There were trees off in the distance, beyond them a sort of valley and another hill, it looked bluish in the distance.
I had a weird feeling, a lift drop feeling I'd sometimes get around pretty girls at school.
Johnny was so pretty.
Kissing him, feeling the way he moved his tongue soft against mine, feeling the rough denim of his jacket as I ran my hands along his back, feeling the sun laying on my skin like something real, it was nice. Even though I was scared being here, scared we'd go to jail or worse.
We'd stop kissing for a second then go back to it, and his clumsy way of touching me was sweet and sexy in that way he had, being sexy without trying or meaning to be.
It was sunny and a slight breeze rustled through the trees, through our short hair, and I opened my eyes while I kissed him. He kept his eyes shut.
What would Dal do if he drove up now? Caught us like this? The thought made me smile cause I knew what he'd do.
After awhile Johnny went in to make a baloney sandwich. We were nearly out of the chocolate bars. I stayed outside and smoked, blew the smoke toward the tops of the trees.
It came to me with horror and wonder that Johnny killed someone. Deep inhale on the cigarette, nicotine buzz, watching the wind tear at the smoke. Johnny, of all people. Sweet, harmless Johnny, who barely even talked half the time.
But he wasn't harmless. If it had been reversed, if they'd been drowning him and I had the switchblade could I have killed that soc?
I could hear Johnny in the church, could hear his steps on the dirt floor.
If it had been reversed I don't think I could have done it.
He came out chewing on his sandwich, looking at me with his solemn eyes.
"Ain't you hungry?" he said between bites. I shook my head. I was scared and confused, a state of mind that didn't go well with hungry.
All the change that had been going on lately, my life kind of rocked to the core. What with my parents dying, Soda dropping out of school, now this mess. Why did I still feel surprised when things changed?
I smoked another cigarette, lighting it from the stem of the last one. Johnny leaned back against the church eating the sandwich. I noticed how black his hair looks in the sun, and shiny even without the grease.
"You're smoking too much," he said, tossing the crust away, "you're gonna get sick, smoking on an empty stomach like that,"
I was chain smoking my third. Couldn't stop. Cigarettes helped with my nerves, and I was all keyed up.
We were gonna get caught , Dally might not come back, we'd die up here.
Aw, fuck it. I pitched the cigarette in a high arc. I was feeling sick, that dirty nicotine headache making me want to puke.
Despite the sickness and the fear, Johnny looked real good to me. Now that I allowed myself to notice it I really noticed it. Watching him flip through the book, 'Gone with the Wind', he'd say the words he didn't know in a whisper, his forehead wrinkled in concentration.
He was so fucking cute I almost couldn't stand it.