Author's Note: After much popular demand, for some bizarre reason that I won't understand why people liked it, I have decided to make a continuation to my previous fic Lament for the Lamb, my little PWP non-con fic where I thoroughly enjoyed torturing Naruto and messing up Sasuke. After channeling Muraki-sensei some more, I finally decided to write a continuation. So, hope you enjoy this. Review onegai.
Disclaimer: As I have said before, if I owned Naruto it would not be suitable for children's innocent eyes.
Warning: This is unedited. The edited version will be up later. Beware of grammar mistakes.
Bad Memories Are Like An Infection
By Jia Z.
Sapphire eyes fluttered opened, a hatchling born new into the world. The angel rays peaked through the window and onto his back. There was a gentle warmth from the sun—it was something comforting, like the home he never really knew. He stirred slightly, turning in his bed till he was curled up, like a kitten that had been drenched in the thunderstorm, lost in some dark alley. But that was his life, after all.
He was a deviant—not made by human hands. The monster he feared was not under his bed, or in his closet, but deep, deep inside the cavern of his soul. He shuddered slightly, feeling a sudden chill of coldness, even though the room was warm like the summer wind. He had so much to fear, so there was no possible warmth he could ever feel from the sun, no matter how bright it shined.
He had hope before, sometime time long ago.
Perhaps it was when he believed fairy-tales were real, and that he would someday save the princess from the tower up in the sky.
Oh, but he needed saving himself.
"Nn…" he whimpered softly, his eyes closed tightly.
The nightmares came to intrude into his mind. The touches, the kisses, the heat, and the intrusion—he remembered it all. That was why he hated the sun, and the birds that chirped, awakening him from his amnesiac sleep. It was only when he was comatose that those thoughts slipped away from him.
But, in the end, it was a failure. Just like he was.
Tap, tap, tap.
There came a knocking upon the door, the sound of a woodpecker's journey against the tree.
He moved, slowly lifting his head up to stare at the door. The repetitive sound of knocking came again.
"Naruto!" spoke Sakura through the gateway. "Naruto, what are you doing? You're late for training you know! Get up already."
A slight feeling of normality swelled up in him. It was a feeling that seemed, all of a sudden, so alien to him, as if he had been stone cold for millennias, crying frozen tears.
"Hai…" he replied back.
Slowly, he got up from his bed. As soon as his feet touched down upon the floor, he felt as it he had stepped into quicksand. He steadied himself, his legs feeling the weight of gravity's pull. He still felt sore and broken.
He dressed himself, calmly and quickly, as so not to make Sakura wait any longer. He felt stiff, like a puppet whose strings were cut and shredded.
"Naruto! What's taking you so long? If we don't go soon we're going to be even later than Kakashi-sensei!"
A light smile graced his soft features. "Hai, hai, Sakura-chan."
He made his way to the door, turning the knob. The face of a pink haired girl met him. Her aqua eyes seemed slightly annoyed. "Finally! Took you long enough!"
But he didn't notice any of that—Sakura continued to talk, but all he heard was the pounding of the blood in his body and the young man who stood against the wall before him.
Dark ebony hair, deep, magnetic eyes, and gargoyle features.
"Sasuke-kun and I have been waiting way too long for you, Naruto! Let's get a move on already or we really will be later than Kakashi-sensei…" She walked on obliviously, unaware of the transaction of emotions that afflicted two of the dearest people to her.
But she was just the audience, unable to rewrite the story.
He stood rigid as he gazed at the dark haired youth across the hallway from him. A sudden chill—fear—rushed through him like a drug. He took a slight step back. Neither he nor Sasuke moved. The ebony haired youth remained still, cold, like a glacier. For a moment, he thought he saw something in Sasuke's eyes, something pained and incomprehensible, but it quickly faded like yesterday's dreams.
"What are you standing there for, dobe?" he spat. "Get a move on already." He walked off, following Sakura.
A twisted sense of normalcy rushed through him, like a wave upon the shores. It was quick, and then it was gone, and all that left were the memories of a dark room, a bleeding moon, and the smell of copper.
He remembered everything that happened that night.
The cruel intrusion inside of him.
He felt like throwing up. He felt absolutely sick to his stomach. He felt as if he had become a reflection that night, a reflection of what he was, and what he wanted to be. But mirrors shatter, yet the reflection remained. Always a window to something deeper.
He never understood why Sasuke had done what he had done. All he knew was that night, when he lost his friend, and his body was ravished and raped.
He never asked him why.
He never cried, except for that night.
He never went to him for the answers he so desperately needed.
Because he was absolutely terrified. During the whole training session that day, he stuck himself like glue to Sakura, making sure that he was never alone. But no matter how much he pretended, a façade of a smile on his face, playing the jester, he couldn't escape the gravity of Sasuke's eyes. They trapped him, just like that night. They spoke to him of something deep within that he wasn't able to understand.
He was just a child. No matter how you look at it, he was just a child.
Even if he felt anything, he wouldn't understand it, really.
He was just a child, who had hopes and dreams and aspirations.
But now, those things seemed like every other tangible object that can be broken, stolen, or taken away from you by brute force. On that night, with the moon in the sky, in that dark room, he had lost something, and he had learned something.
The world was an absolutely cruel teacher.
Still, he admired the way Sasuke was trying to rebuild. He felt himself chuckle inwardly at Sasuke's attempt for normalcy, no matter how pathetic it seemed. For, the only thing he understood was what was reflected in Sasuke's Siamese eyes—emotions he understood too well. He tried to hide it, he knew that much. He tried so desperately to pretend, like they were in some delusional game, that it was almost cute.
He wondered what Sasuke went through, what he had thought that night under the blue moon. He wondered about his apology, and his tears.
He wondered at his attempt at normalcy, after everything they had gone through.
He was like a little boy playing house. But there was no perfection to it.
Every night, when he went to bed, he had dreams of that night. The need, the possession, and the unleashing of something he didn't understand. He wondered what went on in Sasuke that night for them to be lead to this point. Even now, he wonders what he is thinking.
The sun fell asleep over the horizon, leaving on residues of red, orange and golden light. The others had gone home. He, alone, stood against a tree as the sun began to set, and the stars and the moon started to awaken from their slumber.
His eyes, once bright shining stones, were now dull, cynical of life and all its components.
His mind always swayed back to the ebony haired boy who shattered his mirror and distorted his reflection.
Speak of the Devil.
A sudden rush of panic flowed through him as he turned to see the creator of his insomnia. He felt like running, sprinting away. All sense of logic he had about Sasuke was gone, left by animal instinct of fear.
He moved to run away. A look of dread sprung in Sasuke's dark eyes.
"Wait!" he shouted, almost pleading. But he moved, he ran. "Dammit." He was a prey again, being chased by the predator.
He sprinted in the darkness. The stars glittered like fireflies in the night sky, and the moon hung with some ancient wisdom. The sun had fallen to sleep, but he could not.
"Dammit, Naruto! Stop!"
He was scared, a frightened lamb about to be slaughter.
He was tackled—in a haze of confusion, he was pinned against the cold ground. His hands trapped beside his head. It was like that night all over again—a sick sense of déjà vu.
"Let me go!"
"No. Listen to me!"
"Why should I listen to you? Let me go!"
He struggled, but failed in the attempt. Sasuke's weighted cushioned his body to the earth.
"Naruto, please! Listen to me!"
He continued his failing struggle. Memories of that night arose in him, like an infection. It spread within him, of fear, and confusion, and something else that his childish heart didn't understand.
"Please, Naruto, listen to me…I—"
Sasuke stopped in mid sentence.
Diamonds leaked from Sapphire eyes. The ebony haired boy felt something clench tightly within him. He wanted to explain. He wanted to tell him so many things.
"Please…let me go. You're hurting me."
You're hurting me…
Those words again. Crying eyes and pleas that went unheeded.
He never meant to hurt him.
He never wanted to hurt him.
It was never his intention at all.
But for so long he had kept all of his emotions locked in a sweet birdcage—it finally broke, and he had unleashed something cruel and evil.
Sasuke too, wanted to forget that night—with an odd blue moon, a dark little room, and the smell of copper adrift in the air. He wanted to forget it all. He wanted to forget what he felt, all the emotions locked up inside of him. He wanted for everything that had happened to disappear so that it could all go back to the way it was supposed to be.
But life was never that simple, and Fate loved its bitter games.
"I…I'm sorry, Naruto."
Slowly, he let go of Naruto's wrists and got up. The blonde scooted up against a tree, hugging his knees against his chest, turning into a little ball as he began to sob.
It was a good day to end things.
Sasuke turned and walked towards the darkness of the forest.
It was time to end it, but he could never forget. If he forgot, he might just do it again, a sinful crime against the one thing he cherished most.
No, he couldn't bear to forget, no matter how painful it was. These bad memories were like an infection.
It was a good day to end things.
"I'm sorry for everything…"
And he walked away.
On that night, while the stars twinkled in their heavenly magnificence, amidst the song of the moon, and the crying of a child, two people parted, both broken, both shattered. Yet, they were eternally walking on a path towards somewhere they both dreamed of. And perhaps, on that path, they would find each other again.
End Note: Whoa…Wasn't I a cruel bitch. Depressing ending, just like Lament for the Lamb. I had a really difficult time trying to determine a good ending. In the end, I felt it most appropriate that it would end this way. I gave you a little closure with the ending…maybe they will eventually end up together. I dunno; I'll leave that to your imagination. If someone wants to read the happy version of this, I'll send it to you personally. This fic was greatly inspired by the song "Infection" by Chihiro Onitsuka, hence the title of the fic. It's a good song to listen to while reading this fic. Anyways, hoped everyone liked this. Read and review please!
© January, 2005 by Jia Zhang. All rights reserved.