a/n: OK, so this is a little fic that I wrote when I was slightly drunk on too many brandy-filled chocolates. Which are disgusting, but you know. This explains why it is so different from my other story.

Disclaimer: JK Rowling kicks ass. I don't.

Chapter 1: Malfoy Loses His Hair Gel

All was well in the Slytherin boys' dormitory.

Or was that, is, until a shrill scream pierced the air, ringing in the ears of all the other occupants.

Draco Malfoy had misplaced his hair gel.

How tragic.

The man-lady in question came bursting from the bathroom, still screeching, sounding rather like McGonagall going off at the Weasley twins.

"Where did you put it?" He shrieked, white-blond hair falling out of place, while he throttled Crabbe. "Where?"

Crabbe muttered something concerning "fluffy bunnies and the rainbow elf", rolled over, and fell farther into dreamland. "DID YOU HEAR ME?" Draco squealed frantically.

Across the dormitory, Goyle sat up, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Draco?" He said sleepily, "Are you alright?"


"Malfoy," Goyle said in a duh-you-are-SUCH-an-idiot voice, "I don't use hair gel."

"Your hair rollers then." Malfoy said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Goyle clutched at his head.

"How did you know?" Goyle gasped.

Malfoy's mouth dropped open. "No way," he muttered, staring at Goyle's head. Goyle's meaty hands, though quite large, could not cover the rolls created by the large, tube-like plastic hair rollers. Malfoy's eyes narrowed.

"I knew those curls weren't natural!" He accused, pointed a shaking finger at his crony. "And I reckon…I reckon that your highlights aren't natural either!"

Goyle fainted.

Malfoy let out a battle cry and pounced.

And, my friends, I am sorry to say that as thick as the rest of Goyle was, the amount of hair Malfoy pulled out of his skull was not thick at all. In fact, Malfoy was rather disgusted that, while at Summer School for Girls (or Guys That Want to be Girls), he did not learn the proper hair-pulling technique.

Somewhere in the universe, the owners of the SSFG(OGTWTBG), Mrs. Man and Mr. Woman, cackled insanely, rolling in the thousands of Galleons the Malfoys had paid for their son to learn various skills that girls are born with. Mrs. Man giggled,

"Those stupid Malfoys! Did they think that—that miserable excuse for a guy could learn the girlie techniques?"

Mr. Woman chortled,

"Hee hee! I couldn't believe that scrawny thing way a boy when I saw him!"

They sniggered.

Meanwhile, back in the Slytherin boys' dormitory…

Malfoy was at work with his sewing scissors.

On Goyle's head.

The un-natural curls were being shorn from his large meaty head, falling to the ground in clumps. Finally, once Goyle's head was a mess of stubbly hairs, Draco relinquished his hold on his former crony. He giggled in triumph as Goyle slowly woke up and screamed shrilly as he caught a glimpse of himself in the floor-length mirror on the opposite side of the room. Goyle promptly fainted again.

Malfoy got dressed in his favorite hot-pink robes and went to breakfast.

a/n: OK. That's chapter one. Hope you liked! Please review or I will chop you up and feed to the munchkins.

PREVIEW: Malfoy grimaced as he saw Harry Potter across the Great Hall. The guy's hair was just so thick and shiny, and that complexion!

Hugs, Nana :)