Random Tribute

Holy crap . . . where did THIS come from?!?!

Disclaimed to Tenacious D and Meg Cabot.

It's more effective if you sing it.

Love Lolly.

- 8 -

Long time ago me and my stalker Paul here.

We was bitch-fighting down, in a long and foggy hall.

All of a sudden . . . a Russell Crowe wannabe popped up.

In the middle . . . of the fog.

AND HE SAID.

"Tell the best joke in the world, or I'll eat your toes."

Well me and Paulie. We LOOKED at each other.

AND WE EACH SAID.

"You're hot."

But we told him jokes as they came to our heads. Just so happened to be.

The best jokes in the world.

They were the best jokes in the world.

Look into my eyes and it's easy to see, that I'm meant to be, with my love Jesse, coz it's DESTINY.

Once, oh, a hundred fifty years ago, Jesse was murdered by, a stupid hoe, and an ugly foe . . .

Needless to say, gladiator was impressed.

With a quick once over of Paulie,

He stared at his chest.

He asked him, SNORT.

"Be you poofter?"

And Paul said, "NAY."

"I love Jesse."

SHIT!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH – AAAAAAH – OH – OH.

HO-O-OLY CRAP.

OH MY-Y-Y-Y-Y GOD.

Oh, woe, woe, woe.

That was the most RANDOM thing in the world.

Yeah.

But Paul looks hot in a swimsuit.

So Paul's now the GAYEST thing in the world,

Oh.

Yeah, I really like grapefruit.

Oh.

WE TOLD THE BEST JOKE IN THE WORLD,

OH RIGHT.

IT WAS ABOUT A NUN WHO HURLED,

O-OH, RI-I-IGHT,

It was the funniest, freakiest thing I've heard,

All right,

Gee, ooh de fliga goo gee ooga fligoo giggoo ooh fligoo giggoo ge gee oogah.

Goo gee oogah geegoogegegee, fligoo giggoo, oh flig, oh would-be Russell Crowe . . .

But the peculiar thing is this, my friends, although Paul declared his love that night,

He actually loved the GLADIATOR ALL ALONG.

Coz Paul is a great brute.

Ya gotta believe me.

He has no chest hair,

But he DOES have some minions

Ah, TRUCK.

Good God.

I'm sexy.

Don't know why, it sure does perplex me.

God I'm gorgeous,

Really am a hot li'l mama, ya'll know.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

(Guitar climax.)

. . . End . . .

NARRATOR:

And so, Susannah realized she was hot,

Paul and Russ were deep in love,

Jesse and Spike got it on.

Lolly needs to take her pills.

And ya'll need to review.