heed, dear heart
Once apart, she can touch nor me nor you..."
It was three days before graduation, and Narcissa Black had never been so miserable in all of her life.
She sat by the window of her dorm, staring out at the forest, contemplating running off into it. Better to take her chances with werewolves and the like than to resign herself to her fate. Merlin's balls, how she hated Lucius Malfoy, and her parents for promising her to him. Honestly, the idea of suicide was getting to be more and more attractive, the more she thought about her fate. After all, throwing herself off of the observatory tower or overdosing on dreamless sleep could certainly be more pleasant than becoming Mrs. Malfoy. She walked away from the window and lay on her back on her bed, sighing heavily. She let her mind wander on a tangent of suicidal thoughts. She could even imagine her own funeral, with her parents, her older sisters, and Lucius faking their tears. Knowing Sirius, the only sane member of her family, he wouldn't be there, especially since he'd run away from home last summer. It was a shame he didn't have his own place yet. Maybe she could have run away with him... but she was a bit wary of what the Potter's would think of taking in a Slytherin girl, be she Sirius' cousin or not.
Honestly, the only person she could think of that might cry at her funeral in earnest would be Severus.
Her thoughts drifted away from suicide and more toward her faithful friend, who was probably the only person she knew who gave a damn about her. Though he was a year younger, and male, he was the only person she ever really confided in, and the only person who knew how distraught she was about her arranged marriage. And right out of school, too! Sure, he had graduated the previous year, but still...!
Sitting up, Narcissa made up her mind and started toward the one place she could always find her friend: the potions room.
the meadow of sinful thoughts
Every flower's a perfect one..."
"Do I dare ask what you're brewing this time?" Narcissa called playfully into the old dungeon, which was completely empty, save for Severus, who's thin, wiry frame was bent over a cauldron.
"Oh, Narcissa," Severus turned, his hair tied back, save for a few stray strands that fell around his face, framing his eyes. He smiled at her, a sweet, childish grin that she knew he only showed to her, and no one else. That smile shook loose some of the cold lead that seemed to be weighing down her chest, and she instantly felt better, just being in the room with him.
"So, you never answered my question," she sat down across from him, propping her elbow on the table and her chin in her palm, staring at him as he worked.
"It's actually Veritaserum," he sighed, lowering the flame so that the potion merely simmered. "And it's a damned pain.. has to sit like this for two days now. But I think we both know you don't care. What's on your mind, 'Cis?"
She never really realized until that moment how cute he was when he was working on his potions.. or how much she liked hearing him say her name, even if it was shortened into a single syllable.
"Thinking about how exactly I'm going to kill myself before next week," she sighed.
"I know you don't want to marry him, 'Cis," Severus got up off of his stool and bent over to get a better look at the flames under the cauldron. "But you don't really have much of a choice, now, do you?"
"Sevvy.. I don't want to get married! Not to him.. not to anyone, not yet!" Narcissa stooped over, bawling into her hands. "I don't want to live my life without knowing what it's like to be with someone other than Malfoy... I don't want.. I don't..."
"Sssh," Severus held his friend close, letting her cry into his shirt, which, to her surprise, didn't smell of potions ingredients, but actually smelled quite nice, like fresh laundry. Her sobs finally subsided, reduced to tiny sniffles.
paradise with pleasure haunted,
Haunted by fear..."
Maybe it was the fumes from the Veritaserum. Maybe it was the idea of never getting to shag anyone but Lucius in her entire life. Maybe it was the soft glow of the flames under the cauldron lighting his face just right. Whatever it was, something, in that very moment, made her want to snog Sevvy's brains out.
"Sev," Narcissa said softly.
"I don't want to marry him a virgin."
It was adorable how many shades of red Severus turned just then. Narcissa watched him for a moment, smirking, before she kissed him.
sin for him
Desire within, Desire within..."
Severus reached out and grabbed the edge of the table with one hand, the shock nearly knocking him off his feet as she wrapped her arms around his neck, running her fingers through his hair, which didn't feel greasy, just baby soft. She bent one leg, kicking off her shoe and rubbing the back of his leg with her foot, her leg wrapped around the outside of his upper thigh as he stumbled back a little, and her stool fell to the ground with a loud crack. She pulled down on his shoulders, kissing him the whole way, until he was kneeling on the floor, and she had both legs wrapped around his waist. He lowered her down on her back, and she clung tightly to him, unbuttoning his shirt, and kissing lower now, his throat and his collarbone. He gasped.
"Narcissa.. you don't want to do this," he said, grabbing her hand as she reached for his belt. His shirt and tie were already on the floor, along with her shoes.
"No, I think I do," she kissed him again, pawing at him pleadingly. "If there's one man in the world I want to be with, it's you, not Lucius Malfoy." She wriggled out of her sweater, then pulled off her tie, and started unbuttoning her shirt.
Severus knew that she didn't really want him, she just didn't want to lose to Lucius. He knew that their friendship would never recover. He knew that if anyone ever found out, he's be in St. Mungos before he could blink. But when she took her shirt off and unhooked her bra, his brain didn't work anymore.
For the bride too dear for him..."
She pulled up her skirt and pulled down her underwear, kicking it off before wrapping her legs around him again while he unhooked his belt and pulled down his pants. She reached for his boxers, gently sliding them down, and pulled herself closer to him, trying to pull him down onto her, though he still held himself up above her, on his hands and knees, looking down into her eyes. He looked a little scared, a little dumbfounded, but very much like he was enjoying seeing her in front of him as she was, in nothing but knee socks and her skirt, which was hiked up and bunched around her waist like a sash. Putting her hand on his manhood, she guided him in, and thrust.
sin for him
Desire within, Desire within..."
His breath was heavy and came in ragged gasps, sweat beading on his pale face and chest as she moaned, writhing on the classroom floor. she ran her nails across his skin, leaving angry scratches on his back that burned when the sweat rolled down them, but he didn't care. She bit her own hand to keep from screaming, not wanting to be heard out in the hallway, but not wanting to ruin the moment for a silencing charm, the thrill of possibly getting caught adding to the heat that coursed through her veins. He murmured her name, then, as he came, called it again, but this time, in a tone that hardly sounded like her old friend. His arms gave out, and he fell alongside her on the cold granite floor of the classroom, hitting his shoulder against a stool, which scraped along the floor with a loud, angry noise. She giggled a little, exhausted but still a little giddy, and kissed him, for lack of a better way to tell him how much she loved him just then. He laughed, and kissed her back.
"...Fall in love with your deep dark sin..."
"That never happened," he said softly, more from being out of breath than for the sake of being quiet.
"Okay," she smiled, wrapping her arms around herself and shivering a little as she cooled down, her light sweat making every little movement feel like an icy wind was brushing through the otherwise empty room. Severus threw his shirt on top of her, then pulled his pants up and on, lacing his shoes back up, and stood. She sat up, watching, as he leaned over the cauldron, holding his hair back, as his hair tie was lost somewhere in the heap of clothes on the floor. She laughed a little.
"What are you doing?"
"Checking on my Veritaserum," he said in a tone that implied that it was common sense. "What else would I be doing? Unlike you, this is what I came down here for."
Narcissa smiled to herself. He really did think she was using him, but perhaps it was better if he didn't know how she really felt. After all, after next week, there would be nothing either of them could do about it.
"...God I must confess... I do envy the sinners."