Disclaimer: I do not own Andromeda

Setting: Season 4, a little after Rhade came aboard the Andromeda


I'm so expendable to them, all of them. Sure, I have my uses, I can do things that the others can't. But what else am I to them? A friend? I don't think so. I don't have any friends. I thought I did. Turns out that I was wrong.

And you know, it doesn't hurt so much anymore. Now that I have decided that it doesn't matter. It's sort of like everything is clear now, I'm realizing things that I've never noticed before.

And I'm not even close with Harper and Trance anymore. Rev left long ago, and then when he was back he was with Dylan, and then spared enough time to say goodbye to me. That was one of the reasons I didn't want to join the great Dylan Hunt's crew you know, I didn't want my close-knit little family to slip apart. Except that did, only I noticed to late. Maybe it could have been stopped, if only I were better at solving things. If only I could pick myself up, if only I could be saved.

So I clung to Tyr.

And what a smart move that was, NOT. He left me, and even worse then that he slept with me and then gave me as a pretty little present to an evil entity. Oh yeah, smart move on having him as your lifeline Valentine.

So then I tried to stay all alone. And I handled that. I kept my thoughts to myself and retreated back into that hollow of myself that I have way too much time with. I took care of the crew when I could, I took care of myself when I felt like it, and I became 'selfish'.

And I was doing just fine with that until he came along.

What with his wanting to know about me and his earnest, caring eyes. He kind of reminds me of how Dylan was when I first met him. Only different somehow. And I know that that doesn't really make sense, but in a way it does. Both made me safe, for some bizarre reason, and both made me want to trust them, against my better judgment. But Rhade is different from that caring Dylan somehow. I actually let myself trust Rhade right away.

Not intentionally of course, it just sorta happened. Don't get me wrong, he's still kinda boring and needs to loosen up a bit. But there's just something about him that makes tough independent me want to run up to him and ask for a hug.

Not that I would ever do such a thing, but still…

I want to trust him, I really do.

I don't think that he would let me down. I KNOW that he wouldn't.

It's the look in his eyes. Something inside of then changes, stirs, whenever I walk into a room. It's how they become the most gorgeous coffee when he talks to me, opening up and asking me to do… something. How they flash a dangerous russet whenever we're out on the job and someone takes a swing at me. And they make me melt when they stare at me when he thinks I don't notice. I could drown in them.

I could drown in him.

I think I already am.