It was a good kiss. It lasted longer than he thought it would have, him having drunkenly sprung it on her in the middle of a haze-induced moment where she looked extra-pretty in her tight red vest, finishing off a glass of scotch. She'd returned some of his moves, even going so far as to put her arms around his back instead of shoving him off first. But push him away she did, finally.
"Ok, that was nice and all, but we're still on the clock and you're lit. You want to go upstairs and I'll finish piling the rest of this stuff on? And I'll check up on you in a bit?"
"I'm not so bad that I can't finish the job in here," he waved his hand.
"No, Finch," she leaned forward conspiratorially. "Do you want to go upstairs so I can finish up here and check up on you, moron?"
Little hard to miss that hint. "Brilliant plan, you know where I'll be." With that, he left the kitchen, passed the bar where Stifler had his quarry on her second Screwdriver, went upstairs and into the room.
"You know, these parties are usually so dull," she smiled across the countertop at Stifler. "Usually we just talk about the office and who's divorcing who until someone makes a pass at the wrong board member and everyone goes home. I'm sorry I missed the evening's entertainment."
"You should be. I haven't made a kick like that since they threw Evans off the Varsity starting line to give me his spot." He decided she could handle an extra splash of vodka in her drink.
"Still in school, then?"
"Not for the summer. I don't have to be up early for anything."
"Isn't that convenient. Neither do I."
"If you need somewhere to stay tonight, we're a full-service company here. We'll put you up, if you're willing to share a room." He slid the third drink to her with a grin.
She picked it up and stood. "I wouldn't mind that at all. If I were to use the upstairs bathroom, where is that and where do I go afterwards?"
"Bathroom's first door on the left, room's third on the right. Enjoy your stay at El Casa De Stifler!" he called after her as she climbed the steps and disappeared into the room on the left.
As the party wound down, Oz continued to put half-drunk middle-aged adults into their cars as Kevin stood on the back porch with the two girls from the keg game earlier, thanking them for showing up unexpectedly and unannounced and explaining that they had to wait to come in until all the older folks were gone. The girls were fairly tipsy themselves, having come from another party down the beach, and weren't grasping the concept of "wait". This especially applied to the redhead who explained very bluntly to Kevin about her snake of an ex who neglected her for weeks while he banged every sorostitute into the floorboards and mentioned that they now had nowhere to stay for the night. Her friend also had nowhere to stay either.
"Well, I've got a queensize and we've got an extra room for the night. You ladies can have the big bed and I'll move." He let them inside once he was certain there were no customers left.
Oz came back in and collapsed on the couch. "Some asshole insisted on coming back over and over again, having me park and fetch his new Porsche so he could give women joyrides all night. I must've parked that car alone seven or eight times –"
"That's very fascinating, Oz, but we have company again," Kevin cut in. "This is Abby and Krystal."
Oz shook his head. "I'm not up to any more entertaining, Kev. They're all yours."
"No, w-we're just putting them up for t-tonight," he stammered, surprised by two very distinctly different hands on his back and backside.
Larissa passed by behind them on her way upstairs, eyeing the girls' activity. "Done cleaning up in the kitchen, going to bed. Don't stay up late, you three."
At the top of the stairs, she attempted to go into the bathroom, but the door was locked. Must be Finch, she thought, smirking to herself. I should surprise the bejeezus out of him.
Remembering that his room was near the end of the hall, she slipped into the third room on the right and pulled off her shirt. The room was empty and dark, but the bed was unmade so she figured he'd laid down for a nap to wait for her. She removed her bra and lay face down on the bed, her head away from the door, lower legs raised and crossed coyly.
Finch lay on the bed, still in a haze but wider awake than ever before. Sooner or later the party would be over and Larissa would be heading up here to make his night fantastic. He heard movement in the hall now, and put his hands behind his head to wait and closed his eyes, thinking about the carnal pleasures that awaited him.
Stifler finished wiping down the bar and headed upstairs to his evening's payoff. When he reached his room, there she was, already laying on the bed and playfully facing away from him, only her back illuminated by the shaft of moonlight coming through the window. The rest was in shadow. He pulled off his vest and shirt and mouthed his approval wordlessly as he ran a long series of kisses from her ankle to the middle of her back.
Kevin didn't have time to even open the door before the girls were yanking off their shirts, his shirt, collective pants, and devolving into a drunken mess of foreplay. He groped for the door handle, thinking it inappropriate to nail a threesome in the hallway. They came into the room like a hurricane, all three of them blindly falling onto the bed and continuing in the throes of passion, until a man's confused cries forced them to stop going at it and realize that a very naked Kevin had fallen down directly in the middle of the lap of a very naked Finch.
Stifler had managed to make it to kissing her shoulder as he massaged her lower back, teasing the skin just below her bustline. "You've got incredible skin for a woman of your maturity," he mused. "And seriously, the ass of a twenty-year-old."
The body beneath him froze and slowly turned its head. He realized that the face was not that of a forty-something businesswoman. He was looking at his mother's eyes and they were somewhere between horrified and disgusted.
That's when the mutual screaming started.
The hallway was full of naked people. Some of them had sheets clutched around them. Others held their clothes up.
"What the fuck were you doing in my room?"
"You were supposed to be Finch!"
"Why didn't you see I was on the bed before you fell on me?"
"Why are you drunk and naked on my bed to begin with?"
"Wait, you were gonna use my room to fuck Shitbrick?"
"No, I was going to use his room!"
"Wait, you were going to sleep with Finch?"
The two girls were so frightened and confused that they ducked back into Kevin's room and shut the door. The rest of them attempted to figure out the mix-up while trying not to vomit.
"So who's in the bathroom?" Kevin finally asked, pointing out the one hole in the plot.
"Probably that cougar I bagged. I think I put a little too much in her drink. Hope she's not dead in there…"
"Oh, for fuck's sake." Larissa took the skeleton key off the top of the doorframe and unlocked the bathroom. There, sleeping peacefully in the tub, was the woman. Kevin draped a blanket over her and sighed.
"And through this whole mess, Oz is still passed out on the couch downstairs. I am in awe."