DISCLAIMER: I don't own Final Fantasy X. Square does. I don't own Final Fantasy X-2. Square does. And if there's a Final Fantasy X-3, I PROBABLY don't own that.
Ah… the Calm. The unexciting, BORING age of… Calm. Everything in the Calm is Calm. Even parties are Calm. If you want to 'party-hardy' instead, you must, 'party-calm.' But no one does that. It doesn't rhyme.
Anyway, with this wonderful Calmness going on, you have to wonder what those that BROUGHT it are doing! Well, I'll tell you right now; They were enjoying it. Except for everyone that died. Yeah… they're probably not enjoying it.
Tidus and Yuna were, though. They were having a grand old time living in their wonderful, multi-purpose Honeymoon Mansion. It's a super secret building so don't even try and find it on the map of Final Fantasy 10.
Here, Tidus and Yuna are living out their peaceful, post-game lives together, since they can't POSSIBLY be bothered to save the world from evil beetles or people with gravity defying hair again. The multi-purpose mansion had everything they needed to be happy in. It even had a giant Blitzball Pool for Tidus to play Blitzball in! YAY! Because we know how much that crazy boy loves Blitzball.
Everyday after school, Tidus ran over to all of his friend's houses and called them over to play Blitzball with him. Just kidding. He doesn't go to school. He did go around getting them though.
But today… TODAY… he didn't. Because today, Tidus had made a horrible discovery. A terrible discovery. A EARTH SHATTERING DISCOVERY!
" Hey, Tidus!" Called Chumba, from outside the mansion with a large group of Tidus's Blitzball buddies, knocking on the door. " Aren't we gonna play Blitzball today?"
" Uh… well…" Came the reply from behind the door.
" WELL?!" Chumba demanded because he's really impaitent.
" No… I don't think I'm really feeling all that well today, guys. Sorry!" Tidus called in a voice that didn't sound very sick.
" But you're the ONLY person with a Blitzball Stadium in their house!" Chumba yelled as if it were the end of the world. As you can see, Chumba REALLY likes to play Blitzball. He likes it more than ANYTHING. Even eating PRINGLES.
And Chumba really likes to eat Pringles.
" Well, SORRY, but I'm not feeling well!" Tidus argued, starting to get a little angry.
" WELL, JUST WATCH US PLAY!" Chumba bellowed.
" NO! I DON'T WANNA WATCH YOU PLAY!" Tidus shouted back.
Chumba WAS going to break the door down but luckily his friend's managed to stop him. Then they dragged him off to some pool so he could pretend to play Blitzball before he hurt someone or something.
" You're not feeling well?" Yuna said in a concerned voice, seeing Tidus watch them go away from the window.
" Well… not REALLY." Tidus admitted sheepishly.
" Then… you…LIED?" Yuna said in a slow, not really understanding the situation voice. Because after all, she's probably never lied in her whole entire LIFE.
" Yeah…" Tidus said. " But it's because I didn't want to play Blitzball."
" You didn't want to play BLITZBALL?" Yuna asked in an amazed voice. " But you love Blitzball more than ANYTHING in the entire world. Even ME."
" That's true, Yuna. There's a lot of things I love more than you. But… I have come to a realization…" Tidus said darkly. " About Blitzball."
Tidus looked around the room at all the paintings of blitzballs he had hanging, and his lovesack that looked like a blitzball, and the chandelier that looked like a blitzball, and the giant statue he had made of himself holding a blitzball. He looked down at his shirt that said, ' I LIVE FOR BLITZBALL.' Even his Chocobo had a bumper sticker on it's ass that said, ' Wark if you love Blitzball!'
" I have realized that… Blitzball SUCKS." Tidus said shamefully.
" WHAT? REALLY? NO!" Yuna gasped, trying to hide the fact that she had always though that too. " But you've been obsessed with Blitzball since you were a little boy!"
" Yeah! And what a stupid thing to be obsessed with! I mean, look at me, 'DUH, I kick a ball around in the water! It's like… SOCCER! Only with water! How BRILLIANT!'" Tidus said in a voice he imagined would sound like the guy who invented Blitzball and did a crazy little Irish jig. Because the creator of Blitzball was IRISH! That's right…
" Well… whenever I do something I don't like, I just pretend to LAUGH." Yuna said.
" But if I laughed underwater I'd drown! That's another problem! Blitzball isn't just STUPID AND UNORIGINAL, it's DANGEROUS." Tidus said.
" NO? REALLY?!" The whole world screamed.
" REALLY!" Tidus replied. " Playing Blitzball is dangerous to my health!" Of course, he's ALREADY done things dangerous to his health, like fighting Fiends, skateboarding down a rope, and fighting Sin but… OH WELL!
Yuna thought about this for awhile, but couldn't come to any conclusion in her head because she's just… dumb like that. " Well, Tidus, what are you going to do?" She asked.
" I'm going to make… a NEW game! A BETTER game!" Tidus pledged with fire blazing in the background. " A game that won't JUST be challenging and fun… it'll be SAFE!"
" IMPOSHIBIBBLE!" Shouted Shoopuf Dude.
" It's not impossible! You can do anything if you put your mind to it!" Tidus said as inspirational music began to play in the background. And so, Tidus began his journey to make a better game than Blitzball! A new game! Called…
Actually, that just sounds a little strange. And wrong. So it will be called…
Tidus's Great Idea!
" First things first… I have to get rid of EVERYTHING that reminds me of Blitzball, or it'll be too distracting to me as I try to plan out my NEW game." Tidus said, giving the mansion a disgusted look.
" Good idea! Let's donate it all to charity!" Yuna exclaimed.
" NO! I don't even want to THINK about children playing such a BORING and DANGEROUS game like Blitzball! We burn it! BURN IT ALL!" Tidus yelled overzealously.
"Okay…" Yuna said uncomfortably, starting to think Tidus was going a little far, but she's Yuna so she probably won't say anything! DA-HUCK!
" Yuna, go outside, summon Ifrit and tell him to make… a BONFIRE!" Tidus said, starting already to pick up all his Blitzball swag.
" Okay…" Yuna repeated, and walked outside. Yes, she can summon all her Aeons. Yes, I know she loses all of them at the end of the game. But do I CARE? No. No I do not.
" PLEASE HELP US!" Yuna said in a really overdramatic voice like she always does, and summoned Ifrit.
" Och! What be it lassie? Some scurvy fiend botherin' ye?" Ifrit demanded in a random scottish accent, appearing in a great burst of flame.
" Oh, great Ifrit… make me a giant bonfire!" Yuna said in the same overdramatic voice.
Ifrit drew himself up in an offended manner. " A bonfire?! A BONFIRE?! Okay." Then he made a giant bonfire appear in front of them. " If only ye would ask me to do such easy things more often! I could 'elp ye roast marshmallows…"
" Yuna! I've got the first sack of Blitzball stuff!" Tidus called, pulling a massive bag of Blitzball stuff towards them.
"…barbecue…" Ifrit was still saying.
" Good! I got Ifrit to make a bonfire. Ifrit?" Yuna said to Ifrit who was still talking to himself.
"…get rid of legal documents- Och. What do ye want, lassie?" Ifrit asked Yuna.
" Thanks for the good work." Said Yuna.
" Why, yer welcome." Said Ifrit. Then he just sat there like he BELONGED there.
Tidus and Yuna shifted uneasily and waited for him to dissapear. But he didn't. Finally, Tidus spoke up. " Hey, Ifrit, aren't you gonna dissapear now that you've done what we ask and go back to wherever it is you Aeons go?"
" Do I normally do that?" Ifrit asked in a surprised voice.
" Well… YEAH…" Said Tidus and Yuna.
" Well, I do no' ken that I do! That's funny! I suppose ah just normally did it witho' thinkin'!" Ifrit chuckled like Kureno. Then he just sat there again.
" Well, aren't you going to DO it now?" Tidus pressed.
" I would, but now I dinna remember where I went! I guess I'm just stuck 'ere with ye!" Ifrit said. " That IS okay, is it no'?" He added anxiously.
" Well… I guess. There's plenty of room in the mansion…" Yuna said uneasily.
" WOO-HOO!" Ifrit cheered and ran into the house and jumped onto the couch, burnt it to little pieces, grabbed the remote and started watching 'Scrubs.' Yuna and Tidus blinked.
" MOST people get a Gold Retriever… I get a HELLHOUND!" Tidus said outloud, but then no one laughed and he was sad because well, HE thought it was funny.
" Okay… goodbye Blitzball… hello… NEW BALL!" Tidus exclaimed, throwing the sack of Blitzball memorilia into the fire. Unfortunately, there was a blitzball filled with gasoline among the swag, and it caused a GIANT EXPOLOSION!
But that's okay. Tidus and Yuna are INVINCIBLE and it didn't hurt them. It DID make a big hole in their mansion, but that's a SMALL price to pay to get rid of that offensive Blitzball stuff! Ach!
" Now that I've rid my mansion of Blitzball… I can finally think about my NEW game! Like what kind of theme song will be the official anthem for it!" Tidus said proudly.
" What about this giant statue of you?" Yuna asked, pointing to the giant statue of Tidus holding the Blitzball.
"Well… I don't find the STATUE offensive. Let's just get rid of the Blitzball." Said Tidus and they cut the Blitzball out and then it was just a plain old crazy statue not holding anything. " I'll put the NEW game's ball there once I've got it all figured out."
" OCH! Ye' got a bonny hole in the side of yer house, do you ken?" Ifrit exclaimed, peering out the hole of the house.
"…WHAT?" Tidus asked, not understanding the strange language that is…scottish accent.
" Don't worry. I'll call a team of carpenters to fix that." Said Yuna, and then went to go get the Yellow Pages so she could SUMMON a carpenter! Get it? GET IT? SUMMON?! As in SUMMONer?! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HA!
" You do that." Tidus said in an uninterested voice. " MEANWHILE, I'll start planning my new game. First, I'll say what my game ISN'T going to have."
" Aye, I'm right behind ye, laddie!" Ifrit said, deciding to stick around and watch Tidus since Scrubs was over.
" First of all… NO WATER. I am SO through with water." Tidus stated.
" Aren't we all?" Ifrit said with a wise nod of the head.
" Second of all… we need cool UNIFORMS. And mascots. Not just whatever we happen to be wearing on." Tidus continued.
" That's right!" Ifrit cheered, having no idea what Tidus was talking about.
" And don't forget-"
" HEY!" Tidus gave a start and turned around to see his friends Chumba, Gumba, and Wumba staring at him. They weren't the least bit surprised at seeing Ifrit. He IS Ifrit after all. He's very well known.
" I thought you said you were sick!" Chumba said, pointing a vindictive finger.
" I'm sorry you guys… I lied to you." Tidus said, hanging his head. " But! I have a very good reason for doing so."
" And what's THAT?" Chumba asked.
" I've decided to make a new game to play! If you guys want, you can join my committee on making it!" Tidus said enthusiastically. Just so you know, Tidus's idea of a committee is a bunch of guys sitting around, eating pizza and drawing pictures on notebook paper. It's not like he got smart all of a sudden or anything.
" Why do we need a new game to play? We've already got Blitzball." Chumba reasoned, so blind in his love of Blitzball, that he couldn't even comprehend the fact of wanting to play something else.
" Well… that's kind of my point. I don't WANT to play Blitzball anymore. So I'm making a new game to replace Blitzball." Tidus said in that special, naïve Tidus way.
Chumba froze and stared at Tidus, because that statement had just warped his fragile, Blitzball obsessed mind. Gumba and Wumba… aren't very important, and are only there so we can have a rhyme scheme.
" A game to REPLACE Blitzball? You must be… CRAZY." Chumba said in a very stupid way.
" I'm not crazy!" Tidus chuckled like Kureno. " On the contrary, I think anyone who WANTS to play Blitzball is crazy."
" Is that a CHALLENGE?" Chumba said in a random british accent.
" Well… no… not really…" Tidus said uneasily. Tidus is a pretty easy-going guy after all.
" I will fight you… for the honor of my people… for the honor of… BLITZBALL!" Chumba yelled overdramatically.
" You don't really HAVE to." Tidus said. " I never said you had to stop playing Blitzball. You can just go off and play your game with a potential unhealthy amount of cholorine."
" THAT'S IT! You and me! Right here! Right now! I'm gonna knock your bleach blonde head in!" Chumba yelled, and began shadow boxing like a fool.
" HEY! It's natrual!" Tidus shouted and got ready to fight. At first it had just been a matter of manly pride. Now, it was a matter of HAIR.
" Bring it!" Chumba said, hopping around in circles.
Tidus was just ABOUT to bring it, when Ifrit blocked his way and shook his head. " No, laddie! Now is no' the time for fightin'! Remember yer pledge to make a sport that is SAFE for everyone! How are people to ken it's safe if ye are knockin' this blighter about?"
" By the BLUE MOONS OF GANYMEDE, you're RIGHT, Ifrit!" Tidus realized, and shook his head. " I'm sorry, Chumba. But I'm going to be like Gandhi. And Gandhi doesn't play Blitzball."
" Chickens also don't play blitzball." Said Tidus.
" ARGH!" Said Chumba. " You just wait! I'll be back, and then we'll see whatever SISSY game you make is compared to the great legacy of… BLITZBALL!" Then he ran away randomly.
" Don't worry. WE believe in you and will join your committee!" Gumba said, hoping to make up for the EMBARASSING conduct of his older brother.
" I've never BEEN on a committee!" said Wumba, beside himself with excitement.
" Well… now you will, Wumba. Now you will." Tidus said.
" An' I will be President!" Ifrit said and started doing a scottish jig.
" No you won't! I will!" Tidus exclaimed.
" Oh…" Said Ifrit. " Can ah be vice-president?"
" No." Said Tidus, and thought about it for awhile. " You can be our bouncer."
" Oh, bonny!" Ifrit cheered and started doing his little jig again.
" A BOUNCER? We have our own CLUB?" Wumba gasped.
" No. But we will someday!" Tidus promised, just making this stuff up off the top of his head.
" WE CAN HARDLY WAIT!" Shouted Gumba and Wumba.
" Hello!" Said a man with a construction hat appearing out of nowhere. Everyone jumped and turned around to stare at him.
" Who are you?" Tidus asked.
" I'm That Buddy Barn Guy from Buddy Barn Fix Em Up!" Said That Buddy Barn Guy, appearing in every single Shoopuf Dude story I ever write in my life. " I'm here to fix up the giant whole in your mansion!"
" Well, THAT'S handy!" Tidus chuckled like Kureno. They then watched That Buddy Barn Guy walk up to the hole.
" Hmm…" Said That Buddy Barn Guy. " That's a pretty big hole. But with the power of… CEMENT. I think I can fix it."
" It's a good thing you have the power of cement at your side!" Wumba said, because he's easily impressed.
" That's right, sonny jim. Now you kids get back to whatever it was you were doing." Said that Buddy Barn Guy.
" OH-KAY!" Said the new Committee and ran inside to get the pencil and paper and milk and cookies.
" And what are you doing?" That Buddy Barn Guy asked Ifrit who had stationed himself in front of the door like he belonged there.
" Ah'm the BOUNCER." Ifrit informed That Buddy Barn Guy.
" Ah… I see…" That Buddy Barn Guy, and thought, ' They get weirder everyday.'
Hello! My name is Hayley Wallace. You may know me from such other fanfics such as Random Adventures with Final Fantasy 7 Cast and Shoopuf Dude. If you do, then yes, I've still got PLENTY of fresh ideas. Shoo-Ball is going to be a bit like both of them, but there'll be more separate storylines going on at once here.
This Omake is where I answer questions you ask in your reviews! Questions about the story, questions about life… Just ask some questions, dammit.
Also, yes, questions can still be sent to Bigfoot. He does exist. And he works for ME. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
So, please, review this story, ask a question, get tired, brush your teeth, wash your face, and then just go to sleep.