"Bakura, please can I have my body back?"
I burn a hole in his chest with my icy stare.
Ra dammit, I've had enough. I let the pathetic Hikari child have control of the body, and sit back to watch as he falls out of the tree.
"Oh, did I forget to mention that I was up a tree?" I say innocently.
A glare back. I guess I have had that one coming.
"And…I was about to throw my breakfast at the Ra-damned Pharaoh."
I suppress a smirk as a bowl of something cold, grey and slimy drops onto Ryou's head. Understandably, Ryou howls.
He will be occupied in the bathroom for a good twenty minutes now, so I will have plenty of time to detail you on my latest plans for world domination. I pause.
"Yes, Ryou will need to wash his hair out," I sigh resignedly.
"Yes, he uses Head and Shoulders no dandruff." I shudder. Personally, I think the porridge makes him look better- slightly rougher, more on the wild side, slightly gloopier too…
Anyway, I must get back. I plunge my soul room into darkness for a more effective scenario. I chuckle heartily, points of my Millennium Ring jangling and glinting. My two demon eyes flash, and in the gloom, eerie music plays. Scared yet?
Now then, I mentioned last time that I would talk about disposing of dictators, but frankly it is a lot harder than it looks. Plus, the success rate of said operations has a little something to be desired.
I mean, take the Gunpowder Plot. How hard can it be to blow up a friggin' building when the only point of resistance is a person wearing a poncy heart who has an extendable sharp weapon of short range? There weren't even any Millennium Items involved. Let me tell you, if it were up to me I would've done it much more stylishly.
To save the expense of hiring a basement, why not enslave a few souls and have them to dig you a secret tunnel? Then, instead of using as unreliable and as volatile as gunpowder, have something much more trustworthy- the good ole Hydrogen Bomb, clean and effective. Of course, acquiring one of those might arouse suspicion so the simplest way of assassination would be to just shoot the Ra-damned Pharaoh…I mean dictator on the spot. After that it is up to you. You can either run away, alerting everyone to you as the traitor, or you can point the blame on someone else.
There are so many things I could say about the JFK assassination- it really puts me to shame how I never stayed behind to check up on the last minute details. You know, the ones where you suddenly remember you left your ID card by the fountain, or you forgot to bring your gun with you. I should've frozen their souls on the spot- the lousy incompetent excuses for an assassin. But by then I was in Hawaii doing the hula and waiting for my success to be announced on live television. I couldn't show my face for ten years after that one. If anyone were to find out-
"Find out what?" Ryou interrupts, emerging from his soul room whilst he dries his locks with a towel.
"Erm…nothing as such…erm, just talking about-" I blather, flailing around for a lifeline.
"You know, you really need to brighten this room."
Then it hits me like a sack of carrots. My face contorts into a wicked grin; Ryou backs away slowly.
"I meant if anyone found out about the spider I left in your towel, Ryou-kins." I say slowly and deliberately, grin spreading wider, eyes alight in a maniac fire. I wait for the crème de la crème.
"Arrrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" A high-pitched scream shatters my eardrums, but I hardly notice for the cackles escaping from my lips as I roll around in my bed of thorns, positively in tears!
How was it?