-Love's Lost Refrain

Songfic To: Melodies of Life, from Final Fantasy 9

Genre- Angst, Post-death-fic

Summary: She could still remember his last words to her- they were the only part of him that she could remember and still smile at. Right before he had died, he had asked her to marry him… No, he had never finished the question.

AN: This is rather depressing, I think. Not as depressive as it could have been, though. But I'm just letting you know before you start to read it. –smiles-


Alone for a while
I've been searching through the dark

Sango stumbled along the pathway, her breath heavy. It was no longer noontime, and the last hours of daylight had nearly disappeared into the blackness of night. She wondered briefly if Miroku was still alive living somewhere… But she slowly forced herself to stop thinking about him. He was dead, swallowed up by the void in his hand, not even able to fight Naraku. He had disappeared slowly in front of her own eyes, and she hadn't been able to do anything at all.

For traces of the love you left
Inside my lonely heart

She could still remember his last words to her- they were the only part of him that she could remember and still smile at. Right before he had died, he had asked her to marry him… No, he had never finished the question. He had only said that he had loved her and then he had disappeared into himself. But Sango knew that was what he was going to say, at least in her heart. It was not easy to be certain about this any more. For every time she tried to think of him there was another feeling than what she had felt before, this feeling was dark, cold, and unwelcome. She was a longing for comfort, his comfort. Oh, how everyday she awoke thinking she would see him standing there watching her sleep as he often did when he thought she was asleep; but most of the time in reality, she would awake and watch him before pretending to get up. But he wasn't there anymore and she awoke to this feeling, the feeling of complete loneliness.

To weave by picking up
The pieces that remain
Melodies of life
Love's lost refrain

She knew her heart was mending slowly, and that it would gradually get better but her heart ached so much and she wanted the pain to go away. No- she wanted Miroku to be next to her, to tell her stories and jokes, to hold her hand when she was afraid and sometimes even when she wasn't. And even though she had called him a pervert and said she hated it when he did such things to her, she would never even hit him for twice the lechery if she just had him back so she could be safe in his arms. He had taught her a song that his mother used to sing him and since his mother has died, only they had known the melody. Sometimes when she couldn't sleep she would ask him to sing it to her and he would her head in his lap and sing until she fell asleep… and then he would quietly sneak away back to his own bed. She had loved his voice… Deep yet not too deep, handsome, and familiar, yes… so familiar to her. But now that he was gone his voice was almost like a strangers when she remembered it, and the song he used to sing made her feel hollow inside.

Our paths they did cross
Though I cannot say just why
We met we laughed we held on fast
And then we said goodbye
And who'll hear the echoes of stories never told?
Let them ring out loud till they unfold

And, oh, how her heart ached at the simple, yet beautiful words of the song. And, still… how she resented them. Some nights, she nearly screamed in frustration, in the dark, of the stark truth presented to her through the smooth-flowing words…

In my dearest memories
I see you reaching out to me
Though you're gone, I still believe that you can call
Out my name

It was a wonder that she was even breathing, now. A piece of her being had been ripped from her in a matter of moments… though, at the time… it had seemed like an eternity. Holding his hand when the sharp aching pains had first begun… And running for cover as the wind tunnel opened wide to take him away from her.

A voice from the past
Joining your's and mine
Adding up the layers of harmony

And she prayed harder than she ever had, in all her life. Her hands clasped in front of her, knuckles so white that they might as well have been transparent… She had begged and pleaded for his life. She had sobbed on her knees, pleading at anyone who would listen to her.

And so it goes on and on
Melodies of life
To the sky beyond the flying birds

But it had done her no good. She had waited one moment too long, one day too long… one life too long. Miroku's life was out of her hands, was out… was… And, for a split second, before the wind tunnel closed… she had a spark of hope. It ignited momentarily in her bosom, spreading hope through her veins.

But her hope died… crashing into the shores of despair and loneliness the very second that the loud 'clap' of thunderous power reached her ears.

The wind tunnel… had closed. It was sealed forever, and it would never open again. Nothing in the world would open it. And in the spot Miroku had stood, was his staff… the golden metallic surface gleaming brightly in the summer sun… a complete contrast to her heart.

Forever, and always…
So far and away
See the bird as it flies by
Gliding through the shadows of the
Clouds up in the sky

And, as the wind tunnel closed itself… so did her heart. The pain was already too much to bear, too much to wish away… The disappointment too great.

Her agony too vast.

I've laid my memories and dreams upon those wings
Let them go, and see what tomorrow brings

Everything she had wanted out of her life had been before her. Laid out in front of her in the form of a man with a small smile, and a heart big enough to hold her forever. Her future had gone with the tide… back out to sea, but it would never come close enough for her to grasp again.

In your dearest memories
Do you remember loving me?

And it wasn't fair... Nothing was fair. She was alone in the world, being dashed upon the rocks by the shoreline… Too close to the shore for a boat, yet too far away to swim. She could not save herself…and he wasn't there to save her, either.

For a brief moment, she wondered if he even cared…

Was it fate
That brought us close
And now leaves…
Me behind?

Her memory was faint, her mind numb. And she could barely recall his face… Violet eyes, and hair the color of midnight… A charming demeanor, and… and…

He was fading again… Just like he had that day that the wind tunnel had taken him away. She hated the wind tunnel… She hated the wind. Every time the breeze hit her, she cringed inwardly. And she wondered if perhaps that particular bit of air had been present when the wind tunnel had started to whip around them both…

A voice from the past
Joining your's and mine
Adding up the layers of harmony

When the wind tunnel had blown gusts of air so hard that it nearly knocked her off of her feet… And Miroku had pushed her. He had been in so much pain… but he had shoved her as hard as he was able… hoping that it would be enough to get her far enough away so that she could run.

And she had run.

The anger at herself would never cease. She had run like the coward that she was. She had run away from the only man she had ever truly cared about. And she had hidden herself, out of range of the dark, intimidating void that had been swirling around him.

And so it goes on and on
Melodies of life
To the sky beyond the flying birds
Forever, and…

He had been singing as he let himself be taken… She had heard it in the back of her mind, too afraid to join in, terrified of what she was watching…

And anguished that she was not helping him.

That she could not help.

And once it was all over… she knew that she was, too. She would continue to exist, but never would she live again. Her hopes and dreams were gone… destroyed with the thunderous clap of finality that sealed the wind tunnel.

The nights of romance she had dreamed of… the endless years of wedded bliss…

Children…

They had gone with him.

If I should leave this lonely world behind
Your voice will still remember our melody

It was then that she was aware that she was sitting in the spot that she had marked for his resting place. A small cross shaped from large rocks in the middle of a grassy valley…

And she realized that she was singing softly to herself… her knees at her chest, her arms wrapped tightly around them; rocking back and forth slowly, as if she thought of nothing but her voice, and the thoughts in her head.

Now I know we'll carry on
Melodies of life

She had loved him… She had cared about him, she had tarried in her existence, dreaming of a life with him… Sharing her life with him.

And the hope had sparked at his last words to her…

Sango… I …love you…

Love conquered all, didn't it? Love would free you from your bondages… It would take away all your sorrows, all your fears…. And it would hold you in it's warmth, shielding you from all things wrong.

But love did not save his life. It didn't make the void vanish… Love had done nothing.

Come circle round and grow deep in our hearts
As long as.. we remember

She could faintly hear another voice, singing beside her. And, turning her head, she saw a man with midnight hair, and endless eyes of indigo. For a moment, her mouth curved upwards in a small smile. And he smiled back at her, that charming, handsome smile she adored.

But she wept brokenly.

Because it was all in her mind…


Author Notes: I found this in my computer, ¼ of the way done. I really don't have a clue as to where it was originally intended to go, but I think that I like the way it turned out, overall. Credit to my sister, who had the first three paragraphs roughly sketched out via her keyboard.

The last two lines came to me about halfway through this. I wanted to end it on a different note than my Fire Emblem two-shot, "Melodies of Life"; which ended rather happy, considering it was complete angst.

Let me know what you think. I'd be pleased to hear any criticism, especially. Suggestions that might improve my writing are beyond welcome. I'll invite them into my home for a spot 'o tea. –grin-