Chapter 45: The End of All Things
Everyone went sort of bug-eyed. Even the bloody Sues looked surprised.
"No. Way." Gimli gaped, recovering from his near fatal encounter with Starr.
"G…Galadriel?" Legolas whispered.
She smiled warmly, an unearthly glow about her. "I cannot stay long," she said, her voice echoing in the room. "But I came to set things right.
"PrettyprettyprincessSweet16 was found to have been in allegiance with Sauron. After his defeat, she still went through with her plan of writing this, in hopes of driving you all into insanity."
The blonde head of the girl on the ground suddenly snapped up. "And it would have WORKED too!" she hissed.
Galadriel ignored this. "Elrond, before he left, foresaw this danger, and hired the best therapists in all of Arda to be on hand when they were needed."
"Oh Ada!" Arwen sighed gratefully.
"So, you mean to tell us that PPPS16 isn't actually an idiot?" Merry summarized.
"Indeed. And her real name is Murtle."
The girl let out a wail and began to writhe. "I hate my name! Legolas is the love of my life! I have always admired Sues! Starr is my hero and I want to be more like her!"
"HEATHEN!" Aragorn boomed. "My lady Galadriel, may I lock her in the
Galadriel just smiled in response. "Am I supposed to say no to those hopeful faces?"
There was a great cheering as the evil wench was dragged off.
"I recommend that Legolas walk past her cell every now and then." Eowyn laughed.
"Ohh, you are evil!" Faramir teased.
"At last this nightmare is over!" Legolas grinned.
"Whut? U don't like us?" Celeste whimpered.
Legolas and Aragorn raised their eyebrows at them.
"But we r like perfect, and every man would like love to have us!" Starr insisted.
Legolas rolled his eyes. "I prefer to fly solo."
Aragorn slipped his hand into Arwen's and clasped it lovingly. "Sorry, Celeste, you're not my type."
Both of the girls turned ashen and died of heart attacks of shock right there. That or their miniscule brains were no longer smart enough to remember to breathe.
"Now then, before I leave," Galadriel began. "Frodo, Elrond, and Gandalf send their greetings."
Sam sniffled a little.
"And, on the final note, I must express my expectations that you have all learned a lesson from this little encounter…?"
"Yeah!" Elladan spoke up suddenly. "I'll never touch another pink book as long as I live!"
Eomer smiled wryly. "And it may be YEARS before I come here again."
Arwen smiled at Aragorn. "I learned never to be jealous because my wonderful husband will always be faithful."
Eowyn leaned her head on Faramir's shoulder. "Ditto."
"I've learned that it IS possible for me to lose my appetite." Pippin sighed.
Everyone burst out laughing.
Galadriel smiled once more. "Well then, my friends, this is where I say goodbye, again. I trust you will dispose of the book in a thorough fashion?"
"Oh, you know it." Elrohir said devilishly. Galadriel faded and was gone.
There was a long silence. Then…
"Alright!" Aragorn said loudly, startling everyone out of their reverie. "Bring on the kindling! We are SO burning this book right now!"
They toasted to future happiness and Sue-less life as the pink book became extra crispy in the fireplace.
One by one, they began to leave the room.
Thranduil headed out with Faramir, talking loudly about maybe increasing Murtle's torture by making Legolas walk by 'shirtless'. Pippin and Merry and Sam ran off to find some food and celebrate. The twins headed off to do some mischief before heading home, and Haldir was already on his way. Arwen and Eowyn, now better friends than ever before after surviving that predicament, left the room as well. Eomer, Gimli, and Glorfindel left, laughing loudly over the look on Faramir's face when he got knocked out by the pitcher.
At last only Aragorn and Legolas remained. Several guards came in and removed the bodies of the Sues, quite disturbed, but saying nothing. The two friends stared at the fire, only the cover still intact. They watched in silence as the lace and Lisa Frank stickers and pink were all charred into ashes.
They glanced up at each other.
Legolas let out a long sigh, as if ridding himself of all the stress and anxiety he had built up throughout the course of the story. "Bloody glad that's over."
Aragorn laughed and clapped a hand on the Elf's shoulder. "I agree."
And they walked out of the room.
Several minutes later, two maids appeared to straighten up the room. They stood at the entrance, hands on their hips and surveying the near-destroyed room that lay before them.
Then, armed with every cleaning material possible, they stepped into the room, ready to scrub the blood off the walls, remove the remainder of the shards of broken glass on the floor, replace the chairs into their upright positions, and clean the vestiges of the book from the fireplace.
One turned to the other and rolled her eyes. "Never a dull moment in THIS castle."