeth touch her, in case she moved again. She was warm and wonderful, and I felt how cold I was, compared to her. I felt her let out a tiny gasp of air. So she was enjoying it. That made me happy. I wanted to make her happy. I pulled her tie loose. It didn't occur to me to wonder why she wasn't trying to stop me. I think she didn't really understand what was going on. I got her shirt unbuttoned right down to her bra.
'I could order you to stop, you know.'
'Go on then.' I said, sliding the left-hand cup down so I could get at her nipple. It was pink and full of blood, near the surface. I could smell it. I carefully licked it and she stiffened underneath me. They're a funny shape, nipples. I explored it with my tongue. It seemed like I'd done almost everything with my tongue that night. It was the thing that connected her and me. With it she gave me happiness, and with it I could give her happiness back. I really wanted to give her something back.
I looked up, because I thought she was going to tell me to stop, but she didn't follow it on with anything. She just said my name like that, hissing the esses. Her eyes were closed and she put her hand up to straighten up her glasses as I watched. She wriggled, making the paperwork underneath us brush together. Her body moving underneath mine made a hot flush go through me and I blushed. I moved on to the other nipple, and when my tongue first touched it, she gasped. I realised she was letting this happen, letting her ice-queen-ness melt. I didn't know why, and it seems strange to me now that she would, but it didn't at the time, because her blood was running through me, and a lot of hormones on top of that. Maybe she thought I was harmless, so it didn't matter. If it had been a man, she'd probably have shoved him off, but because it was little old me. She put her hands on my shoulders and pushed me a little. I didn't know if she was trying to push me off, or push me down, but I thought if she was trying to push me off, then she'd probably have pushed a bit harder. I knelt up so I could move down to her trousers, and saw her head tilted to one side and her hair spread out across the desk. I had to turn her head up and kiss her before going down. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me closer. It was like an order. She was ordering me around her body. Even flushed with pleasure, she carried on giving me orders. I kissed her hard, but not hard enough to hurt and reached for her trousers, unbuckling her belt and undoing the button. She didn't stop me, but as I pulled away, I saw her look upwards, then close her eyes and swallow, as if she was bracing herself for something. That made me stop. I wished I knew what was going on inside her head.
She looked at me. 'What?'
'Am I.. hurting you..?'
'No, no. Don't stop. You've come this far, you can't stop now. Go on!'
I nodded, and pulled her trousers off, knickers as well. They were very functional knickers, white, with no frills. She lifted her hips and then her legs to help me get them off. She was very wet, and the smell nearly made me fall over. It was strange seeing one of those from the front, not in a mirror, especially one that was a different colour. I tried to think only about how good I was going to make her feel, and closed my eyes, then I buried myself in her and started to explore a bit. It helps to have a vampire's tongue. We can make them pointy, or longer. I'd certainly never licked one of those before. It tastes a bit like yoghurt, a bit like fish, and a bit like wet dog smells. It's not bad, but I think it must be an acquired taste. I found a bit at the front that made her shiver when my tongue touched it, so I licked there quite a few times, until she twisted a bit and moved it away. Since we were both virgins, I suppose it must have been a new sensation for both of us, me to lick and her to be licked. After I'd explored the front, making guesses based on what I knew about myself, I moved further back and found the hole, which I put my tongue in as far as it would go. That made her gasp and bury her fingers in my hair, pulling on it a bit. That hurt, but I didn't mind as long as I was making her happy. I moved my tongue in and out quickly (vampire tongues really are great…I bet I could pick up a pen and write with it if I wanted) like I did normally with my fingers on myself. Loads of juice leaked out onto my tongue and I swallowed it. Her back arched, and the muscles inside started to squeeze my tongue. I angled it upwards so I was brushing the front as well as inside, as it's good to do both at once and kept going. I could hear little cries from her throat, but she was holding them in, trying to make as little sound as possible. I suppose that was in case Walter or someone saw us. I kept going until I felt her whole body tense underneath me, and then go limp, and the muscle contract and soak my face. I got up, licking my face clean, and then wiped the spit away and looked at her. She was all splayed underneath me, a bit red in the face. Her eyes were closed. She wasn't smiling, but she looked happy. She turned her head to face me and half opened her eyes before pushing her glasses, which had slipped down a bit, back into place.
'Seras.' She said, and there was a smile in her voice.
'I just wanted to make you happy.' I said. 'You know, because you were nice to me.'
She sat up and laid her hand on my face. 'Seras, you don't have to explain. I enjoyed it, really.'
She nodded. I smiled and hugged her. I was so happy.
'Oof, careful, don't break me.'
She kissed me, a little peck on the lips.
'I love you.' I said, hopelessly. 'I'm sorry.' I think I was starting to go back to normal, and I was feeling embarrassed and stupid about what I'd done.
She looked surprised. 'And there I thought you were just a hungry vampire on heat. Silly girl. I said, I enjoyed it, and I meant it. Perhaps we were both a little silly. I shall have to stop giving you blood if you do this every time. Imagine if Walter or your master walked in on us!'
I had to stop myself from laughing, and covered my mouth. It would be very serious if they did.
'Now, I think it would be best if we went to bed, hmm?'
'Yes, of course sir.' I said, quickly. I wanted to get away. She might be all right about it now in the afterglow, but what about later? I turned to go.
'Where do you think you're going?'
'Eh? To bed…'
'I meant together.'
I nearly fell over.