I was looking through my older stories and came across this one. I like this story, but I can see some huge flaws. I thought I might try and rewrite it, beginning with this new and improved first chapter. Any comments, criticism etc would be more than welcome.
Nicole Julian was drunk, achingly, ragingly drunk. Eyes blurred, head aching, she welcomed the sudden silence as her car rolled to a stop. Everything went black. When she woke, minutes later, it was to the sound of rain pelting down on the roof.
Brooke…oh god…Brookie. What did I do?
From somewhere nearby she could hear Spam crying, could hear sirens and the crunch of booted feet on broken glass.
Nicole let her head drop forward, pillowed against the steering wheel.
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
"Nicole? Nicole open the door. Open the door please Nicole."
Slowly, Nicole forced her eyes open. Blood ran from a cut on her forehead down the right side of her face. Her eyelashes were matted together with blood.
"Come on Nicole. Open the door. We need to check on you."
Grimacing, Nicole wound down her window slightly. "Fuck off," she slurred. The alcohol was quickly wearing off, to be replaced by the knowledge that she'd hit her head pretty hard when her car, swerving, had hit the telegraph pole it was currently embedded in. Rain poured in the open window, and through the cracked windshield.
Nicole Julian passed out; just as the ambulance, carrying Brooke McQueen left the accident site.
"Brooke?" Nicole looked around. She was on a beach, it was a cloudy day and the water was grey/green and fierce. Brooke sat cross legged on the sand, smiling welcomingly.
"C'mere," Brooke coaxed, holding her arms out.
Nicole grinned, widely, impossibly. Her heart lifted, so happy she felt like singing. She took one step, one solitary step towards the other blonde and felt the world tilt and twist beneath her perfectly manicured feet.
The sand began to run away beneath her. A burst of pain shot through her from her left foot, all the way up to her thigh. Brooke smiled, and continued to gesture welcomingly as Nicole began to sink into the sand, painful foot first.
"C'mere Nicole…Nicole Julian."
Gasping, Nicole woke.