AN: I reread MianaKenobi's LOTR parody of A Midsummer Night's Dream last week, and was struck by a fit of inspiration. Shakespeare's play Twelfth Night involves twins . . . and cross-dressing . . . and nobility . . . and humourous situations – and the EU provides some corresponding characters. So I began to "translate" Twelfth Night into the GFFA. I've had to make some cuts, mostly involving the prank on Shawnkyr subplot, and some of the Wedge and Wes parts, because . . . well, if Hobbie's taking over Maria's role from the Shakespearean version, that creates some problems.

I'll try to update at least once a week with half an act. Enjoy!


Twelfth Night


Dramatis Personae

Tenel Ka, Queen Mother of the Hapan Cluster.
Jacen Solo
Colonel Jagged Fel
Jaina Solo, sister to Jacen.
Kyp Durron, a Jedi Master, friend to Jaina.
Vergere, mentor to Jacen.
Zekk & Alema Rar, Jedi attending on the Queen.
General Wedge Antilles, uncle to Jag.
Captain Wes Janson
Shawnkyr Nuruodo, Lieutenant to Jag.
Face Loran
Piggy saBinring, a Clown.
Hobbie Klivian, Jag's custodian.

Jedi, Pilots, Politicians, and other Attendants.

SCENE: The world of Hapes, and its planetary orbit


Scene I. An apartment in the QUEEN's palace.

Enter TENEL KA, ZEKK, and other Jedi

Tenel Ka
If swordplay be the clash of love, fight on;
Give me the excess of it, that, surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.
That stab again! it had a graceful move:
O, it passed before my eye like the swift slash,
That when choreographed by a brilliant mind,
Becomes perfection! Enough; no more:
'Tis not so thrilling now as was before.
O spirit of defense, how quick thou art!
That, nonwithstanding thy strong aptitude
Thou accept only those who persevere,
And tosses those of less stalwart mettle
Back into poor abatement and low price,
Even in a minute! so alike then is love,
That it alone is high fantastical.

Will you go hunt, my queen?

Tenel Ka
What, Zekk?

The Vong.

Tenel Ka
Why, so I do, the noblest that I have:
O, when mine eyes did see Jagged Fel first,
Methought he brought an air of pestilence!
That instant was I turn'd into a Vong;
And my desires, like fell and cruel voxyn,
E'er since pursue me.


How now! what news from him?

So please my queen, I might not be admitted;
But from his aide do return this answer:
The vast expanse itself, till this war's end,
Shall not behold his face at ample view;
But, like a Tusken, he will veiled walk
And plot the Vong's downfall both day and night
With cunning intellect: all this to gain
A victory, which he has often sought,
So he might receive a much higher rank.

Tenel Ka
O, he that hath a heart of that fine frame
To work so hard but for the galaxy,
How will he be, when love - the golden shaft
Hath kill'd the flock of all interests else
That live in him; when liver, brain and heart,
These sovereign thrones, are all supplied, and fill'd
His sweet obsessions with one astute queen!
Away before me to my sparring room:
Love-thoughts bloom best when wrestled out with doom.