Ok here it is, at long last chapter 18 n.n I hope you guys enjoy it! 32 pages here people!!! 32!!! Do you have any idea how long it took to write this?? Oo forever!! I sware im gonig to get arthrits in my fingers or something by the end of this from typing so much lol xD.


This is the UNBETAD version of chapter 18, it was only finished last night so my awsome beta has not had a chance to correct it yet. This means there will be mistakes! Deal with them! I'm only putting the chapter up like this because I've kept you guys waiting long enough.

A BETAD version will replaces this chapter as soon as its done.

This chapter has been spel checked so there shouldn't be too many mistakes. Still, there will be some mistakes and i hope you can bare with them for now untill a better version is up.

I want to thank everyone who has reviewed so far. You guys are totaly awsome!! I can't believe people are still reading this considering how slow I am at updating. I will not however, ever stop writting this fict. The story will be completed one day. I promise. So for now, enjoy chapter 18.


The blonds' breath caught in his throat as he heard the words the small pink haired boy in his arms said, his past, those dark haunting nightmares that had stolen his voice. He was about to find out everything and he felt…..scared. Wondering what it was that had scared the boy so badly. He was afraid of what he would find out, of what the other had suffered. But he wouldn't run away from him now. Not when the other needed him most.

He smiled at the other boy, petting his head gently, allowing his fingers to run through the soft strands of cotton candy hair.

"Let me get you a glass of water first." He said a small smile don his face, the boys raspy voice was the most adorable thing he'd heard, the blond decided at that moment, but Shuichi was sure to get a sore throat soon if he didn't have something cool to drink.

As gently as he could Eiri stood, untangling their limbs and heading towards the kitchen to get a glass of water. Violet eyes trained on him constantly. As soon as the older male returned the pink haired boy latched onto him again, as if afraid he might run away.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said softly, handing the other male the glass, "I promise."

Shuichi smiled gratefully, sipping at the water while remaining snugly wrapped in the blonds arms. A few moments passed in silence. Neither moving or saying a word. Eiri not wanting to rush the other boy, and fear sealing the smaller ones lips.

Once the glass was empty it was set down on the coffee table with a soft clunk, and this sound breaking the silence seemed to be the sign to begin. The pink haired boy took a deep breath, and spoke again.

"I guess, I should start at the beginning….when my dad died…." He said softly, biting his lower lip. Eiri only hugged the boy tighter, drawing him closer, arms wrapped around him protectively.


A sombre atmosphere filled the room like a suffocating cloud, choking the voice from everyone. The whole roomful of people stood in silence, only the odd few whispers could be heard, floating around the room like the annoying buzz of a fly.

The area was an entire absence of colour, only black could be seen, black clothes, dark faces and cold auras. There was not a spec of light or joy to be found, not a smile or a laugh.

Two children stood in the middle of this sea, lost and adrift without anything to help them except each other. The small girl, a toddler held onto the slightly older boys hand tightly, hiding behind his small form as best she could. She looked around the room with big confused eyes.

Who were all these people, the small child hadn't ever seen most of them before and now they were all in her families house, filling the room with a dark sombre atmosphere. Why were they here?

She looked up at the boy with questioning eyes only to find a similar look on his face. Old enough to understand what was going on yet not quite able to comprehend the full impact of it.

His father was asleep. It was the only way the child could think of it. He was so deeply asleep that it was impossible to wake up even if he had wanted too. It was a concept he could not quite understand, sleep was good for you, not scary. It didn't steal you away from the people who needed you.

A car. Hit and run. No chance. These words didn't make sense to the boy. His father had gone to work one morning, deciding to walk as the day was so beautiful and had never returned. When he'd gotten back from school the house had been dark and quiet, suddenly looking as if no one lived there.

Their father, the beloved sun of their family, the man who could bring a smile to even the glummest of faces would not be coming back. He would never again walk through the door after a long days work and say 'tadaima', never again lift his children up into the air, making them believe they could fly, never again read them bed time stories. Their house would forever remain dark and empty in the child eyes.

The girl tugged on the boys shirt, her eyes pleading now.

"Where's chichi?" she asked her voice quiet and wavering, tears hiding behind it.

"He won't come back," the boy said quietly, suddenly finding his shoes very interesting. They were black and shiny, he could almost see his face in them if he squinted his eyes and turned his head to the left a bit.

"Nii-chan don't tell lies. It bad," the girl said, frowning angrily, the tears suddenly blooming in her eye threatening to fall at any minute.

He could here the faint whispers around him. The pitiful glance shot their way by adults he didn't know. Though none came near the children nor tried to comfort them. Their voices buzzed in his ear and he held his sisters hand tightly.

His eyes scanned the room, spotting his mother kneeling on the floor, her glassy expressionless eyes fixed on that looked like a small cupboard, with candles and incense burning around it. The smoke from the scented sticks rose and circled around the woman creating an unearthial image, as if she wasn't really there.

The woman hadn't moved from that spot. She remained sitting there. Eye fixed onto the image held in the photo frame. Occasionally she would move, raising her hand in silent prayer. These few prayers would last for seconds and sometimes minutes. Tears usually coursed down her pale cheeks afterwards and then she would returning to staring at the small shrine in front of her.

The children weren't used to seeing their mother like this. So sad and so separated from them. She didn't even seem to notice her children, standing alone in the corner, let alone the crowd of people around her.

"Nii-chan, chichi will be home soon, right?" she said again, stubbornly because surely her brother was lieing. Their father needed to get home soon. He would chase all these strange people out of their house he would walk over tot heir mother, kiss her on the cheek and she would be all smiles again. Everything would be ok as soon as their father came home in the girl's eyes.

"I told you, he can't come home. Never again, we wont see him again." The young boy said, focusing intently on his shoes and trying not to let the tears he had been holding back all day fall.

The girl tore her hand from her brothers firm grasp, looking up at him with hurt eyes.

"Stop lieing, you be in big trouble when chichi finds out!" she yelled angrily at the boy. Her brother only kept his eyes focused on his shoes as the little girl ran over to her mother's side.

The woman welcomed the sobbing child to her embrace, hugging her daughter tightly though her eyes remained fixed on the shrine. She hardly seemed to notice the sobbing bundle in her arms, her hand absent mindedly petting the girls hair as if trying to comfort her.

The boy remained in the corner, alone. Drowning in the sea of black, staring at his shoes the whole time.


Silence filled the room again. Eiri knew this wasn't the only thing that had happened to steal the other boy's voice. Though loosing a parent at such a young age would be traumatic he knew it wasn't the only source of the boys nightmares.

He rubbed small soothing circles on Shuichi's back, relaxing him. He could feel the way the boy was tensing in his arms as he'd told the story, reliving memories he'd rather forget.

"It's ok to cry, if you want to," the blond said softly. He heard the smaller boy sniff, and felt him bury his face his chest though he did not cry right away.

"I miss him so much." The small voice said, muffled by the blonde's shirt. Eiri said nothing and continued to rub small circles on the others back.

"I miss him…..but…..I feel so mad at him…for leaving. I hate him….for dieing," he said his voice wavering now, sniffling between each word.

"I love him….but I hate him for leaving…..I feel….so….selfish," the boy said his voice growing quieter.

"It's ok," the older male said, "you were only a child, its understandable. It's ok." He repeated again. He could feel the boys shoulders shaking slightly, feeling a few tears fall on his chest, soking into his shirt. He didn't care though, and only held the boy tightly as he cried.


The first thing the small green haired teen noticed when he finally regained consciousness was the smell of mould and dust. It tickled at his nose making him want to sneeze. The second thing that registered in his foggy brain was just how heavy his body felt. His eye lids were like lead and he hadn't even opened them yet. His whole body felt as if a tone of bricks lay on top of it. He couldn't even move his fingers let alone try to sit up, for he realised he was laying down, on a very stiff uncomfortable bed. He groaned softly and instead tried to focus on opening his eyes.

His eyelid fluttered open slowly, the light hitting them causing him to squeeze them shut again. The light hurt his eyes and made his head hurt even more. He tried again, slowly opening his eyes until he was finally able to open them and keep them open, the light no longer stinging his eyes, his sight remained blurry though, as if he had opened his eyes under water and his body still felt heavy, his head foggy and tired, he just wanted to sleep even though he'd only just woken up.

The young boy managed to turn his head slightly, surveying the room around him. It looked somehow familiar, though he couldn't quite place his finger on it. The peeling wallpaper and mould on the walls didn't help his memory. Even if the room had been neat though he was sure he wouldn't be able to remember. His head hurt too much, he couldn't even focus on one train of thought for too long before his head began to pound again.

He gave up on trying to think, trying to move, trying to do anything. Instead he closed his eyes gently, a small sigh escaping his lips.

"Where am I…." he said to himself softly, as if voicing the question might give him the answer. He groaned again, wishing he could move, curl up and hide under the blankets.

He searched his memory, trying to remember what had happened, how he'd gotten here.

He'd been running, crying. Wanting to get away form someone, Hiro? The green haired teen closed his eyes tightly. He remembered shouting at the other male. He'd made a fool of himself. But what had happened after? He'd stopped, and then someone had found him. But who?

Suguru searched his memory but found no clues, thinking still made his head hurt too so he lay still. Waiting for his body to catch up and wake up too. He closed his eyes again, they still felt heavy and it was hard to keep them open.

"Your awake, I'm glad." Said a voice from the doorway. The teens eyes snapped open quickly as he tried to turn his head to face the source of the voice. He winced slightly at the effort it caused just to turn his head. He looked at the stranger through bleary eyes that still seemed to stubbornly refuse to focus on anything. The man who loomed in the door way looked familiar, just like the room.

"Who…?" the boy asked tentatively, fear piercing his heart, slowly infecting his veins. Who was this man and why had he bought him here. The boy wanted to scream, to shout and run and fight if he was stopped.

The man didn't answer his question as he strode into the room, raising an eye brow.

"Now Suguru-chan, I know I haven't seen you for a while but have I really changed that much?" the man's face loomed into his view, hovering above him with a questioning expression. The boy's eyes widened. There were more lines and bags under the mans eyes but he knew that face. If his body hadn't been so uncooperative he would have been trembling by now.

"Fa…..father…" he said, swallowing hard, trying to move away from the other man. The man only smiled, moving away to sit in the chair that had been placed at the side of the bed.

"Ah you remember, I'm glad." He said softly, his strange empty eye fixed on the boy on the bed. Those eyes that had once been full of love, full of hate, full of anger now seemed dead. His smile looked alien on his face as it did not quite reach his eye.

Something was wrong, horrible wrong. Suguru knew something was wrong. This man before him wasn't the same as the angry hate filled man he remembered, nor was he the kind loving father he had once been long ago.

This person was completely different and terrifying.

"Where am I?" he asked softly, eyes darting around the room.

"You're home silly," he man said, rolling his eyes as if this were obvious, "this is your old room remember, hasn't changed much has it?" he said looking around the dingy room, as if he couldn't see the wallpaper peeling off the walls and the mould growing in the corners.

Suguru shuddered a sickening feeling settling into the pit of his stomach. He wanted nothing more than to go back to the dance now, he'd rather face Hiro than be here. The man stood and Suguru only grew more nervous, wondering what he would do next. Images flashed through the boys mind, a woman blocking the stairway with her body, her shouts, her screams, her blood. He shut his eyes tightly. No, he didn't want to see that. He only wanted to remember her as the smiling loving mother he knew.

The man paced around the room, occasionally he would pick something up, study it for a few moments before dropping it on the floor.

"We really should get this room redecorated for you, you're a big boy now after all," he said, turning to face the boy, smiling at him, a crooked smile.

"Just let me go," the boy muttered, fighting with his body, trying to get it to sit up, to obay him, "I want to go home." He said, thinking of his little apartment at the university, his friends there, even the teacher and the classes.

"But you are home." The man said, regarding the boy curiously. He walked over to the bed and unreadable expression on his face.

"What have those bastards told you? Honestly, taking you away from your family was bad enough." The man said, eyes staring off to the side, not really seeing the room anymore. His hand's tightened to fists at his side, trembling slightly. Suguru gulped nervously, trying to move closer to the wall.

"But don't worry," the man said suddenly, the anger vanishing instantly from his stance to be replaced by that crooked smile again, "Your home now. Your mom will be so glad to see you."

At these words the boys eyes widened further. It couldn't be. This man, he couldn't possibly believe…….he was insane. Suguru trembled slightly, a whimper escaping his lips. He hated the feeling of powerlessness he had, not being able to move without great effort. But most of all he hated the man who hovered above him.

"You bastard," he said quietly, eyes filling with angry tears, "You….you….YOU KILLED HER!! She's dead, don't lie!!" he yelled angrily, longing to reach out and hit the other male, kick and punch any part of him he could reach.

The mans eyes widened, flaming with anger. He took a few storming steps closer to the bed, raising his hand and slapping Suguru across the face. The sound echoed painfully in the room, the boys on the bed biting his lip to keep himself from crying out.

"Don't ever say that," the man said, his voice shaky yet quiet, deadly.

"Don't ever say that. What would she say if she heard you say that?" he asked, his eyes widening to an impossible size, that cruel crooked smile returning to his face.

"You can stay here for now, sleep. You must sleep." He said, walking out of the room without looking back once, still muttering under his breath. He shut the door behind him, the resounding click of the door shutting weighing heavily on the boys ears.

He only let out a small gasp on pain at that moment, letting tears of anger and pain mix together and flow down his cheeks.

"Someone….please help me," he whispered to the empty room.


Suguru wasn't back at his dorm, nor was he in the library. He wasn't anywhere in the huge grounds nor was he back at the dance and no one he'd asked had seen him. Hiro was at a loss. He ran a hand through his dishevelled hair, eyes scanning the area as if he might suddenly find the boy he was looking for if he just stared from long enough in one area.

"Where are you?" he said softly, he was slowly growing more and more worried by the second. The longer that the other teen was out of his sight the more worried he got. He knew something was wrong. Sure Suguru had gotten a good head start but he shouldn't have been able to just vanish like that without a trace. There had to be something, a clue he was missing pointing him to the others whereabouts.

Hiro bit his lip as he remembered the pain he had seen in the boys eyes, the words he had shouted at him.

It was all his fault, and if anything happened to the boy that would be his fault to. He was so stupid, a fool. Why hadn't he seen it before? All those little sign's, everything had been staring him in the face, and yet he had been too busy with his infatuation with someone he couldn't have, would never have.

"I'm sorry," he said again as he walked back to the dance deciding his next best bet was to ask Tohma for help, maybe he'd know where the teen would go when he was upset, he was his cousin so maybe he would have a better idea than Hiro.


"Sorry," said the small voice as violet eyes looked up at the older male, his tears were dried up now, captured in the blondes shirt. Eiri just smiled and shook his head telling the other boy not to worry.

Shuichi rubbed his eyes, smiling weakly at the blonde.

"Thank you," he said again, his voice still soft and gentle. The small teen took a deep breath, letting his head fall onto Eiri's shoulder.

"After that, mom was really sad all the time. She'd lock herself in her room most days and wouldn't even come out to eat. Grand'pa and grand'ma took care of us as best they could. It was a pretty tough time for everyone, and I had to take care of my sister. I was her big brother after all." The smaller boy said, a fond smile on his lips as he talked about his sister. He clearly cared deeply for her.

"But she got over it eventually. Slowly. She started coming out of her room and spend time with us. She'd still cry and she was still sad. We all missed dad, but we moved on. We lived and we tried to smile. He would have wanted us to be happy, that what my mom said once." His smile faded though and he let out a small sigh.

"I thought my family would be ok after that. We'd always be missing someone but we'd be happy. But then……she met him." The 'him' was spat out venomously, and Eiri felt the smaller boys tremble slightly, as if afraid. He held the other tightly, running his finger through his hair.


It had been the first time their mother bought a friend home since their father died. He was apparently someone who worked at the same company as her, he was new and she had been a friendly face, showing him around and helping him out. They'd talked a little and got along well. They became friends quickly and one day their mother had invited the man to dinner, in return for him buying her dinner on the day she had forgotten her purse.

It had simply been a friendly meeting then. She wanted her kids to be involved and know her friend, remembering how tough it had been for them to see all the strange face of their parent's friends they hadn't ever met at the funeral.

The dinner had been pretty uneventful and normal. That man had bought some candies for the children to eat after dinner witch kept them happy as the grown ups talked about whatever it was grown ups talked about. It had been nothing drastically different and the children had been happy to think of that man as simply a friend of their mothers.

Gradually the other man would visit more and more. He became almost like an uncle to the children, always bringing small gifts for them. Te children had loved him in a way a child would love a favourite uncle. He was kind and fun, always willing to play their silly games with them with their mother watching and laughing.

As time went by the children knew something was up. They weren't stupid. Their mother spent more and more time with that man. He was over at least twice a week and she would end up going out with him almost every Friday night.

This confused the young boy. Had his mother already forgotten their father? He was glad she was smiling and laughing again. He was glad she was having fun. But he didn't want the other man invading their family in that way. He didn't want him to live with them. The young girl, his sister however didn't seem to mind.

She was slowly forgetting her fathers face and what it had been like when he had been there. To her it was almost like a dream, and that man was here now, acting just like their father had, playing games with them and having fun. To her it was as if nothing had changed.

So when the man eventually moved in the only one who seemed unhappy with this arrangement was the young Shuichi. He hated his mother, hated her for forgetting their father so easily. And he hated that man, hated him for changing their family so quickly. This wasn't right. It wasn't how it should be. It made him want to scream and cry, stamp his foot and throw a tantrum. But he was not the sort of child to do things like that. Instead he became quiet, withdrawn. He refused to talk to his mother or that man. He wouldn't sit and eat meals with hem nor would he stay in the same room as them for very long. He even started ignoring his sister, angry at her for accepting the man so quickly. The boy's attitude confused the young girl making her cry easily, the mother simply became exasperated with her son not knowing what to do with him. The atmosphere at home became tense and fragile, as if a single breath of air might shatter it. The man became angry.


It was that mans turn to take them to school today. His mother had had t go into work early, leaving him with the school run. The young boy glared at his bowl of cereal, his sister hadn't gotten up yet so it was just him in the kitchen eating a lonely silent breakfast.

The man came storming into the room, his face barely concealing his anger, indicating he had failed to tempted the girl to get up and dressed in her uniform. He gave the boy a dirty look and said nothing. He never did anymore, all his attempts at being friendly and nice had been thrown back in his face, what horrible ungrateful children he'd been saddled with. Someone else's brats at that, if only they'd died with their good for nothing father.

He stormed over to the fridge, grabbing a can of beer and slamming the door shut, muttering a curse under his breath. He hated children. He snapped the can open taking a big swig out of it and wondering how exactly he was expected to get that damn girl ready for school when she simply refused to listen.

The boy said nothing, continuing to eat his breakfast. The child was still half asleep so when he reached for his glass of juice he missed knocking the glass over causing the bright orange liquid to escape from its container and spill over the table. Flowing across the surface of the table and dripping over the edge like blood.

Something inside the man snapped, he threw the can to the floor. Great, another mess he had to sort out. He stormed over to the boy, grabbing him violently by his arm and dragging him to his feet. The child too startled to say anything just stared at the adult above him.

"I've had about enough of you, you little brat!" he snarled, gripping the boys arms tighter as he shook him, causing the child to wince, closing his eyes tightly.

"All you do is cause trouble for me. Now go wake your god damned sister up before I strangle the both of you," he said almost flinging the boy out the door as he released his arm. The child man from the room, to scared to do anything else, and escaped to the safety of his sister bedroom.

"Wake up, you have to go school," the boy said, shaking the girl gently. The youngest child opened her eyes, looking up at her big brother in amazement, it had been a long time since the boy had spoken to her properly. She smiled at him, sitting up and getting gout of bed in an instant.

"Hai, will nii-chan walk to school with me today?" she asked, her eyes big and hopeful. The boy nodded, causing the younger one to let out a squeal of delight as she changed quickly.

"Lets go lets go, school, school, school," she chanted as she headed out the room. The boy followed her slowly, not wanting to return to the kitchen, not wanting to see that man.

When he got there he found that man smiling as if nothing had happened, scolding the girl lightly in a cheerful manner.

"Well are you both ready now?" he asked gently in a kind way, all smiled which only made the young boy more confused than he already was. As they walked to school the boy held his sisters hand tightly, staying close to her side and keeping a careful eye on that man. He scared him and confused him. The child did not trust him and if possible he hated the man even more now.


Hiro was growing frantic now, even with Tohma helping him they still hadn't found the green haired teen, even the blond seemed worried. He bit his lip thoughtfully as they looked around the ball room.

Bad luck had left the stage about half an hour ago now, they needed a rest after all. Together Hiro and Tohma had searched every inch of the university and asked countless people if they had seen the other boy. But they had found nothing. It was as if he vanished into thin air.

Tohma cast a die long look at the male beside him, his hair was a mess and sticking out in various directions, his suit looked as if he had rolled down a hill in it and he wore a constantly worried expression.

He had yet to ask what the other male had done to make Suguru ran off on him. When Hiro had approached him, breathless and wit ha look of mild fear Tohma had been afraid something terrible had happened. He had been too worried about the missing boy to bother with the details, concentrating instead on finding him. They had searched all over and no lead, and curiosity was constantly biting at Tohma.

"So, what did you do?" the blond asked with a raised eye brow. He noticed the way Hiro flinched at the question, biting his lips and looking at his shoes, shifting uncomfortably.

"I….did something very stupid." The boy said softly, shoulders slumping slightly. He repeated the event of a few hours ago silently, in a monotone clearly embarrassed and angry at himself.

The blond listened without a word. Holding in his anger, he knew he shouldn't blame the other male entirely. He also knew Suguru wouldn't run away without telling anyone. He now knew something was up. Worry over ruled his anger at the male standing next to him.

"I hope you know what your going to do once we find him." Tohma said, a warning tone in his voice. The long haired teen simply nodded.

"Now, Suguru is clearly not here anymore. We need to start widening our search. I'm also pretty sure something is up," Tohma bit his lip worriedly. He didn't want to worry the other boy but he felt he needed to tell him. "he's not the type to just run away like that….let's just find him." The older male said with a soft sigh.

Hiro nodded and began following the blond as he lead him through the crowded room.

"Hiro-san…Hiro-san matte!!" the long haired male turned around, searching for the voice calling him. He spotted a small girl trying to push her way through the crowed. She looked familiar. From his English class maybe.

"OH GET OUT OF THE WAY!" he girl snarled impatiently, pushing a rather tall mean looking male out of her way after he'd simple stood there talking to his friends. Hiro raised his eye brows slightly, girls were pretty scary.

"Phew, caught you!" the girl said, letting out a breath and stopping in front of the other boy. She paused for a moment, her flushed face showing she had probably run to get here. And running in high heels and a ball gown was not easy.

"You're the guy looking for that green haired kid right?" she asked, head tilted to the side slightly.

"How did you know?" Hiro asked curiously, nodding and the girl smiled.

"Miko-chan told me some guys were walking around looking for this green haired kid, I knew she was talking about you, right away. Anyway, I saw him earlier," she said, a frown marring her features looking confused. "This guy was carrying him. Older, I though he might have been a teacher at first….but….." the girl bit her lip. "I think he headed out of the school, maybe his father?" she asked, tilting her head to the side questioningly.

"What did this man look like?" Tohma stepped forward, speaking in far calmer voice than Hiro would been able to manage. Hiro watched the girl apprehensively.

"Hmmm, he was pretty tall, he had dark hair…..well," she sighed and looked up at the blond. "I'm sorry it was dark, I didn't get a good look at him." She bowed before turning to leave. The men let her, there was no use in questioning her further.

"Thank you," Hiro called after her, she only paused for a moment, smiling over her shoulder and giving a little wave and vanishing into the depths of the crowd.

"Let's go." The blond said, his expression had suddenly changed, anger, seriousness and fear mixing in his eyes. The long haired teen could only nod and follow.


Eiri tensed, he had a sinking feeling in his stomach, he didn't like the direction this story was taking. Shuichi had fallen silent again, biting his lip in worry. Both boys remained silent for a long time before either moved. Eiri began to rub Shuichi's back in a soothing motion.

"I'll always be here for you Shuichi, It's ok." The pink haired teens eyes widened slightly, the words both surprising him and making him happy. The blond smiled and hugged the smaller boy.

"Eiri…Eiri….." the boy said softly, he was sobbing slightly, shoulders shaking. "Thank you," he said hiding his head in the blonds chest as he continued to shake. He didn't cry much though, simply shook, occasionally chocking on a sob or two.

"Take your time," Eiri said calmly and continued to rub the others back. The smaller boy held onto the blond tightly, nodding softly. Eiri really was his lifeline. Did he really deserve such a thing?


Groggy eyes opened to survey the dark room. He didn't know what time it was nor how long he'd been in this room. He groaned softly, turning his head to the side. His arm twitched slightly, body feeling lighter than it had before. He no longer felt as if he had led in his veins. He sat up slowly, wincing at the effort it caused.

Why did he feel so tired? So weak? He groaned holding his head in his hands as he willed the room to stop spinning. He remained sitting still, focusing on the thread-bear sheets covering him.

When he finally felt he could move and stand without falling over he threw the blanket off and stood. Flinching slightly as he felt the cold floor against his feet, he vaguely wondered where his shoes had gone. Though he quickly decided that did not matter. He just needed to get away, as long as he could walk it didn't matter.

He stumbled slightly as he took a few tentative steps forward, leaning on the wall for support. He walked slowly yet purposefully. He needed to take things in small steps. Get to the door first, that was his goal. Get to the door on open it. His shaking hand wrapping around the cool handle of the door. It was unlocked and swung open soundlessly.

He let out a small sigh, a breath he had not known he'd been holding. He stumbled out onto the landing, looking around. This was his old home. A place he had once been happy in. A place that had once been bright and cheerful, now it lay dark, gloomy and neglected, it scared him, he shivered involuntarily. He didn't want to be here, he had to get away.

He remained still, breathing slightly laboured, ears intent. Listening for any sound, a footstep or a voice, anything that would tell him where his father was currently hiding. His body trembled slightly, still feeling far too weak to hold his own weight.

He ignored the pleadings of his tired muscles and took a few steps forward, still using the wall for support. Without it he had no doubt that he would fall flat on his face. No he needed to get out.

He headed towards the stairs, even in the gloom he knew where they were. He knew this house like the back of his hand. When he reached the top of the stairs he grabbed he banister tightly, legs shaking.

There was a light on downstairs, it leaked out of the room casting a dim glow over the bottom of the stairs, his next goal. He took a deep breath trying to stead the panicked pounding of his heart. He could do this. He only had to be quiet. Easy. How many times had he snuck down stairs quietly, like a sneaking shadow awake past his bed time, not wanting to wake his parents and alert them. He'd managed to sneak down these stairs so silently when he was a child, he could do it now.

Keeping a tight grip on the banister as he steadily began to walk down the stairs, one shaky step at a time. He could do this. It wasn't so hard. He took another step, legs buckling slightly, only his grip on the banister kept him upright. He kept his eyes on the spot of light at the bottom of the stairs. He was so close now. Just another few steps. He relaxed slightly, perhaps too soon as his tired legs finally gave out on him.

He let out a sharp yell as he went tumbling forward loosing his grip on the banister. He let out a sharp cry as his body hit the remaining stairs on the way down and finally came to rest in the pool of light at the bottom.

He winced his whole body now not only felt heavy and tired but it also hurt all over. He could fee tears well up in his eyes despite how tightly he closed them. He doesn't move nor open his eyes, not even as he hears footsteps coming towards him.

"What are you doing boy?" a voice say from above him, displeasure evident in his tone. He is not happy. A big hand grabs his arm tightly, holding tight enough to bruise as it drags the poor boy to his feet.

"You ungrateful child!" the voice snarls, shaking the boy slightly. "How do you think your mother would feel if she saw you attempting to run away."

A fist is suddenly slammed into his stomach, stunning him making him cough, eyes wide as he tried to catch his breath. That hand is still wrapped tightly around his arm, escape is impossible and despair floods the boys senses.

"You need to go back to you room. What do you think your doing? Stupid child. What would your mother say." The voice is muttering now, angry and confused as it drags the stunned teen up the stairs again.

"…..not enough…..should have slept longer…..the sedative…." The only words the child can make out as the man continued to mutter, dropping him on the bed like a bag of rags. A shuffling sound, a zip and a rustle of fabric. Something opening, a bag? Then there's a click, gently, glass. A bottle. The boy doesn't dare to open his eyes, he doesn't want to see. He hisses as a sharp pain pierces his arm.

"This will make you sleep. Rest…you need it," the needle is take out of his skin. Something makes the boy feel even more tired and weak, once again its as if his father has injected lead into his blood.

'That's right,' the boys thinks to himself as his consciousness dims, 'Father was a doctor.' His eyes closed.


"It was just beatings at first," the small voice continued, the blond tensed slightly, an anger rising in him towards a person he didn't even now. Such anger rose within him it made him feel sick. He gritted his teeth together glad that Shuichi head was still buried in his chest and wasn't able to see such an ugly expression of anger on his face.

"I…was scared of him. He only ever hit me when no one else was around. Telling me how useless I was, telling me I was making mom cry, telling me that everyone hated me. Always such cruel words." The small boy sighed, snuggling closer to the blond, he'd been starved of kind words, a gentle touch for so long, he clung to the other male tightly, not wanting to let go.

"Then one day, he hit Maiko," he said softly, remembering even now the way his little sister had cried that day.


Once again they were alone with that man. Their mother had to go away for the weekend at a conference for her work. The children didn't really understand what it was for, they only knew their mother would be gone for a while.

The boy seemed more worried about this than her little sister. He regarded the man with wide violet eyes, barely concealed fear in his eyes. Though he had to be brave, he couldn't make his mother worry and the child knew he deserved his punishment. He was bad, a terrible son, at least that's what that man would have him believe. And by now the boy trusted those words entirely.

So when they had to say goodbye tot heir mother he had done it with a smile on his face, though he could feel the man's eyes burn a hole in his back.

They were eating dinner now, their mother had left early that morning and already Maiko was missing her mother. The young girl sat at the table, glaring at her plate, little arms crossed across her chest and a frown on her pretty face.

"I'm not hungry," she said again, turning her head to the side stubbornly. Shuichi was hunched over his own plate, glancing at his sister occasionally, a pleading look in his eyes. He could see the man getting slowly angrier and angrier and the boy feared for his sister.

'Just please….eat.' he silently implored the girl who wouldn't even look at him at the moment.

"Come on Maiko, you have to eat your dinner and grow into a big strong girl." The man said as he attempted to smile kindly at her. Though the effect was spoilt by the way his smile looked more like a grimace, eyes narrowed slightly.

"No!" the girl said, pushing her plate away with all her might. It went flying off the table and crashing to the floor, shattering the tension in the room as it broke across the floor.

Shuichi tensed in is seat, holding his fork so tight his knuckles turned white. The mans eyes narrowed, and trace of a smile or kindness vanishing from his face in an instant.

"Go to your room, now." He said, his tone cold and icy. The young boy knew that tone well and he raised frightened pleading eyes to meet his sister.

'Just listen!' he pleaded silently though didn't dare speak out.

"You can't make me, your not mommy!" the girl said, poking her tongue out at the man and crossing her arms again grumpily.

A chair clattered to the floor as the man stood up quickly, he grabbed the girls arm dragging her to her feet.

"Get o your room. Now!" he yelled, hurling her small body towards the doorway. She cried out in surprise and pain, raising confused eyes at that other two in the room. Her eyes began to water, she sobbed, tears falling down her face.

"I want mommy…." She said in a small voice as she remained frozen to the spot, rubbing her eyes as she cried. The man advanced on her, hand raised ready to strike.

"Stop it!" the boy shouted, finally he couldn't take no more. He couldn't let that man harm his little sister. He got to his feet, ran across the room and stood in front of the girl protectively, arms out stretched.

The man's eyes widened in surprise, each person remained froze and silent. The only sounds that broke the tension was the girls stifled sobs.

"Just take that brat to her room now," the man said, lowering his hand though he continued to glare at the other boy. The child turned swiftly, wrapping his arms around the girl and dragging her to her room. She continued to sob on his shoulder as he sat her down on her bed.

"Don't cry sis, it's ok now." He said softly, petting her soft hair gently. The girl looked up at her brother with watery eyes.

"Why is he so scary?" she asked, confused as to how the man she had once thought of as being so nice and kind could suddenly be so scary.

"He's just... angry. At me," the boy said quickly, he had to reassure the girl. It wasn't her fault.

"I'm bad, he gets tired of me. He gets angry. It's not your fault ok. So don't worry." The girl nodded, still sniffling. Once she had clamed down Shuichi had her lie down and take a nap. She snuggled into her covers, holding tightly to her favourite bear.

"Good night, nii-chan," she said softly, the events of a few moments ago had tired her out and she fell asleep quickly. The boy sighed softly, tucking the blankets around her.

He didn't want to leave the safety of his sister's room. If the two of them could just stay here forever they would be fine, away from that man, safe and sound.

He knew he had to leave though or face getting into more

trouble. He was sure to get a telling off for interrupting the man earlier. The boy gulped nervously and lefts the room as silently as possible.

He walked into the living room, finding that man standing near a window and smoking one of those foul smelling white sticks. His mother didn't allow him to smoke those when she was there, but his mother wasn't hear now. The boy suddenly felt helpless and scared as he looked to the floor.

"Go and stay in your room too. I don't want to have to deal with you kids again today. Your punishments will be decided later." He said coldly, an icy glare on his face, that last words had been a promise not a threat and the boy felt even more nervous as he went to his room as quickly as his feet would carry him.

He dived under his covers, pulling them over his head and curling into a tight ball. If only he could curl up so tight he might disappear, that would be his only wish right now. To get away from this place, he curled up tighter, as tight as he could. His small hand clutched the blanket tightly, holding it securely over him, his only defence.

The boy wasn't sure how long he'd stayed like that, curled in a tight ball, blanket tugged over him, just lying there in the darkness. But far to soon he heard heavy footsteps, a door creaking open. He tensed, gripping the blanket tightly. He only needed to pretend to be asleep. Pretend to be asleep and he'll go away, his mind told him. He felt the mattress droop slightly as someone sat on it.

"I know your not asleep," he felt a tug on the blanket, "get up now."

The boy tensed, no he was asleep. The man couldn't possibly know. He was asleep, he'd go away if he just kept pretending to be asleep. He felt a harsh tug on the blanket.

"I don't have time for your games, get up now!" the man snarled. That tone in his voice left no room for argument. The boy sat up slowly, allowing the blanket to drop away from his frame.

"Now, do you really thin the way you spoke to me today is acceptable?" he asked, eyes narrowed. Shuichi flinched slightly, the man was leaning close to him, he could smell traces of the smoke and those drinks he liked on his breath.

The boy didn't dare to look up, instead he kept his eyes focused on his lap and shook his head. The mans eyes narrowed, not happy with that answer. He grabbed the boys chin roughly, lifting his head.

"Look at me you brat and answer me properly!" he snarled venomously.

"N….no…." the boy said, gulping as he met the man's eyes, he looked angry, angrier than the scared child ever remembered seeing him.

"I'm sorry," he added in a trembling voice, hoping that would be enough to satisfy the man for now. The adult only smirked, still gripping the boys chin so he wouldn't look down again.

The man laughed cruelly, and smirked. Raising his other hand he slapped the boy across the face, causing the child head to snap to the side. The boys eyes widened as tears pricked his eye's, he could feel the stinging in his cheek but didn't dare complain. He sat still, completely obedient.

"I want no more outburst like that understand," he said sternly, hitting the child again.

"I understand," the boy said softly, holding back his tears by biting his lip. He would only get hit harder if he cried.

"Good," he said, smiling victoriously. "Now to deal with that blasted sister of yours," he growled, moving to stand. The boys eyes widened and he shook his head, pleading. The man raised a quizzical eye brow, he seemed amused.

"Oh? You don't want me to hurt your precious sister huh?" he sat again moving closer to the boy, grabbing his chin again. "Would you take her punishment for her?"

The violet eyes widened, he stared at the man for a moment, confused. After a moment of silence he slowly nodded. He couldn't let his sister get hurt. He was her big brother, he had to protect her. The man smiled, seemingly satisfied with that answer.

"Well aren't you the sweet big brother." The voice was venomous and cold, no hint of kindness lay within it. He leaned closer to the boy, causing the child to shrink back slightly, trembling and wondering what the adult wanted. This only made the man move closer to the boy.

He lifted one of his big hands, holding it over the boys mouth to stop any annoying questions, leaning even closer to the boy until he was pressed against the head board of his bed. Back against the headboard and with the tall male infront of him the child had no escape, he couldn't even shout because of the hand held over his mouth.

"Now, I want you to do exactly what I tell you too, and no screaming." He said, his tone cold and threatening. The boy knew that tone, knew he would be smacked around and then locked in his room for the rest of the day if he did not obey.

He was pushed on his back to lie down on the bed, the others form hovering over him, huge hand still held over his mouth. He closed his eyes, shaking slightly. He didn't understand what was going on, this punishment was different to any the man had give him before. Why was his free hand tailing over his body, touching him everywhere. Why was that hand now pulling their clothes off.

"Not a word," the voice said sharply, the hand was moved from his mouth and the boy bit his lip. He wanted to run, wanted to scream but knew he would probably be beaten within an inch of his life if he was lucky. No, he had to stay still. He had to be a good boy and listen, he'd upset his mother enough with his behaviour after all. He had to be good.

The man's hands were tailing over his skin now, cold callous hands. Not soft and gentle like his mothers, or strong and secure like his fathers had been. There was no love in these hands, nothing.

The air felt cold against his exposed skin and those hand were touching him in places he knew they shouldn't be. Why was this happening? What had he done so wrong to deserve this? Was this man really planning on doing this to his sister if he hadn't accepted her punishment?

This treatment went on for a few minutes that dragged on like hours to the boy. He kept telling himself it would be over soon. That he just had to stay still and do as he was told. He was suddenly picked up, turned roughly to lie on his stomach.

He tensed, wondering what was to happen now. Then the pain came, a blinding agonizing pain that shot up his whole body and made him feel as if he was being torn in half. The pain was so intense, spreading through every fiber of his body. It was everywhere, coursing through him that he couldn't even tell where the pain started. He wanted to scream, to cry but his body seemed frozen with all the pain. The hand was over his mouth again, holding so tightly that he could hardly breath.

He couldn't hear the man's voice anymore, he could hear nothing but the pounding in his ears as the blood rushed around his body. His eyes were shut tightly, his head swimming, he felt sick and only wanted this pain to end. Let it end.

He wasn't sure when he had passed out, when it had stopped. All he knew was it had gone to a dull constant pain, starting at his bottom and spreading to his back and hips. His eyes opened slowly, blearly. His face felt wet, had he been crying?

He realised he was sitting in a bath for warm water, soothing his sore body a little. Though the water was a strange pink, water mixed with blood. His blood.

"Not a word to your mother," the man said, he was sitting next to the bath, dressed now with the same look of contempt on his face. Not a single sign on pity or regret. He had only stayed by the boys side to make sure he didn't drown, it would have been hard to explain it to his mother if he had.

Fear crossed the boys face, but he could not move now. Could not get away. The man stood and for a terrible moment the boy thought that the pain would start again. But the man did not approach him and only headed for the door.

"Get out of the bath when your done and stay in your room for the rest of the day." He said leaving the room, leaving the boy alone unable and too afraid to move.

He wasn't sure how long he sat in the water. Watching it steadily go a little pinker. He sat there until the water grew cold and still he did not move. He still felt sore, tired. He would have slept in the bath if he hadn't known it was a bad idea. He eventually moved, sitting up and wincing slightly as pain shot up his back again.

He climbed out of the now stone clod water and wrapped a big fluffy towel around him, wincing as he walked. There was so much pain, he just wanted to curl up on his bed and sleep until it stopped. Though he was glad he had saved his sister from this pain. What sort of big brother would he be if he had just let her get hurt.

He struggled to his room, finding his bed had been changed. Without bothering to change or dry himself properly he hid under the covers towel still wrapped around him he curled up into a tight ball, closing his eyes once more.


He felt sick, angry. The blonde was shaking slightly with barely suppressed rage. He longed to get his hands on that man, the one who hurt an innocent child in such a cruel way. Longer to wrap his hand around his neck and squeeze the life from him.

Shuichi was crying again, silent tear coursing down his cheeks. He was holding onto Eiri with a deathly grip now, knuckles white from his fist being clenched so tightly.

"Don't leave me," his voice wobbled as his shoulders shook, "please don't leave me." He said softly, as if afraid to speak the words. Now that Eiri knew some of his past, knew he was dirty, stained he would surely run away.

The word surprised Eiri, had the boy really thought he would run away and just leave him. He held the boy tighter, pulling him closer.

"I'll never leave you," he said firmly, truthfully. If he had his way he would never let the younger boy go. Shuichi only seemed to cry harder at this, hiding his face in the blonds chest crying over his shirt.

"You might…change your mind," the small voice said, "when you hear…the rest…" he was scared to continue but knew he had to. Now he had started he wasn't sure if he could stop his secrets from pouring out. It had been so long since he had spoke to someone about it.

"I won't." Eiri said firmly. He was sure of this. There was no way he'd push the boy away.

Shuichi smiled weakly through his tears. If only he could believe him. He wanted to badly too, but surely the blond would change his mind. He snuggled closer to the others warm body, holding him tightly. He would enjoy this closeness while it lasted for it was surely to come to and end soon.


Without bothering to give an explanation as to where they were going Tohma and Hiro ran our of the hall and towards the car park, the older blond digging his keys out of his pocket as he ran.

"Do you know where he is?" Hiro asked, breathlessly. Tohma was running at such a furious pace that it was all he could do to keep up. The blonds eyes were narrowed seriously, a hint of fear tugging at the corner of his eyes.

"I have a hunch," he said, finally arriving at the car he threw the door open, causing it the smash into the car parked next to it, leaving a nice dent and setting the alarm off. The blond paid this little attention and jumped into the car. Hiro only raised his eyebrow nervously, for a simple hunch one wouldn't be hurrying so franticly. Hiro grew nervous sensing something was wrong. He only nodded and got into the passengers seat. He's hardly sat down and shut the door when the car sped off.

Eye wide the long haired teen buckled his seatbelt quickly, feeling sure that they would die before they had a chance to find Suguru.

Tohma drove like a man possessed down the streets, almost crashing into the back of another car at one point. Hiro gripped the edge of his seat nervously and only hope this hell ride would be over with soon and would end with them still in one piece. He didn't dare ask where they were going, the blonds eye were narrowed and he looked beyond angry making Hiro feel nervous and praying that he wouldn't be on the receiving end of Tohma's wrath.

They drove to the outskirt of the town, entering a residential area that seemed to be in the middle of nowhere. The houses were all non-descriped and looked about the same, though Hiro didn't get a very good look at the buildings as the flashed pasted the speeding cars window. They eventually coasted to a stop outside one of these houses that seemed duller and greyer than the ones around it. In fact it looked like it had been empty for years.

Tohma hadn't moved. His eyes fixed on the window of the house. A small light leaked from it as if someone had lit a candle in the room.

"Someone's in there." He said and again Hiro saw a brief flash of fear and concern in the blonds eyes. He got out of the car and Hiro followed.

"Where re we?" he asked, almost nervously. Was Suguru really in one of these buildings? Why would he be here? Was he ok?

"This is Suguru's old home, he lived here with his mother and father." Tohma said softly, "this house has been empty since his mother died….. he's back." He said. He looked at Hiro turning his angry gaze on him.

"Suguru's father has been in hail for a long time, he killed his wife in their own home. Suguru has lived with me since then. I'm sure he's here now…but why would he take Suguru." He said, sounding nervous.

Hiro's eyes widened and his hands shook slightly. Anger and concern flooding him.

"Let's go." Tohma said heading towards the front door. He placed his hand lightly on the handle and tested it. The door swung open, loudly creaking announcing their arrival. Tohma walked in first, looking around cautiously. The house was pretty dark, only the light from the living room and outside lit the dark hall way.

There were footsteps, and a voice.

"What are you doing here?" and angry voice called to them, in the doorway of the living room stood a tall man, his hair was a mess and an angry ugly expression crossed his features. He was glaring angrily at Tohma and didn't seem to notice Hiro.

A calm smile painted Tohma's face. All trace of anger and hate gone, as if he was suddenly talking to an old friend.

"How lovely to see you too." He said walking towards the man, "why don't we go have a nice chat."

"Get out of my house!" the man snarled angrily, stepping forward, his face contorting further into that ugly angry look. Tohma still wore that eerily scary smile.

"Oh now come come, no need to get so angry. We are family," Tohma hissed, approaching the man. Even though Tohma was about a head shorter than the one now standing in the doorway the taller one began to back off, heading back into the living room.

Hiro watched this curiously, though he itched to run around the house, tear the place apart if he had to just to find his friend. Tohma had followed the man into the room.

"Now we have a lot to talk about don't we," Tohma said, heading into the room. Hiro took that as his queue and ran upstairs, not sure why he headed there first only knowing that his gut feeling told him to go there.

He threw open every door as he searched for Suguru, looking into each room long enough only to see that there was no sign of the other boy. He could hear yelling from downstairs, angry and violent. So loud that it reached his ears though he couldn't tell what was being said.

The angry voiced drove him forward franticly though, wanting to find Suguru before the fight was over, in case that tall man won and came for him, wanting to help Suguru before it was too late.

Finally he threw open the door of the small bedroom where Suguru lay. Hiro froze when he finally saw the boy, and overwhelming relief flooding him making him suddenly want to cry and embrace the other boy tightly.

He ran over to his bed and shook him gently, thinking he was asleep at first.

"Suguru….Suguru come on wake up." He said. The green haired teen did not stir however, though Hiro could tell he was still breathing he was worried.

"Suguru," his voice shook slightly as he shook the other boy a little harder, "come on wake up. I'm sorry ok…..please wake up."

He thought for a moment Suguru was only kidding, still angry at him for earlier and so faining sleep. He sat on the edge of the bed, scooping the boy up into his arms, holding him close.

"Come on Suguru," he said softly, begging now. He held the boy tightly in his arms, almost feeling like crying at his own helplessness, what was he supposed to do? He scooped the smaller boy into his arms, amazed at how light he was.

In his arms now Suguru felt smaller and more delicate that ever. He stumbled out of the room into the dark corridor. The shouts and yells from downstairs had died down now, he wondered weather Tohma was ok.

He carried the boy down stairs cautiously, half expecting the man to jump out at him at any moment. He got into the hallway and was met by Tohma wlaking out of the silent room calmly, that same unreadable smile on his face.

"Oh you found him," he said grinning, though his expression faultered as he saw the unconscious form in Hiro's arms. He walked over to the boys, placing his fingers against Suguru's neck.

"He's breathing and he has a pulse. He looks fine." He said calmly, lifting one of Suguru's eye lids to look at his eye.

"Take him back," Tohma said, handing Hiro the car keys, "I'll follow you in a bit ok." He said turning to head back to the living room.

"Hey wait, what about Suguru, will he be ok?" Hiro asked frantic and still wondering why the other boy would not wake up.

"He was probably given a sedative, he'll wake up soon. Now take him back to the dorms." Tohma said and walked back into the living room without another word.

Hiro stared at the spot Tohma had been standing in for a moment before he finally moved. He didn't bother to follow the older blond, too worried about the boy in his arms. He headed towards the front door and to the car.

He placed Suguru to lie down on the back seat, making sure he wouldn't fall off before he climbed into the drivers seat. He set off at a slightly more responsible speed than Tohma though he still drove pretty quickly wanting to get back as quickly as possible and make sure Suguru was really ok.

Luckily the university was close by and the drive there didn't take very long. He parked as close to the dorms as he could, parking the car rather haphazardly. He went to the back and took Suguru into his arms once more.

He smiled weakly as he looked at the boy in his arms, looking so peaceful. He carried him towards the other teens room, he had to search the boys pockets for his room key, which was rather awkward but he soon managed to get the door open.

Once inside he headed for the bedroom and placed the other boy onto the bed. He looked at him for a moment, wondering if he should change him so he would be more comfortable. He managed to take the other boys shoes of at least and continued to watch him, hoping he would wake up soon.

He lifted his hand, lightly brushing the boys green hair from his face. Hiro wasn't sure if it was is imagination or the light but Suguru looked a little pale. He bit his lips in concern, placing the covers over Suguru's small body before he sat on the edge of the bed and continued to watch the other boy silently. For how long he sat there he wasn't sure but soon Tohma joined him in the room, clearly he'd gotten a taxi or something.

"So he hasn't woken up yet." He said approaching the bed. Hiro jumped slightly, his head snapping to the side at the voice. Tohma placed his fingers against the pulse point at Suguru's neck again and sighed.

"It was a sedative, I found the bottle in the room. He was probably given a lot of it though he should wake up in about an hour." Tohma said.

"How do you know all this?" Hiro asked, he would feel much better if a doctor came and checked on Suguru. The blond simply smiled and patted Hiro on the shoulder.

"I'm not some dumb guy in band you know," he said cheerfully.

"Now, I think we both need a strong coffee." He said heading out the room. Hiro could only follow him in confusion, sensing that the conversation wasn't over and that Tohma wanted to talk to him.

He sat down at the little table and watched the blond as he prepared the drinks. Silence reigned for a while, only the clinking of cups and the sound of the kettle boiling filled the room.

A steaming cup was placed in front of him and the blond sat down his hands wrapped around his own cup as if he was trying to warm them up.

"So Hiro-san, tell me….what are your feeling for Suguru?" he asked his tone suddenly serious and now without its friendly air. His eyes were narrowed and regarded Hiro critically.

The long haired teen looked down at the table, drumming his fingers nervously against its surface and biting his lip.

What were his feelings anyway? He wasn't sure. He had though they were simply friends. But the events of tonight had twisted his heart painfully, he'd been so worried about Suguru, scared in a way he had not been in a while. His feeling had been confused through out the night, so much so they were still muddled up now.

Tohma didn't seem happy with this answer and his frowned deepened.

"He really loved you Hiro. He wouldn't have acted like he did if he did not," Tohma said calmly, though his voice was still a little icy, he took a sip of his drink, letting these words sink in.

"Sort out your feelings for him, tell him how you feel. I don't want you hurting him again." Tohma said, taking another sip of his drink.

"I didn't mean too… was I supposed to know…." Hiro stuttered, wondering why he was getting blamed for all this. Tohma sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I know you didn't mean to but you did," Tohma said bluntly, then sighed, his frown fading. "I just don't want him hurting anymore."

"I don't want to hurt him!" Hiro suddenly snapped, feeling slightly angry. "I want to help him, not hurt him!" he said, a little angrily as he gripped his coffee mug tightly. Tohma smiled as this, a small smile but a smile none the less.

"Ok….I'll be going now then." He said getting to his feet and leaving his half drunk coffee on the table. Hiro stared at Tohma feeling more confused than ever.

"What…..aren't you…."

"I trust you," Tohma said simply. "Take care of him, call a doctor if he doesn't wake up in about and hour or two ok." He said and left, just like that, leaving behind a very confused Hiro, left once more staring in a confused manner at the place the blonde had been.

"Well that was weird….." he muttered and shook his head, he left his drink too and headed back to the bedroom. He frozen in the doorway when he realised that Suguru's eyes were half open, looking a little bit as if he was hung over. He hadn't moved at all and seemed to be staring at the ceiling.

"Suguru," he said tentatively, walking towards him slowly and cautiously, not wanting to alarm him.

"Hi…ro.." he said quietly, eyes still a little blurry. "I'm dreaming…." He muttered, still apparently thinking he was back in his old room. He closed his eyes again, "what a cruel dream," he muttered, wanting to wake up from something so cruel. It was so unfair, why Hiro? Why did he have to dream of him?

"You're not dreaming." Hiro said gently, sitting on the edge of the bed and stroking the other hair gently.

"Tohma helped me find you, he knew where you were. You're back at your dorm now." He said softly. Suguru shook his head slowly.

"No…he hates me……he wouldn't come for me.." he muttered, still thinking he was talking to a mirage. Hiro frowned, Suguru was still clearly suffering from the affects of the drugs.

"I'm real, I'm here," he said leaning forward slightly and kissing the boy on the forehead, "and I don't hate you, I could never hate you." he said firmly.

Suguru stared at him with his tired eyes, still only half open. He raised his hand weakly, the action clearly causing him great effort. He managed to grab the sleeve of the other males shirt.

"Stay…even if you are just a dream," he muttered, his voice getting weaker, he was clearly drifting back to sleep. Hiro said nothing as he laid down on the bed, over the covers and wrapped his arms around Sugurus smaller form. The green haired teen snuggled closer to the other males warm body, his eyes shut now and a small smile on his face. This may be a dream but it was shut a nice dream, he wished to never wake up.

Hiro watched the boy sleep, wondering if he should let go now in case Suguru panicked when he woke up. He didn't want to scare the boy. But tonight had been draining, and he felt his own eyes closing slowly feeling far too comfortable and warm. Holding Suguru in his arms like this felt nice, it felt right.

Hiro had little time to think this over though as he too soon drifted off to sleep.


It went on for more years than the boy cared to count, only ever happening when their mother was away. His sister always threatened if he complained.

"You don't want her getting hurt now, do you?" he'd say cruelly, then he'd laugh, and the pain would start again. He eventually stopped bleeding and passing out after a while, though how long that took he did not count nor did he really want to know. He only wanted to pretend this wasn't happening, which was surprisingly easy. Any other time that man was a lot nicer now, acting like a real father. So much so the boy would sometimes question himself, wondering if the other man, the one who caused him pain was simply just a dream.

Though the dull ache that stayed with him for weeks after one of his 'punishments' made him think otherwise. This was not a dream but his cruel reality, a reality he could not share with anyone. He did not speak about it to anyone, in fact after a while he rarely spoke at all, turning into a quiet child with few friends, the type that would sit in the corner alone.

His mother worried about him but never made the connection. The man acted normal around her, showing concern too, though the young boy could read his eyes now and understand the threat in them whenever his mother would ask him if he was ok.

One day, not long after his 13th birthday the man came to his room again. It was late at night and he had clearly been out drinking. The smell was so strong the boy had to scrunch up his nose to prevent himself form feeling sick.

He gulped nervously and faked sleep, hopping that the man had just stumbled into the wrong room in his drunken stupor. After all his mother was home now, though he had heard them fighting earlier which was why the man was probably sticking of alcohol.

His hopes were dashed though when he felt the bed sink, clearly someone had just sat on it, and judging by the smell he knew who it was.

"Stupid bitch," he heard the man muttered, "brat, I know your awake." He said harshly, his hand were on him again and the boy visibly shuddered. Those hand's were trailing over his body again, and he knew what would come next. He tensed, this couldn't be happening. His mother was home, this didn't happen when she was here. Why now?

His eyes remained shut tightly, not that that mattered to the man. It never did, not matter how much the boy had cried or how much he had bled he never stopped. Soon that familiar pain flooded the boys small body, so intense he couldn't tell where the pain ended and he began, they were one and the same now. All he could feel was pain. Even the soft sheet underneath him didn't sooth him. He bit his lip, resisting the urge to scream.

He had made that mistake once, screamed so loudly he was sure the whole street had heard, that man had only hurt him even more and locked him in his room for a week. The boy hadn't been able to move for four days so being locked in his room didn't particularly bother him, only the pain did. He felt it would never end.

Soon, but not soon enough for the boy it was over. The man stood and stumbled from the room without a word. The boy remained still, curling up into a ball once again, tightly, trying to defend himself, hide away, vanish. If only he could do that. But if he did then his sister would only feel this pain. He wouldn't allow her to get hurt.

That man's smell still lingered, the alcohol currently the overpower aroma. He wrinkled his nose, the smell made his stomach churn and he almost wretched. His body trembling slightly, he always felt like this after. As if he might throw up his entire stomach, and that pain still lingered. He longed to get up and go to bathe but that would only cause questions from his mother and more pain from that man. No he would just have to lie here and try to go back to sleep. Just sleep and forget about everything.


He thought it had probably only been a one off. Just something that happened because that man had been too drunk to think clearly. He expected that it would never happen again and thing would return to normal.

But know that man seemed to think he could get away with it easily. That it didn't matter if his wife was asleep just a few doors away, and so from that day on it continued. Whenever that man had a little argument with his wife, or if he was just angry or bored he would come to the boys room at the dead of night.

Soon the boy didn't even resist any more, he did not cry nor close his eyes. He would simply stare at a spot on the wall and imagine he was something else. He didn't even seem to notice the pain anymore, something inside of him was slowly dieing, getting chipped away from him bit by bit after everything that man did, every time he came to his room.

He grew even quieter, the only person he seemed to talk to now was his sister and his best friend Hiro. He never shouted or raised his voice, never got angry or faught back whenever the bullies in school decided they wanted to pick on him today. His eyes no longer held the eager glimmer of youth, joyful and happy. His eyes were dull, almost dead. His expression would often remain the same, blank and empty.

And still no one cared to ask what was wrong, simply thinking it was just teen angst. His mother had tried one time and got no where, unable to think of anything that could upset her son she simply shrugged it off, blaming it on him being a teenager too. No one noticed, no one cared and it continued.


One day, many long month after that night that man had stumbled into his room drunk the boy say in the kitchen, silently watching his mother cook. The woman would occasionally speak to him but he would only answer her with a nod or shake of his head and she soon gave up.

The boy watched her with his violet eyes as he sliced up the meat with a sharp knife. The blade sliced through the flesh with such easy. Only a faint chop, chop sound filled the room as the blade hit the chopping board as she cut the meat.

Chop, chop, it cut through the flesh with such ease.

Chop, chop, flesh….like a humans, would it cut through human skin as easily?

Chop, chop, clean, deep slices.

Chop, chop, cutting through that mans skin.

Chop, chop, a cut for every time that man had hurt him, for every time he'd threatened his sister.

Chop, chop, so….would it really cut through human skin as easily as he imagined.

The boy shook his head as these thoughts came to him. Such scary thought for a child. Thoughts a child should never have, yet they ran through his mind now. So strong, so vivid. He longed to take that knife and plunge it into that mans chest.

"Go get your sister for me, dinner will be ready soon," the woman said and the boy was snapped out of his daydream. He nodded, getting to his feet and heading for his sisters room. That imaged still alive so vividly in his mind.

Dinner was an uneventful affair, quiet as usual with his mother trying to make conversation and his sister the only one who seemed to reply to her. The rest of their day went normally after that. Nothing much was said between the family, his sister returning to her room, his mother and that man curled up on the couch, and him sitting alone in the back garden, still with that image in his head.

It would not leave him. There constantly now. He imagined that man laying on the chopping board, and that knife slowly slicing through his skin, chop, chop.

Then he heard them, the raised voiced. His mother sounded angry about something. He heard his name mentioned. And that mans voice, telling her she was worrying about nothing. The voices got louder and soon he heard a door slam shut and everything was quiet. The boy trembled slightly, he knew that man would come back drunk. He knew that the pain would be worse whenever that man was drunk.


He jumped to his feet and ran back into the house. He could hear his mother sobbing in her bedroom, his sister stood in the doorway of her room looking lost.

"Onii-chan….?" She asked, her voice small and quiet.

"Go back to your room, it's ok." He said softly and walked into the kitchen. The girl, still looking nervous only nodded and disappeared behind her bedroom door. He looked around the kitchen, spotting the knife sitting with the others in the wooden block, its handle looking almost inviting, calling out to him to pick it up.

Cautiously he walked over to the counter and stood in front of it for a moment, just staring at it for a while. That image remained vivid in his mind. He stood there for almost five minute, just staring at the knife until he finally raised a trembling hand. Holding the handle firmly he pulled the blade from it holder.

The shinny surface caught the light as he held it, blinding him for a moment. IT was so beautiful, in an odd way, shimmering in the light like a jewel. He heard the sound of a door opening and footsteps. Panicking the boy ran to his room, slamming the door shut behind him and surprising his mother who was heading to the kitchen to get drink. She did not see the blade in her sons hand as he dashed past her, not did she notice its absence from the kitchen her thought were preoccupied and she soon returned to her own room.

In his own room the boy had hidden the knife under his pillow, he was still trembling slightly from fear and exhilaration. His thoughts still a little muddled, he knew he wasn't thinking straight now. Surely he would never use the knife, he would have to put it back tomorrow before anyone noticed.

He sat on his bed with a heavy sigh. Maybe he should go over Hiro's tonight. His friend would let him stay if he asked. But he couldn't leave, not when he knew that man would surely come back drunk and want something to vent his frustration on. If the boy wasn't there then his attention would turn to his sister, the boy wouldn't allow that, as an older brother, even if it meant his own life, he wouldn't let her get hurt.

He lay down and stared at the ceiling, head on his pillow. He could feel the uneven bump under his head. The knife, and that image flared in his mind again. HE closed his eyes, trying to block it from his mind.


He must have fallen asleep trying to block those images from his mind, for when he opened his eyes his room was dark and he could hear stumbling footsteps, the front door shutting. Those noises must have woken him. His body tensed and he knew what was coming. His head tilted to the side slightly, staring at the spot on the wall, already trying to leave this place.

As he moved he felt the knife again. It was still there, nestled under his pillow. It's sharp blade that sliced through meat so easily. His door creaked open, the overwhelming smell of alcohol wafting towards him telling him instantly who it was. He didn't bother to pretend to be asleep, he had given up on that. It never worked.

He heard the footsteps draw closer, felt his bed dip slightly as more weight was added to it, then those hands were over him. Touching him in places he never wanted those hand to touch him, tugging at his clothes, and he knew what was to come.

"Not again…" he said, softly. So quite he almost expected the man not to hear him.

"Please not again," he said, his fists clenching tightly.

"Shut up," the man snarled and slapped the boy hard, surely causing a bruise. The boy winced and resisted the urge to yell. He moved his head again and felt the knife under his pillow.

Chop, chop. Cutting so easily through the flesh of the meat.

Chop, chop. Human skin was exactly the same right?

Chop, chop. They wee all living beings…… cut so easily……chop chop.

"Stop," he said, his voice shaking. "Stop."

"Didn't I tell you to shut up!" the man snarled, slapping the boy again, "just shut your goddamn mouth you little brat!" he snarled, one of his big hands wrapping around the boys throat.

"This is all your fault. My life was fine before that woman and her damn kids barged into it." His grip around the boys neck tightened and the child's eyes widened as he realised he couldn't breath, his air was slowly getting strangled out of him. He tried to prise the man's hand away from his neck but he was far too strong. The man was blind to the boy's struggles and continued to talk.

"If only her brats had died with their father, my life would have been so much easier," he snarled, his grip tightening further. Tears came to the boys eyes. Never, never had that man mentioned his father, and for a long time neither had he. Though he often wished he'd died with him. But now…..he couldn't die like this. He couldn't leave his sister in that mans hands.

His hand slid under the pillow, grabbing the knifes handle. He wasn't thinking anymore, fear and a lack of air drove his action as he slashed the knife across the man's neck. He screamed and let go of the boy instantly. The child felt a shower of something warm fall on him, warm and a vivid red. Blood. There was so much of it pouring out of the mans neck like a broken faucet.

"You brat!! How dare you!" he choked, holding one of his hands over his neck, he suddenly lunged forward, other hand outstretched, ready to strike. The boy screamed, and in defence held the knife out, closing his eye and backing away as much as the wall would allow him.

There was a grunting sound, a cough and the hit did not come. Something warm and fluid spilt over the boys hand, the hand holding the knife. His eyes slowly opened, blood. So much red blood everywhere, far more vivid that his imagination was. And warm, warmer than that man had ever been to him.

There was a loot of surprise on his face, his arms held limply to his side. The red not covered the front of his shirt, over his neck and chest. There was so much of it and still it flowed. The boys trembling eyes fell to where the knife lay, embedded in the mans chest, directly where his heart was.

The man's body suddenly lost it fight with gravity and fell forwards. The boy screamed again, pushing it away and jumping to his feet. Staring at his bed which was steadily growing red, the man did not move.

He fell to his knees at the sight, shaking so badly he could not move. His eyes remained fixed on the sight before him. No, he hadn't meant for this to happen. This wasn't what was supposed to happen. No, no, no!

He heard shouts, footsteps, a worried voice. And soon a woman's scream filled the night.


"Shuichi…" Eiri voice was quiet, clearly surprised. The boy in his arms tensed, ready for the blond to shout at him, to hate him. Expecting it.

"I killed him," the boy said softly, "I….I killed him with my own hands…" his voice trembled now and tears started to fall again.

"Don't you hate me now……now that you know what I've done….you must hate me." He said pulling away from the blonds warm arms.

"You must hate," he said, the blond still hadn't spoken and Shuichi took his silence as rejection, he had expected it, "I'll leave now."

He stood, getting ready to leave. He was sure Hiro would let him stay with him for a while. He was about to turn around when a hand suddenly grabbed his wrist, pulling him back into those warm arms. He was held tightly against the firm chest, and suddenly a pair of lips crashed against his. The kiss fiery and passionate, warm and loving.

The boys eyes widened, torn between fear and happiness.

"I couldn't never hate you," the blond said, looking into Shuichi's eyes with such a fiery truth burning in his golden orbs that Shuichi could not doubt him. The tears only grew in his eyes and suddenly he was wailing, crying for years of pain and grief. He held onto the blond tightly. The blond did not let him go, nor did he loosen his grip on the boys small form.

Neither of them said a word even as the boys sobs died down. They sat there in complete silence, the only sound was an occasional sniffle from the pink haired boy.

"Shuichi?" Eiri said, looking down at the boy in his arms who was now fast asleep. The blond smiled softly, kissing the boys fore head gently.

"I'll never leave you." He said as he scooped the boy up and headed to the bedroom. Tonight had indeed been very long, they both needed their rest. He lay the smaller boy on the bed and curled up next to him, wrapping the blankets around them both and holding onto the others form tightly through out the night. He would never let him go.


Opening his eyes slowly the green haired boy soon became conscious. His body no longer felt heavy, he couldn't now move it though he still felt incredibly tired. He wondered where he was, this room wasn't the one he had been in earlier. Had that just been a strange dream? And what was the warm presence next to him?

Suguru groaned softly, his head was pounding. He knew it had not been a dream. Then where was he now? Had his father moved him? He turned his head to the side and was met with a sight he thought he'd never see. Hiro's sleeping face right neck to him. Hiro's warm, strong arms wrapped around him, he stared at his friend for a moment, remembering what had happened earlier and suddenly remembering where he must be. He sat up quickly, disentangling himself from those arms, no matter how much he longed to be held in them he knew it was a lie. Hiro loved that teacher, not him.

He froze as he heard the long haired teen stir, saw his eyes open. The green haired teen jumped to his feet but instantly fell to the floor.

"Suguru!" he heard the older boys worried voice, saw him approach him and help him up, "Take it easy."

"Let go," Suguru said suddenly, struggling away from Hiro's touch, "don't touch me, just go away!" he said, he could already feel his face heat up from embarrassment of what had happened earlier. Tears stung at the corner of his eyes. He longed for the older male to stay and equally just wanted him to leave.

"I'm not leaving," Suguru looked up quickly as he heard the stern voice, sow concern clearly etched on his face. The green haired teen trembled slightly, fighting back his tears. Why did the older male have to torture him like this?

He was pulled into those warm arms again and helped up onto the bed.

"I'm sorry," Hiro said once Suguru was comfortable, causing the younger teen to look at him in confusion. Shouldn't he be the one apologising?

"I hurt you, I'm sorry I didn't notice." His words were so sincere that Suguru couldn't be mad at him even if he wanted to. The smaller boy sat up suddenly and wrapped his arms around the other male. He didn't care if this was a lie. He wanted to be held by the other male, for as long as he could he would lose himself in this lie.

Hiro froze in surprise for a moment but soon wrapped his arms gently around the other boys form.

"I'm sorry," Suguru said softly, shoulders shaking slightly. He knew he had behaved childishly and only hopped Hiro wouldn't be angry at him.

"You should be!" Hiro said, causing the green haired teen to look up at the other male giving Hiro the chance to place his hand against the boys cheek, forcing him too look him in the eye.

"Do you have any idea how scared I was when you just disappeared like that? And when I found you… wouldn't wake up," Suguru saw the fear in Hiro's eyes, wondering just exactly what had happened.

"I was so scared," Hiro said, and before either of the realised what they were doing he was kissing the smaller boy in his arms. A soft tender kiss that reduced the green haired teen to a puddle of goo in an instant, he had neither the will nor the energy to pull away.

This lasted only moments yet the feeling of it lingered on both their lips.

"You're someone very important to me," Hiro said softly, his feeling for the boy were still a little muddled unable to say I love you just yet, but he knew he wanted to stay at the smaller boys side and protect him, "so don't scare me like that ever again." He said, kissing the younger teen once more, already addicted to the taste of the other boys lips.

When they finally broke apart for air the younger boys eyes were half closed, his lips slightly parted and a little swollen from the actions they had just done.

"Hiro…" he said softly but was silenced as a finger was pressed against his lips.

"Go to sleep. You've been through a lot and need you rest," he said as he pushed the boy back on the bed, making him lie down as he lay next to him, arms still wrapped securely around the other.

"I'll be here when you wake up," he said reassuringly, and Suguru only nodded softly. Nuzzling into the warmth that the other males body gave. Weather this was a dream or a lie or a wonderful reality he did not know. But for now he was deliriously happy and content. A small smile rested on his lips as he drifted off to sleep, Hiro watching over him, a tender smile on his lips.


Well there it is, Shuichi's deep dark past. And theres still a little more to add xD but now he's on his way to recovery on the Eiri Yuki plan lol and finally a little more HiroSuguru!! This couple is just far too cute. I really hope the mistakes in this chapeter were not too distracting. A betad version will replace this soon so it's only temporary.

Well thats it for now, I shall see you in the next chapter, which will hopefully be out sooner than this one was.