Disclaimer: All Harry potter characters and J.K.Rowling herself belong to J.K.Rowling.
A.N.-This is what happens when I have to write a Hamlet essay and get distracted. My fandom distracts me from my homework. Sorry if it's a bit messed up and stupid, it's the best I can do at…11:30 at night!
It was late on a Thursday night, and Hermione was sitting alone in the common room, trying to find out what was on Snape's lessons plan for the next day. She knew she didn't have to, that she'd probably do just fine in the lesson without doing extra research, but the perfectionist in her wanted to be prepared.
Just as her eyes were beginning to grow heavy, and her bed was becoming more and more inviting, she heard footsteps, and Ron appeared in the common room.
"Still up 'Mione?" He asked groggily,
"Just trying to get all my preparation done." She explained, "But I'm going to bed now."
"Oh." He looked quite disappointed.
"Unless you want me to stay up for a little while?" She asked nervously, "You might want to talk or something?"
"Yeah, yeah, that'd be nice." He nodded, and sat down on one of the sofas. She sat down next to him, and there was a silence.
"Is there something you want to ask me?" She asked quietly, a blush rising up her cheeks.
"Yeah, there is." Ron told her, nodding, but not meeting her eyes.
"You can ask me anything." Hermione told him.
"I know, I know."
"Well, go on then." She was beginning to get impatient.
"Um…" He leant forwards slightly, "I was just wondering…"
"Yes?" She asked eagerly.
"I mean, it might just be me…but I have to know…" Ron was blushing furiously now.
"Just ask!" She exclaimed, finally.
"Um, is my nose too big?" he asked. Hermione's mouth fell open slightly, as she stared at him in astonishment, "I mean, I don't know, it might not be, but I really wanted to know."
"Your…nose…" She managed, "You wanted to talk about your nose…"
"Yeah." He nodded, "I mean, I might just be being stupid, but Ginny's got this little cute nose, and Fred and George's noses are pretty small too, I just think I got the ugly nose in the family."
"Ron, haven't you ever wondered if there might be something between us?" She asked, deciding to take the conversation into her own hands.
"What do you mean?" He asked, confused.
"Well, I mean, two years back, you got very jealous when I went to the ball with Victor, didn't you?"
"I did?" Ron's face was a mask of bewilderment.
"Yes, and when I was writing to him over the summer." She reminded him, but he just shook his head.
"Hermione, what are you talking about."
"Oh…Bugger!" She shouted, jumping up and pointing furiously at Ron "You stay here, don't you dare move, ok? I'll be right back. Authorus locatus!"
There was a swirl of colour, and Hermione was gone.
"What the hell?"
J.K.Rowling sat in her office, sipping a cup of coffee and absent minded-ly playing mind sweeper. A small wind picked up, and suddenly her papers where flying everywhere, and there was an irate teenage girl standing in front of her.
"You!" The girl snarled.
"Hermione!" Rowling gasped, backing away from the wand that was pointed at her.
"Damn straight! I've got a bone to pick with you!" Hermione declared, "We've got a few amendments to make missy, a few mistakes that need correcting."
"I don't…" Rowling began, but was cut off.
"Did I say you could speak? No! So listen up." Hermione lowered her wand and began pacing, keeping her eyes fixed on Rowling, "First of, why on earth did you pair me off with Victor? The boys four years older than me! And has the conversation skills of a slow ape."
"I thought you needed…"
"Then you give me emotional attachments to Ron, but make him as receptive as a wet dishcloth!" She snarled, "And don't get me started on the buck teeth!"
"I fixed your teeth!" Rowling exclaimed, "I made you damn well pretty!"
"And what about the whole escapade at the Ministry? My chance to shine, my chance to show to Ron that I'm a really amazing girl, and you split us up and knock me out! Giving Ginny the broken ankle so she can be all proud yet make people like Harry want to protect her, but knocking me right out."
"Harry and Neville were very distressed by you being attacked." Rowling pointed out.
"Oh, as if anyone actually cares about Neville." Hermione muttered, "We all know you just shoved him in there so that you can kill him off and Harry can be even moodier than normal."
"I like Neville!"
"That makes you and his grandmother." Hermione snapped, "Now anyway, back to me. You really need to do something about Ron. If he doesn't start following me around like a love sick puppy you're going to have a lot to answer for Missy!"
"Excuse me, who's the author here?" Rowling asked, but Hermione just continued to ignore her.
"I'm going to return to Hogwarts now, and me and Ron are going to have a heart to heart, and he's not going to mention his nose, or Quidditch, or how much he hates spiders. We're going to declare our feeling for each other and live happily ever after, understood?"
"Fine, fine, go." Rowling muttered, turning to her computer, "See if I care. Thirteen years I've had this plot in my head, thirteen years, but go on; I don't want to ruin your moment. Thirteen years down the drain, but it doesn't matter, as long as you're happy. Screw up the entire plot, but as long as you're happy."
"Damn straight." Hermione nodded, and cast a spell to return to Hogwarts. Rowling sighed, and wrote the few pages that she hoped would satisfy the teenage witch. The she pressed her intercom.
"Maggie, is that you?" She asked.
"Maggie here, Mrs Rowling." Her personal assistance voice sounded over the intercom.
"Remember a few years ago, when we had Ginny Weasley bursting in here declaring we give her Harry at once or she'd hex us to oblivion, and we had to give her Michael Corner and Dean Thomas to appease her? And I asked you to improve the security? Well, have you gotten started on that yet?"
"Um, no, not just yet Mrs Rowling."
"Can we move that up the priorities list just a bit Maggie?"
"I'll get right on it Mrs Rowling."
"Thank you." Rowling sighed and took her finger off the intercom. She turned back to Minesweeper, only to discover ten minutes later Luna Lovegood pointing a wand right in her face. She leant over to the intercom very slowly, and pressed the button, "Now Maggie."
As I said above, it's messed up, I don't know why I wrote it, I just felt the need too. I'll stop bothering you now.