Disclaimer: I don't own "Harry Potter", it belongs to the great JK Rowling.
Warning: This is a slash fanfic. If you don't like it, don't read it.
Summary: MWPP era. Remus realizes his love for Sirius. But what does Sirius feel for Remus?
The Werewolf And The Animagus.
Remus was a fourth-year student at Hogwarts. He liked Hogwarts because there he could learn plenty of fascinating things. He loved reading and studying. He also liked Hogwarts simply because he had been accepted as a student. Being a werewolf, he had never imagined he could have an (almost) normal life. But above all, he liked Hogwarts because he had met wonderful people who had become his friends and had accepted him for who he really was. And he knew that Sirius, James and Peter were currently trying to become animagi for him — just for him. He could hardly believe it. He felt so lucky to have such loyal friends.
And yet, something was missing. He knew he shouldn't complain. All he had was far more than he had ever hoped for. But friendship just wasn't enough any more. He needed something else: love. But it wasn't that simple. It wasn't only a vague feeling, a need to find a soul mate. No, he already knew who his heart belonged to. And that was the problem, because he was in love with none other than Sirius. He had slowly come to that realization, a couple of weeks before. And now, he wondered how he hadn't noticed this feeling, this warmth before. Whenever he thought about Sirius, he had butterflies in his stomach. It felt strange, but it wasn't bad, and he rather liked the sensation. Sometimes, when Sirius was chatting with James or when he was working on an essay, Remus stopped reading and just looked at him. He was always amazed by the beauty of the other teenager. But he didn't watch him for too long as he didn't want to be discovered.
Sirius would never know. And neither would James or Peter. Of course, they didn't mind him being a werewolf. At the time, Remus had been so afraid that they would find out the truth. But when that had happened, everything had been all right, to Remus' surprise. So he understood that they wouldn't reject him, that they would be nice to him. But things would be different, that would create some uneasiness between them. Especially with Sirius. How are you supposed to react when you discover that your best male friend is in love with you? Remus didn't want to lose his current friendship with Sirius. They were so close — not close enough, but still very close. No, Remus couldn't lose this link. It was one of the few things that kept him sane as the full moon approached.
Sirius had fallen in love with Remus during their third year at Hogwarts. Although James was his best friend, Sirius had always felt strangely at ease with Remus. But during their third year, things had taken a different turn. His teenage hormones had awakened! And they had seemed to fancy Remus. A lot. At first, Sirius had tried not to pay attention to his new desires. But after several wet dreams, he had had to give in and to admit to himself that friendship was definitely not what he was feeling for Remus. From then on, he had tried to show Remus how much he cared for him, smiling seductively at him, touching him whenever he could, holding him in his arms before and after his transformations. But it hadn't worked. Remus had seemed to consider his various attempts as tokens of friendship. When they saw Sirius, many girls started whispering and giggling, so he was really attractive, it wasn't only his imagination. Why couldn't Remus notice it too? Still, Remus hadn't seemed to be interested in any girl. Maybe he was too young, or maybe he was too obsessed with his werewolf condition. But that wouldn't last forever. Sirius could wait — though with difficulty.
They were now in fourth year, and Sirius had of course noted the change in Remus' attitude. Remus looked at him when he thought that Sirius wouldn't notice, but he was mistaken. On the contrary, when Sirius was watching Remus reading, the other boy was completely oblivious. That was so like him! Anyway, Sirius felt very happy, because he was almost certain that Remus returned his feelings. The werewolf just needed some encouragement.
But Sirius didn't intend to rush things. He knew Remus very well, and it was better to wait for the right moment. Otherwise, the werewolf would just start fretting. Remus was very self-conscious about his nature, which was ridiculous since he was the most wonderful person Sirius had ever met. Nothing to do with his or James' stupid behaviours. But soon, they would master the animagus spell and they could spend the full moon night with the werewolf. Sirius couldn't wait to master it and to show the result to Remus. He had already managed the transformation a couple of times and he had been elated to find out that his animagus form was a dog. A wolf and a dog! That just seemed to prove that they were meant to be together right from the beginning.
It was the night after the full moon. Remus didn't feel too bad, so he had been allowed to go back to his dorm. He was exhausted, but perhaps less than usual, since he couldn't fall asleep. Or perhaps it was because he was too exhausted and strained. He tossed and turned in bed for a couple of hours. It was rather annoying since he knew he needed to sleep. In fact, if there was a time he really needed to sleep, it was the night after the full moon. Then, without realizing it, he finally drifted off. However, his sleep was full of nightmares. It happened rather often before his transformations, but usually, after the full moon, he just fell into a deep sleep. On that night, though, he was haunted by the wolf and all the violence that lurked within him. As he was dreaming that the werewolf was attacking an innocent human being, he woke up with a start, sweating and panting.
He wondered if he had screamed. He thought he had, but maybe it was only in the nightmare. The room was almost pitch dark, but with his heightened eyesight and hearing, he could detect movement. Peter was breathing slowly and regularly, he was sleeping. James wasn't moving either, but Remus wondered if he wasn't awake. Maybe his friend had heard him, but knew better than to come and fuss over him. He wasn't a child any more, after all. Though he actually liked it when it was Sirius who fussed over him… And Sirius was indeed approaching him. He sat down on the edge of Remus' bed.
"You can't sleep, can you?" Sirius whispered.
"I'd like to, though," Remus answered softly.
"Just relax! I'll stay here until you fall asleep."
"No, Sirius. I don't want you to be tired because of me."
"Sh! Don't say nonsense! I am the infamous Sirius Black, who never gets tired." In the dark, he could only imagine Remus smiling. "Moreover, you're the one who is tired. Go back to sleep now."
Sirius caressed Remus' forehead and hair in a soothing manner. It felt warm and fuzzy, and Remus drifted off only a few minutes later. When Sirius realized Remus was asleep, he returned to his own bed, already missing the intimate contact. He hated it when Remus felt bad, but he really liked taking care of the other boy. And he wanted to do so much more for him. It was time to take the matter in hand.
The following day was a Sunday. The weather was fine and, usually, the four friends would go to Hogsmeade. But Remus still felt tired because of his transformation and his almost sleepless night. So he decided to remain in the dorm to read. Peter and James understood and didn't insist. When they were up to some pranks, they tried to make Remus leave his books. But they knew he needed to rest after the full moon. What surprised them was Sirius' decision not to go to Hogsmeade.
"Sirius, I assure you, I feel fine," Remus replied as soon as Sirius announced he too was going to stay at Hogwarts.
Sirius laughed: "Remus, what exactly makes you think that this has anything to do with you?" Well, of course, it had something to do with Remus, but Sirius' motives were far less innocent than the werewolf thought. "I simply want to work on my Potions essay."
Remus looked at him suspiciously: "We've got to hand it in on Thursday. Since when do you do your homework in advance? Not that I want to deter you from such a good initiative."
"You know how much I hate Potions. So I just want to get it over and done with."
"But are you sure you don't want to come with us? We'll have fun in Hogsmeade and then, you can work on your essay tonight," Peter suggested.
"No, I feel in the mood now, and I'm not sure I'll still have the courage to do it tonight."
"Come on, Peter! Let's go! We wouldn't want to keep Sirius from studying," James commented with an ironic tone.
Sirius also noted his grin and wondered if his best friend knew something. Anyway, it didn't matter. He sat down at his desk, took a piece of parchment and a quill, and began reading his Potions book. Meanwhile, James and Peter had gotten ready to leave.
"See you later," Peter said.
"See you," Remus answered.
"Have fun!" James mocked.
"Be quiet, I'm studying," Sirius only replied.
He continued working on his essay for half an hour. Well, he tried to, at least. He couldn't really focus on Potions because he kept thinking of Remus. But he just couldn't go and talk to him after a few minutes. Remus would know at once that the essay had only been a pretext. Anyway, he would realize it soon enough. Then, Sirius decided to stop pretending, since he really didn't want to think about Potions now.
Remus was sitting on his bed, leaning back against the headboard. Sirius stood up, went to Remus' bed and sat down cross-legged on it. Remus looked up from his DADA book.
"I thought you said you wanted to work on your Potions essay," he remarked with an amused smile.
"It can wait. I need to talk to you."
Remus' heart started to beat faster. He thought he should calm down. Sirius couldn't be talking about what he thought he was talking about. So he just said: "But James and Peter are not here."
Sirius looked surprised. Then, he understood Remus' answer and added: "Not the four of us, just… the two of us." Now, Sirius was a bit uncertain what to say, and Remus looked utterly confused. "I mean… I saw you…"
"You saw me? What do you mean you saw me? Of course, you see me every day!" Remus was slightly panicking. He didn't understand what Sirius was trying to get at, but he was definitely speaking about Remus' feelings. This couldn't be good!
Sirius noticed Remus' fear, but he didn't feel at ease either. For once, Sirius had no idea what to say. Still, he knew he had to say something, because he didn't want Remus to worry for nothing. "It's all right, Remus. I saw how you look at me." In fact, Sirius noted how Remus was presently looking aside, examining the wallpaper attentively in a desperate attempt to pretend this wasn't happening. "It's a pity you didn't notice how I look at you."
Remus' eyes widened and he turned to look Sirius in the eye. This could only be a misunderstanding. Sirius couldn't be in love with him. It was simply impossible! Better stay quiet, then!
Sirius noticed Remus' amazement. So he had finally understood, even if he still couldn't believe it. But Sirius knew how to be convincing. Now he was sure that he had been right about Remus' feelings, he only had to show his own feelings. And he had no doubt about them.
"Remus, I love you!"
So everything was real, wasn't it? Remus had never felt so happy in his whole life. He didn't even know that he could have such a big smile. And Sirius was smiling too. That was the only encouragement he needed to utter the magical words.
"I love you too, Sirius!"
Then, Sirius slowly leaned forward and brushed his lips against Remus'. They were incredibly soft. As Sirius pressed a bit more, Remus' lips slightly parted and let Sirius' tongue enter. The dark-haired teenager began to explore his boyfriend's mouth, caressing his tongue and his palate. Remus moaned when the kiss deepened. Then, he began to kiss him back, showing Sirius that he too was a very good kisser. When they finally broke the kiss, they were both panting for air.
"Since it's our day, there's something more I want to tell you."
"What is it?" Remus asked, curiosity flashing in his eyes.
"Well, it was supposed to be a secret until we are ready. But I want to show you my animagus form."
"You don't have to," Remus commented.
"I know, but I really want to," Sirius answered with a mischievous smile.
He got up and cast the spell. On the first try, it didn't work. That wasn't surprising, since he was very nervous. Sirius breathed in and tried to calm down. He attempted to transform himself once more and, then, it worked. Remus could admire a big black dog looking at him with affection and love. He went to Sirius, crouched down and embraced him.
"Thank you, Sirius!"
The dog licked Remus' cheek sloppily, as if to say: "You're welcome."
Then, it dawned on Remus. They were both canines! Even as animals, they were made for each other. He felt the wolf howling within him and he knew that the wolf was happy too.
When James and Peter came back from Hogsmeade, they found Sirius and Remus chatting, sitting on Remus' bed. They were holding hands, their fingers intertwined. Peter looked surprised, but James didn't. He just smiled when he noticed that Sirius' parchment lay on his desk, still blank.
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