((A/N: Yay! I have two contest winners! The first, The Phantom Wolf, got the answer right (yep, Inigo's dad's killer had 6 fingers), and Rainbow26's answer I loved so much that I have to put her/him in! Okay, Phantom Wolf and Rainbow, if you could please tell me your gender, and give me a name (it doesn't have to be your own), it would be greatly appreciated! But if I don't get them by the time I post the next chapter, I'll have to make it up, so hurry!

Also, I apologize for the fact that this chapter is so short, and for the fact that I have none of the little previews I wrote at the bottom of Chapter 3. I'm just so tired and I want to get this chapter over with. Anywho, on with the story!))

No Thanks To Hermione

By Padfoot's Sidekick

Chapter 4: War

Suddenly, I heard footsteps coming down the hall, so I ducked behind a suit of armor. As I peeked around it, I saw Professor McGonagall speed walk toward the Fat Lady's painting, who happened to be asleep. I don't know what the deal with McGonagall's speed walking is, but for some strange reason, she always does it. Then a thought hit me: if the Transfiguration-teaching, power-walking lady saw me, I was toast. Literally.

"Excuse me," McGonagall said to the sleeping portrait. The Fat Lady only snored. "Excuse me," she said a bit louder. Snore. Snore. Snooore! "WAKE UP!" the professor finally yelled.

The Fat Lady woke with a start. "Sorry? Yes?" she said drowsily. "Oh, hello Professor! What can I do for you?"

"Peach blossom," growled McGonagall.

"Well!" huffed the Fat Lady, and opened with a slight humph!

Now was my chance. I sprinted down the hallway, around a couple corners, and down a few flights of stairs. I soon found myself outside of the Great Hall. Suddenly, I heard screams and shouts coming from inside. What the heck! Great. Just great. With my luck this past week, we were probably being attacked by Death Eaters, or giant tadpoles, or the shepherd's pie, or . . .

I stuck my head in the Great Hall, hoping to get a clue as to what in Merlin's name was happening in there, and guess what I got?

If you guessed an early Christmas present, than you're wrong.

For those of you who guessed a great glob of purple slime in the face, then you've just won a million galleons!


But you were correct. As soon as I wiped the slime out of my eyes, I saw what had happened.

Fred and George Weasley had come out with a new product.

It looked like those little plastic water pistols that little Muggle boys liked to annoy little Muggle girls with, except for the fact that instead of squirting water everywhere, they were spewing up slime. Purple slime. It stuck to everything: tables, chairs, floors, walls, the enchanted ceiling, small children, Dumbledore's beard, Professor Snape's nose . . .

Speaking of Snape, he was currently glaring at everyone and everything, trying to get the little kiddies to settle down, but everybody just ignored him. So then he tried to get people's attention by waving his arms and shouting (which is nothing like him, Hogwarts had seriously gone to the dogs), but all that did was land him with several golf ball-sized blobs of violet-colored slime in the hair and nose. At least he has to wash his hair now.

While all this was happening, most of the other teachers were diving for cover, all except McGonagall, who was probably tearing the Gryffindor Tower apart trying to look for me; Alex, the DADA professor, who was sleeping on the head table; and Albus Dumbledore, who seemed to not have realized that the Great Hall had turned into a war zone. I will never understand him.

Okay, so I'm on the run and there is a large purple-slime-war in the Great Hall. What do I do?

Anyone have a spare gun?


Rainbow26: Thank you! Yeah, I know, "sublime" is an awesome word:-) (Please look at the Author's Note at the top of the page for more!)

The Phantom Wolf: Yeah, I totally know how you feel about The Princess Bride. At least, I think I do. I've never read the book, but I've seen the movie. I'm going to Vroman's Bookstore soon (with a $25 gift certificate, thanks Tori!), so I'll get the book while I'm there! Anywho, thanks for the review! (Please look at the Author's Note at the top of the page for more!)

Dragon Rider22: OMG! Thank you SO much for the little soap opera clip! It's exactly what I needed!

Praise for Chapter 2:

Dragon Rider22: Thanks:-)