This chapter is going to be completely off base. Since I wanted Starr to meet Gollum, and there really wasn't any way to do that while staying on the path of the story, I needed a chapter were everything just goes to seed and has no plot whatsoever. So don't mind the total improbability of this chapter. And next chapter, it's off to Helm's Deep! Actually, they may set out in this chapter…We'll see!

Disclaimer: The second I inherit all of Tolkien's rights to the LotR universe, I'll let you know. Until then, I own nothing but Starr and Celeste.

Chapter seventeen: The plot goes to hell

The faerie smiled graciously. "The real reason I have brought you here, Celeste


"WHAT a last name!" Merry exclaimed.

"—is that the two of you, the maidens of the western lands, are needed in a small quest."

"What is it?" Starr said, drawing up to her full five feet four inches and looking positively regal.

"Frodo is currently having trouble with Gollum…Him and that other hobbit, you know, the chunky one? What WAS his name…?"

Sam turned slightly pink in the face.

"Don't listen to her, Sam," Arwen said soothingly.

"Well, that doesn't matter. Anyway, the point is, I have to take you to them and you must reason with Gollum and make him see the light. I am under the impression that seeing a female will most likely help a lot. Especially ones as beautiful as you two."

"You would whisk my love off to Mordor without me?" Legolas cried out, grasping Starr's small hands.

"Legolas, I must go." Starr said, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Tis only for a little while, right, Faerie?" When the creature nodded, Starr squeezed Legolas's hands. "See, only a few hours or so…"

Celeste stood by her friend watching sadly as Starr said her parting words with Legolas. They shared a last passionate kiss, then Starr and Celeste joined hands.

"Now," the faerie instructed. "Summon your mystical powers to teleport to Frodo!"

A shimmer of lights later, and the two girls were gone.

"FINALLY!" Elrohir and Elladan yelled together.

"Noooo, now she's coming to bug us, and insult me!" Sam groaned.

"He catches on quite fast, he does!" Pippin remarked.

"The lad isn't daft, luckily." Gimli commented.

"Thank Valar for small favors." Merry rolled his eyes.

Starr opened her crystal blue eyes and allowed her vision to clear. Celeste's green eyes had already snapped open, and she was staring gleefully about her.

"Lady Starr!" Frodo exclaimed, jumping up from where he was sitting, and embraced her.

After being introduced to Starr and shedding many happy tears at seeing a friendly face after so long—

"Because I am his WORST enemy." Sam grumbled sarcastically. The poor hobbit was still slightly pink at being called 'chunky'. No one really blamed him.

--the cute hobbit led the two maidens to the fire, where…SAM! That's his name! Sam! Was cooking.

"Ewwww…what is that THING?" Celeste whispered to Starr.


"No, the hairy gray one."

Starr opened her mouth to make a crack, but decided that it would not be ladylike.

"Tis Gollum." She whispered back.

"What's taters, Precious?" came the squeaky, raspy voice.

"That isn't a very good description now, is it?" Elrohir said, almost sadly.

"I really don't think she cares." Faramir said flatly.

"It would appear not." Glorfindel agreed.

"Hey! You're only so happy because you aren't even MENTIONED in this!" Legolas said out of the blue.

"Yes," smiled the Elf. "I never thought I would be so happy to be completely ignored."

"Come to think of it, we haven't been mentioned either, thank Elbereth!" Elladan said.

"But we have had to put up with hearing this rubbage." Elrohir pointed out.

"Good point, brother." An evil grin spread over his face. "Just wait, you won't be so chipper soon, when it happens…"

Glorfindel and Eomer looked worried.

"When what happens?" Sam asked, the picture of innocence.

Merry leaned over and whispered in his ear. Sam turned beet red. "She wouldn't!"

"Oh, she would!" Gimli assured him.

"She already has, like three times!" Aragorn muttered darkly.

"I'm starting to regret coming here…" Eomer whispered to Glorfindel.

Eowyn glared at him, then softened, looked thoughtful, and nodded.

"Po-ta-toes!" Sam sounded out, sounding like a third grade teacher.

Those who had been originally been reading ignored this comment, as they were used to irrelevant phrases. Sam, Glorfindel, and Eomer looked curious, and Eomer opened his mouth to ask about it.

Arwen held up a hand, cutting him off. "We have no idea. She does this a lot. Ignore it."

"Obviously patience is running thin." Glorfindel whispered to Eomer.

This time it was Arwen's turn to glare. But she didn't soften.

"Potatoes?" All the color drained out of Celeste's face.

"What's wrong?" Frodo asked, wide-eyed and concerned.


After she was effectively calmed down, they were introduced to Gollm.

They shared many interesting conversations and enlightening moments, too many to list here.

"Best news I've heard all day," Legolas's voice could be heard, muffled by the pillow he was obviously trying to smother himself in.

But to summarize, Gollum, now Smeagol, was a changed man…uhh…hobbit? Thing. He was kinder and happier and no longer felt the pull of the ring and all that stuff.

The faerie appeared, positively beaming. "You did it!"

"Of course we did!" Starr sniffed. "Now take me back to my Leggy-honey!"

"Goodbye!" The two girls waved as they were whisked back to Rohan. Sam, Frodo, and Gollum all cried to see them go, and were brought back to the reality of their quest.


Frodo heard a strange whistling as Gollum and Sam went back to their bickering. "Could that be Starr?" he whispered, and wandered off…(A/N: PrettyprettyprincessSweet16 here! Just so you know, this was in the spot just before they met Faramir.)

"Oh, no, don't bring ME into this!" Faramir exclaimed angrily.

"Oh, don't worry, Eomer's the one who's got to worry right now. They're going back to ROHAN. And they haven't been introduced to him yet. After Helm's Deep, prepare for the worst!" Legolas said, looking smug.

"At least I don't have some giggly little narcissistic girl fancying me!" Eomer muttered under his breath.

"Legolas!" Starr found herself in his tight embrace.

"Aragorn!" Celeste found herself in front of him, and hugged him. He appeared surprised, then hugged her back, smiling.

Arwen gave Aragorn a LOOK.

"Hey! I don't like it ANY more than you do!" he insisted, getting defensive.

"What's wrong?" Starr asked, seeing concern etched on Legolas's fair face.

"We make for Helm's Deep. Sarman's army is headed there."

Starr paled and clutched at his hand. Nearby, Celeste trembled in Aragorn's arms at hearing this news.

Not good. This was not good.

"Maybe one of them will be killed in the fighting…?" Glorfindel suggested.

"Not a chance." The original ten said simultaneously.

"And if she does, she'll be resurrected." Pippin said.

"More powerful than ever before," Elrohir added.

"Pretty soon she'll be invincible or at least immortal," Merry joined in.

"She DOES have to live as long as her Elven most-likely-soon-to-be-husband," Elladan said with a smirk.

"So he doesn't die of a broken heart?" Eomer asked.

"More likely so he doesn't get remarried to some beautiful She-Elf whom he truly belonged with and can be truly happy with." Gimli replied nonchalantly.

"I can picture the immense party we'll throw…" Legolas said dreamily.

"One likes of have never before been seen in all of Arda…." Added Eowyn.

"It will be like Sauron was defeated all over again!" Aragorn exclaimed.

"Better!" Gimli shouted.

"I can see it now…" Merry and Pippin sighed in unison.


P.S. Too early to be thinking about the Whoopee-Starr's-dead Party… Though it IS a highly anticipated event…