It's short, but Lockhart is such an idiot that I couldn't help but write this.
Disclaimer: You already know that I don't own Harry Potter...wish I could though.
Front Page of the Prophet
Harry groaned as he heard what he was coming to consider the most deadly words in the world.
"It can't be Harry Potter?"
Harry cursed fiercely under his breath when he realized that it was worse than he originally imagined, the man who had shouted out the question was a photographer. Before Harry could do anything the man had snapped a picture just as some bloody blond ponce threw an arm about his shoulder as if they were best mates.
The man was also busy spouting off a load of crap that sounded like, "when young Harry here stepped into Flourish and Blotts today, he only wanted to buy my autobiography—" but Harry was too busy reacting to pay any attention to the windbag.
Right as the flash on the camera went off and Harry felt the unfamiliar arm around his shoulder his elbow was driving backwards to connect painfully with the man's groin, causing the pompous idiot to double over and fall to the floor in pain. Mere seconds later, Harry saw his father appear at his side to shield him from anyone else who attempted to approach him while Trevor had the blond peacock at wand point.
"If you ever touch Harry, or even come near him again, you will regret it," Trevor hissed so that only Lockhart could hear, causing the man to pale dramatically even as he was being fussed over by a group of besotted old biddies.
Without further ado Manuel, Trevor, Harry, Blaise, and the Weasley's left the bookstore; Mrs. Weasley fretting all the while on whether Gilderoy Lockhart was okay or not.
Unfortunately for Harry, the picture did indeed make the front page of the Daily Prophet the next day. Yet what mystified the wizarding world was that while Gilderoy Lockhart was waving wildly from the picture, the figure of Harry Potter remained completely still as if he was encased in stone. That was until Harry Potter himself looked at the picture that graced the front page of the paper—
As if the Photo-Harry had been waiting for the moment that his real self would gaze upon the picture he sprang to life, beating the living shit out of one Gilderoy Lockhart to the dismay of many witches all over England; the wizards were cheering the boy-who-lived on. Harry himself couldn't help but smirk as his photo-self amused itself:
Photo-Harry elbowing Lockhart in the groin and kneeing him in the face, breaking the man's nose and dropping him to the ground before steeping down hard on the man's family jewels—
Photo-Harry dropkicking Lockhart—
Photo-Harry giving Lockhart one hell of a shiner that caused Lockhart to try and hide until Photo-Harry dragged him back out for more—
Photo-Harry taking up boxing lessons on the only punching bag available—
Lockhart throwing up all over himself after Photo-Harry aimed a well-placed kick to his abdomen—
But perhaps the best, and definitely most satisfyingly gruesome was Photo-Harry pulling a dagger and gutting Lockhart in order to strangle the narcissistic ponce with his own steaming entrails—
Harry grinned as he carefully clipped the animated photo from the paper; this was definitely one for the scrap books.
Unfortunately a special edition of the Daily Prophet went out that very afternoon stating that someone had used dark magic to curse the photo taken of Harry and Lockhart, thus all copies were being recalled. A new picture graced the front page of the special edition and it only featured a grinning Lockhart, though if one looked fast enough they could catch a grimace of pain crossing the blond author's face and it sometimes appeared as if he was trying to shield his crotch…
Hope you liked!