Title: Someone To Watch Over Him
Author: Vee017
Archive: Ask Please
Disclaimer: Not mine, if it was Louisa wouldn't have existed.
Rating: PG
Setting/Season: Season 5, they made it out of Seefra, Andromeda's fully functional.
Spoilers: Banks of the Lethe, For Whom the Bell Tolls, The Dissonant Interval Pts.1&2, What Will Be Was Not.
Summary: Near death, Rhade mistakes Beka for Louisa...

Beka sat by Rhade's bedside in Med. Bay running her hand over his still one. What should have been a routine cargo drop had turned into a firefight in which Rhade had been caught between. Weapons firing in every direction and explosions that rocked buildings to the ground. An explosion, a collapse, metal flying.
Blood.
Rhade's.
They had managed to get back to the Maru, Beka piloting back to the Andromeda at top speed while Dylan tried to stem the bleeding. Once they were back and got him to Med. Bay, Trance had looked terrfied. The resident medic with no memories of what to do just stood looking down at the Nietzschean's unresponsive form. Mouth agape trying to recall something...anything...that would save his life. Beka had been just about to pull a gun to her head to make her think faster when something clicked in Trance.
From a scared and terrified girl to a golden warrior known only in a memory, Trance had started barking orders at Beka and Dylan for supplies and nanos. She had then shut them out of Med. Bay.
Once they were allowed back in, Trance had informed them that the bleeding had stopped but Rhade was still near critical. There had been a lot of damage and it would be up to his Nietzschean physiology to heal him the rest of the way. Dylan had carefully asked Trance if she remembered anything from before Seefra, her response was in the negative but she said she felt something come over her. Maybe be in tme she'd start to remember.
Beka sighed as she leaned back in her chair. For he past three hours she had been by his side, watching him, listening to his heart monitor, and making sure he didn't die on them.
Making sure he didn't die on her.
But at the rate he was going, she was really starting to worry.
He had started drinking again; and this time with a vengeance, his dulled reflexes were one of the main reasons that he was now lying in a hospital bed. The drinking had started once they had finally made it out of Seefra. And the first civilization they found just hade to be...a very sick joke of the universe in everyone's opinion...the remnants and survivors of Arkology that had made it to slipstream.
It was a bad place for all of them. Reminders of what they lost, reminders of what Rhade lost, his failures and weaknesses. So much for finding the solution inside yourself.
Beka sighed and brushed his dark hair out of his eyes.
"L...sa?"
"Rhade?" Beka was up and sitting on his bed as he mumbled and turned his face towards her.
"Rhade? Can you hear me?"
She watched him groan and slowly open his eyes with difficulty.
"I...I'm dead."
"No, Rhade you're not dead, you're going to be fine."
"I'm...you are..."
"Rhade?"
His eyes closed and Beka thought he had passed out again. A few seconds later he reopened them and was attempting to focus on her face.
"Rhade? Telemachus?"
"Louisa?"
Beka's eyes widened, it felt like someone had just poured freezing cold water down her throat and it was spreading through her stomach.
Rhade was delusional.
Great.
"No, Rhade, it's me...Beka."
"I...Beka, she's I l...Louisa...I'm sorry...Louisa."
"I...uh..." She watched his eyes lose focus as he fough consciousness. Beka felt a pool of guilt settle over the ice in her stomach at what she was considering doing. Arkology, Louisa, Seefra, Rhade's alcoholism, getting out of Seefra, Arkology again, Rhade's alcoholism...all triggered by Louisa. And he had to let go right? There was nothing wrong with what she was going to do right? She was helping a friend...right?
"Yes, it's me..."
"Louisa why...why'd you?"
"Uh...well um...it, it was my time...to go..." Beka winced. Impersonating a loved one to a hallucinating Nietzschean that was on Trance-knows how many pain killers and nanos. It wasn't that low was it? He needed to hear this, to let go, move on, whatever...maybe he wouldn't even remember this.
"There's nothing..."
"Rha--Telemachus, you're needed here. On the Andromeda, I've seen what you've been doing to yourself and you have to stop. You're going to kill yourself." The more she said the guiltier she felt, but as she built momentum, the easier it seemed until she stopped.
"...want to..."
"You DON'T want to, that had better be what you mean."
"What purpo..."
"Rhade?"
"...want...with you..."
"I--uh..." Beka stroked the side of his face. There was something she remembered...a few years ago, she shouldn't have been playing with personnel files and she didn't mean to see what she did, she didn't even know how it had been recorded... Swallowing the lump in her throat, Beka continued to imitate Louisa as she gave Rhade Sara's last words to Dylan, thinking there wasn't anything else that could make her feel worse than she already did.
"We had our time together..."

>>>

It had been two weeks since Rhade's stay in Med. Bay and he was finally up and around. Not a word was said about their conversation when he was delirious and Beka hoped that it would never come up. Maybe he thought it was a dream, maybe he couldn't remember it, or maybe he did, but whatever was going on with him it was for the better. She had been surprised at Rhade's sudden lack of interest in alcohol.
He quit.
Just like that and on top of that he was actually working. Helping out with repairs and acting like the reliable Weapons Officer he used to be. Well almost. Apparently his injury didn't extend to his growling, eye rolling, or making faces behind Dylan's back.
Beka exhaled as she watched the Nietzschean fit new plating onto the Maru's decks. Something had changed, that much was certain.
"Hey Beka?"
She snapped out of her thoughts, "Yeah?"
"I was just wondering...when I was in Medical, how long were you there with me?"
Beka's stomach clenched. "Um...uh...I visited you a few times."
"Hnnnn..."
"Why?"
Standing, Rhade leaned against the rail and folded his arms, looking pensive.
"I don't know. It was weird. Or maybe I really..."
"Rhade?"
"She was there."
"Who?" asked Beka feigning ignorance. It was a low thing to do, she admitted it, but hey, it worked didn't it? Rhade was back on the horse instead of being dragged by it.
"Louisa. I swear I saw her there...you probably think I'm crazy."
"No, I don't...what'd she say?"
Beka prepared herself for a jumbled repeat of her words but was suddenly confused...that's not what she had said...

>>>

"L...sa?"
"Rhade?" He watched Beka's face fade into darkness as her voice echoed away into the void. Where was he?
"I...I'm dead."
He heard a murmer somewhere in the distance but couldn't make it out. It was so dark.Wasn't he supposed to be in Med. Bay?
"You are."
Light.
Rhade looked at the woman at his bedside.
"I'm dreaming. You aren't here this isn't real."
"You're half right."
He watched as Louisa touched his face, she was surrounded in light.
"Louisa?"
"This is real," she said, "though you're here and your not, you're with Beka."
"I...not with Beka, she's...I l...Louisa..." He took a breath, "I'm sorry...I couldn't save you..."
She was silent, "Louisa?"
"Telemachus?"
"Louisa why...why'd you have to die? And what is this? I don't understand this."
"I don't think you're supposed to, just take something from it."
"There's nothing to take."
"I'm not done yet," she said, "You're in there Telemachus, I know you are. The man you used to be, the man I fell in love with and trust me, you'll find him again."
"I want to, but I don't know how...just look at me..."
"You fell hard. Everything taken from you, from Tarazed to Seefra. Arkology was just the final straw in a long line--"
"Of failures."
"You have a purpose here Telemachus. Whether you believe that or not. And it's something I wasn't meant to be a part of."
"What purpose?"
"You have to go on."
"I want to be with you."
"No. You don't. And one day you'll see that."
"But--"
"Find your place Telemachus, you have a purpose, find yourself. Do it for us..."

>>>

Beka listened in confusion as Rhade continued his version of events. He must have been really out of it if he misheard absolutely everything she had said.
"...and then the hallucinations started."
Beka jumped. When had Rhade moved right in front of her?
"What?"
"I know what I saw, and I know what I saw after it."
"What?"
Beka froze when Rhade kissed the corner of her mouth, "Thanks for trying."
She blinked as he left the engine room and after a few seconds decided to follow him.

>>>

Coming around the bulkhead, Louisa walked down the catwalk to where Beka and Rhade had been standing, winding her hand through the rail and watching it go right through.
She smiled.
Her job was done.
Telemachus would be okay and she could finally move on.
Glancing at the door she smiled again and disappeared into the ether.

>>>
A/N: this I had for a story idea for a while now and just got around to writing it. I don't think I got the emotion right, it was a lot better in my head but this turned out all right...I think...
Rhade saw and heard Louisa and he also saw and heard Beka. There was more to Louisa's speech too but I couldn't think of anything inspiring so I didn't show any more.