Disclaim hair: No, I do not own Hairy Potter. No, I am not a Warner sister. No, my name isn't J. K. Rowling. And no, I haven't been reading fan fictions obsessively ignoring my summer homework… well, only a little bit!
Author's note: Author's note is at the end, as are the responses to all reviews. I've kept you waiting for far too long, so let's go straight to the chapter. Enjoy.
/ Sev's thoughts and his merry conscience (with a great sense of humour)/
§ parseltongue §
Last time (Oh so very long ago):
Harry was walking halfway down the final flight of stairs, when he accidentally stepped on the tail of a suddenly materialised out of nowhere Mrs Norris, lost his balance spectacularly and fell down the last remaining stairs. Miraculously he landed still in one piece.
"Blasted cat!" he snarled.
He slowly picked himself up, but once he was standing, he fervently wished he'd stayed sprawled on the floor, face down. Standing in front of him was Severus, looking very smug and with a devious look about him. He had a sinking suspicion, he knew perfectly well 'why' the man was happy to see him.
"Mr Potter, I believe I forgot to mention that you've earned yourself a detention."
Chapter nine: The cat's out of the bag
If anyone had seen Severus Snape, grinning like a Cheshire cat, humming "Carmina Burana", and skipping down a corridor with a sullen Harry Potter in tow, they would have rubbed their eyes forcefully, to the point of pulling out the poor things, looked again –seen the same thing, and died of shock.
As it is, no one did see Severus Snape skipping down to his dungeons, thus nobody died; his conscience, however, was painfully aware of the Devil, the size of a small fairy, sitting on Sev's right shoulder, who was taking a well earned rest after skipping off - down the figurative corridor, in it's sexy, red leather outfit, cackling evilly.
Professor Snape on the other hand was poised and composed, and if questioned, would forcefully deny having seen a miniature Severus, scantily clad, skipping off towards his chambers. It was already hard enough to admit that he was hearing voices, not that he'd admit it (Oh, they'd have to place him under the most painful of tortures to pull out a single syllable from his mouth), without having to declare that, yes, he was having visions, and weirdly insane ones at that. Probably too much time spent in the company of Lord Voldemort and Albus Dumbledore. Alas.
Severus kept on walking purposefully towards his office, with a slight pink tinge to his cheeks, carefully camouflaging the wild urge to laugh maniacally and inflict his vendetta on one Harry James Not So Potter. A smirk, capable of making second years wet themselves, slid upon his face.
"Mr Potter," he practically purred, while holding the door open for the boy, "feel free to take a seat."
Dinner time at Hogwarts was the usual noisy affair. Teachers were catching up on each other's day and taking a chance to relax, students were chatting away and taking their fill of the delicious feast, Seamus Finnegan was still trying to turn his pumpkin juice into something a bit more exciting, Hermione Granger was fretting just for a change, and Ronald Weasley was stuffing himself with food and mumbling vaguely in Hermione's direction.
Basically, all in the norm.
"Hermione," Ron attracted said girl's attention, who patiently waited for him to finish munching on his jacket potato. "You're doing it again."
Hermione frowned. "What exactly, Ronald?"
Ron was munching on a piece of bread. "Fretting. Don't worry about…"
"Of course, I'll worry about him! I promised him I'd try not to pry, but I am authorized to mind about his well being. Parvati told me she'd seen Harry head for the great hall, but that was at least twenty minutes ago, if not more!"
Ron took a long gulp out of his goblet of juice. "You should," he bit into a treacle tart.
"Yes?" Hermione prompted him, getting a bit annoyed.
"try," munch, "giving him," slurp "some…"
"Oh for Merlin's sake!" screeched Hermione, fighting the urge to pull out clumps of her hair, or throttling a certain red head. She opted instead for snatching Ron's plate and glass. "Now spit it out!" she snarled fiercely.
Ron paled. "But Hermione… I don't think…"
"Exactly, you don't think. Now do as I said!"
Ron gave her a pleading look. Some heads turned to see what all the commotion was about.
"Spit. It. Out." She ground out from between her teeth.
Ron gulped, looked slightly green, and spat out a half munched treacle tart onto his napkin. Nearly all the onlookers made a sound of revulsion, Seamus muttered something that sounded like "What a sadist…", which only got Hermione to bristle. She, Hermione, looked positively disgusted and stared at one of her best friends wondering how the hell he'd managed reaching his sixth year. Oh, yeah, she'd helped him on the way.
"Ron." She said, trying not to puke as well. "I meant it figuratively, you twat! How thick can you get?"
Ron nearly peed his pants. "… you could have told me."
That was apparently the wrong thing to say, because next thing he knew, a plate went flying to his head, he ducked, and Hermione stalked off muttering obscenities. All the while, professor McGonagall stared at her star pupil aghast.
Draco Malfoy was sitting at the far end of the Slytherin table, ignored by his house mates, and surveying the funny scene going on at the Gryffindor table. And he wasn't the only one. He turned his head away from the amusing scenario to see how his godfather was faring, and noted that he was absent.
'Mmm, he's not here. That's the second meal he's missed today. No need to worry though, he's probably tormenting some poor kid in detention. He shouldn't keep missing meals however'. Draco mused. 'Guess I'll go see if he's ok. I mean, who is the adult here anyway? Honestly.' Draco put down his fork and knife, got up from the bench and stalked out of the hall, with all his usual dignity. He might have been demoted to scum, in the eyes of the Slytherins, but he knew some of his house mates where having doubts on their parents' choices, and that a few still looked up to him. And anyway, it wasn't in his nature to be anything less than regal, no matter what others thought of him.
Once out in the halls, he was met with the peaceful quiet that only a Hogwarts hall could give when student-free. He took the door on the opposite side of the Entrance hall and walked down the flights of stairs, leading to his godfather's office. He'd probably find him there.
Ten minutes later, Draco was standing in front of the door, of the obviously empty office, after having knocked at least six times. 'Where is that man? He's always disappearing.' Draco huffed.
'Well, I guess I'll find him in his quarters then, there's no other place.' He muttered the password to the office door, which opened, slipped through into the dark room, shut the door and walked over to the hidden entrance, leading to the small corridor that adjoined Severus' office to his sitting room.
A while ago…
Harry sat, or rather slouched, in the squishy armchair opposite his fa… ugh, Severus, while the man in question walked backwards and forwards on the other side of the desk. The professor ranted on about something, he wasn't quite sure about what exactly, while gesticulating. He'd lost track of what Severus was saying after the first five minutes. Severus spoke about responsibilities, reminding Harry that a student's job wasn't only that of studying, but behaving and learning to respect his elders. Students certainly weren't supposed to break rules as he did, students weren't supposed to have bouts of reckless behaviour like him, and surely they weren't supposed to go running about the place, punching professor's noses like he did.
"Is that clear?" Severus asked pointedly. Harry nodded dumbly, The Voice scratched it's head and yawned, and the hotty on his right shoulder asked him when would the fun begin. Severus sighed, doubting his mental stability and wondering why he was always on the receiving end of Fate's twisted humour. / Is he even listening to me/
/ I doubt it, lovvie./ The voice piped up.
/ Yes, darling./
Severus fought the urge to throw his arms up in exasperation. Well, back to business. He signalled at Harry to follow him, and led him to his private chambers where they sat themselves down by the fire. Harry sat on the couch and lost himself in his thoughts.
"Very well, having told you off," Severus said, jolting Harry from his stupor, "let's have some dinner" Harry's ears perked up. "Oh, and Harry… you will be serving detention with me on Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning. For your little stunt and your attentiveness during my chat."
Harry moaned. "But, Severus…"
"No buts, my boy." / Help! I sounded like Albus Dumbledore!/ Harry gave him a funny look.
The Voice started shouting something, that sounded like / Au secours, au secours/
"Has professor Dumbledore coerced you into eating one of his lemon drops?" Harry asked worriedly. "You sound like him!"
/Thanks for reinforcing my fears. I'll come to you for counselling when I've been driven mad by my multiple personalities./ Thought Severus, resentfully.
"Well, not since our last midnight chat."
"Nothing you should worry about. And for the record, you will be serving detention. This way you'll be able to spend the Saturday morning and Sunday evening frolicking with your friends, or whatever it is you teenagers do; while Miss Granger will undoubtedly try and force you, and your friend, to get a head start on your homework."
Harry glared and stuck out his tongue.
"Harry, are you sticking your tongue out at me?"
"As a matter of fact, I am, Captain Sev." He said, with a glint of mischief in his eye.
Severus snorted and gave Harry a small amused smile.
Just then they heard a loud gasp, and both swivelled round to see none other than Draco Malfoy standing in the doorway and gawping like a goldfish out of its tank.
Fifteen minutes later and a tray of sandwiches demolished, Draco Malfoy was sitting on the couch in his godfather's lounge, trying to digest what he'd been told, next to Harry Potter, who was trying to digest the seven sandwiches he'd pulverized. Draco opened his mouth to say something, but when no sound came out, he shut it again.
Trying to steel his nerves, he took a long gulp out of his glass of… water. 'Water? Water? What am I doing drinking this shit? I need something alcoholic. A bottle of Firewhisky… darn.' Draco put the glass back down on the table and said: "So… what you're trying to tell me is, that after a bizarre amount of events, you both found out that you are actually father and son, that Severus thought that Lily Potter, who was actually his wife, had betrayed him for James Potter, and that you, Harry, are here because you punched Severus on the face, and are still alive after calling him… Captain Sev?"
Harry nodded. "Pretty much sums it up," he said amusedly. Severus gave him a pointed look.
"And… since when have you, uncle Severus, developed a sense of humour?"
Severus looked pensive. "As a matter of fact, since Voldemort decided to insert pink thongs in the Death Eater's dress code," he said with a very straight face, hiding his mirth.
Draco stared. Harry coughed. Draco blinked. Harry keeled over and died. Well, not really, but he did choke on the drink he'd been sipping, and would have risked his life had Draco not recovered in time and thumped him on his back.
"You can throw anything at me now, and I won't bat an eyelid," Draco muttered to himself, while Severus started snickering in a very un–snappy–Snapish like way.
Severus smirked. "I was merely testing your nerves, boys. Voldemort would never allow pink thongs, now black on the other hand…"
Harry who looked slightly green, muttered viciously: "You bloody well tested my health!"
The professor smirked.
Draco was mumbling obscenities.
Mwahahaha chuckled the evil Overlord Snape, also known as the devil with tight, hot leather pants.
The Voice merely sighed exasperated and tutt-ed. / Children, children, order, please./
That evening, Draco went back to his dormitory, mulling over the barrage of questions he was planning to get an answer to. Subtly of course.
Harry returned to his dormitory and jumped into bed, before Hermione could start on him, briefly wondering, as he got undressed, where his map was. Probably somewhere in his trunk…
And Severus, quietly sipping a glass of wine, pulled out a photo album, he'd sworn to never open again and had contemplated destroying. It was time to dust out the memories.
Author's Note: ducks flying Avada Kedavras and Crucios thrown by angry readers
Ok, so I apologise for the longest wait ever. But at least now I know how authors feel when they just won't find the right moment, the right circumstance, the actual time, the will, but mostly the inspiration to sit down at the blinking desk and write something, anything.
The maddening thing is that I'd actually got down to writing the initial author's note, which I have now changed, and some of the review answers ages ago. I suppose I just lost track of time.
But, miraculously, just last month (actually it was three months ago, 'cause I got back home in September, intending to put the finishing touches on the story and post it, and my monitor blew up again. The computer only came back today. çç) I was just talking to my mum, and I happened to mention that I was really angry with myself because I just couldn't manage writing that damned chapter nine. Must have been the magic words, 'cause the next thing I knew, I was sprinting up the stairs to the back bedroom and I started writing out the outline for the chapter. Finally.
On a side note. I've just realized something. Something of little importance, but upon which my brain seems to have come to a halt. When I first posted this story I wrote that it would be a General/Angst story. Now I ask myself WHERE IS THE ANGST? Ok, maybe in the first few chapters, and, I suppose, we must count as angst, the severe trauma poor Sevvie's nose got, when Harry's knuckles came in contact with it. snicker snicker Well, that is all. You see my point? It was a pointless observation. sigh Don't bother, I'm rambling, just for a change.
On another note, before posting this chapter I had to actually go and read the story again. I also revamped them slightly, just some grammar errors. Some of the things I wrote just sucked. :°D
I got down to reading them, first of all because I just couldn't remember what I'd written and I had, and still have absolutely no idea were all my papers with the various outlines and time spans are. I suspect they ended up in some random box, and haven't been pulled out yet.
Yes, we had painters over and it was a right mess. I had to pack everything, change rooms, unplug all things and then put them back together. Not to mention that my computer has been driving me up the bloody wall.
The one year old printer just had to break down; my internet connection was being a bitch (and still is, but now I'll be putting wireless in, in honour of the new laptop ); my anti virus thingy expired and I didn't have the key code; my DVD player broke down (the one inside the pc), so that had to be carted off for about a week; my monitor had to be taken away to be repaired, since I just wouldn't have a new one; that took a month. Then the blasted air vent inside the computer broke down, and that brought on another attack of hysterics; and finally, just a few days ago, I stumbled backwards when this absolutely disgusting insect came at me, crashed into the computer table, broke my favourite tea mug (which cannot be put back together, because while squabbling with my father, we ended up sticking it back a bit crookedly and the bloody glue just won't unglue itself) and dropped said tea onto my keyboard. I personally drained it, and thankfully it is working fine now.
So, between school, activities and homework, holidays and homework (just for a change), and the new school year, I've finally got down to posting this. Hallelujah.
A special thanks goes to all my reviewers, who must have the patience of a saint, especially if you're still around here reading! Thanks to: hecatedemort, diamond004, Arica Princess of Rivendell, Sylvia Snape, lupinspup, aloavi, Makalani Astral, TammyLynnSlark, Lady Lily3, charl1e, Fallen Shadowed Angel, rlmess, deb, Bunny11, Astra Ranyl, v.d.mouse, nicky12330, Susan, darkforces, SlytherinCreep, kaite05, Jena Alisha Morrigan, x Red Rose x, zafaran, SiriusLivesAAF, Gwenneth, sockenfresser42, Nightmare Alley, Werewolf of Suburbia, QueenNilya, Alyssa Edelstein, Charisma, moonravencrow13, karinms, imsocrazy, DebsTheSnapeFan, gommeke, Shania Maxwell, 1derland pixie, luvbooks, cmtaylor531, Phantom of a Rose. 43 reviews, I think I might kiss you!
Answers & comments:
hecatedemort: Thank you:)
diamond004: Of course! How could The Voice miss? Lol. Especially when it has so many fans! By the way, have you updated recently? 'cause I've hardly received any alerts for your story!
Arica Princess of Rivendell: I like the idea of a forum where people can share their opinions about the sixth book. After all it is the darkest of the series, I mean our Albus (Latin word for light) just died out. Anyway, talking about sides. Personally, after listening to other's opinions and comments, and confronting them with my own, I believe there might be some redemption for Severus. I mean he was under the influence of an Unforgivable Vow. However a part of me wonders. If J. K. Rowling made us believe, during the course of the first five books, that he was truly innocent, thus thoroughly shocking us with the news of his betrayal, who knows… maybe we have another trick coming up on us. For all we know Severus might be a dark wizard. However it would mean that she really managed to trick us.
Finally, considering that comment from the book I mentioned in my previous chapter, I've been doing quite a bit of serious thinking. That may contain the key. Who are we to say that the "human" error which Albus made, wasn't in laying his trust within Severus. Said this, VOTES FOR SEV! In the end it all stands in the hands of one J. K. Rowling and the blasted seventh book. Accio book! Accio book! ACCIO bloody BOOK! tantrum Does it show I'm desperate to read it?
Sylvia Snape: Yep, I added it for the sake of the scene. I mean, I suppose Dobby has other chores and, now that I think about it, do House-elves have social lives?Well, I hope this chappie will answer most of your answers! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far and our friend, The Voice. Who lately has been taking singing lessons. winks We know who isn't happy about it! Lol. watches Severus stomping around his chambers muttering various curses
Lupinspup: Thanks! Here comes the next chappie then! The Voice bows
aloavi: That's fine by me. I never said I didn't accept criticism, I just don't like flames, since they are thoroughly pointless. Anyway, back to your review. It was really weird and I took up to 5 minutes to realize what you were trying to tell me. I'm sorry you don't like the fact that Hermione's name was shortened in the chapters, but I reasoned that often, in friendships, people call their friends by nicknames, so I thought why not the Golden Trio as well. And who is to say Hermione likes it. After all she did get mad at Ron during one of the past chappies.
Makalani Astral: I didn't think of it that way. ponders on the sixth book Anyway, thanks for reviewing! And I'm glad you enjoyed it so much!
TammyLynnSlark: Am happy you like it and thanks for reviewing.
Lady Lily3: I hope I'm not on your "To-Murder" list, I will admit I haven't updated in a while…? But here's the chappie anyway! Hope you'll enjoy it!
charl1e: blushes Thanks for all those compliments. By the way, my room was back to "tip" status, which presented a problem since I invited some friends over at my place for a sleepover at Halloween. I managed tidying it at the last second as per usual, but alas, the stuff is creeping back. There is no hope. Well, that was a long time ago. It looks like a dump now.
Expedio Dea Sceptrum Confuto: Yes I did inspire myself to one of the Roman Emperors, since last year (school year) I was busy studying Roman Politics and other paraphernalia. In fact the name Severus rang a bell, so I decided to add the Septimius part. Lol. ;) Anyway, don't go asking me to recall his history 'cause I've got the worst memory on earth! Thanks for reviewing!
rlmess: Of course not! I know it wasn't a flame:) And yes, you can delete them, as long as the comment was posted by a fanfic user. But I don't have any such terrible flames. Just two or three, I think, which got me quite annoyed 'cause they were pointless.
As for the story… Hermione munches happily on her brownie And talking about Slytherin sides… Harry's dad IS Severus after all. Lol. And as for dinner, he'll manage eating something. We can't have him going all skinny on us now, can we? Thanks for reviewing!
deb: Oops. I'm sorry I took so long again (see author's notes for excuses), but I can't help it. I need some time to recharge my inspiration. Lol. Thanks for reviewing:o)
Bunny11: Yep, I guess so. starts singing Oh, and they also get stuck by looking at the motion picture TOO MUCH! And your opinion on the book is also very interesting. It also made me realize that probably Albus would have died anyway since he'd drank all that liquid thingy from the stone bowl.
Miralyn Dawn: First of all, thank you for reviewing chapters 6, 7 and 8. Second, nope, never heard of him (the singer). Sorry. As for dyeing your hair ruby red it depends on if it suits you. Personally I like it, since I did mine ruby red the first time as well, and it looked gorgeous. And don't worry about the rampant madness of your reviews, sometimes I write weird things myself. Most of the time, actually. Since… I'm totally mad. But as I said, we're living in a MAD WORLD! sings tears for fears album
Thanks for reviewing again! And for saying that you'll keep on reading. Of course, that depends on the fact: will I be able to write a decent fic? drum roll Who knows! Lol.
v.d.mouse: Yay! Thanks for liking the story! And for reviewing it obviously! I hope this is soon enough considering my nerve-racking school schedule… I know, it isn't curses those idiots who added another hour to the school week Thank God, I have a free Saturday this year! No more Saturday morning lessons! Yippee!
nicky12330: Ta. Thank for reviewing. :)
Susan (): Thanks for reviewing and wishing me luck. Lol. I need it. But not as much as my professors, since I'm ready to throttle them all. Anyway, here's the chappie. I'm sorry it's a tad very late, but I've tried my best! Thanks again!
Darkforces: Here comes the next chapter then, thank you for commenting.
SlytherinCreep: I'm a very flustered author right now. Thank you very much for the compliments. I hope you'll keep reading the story. Thank you again!
kaite05: Thank you very much! I hope this didn't take too long!
Jena Alisha Morrigan: T' is my duty! Thank you for reviewing!
x Red Rose x: Oh God, I'm so sorry I've taken so long. I'm glad you still like my story, though!
zafaran: Thanks for reviewing, though I'm sorry for updating SO LATE! I know… but my muse totally abandoned me. Not to mention… I couldn't find the damn piece of paper where I wrote down part of the plot. And I sill can't! XD
SiriusLivesAAF: Sorry I took so long. I'm glad you found your way to my story:o)
sockenfresser42: Thanks so much for reviewing. I'm glad you like it.
Nightmare Alley: Since never. And thanks for adding to my list of reviews I'd really like to burn a black hole through. Oh, and thanks for adding to my list of reviews. Hope not to see you soon. :PPP
Werewolf of Suburbia: I'm not sure really. It was one of my friend's book, so I really don't remember. Thanks for reviewing and for adding me to your favs.
QueenNilya: Oh God help me! Does that mean I get a flame next! Noooo… XD Well I'm updating now!
Alyssa Edelstein: Oh, thanks, thanks, thanks. All these nice reviews are making my days.
Charisma: Thanks really a lot.
karinms: Yes I will indeed!
imsocrazy: Oh goodie!
DebsTheSnapeFan: Sorry for the long wait!
Gommeke: I finally have.
Shania Maxwell: He did! XD Thanks for reviewing.
1derland pixie: I am! I hope you're still willing to read!
cmtaylor531: Oh, I intend to. No matter how many times my computer decides to desert me.
Phantom of a Rose: Crawls in fear I'm sorry! I know I haven't updated soon enough. Pwease forgive me? I have posted a chappie now! XDD
Just two last things… from now on, I'll probably be answering reviews directly from the review page, with the exception for anonymous reviews or questions which others may be interested in. And second, the chapter should have been longer, but since I was without my computer for about three weeks, I decided to leave the rest to the next chapter and just post something before someone sent out a killer to hunt me down. I hope you haven't done that yet, by the way.
Feel free to review and rant for my tardiness. XD