Shotgun Wedding: Part I
A/N: Okay, so this is LilacRose's Kiriban request for catching the 1,000 mark on D.A. I had started this fic on a lark when I caught an old episode of Lavern & Shirley (that was a crossover episode with Happy Days ) on Nick at Nite or TV Land or something like that. It's not exactly like the episode, obviously, but the main idea of a forced marriage that they can't get out for some reasons came from the show. (Just in case you're curious, in the episode, it's Lavern that has to marry Fonzie and Shirley that has to marry Richie) So, I started writing this fic, but wasn't sure I was going to go anywhere with it, and when Lilac read the bit I had, she liked it and when she got the Kiriban, she asked that I complete the fic. It's taken me this long to finish, so I'm deeply sorry, Li! bows profusely. I probably wouldn't even have finished it tonight, except suddenly Puck came back with how to end it! I was stuck in the very last part…you'll see.
And in case the fact that this was inspired by Lavern & Shirley episode isn't enough to tip you off, this is a very, very, VERY silly fic. Very. Did I mention very?
Oh, and when I post this on ff . net, I think I'm going to have to separate it into chapters, cause it came out to like 24 pages, and I don't think I can post all that on ff . net in one post. But it shouldn't be more than a couple of chapters, anyway. On dA, I'm just going to post it in one long post.
Special Fanfiction . net A/N:So, I couldn't exactly post it in one piece on dA either, but I only had to post it in two pieces there. Oh, yeah, and I posted it there the day before yesterday, I think. (I'm working on three hours sleep, so forgive me if I sound a little woozie on some details. O.o ) Anyway, this is posted here in six pieces, and I'm posting them all at once, so no cliffies, no waiting…ain't I wonderful! Okay…you can feel free to shower me with love, now. (cheeky smirk)
Puck rolls his eyes, "When you get this stupid silly you're definitely passed your I don't need sleep mark."
Em grins at him. "Pucky-kun! You're talking in my A/Ns again!" She proceeds to glomp him.
Puck waves his hand in front of her eyes, after which she plops into his arms. "Yeah, I think it's beddie bye for you, Em, but don't worry guys, I'll finish posting it up! I promise! I'll be back!" He zooms off to put her in her bed.
Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Except for Pinky, Green, the Elder (very creative names, ne?) and Hikari. I made them up. And the basic plot idea came from, as I said above, Lavern & Shirley and Happy Days creators and writers, which I don't know who they are.
Summary: How far will the girls go to get their guys out of trouble? All the way up to the altar!
"I'm sure sometimes on the sly you do it
Maybe even you and I might do it
Let's do it…
Let's fall in love!"
- Let's Do It (Let's Fall In Love), Cole Porter
"Where are the boys?"
Kagome looked up from the intense study of her book, blinking a few times to refocus her mind into processing Sango's words instead of Biology. "Hmmm…."
Sango smiled at the lost look on her friend's face. Those books always took up most of her attention and it always took her a little bit to come back into the world around her. "Miroku? Inuyasha? Shippou?"
Kagome smiled, understanding. "Ah," she said and shrugged. "Inuyasha just went off for his daily brooding session and Miroku said something about going into the nearby village for supplies and Shippou traipsed off after Inuyasha."
Sango's smile slipped from her lips. "The village?" Kagome nodded, her mind already back on how the pituitary gland affected human thought. "The closest village that we saw over that ridge there?" Sango insisted.
The note to her friend's voice made Kagome raise her eyes to her once again, biting her lip. "Um…I think so," Kagome answered. "I didn't really ask him, Sango-chan, why?"
Sango's face fell forward until it connected with her palm and she groaned. "Houshi-sama…" she said under her breath. "Of course."
"Sango?" Kagome called. "Do you know something I don't?"
Sango sighed deeply and stood, grabbing Hiraikotsu. "I think I should explain on the way there…" she looked around her. "We should break up camp, this might take awhile."
Kagome closed her book and stood, already starting to do as Sango had asked, even though she was still thoroughly confused. "You think Miroku's in trouble?" Kagome questioned.
"Probably," Sango answered on a sigh.
Kagome stopped suddenly and looked around. "I hope Inuyasha'll be able to find us," she said strapping her pack onto her back.
"I'm sure he will," Sango answered as she led the way to the village.
They hadn't gotten 10 feet away from the camp when a heart rending scream stopped them out of sheer shock.
Kagome looked up in the direction of her name and was about to answer when a ball of reddish-brown hair slammed into her. "Shippou?" she asked, half concerned, and mostly surprised.
Kagome blinked and looked at Sango who shrugged. "You didn't get any of that, did you?"
"Weren't you supposed to be with Inuyasha?" Kagome asked him.
"Shippou…" Sango started, trying to calm the kit down.
His eyes grew wide as he saw her and he jumped from Kagome's arms to clutch at Sango. "SANGOYOUANDMIROKUCAUSESTUPIDHEDIDN'TKNOWTHEYTRICKEDHIMANDHEDIDN'TREALLYMEANTOBUTHECOULDN'THELPITANDTHEYPLAYEDDIRTY!"
Sango blinked, trying not to smile because the kit really looked serious, but she couldn't help but grin a little when he looked so earnest. "Shippou you're not making sense!"
Something he had said started to make sense in Kagome's mind. "Did you say I've gotta marry Inuyasha?" she asked. Shippou turned to her and opened his mouth to speak when Kagome put a hand to his lips. "Slowly, Shippou and don't scream or we can't understand you."
He took a deep breath and made a visual effort to calm himself down. "You'vegottacomenowcausehe'sthereandyou'reherebutyouneedtobethereandSANKONTESSOUbutHEWON'T!"
Kagome blinked very slowly. This day had not started out well and was deteriorating by the moment. Maybe she should've stayed in bed? Mostly, she had gotten something about being needed by Inuyasha and Miroku because Inuyasha wouldn't do something but she had only gotten it because of Shippou's elaborate hand gestures as he spoke.
"Inuyasha and Miroku are together?" she tried a different track.
Shippou sighed and jumped to the ground, pulling on her arm. "ComeON!"
Kagome glanced at Sango when Sango shrugged, she started moving. "Is Inuyasha in trouble? Is he hurt?"
"Worse!" Shippou answered, continuing to lead her forward.
"Worse? Oh my god, Shippou, is he dead?"
Shippou shook his head emphatically and looked up at her earnestly, his little face stern and serious. "Worse!" he told her. "He's gonna get married!"
Kagome tripped on a root she would have seen if she hadn't just been shocked numb. "What?"
"Miroku too, the stupidhead!" he insisted.
Sango groaned. "Oh, no…" she said. "I was afraid something like this might happen."
"What?" Kagome insisted, not liking feeling left out, as if she had missed an important part of the conversation.
"That village that Houshi-sama went to," Sango spoke to Kagome. "All the young men of the village went to war, and none of them have returned," she sighed. "I heard about it at the last village we went to, that's why I was trying to steer us clear of it."
"Oh, no!" Kagome exclaimed, some of the pieces starting to fit together. "A village full of women without any men?" She shook her head. "So Miroku went there and probably got himself in trouble."
"Oh, there are men, alright," Shippou corrected her.
"There are?" both Sango and Kagome asked simultaneously.
"Yep, the one that's trying to get Inuyasha and Miroku to marry his daughters is a man."
Suddenly it all made sense. "But how would…"
Content that they were walking in the right direction finally, and that they wouldn't stop, Shippou slowed down and managed to calm down a bit enough to be more understandable. "I was with Inuyasha when he went to find Miroku for something, I don't know why. We found him in this room with two girls…"
The sound of Sango's teeth grinding filled the air but Shippou was oblivious.
"Oh, he wasn't doing anything...actually, he looked really surprised, cause when Inuyasha walked in and called him a perverted Bouzo, Miroku actually looked kinda glad to see Inuyasha but he couldn't tell us why cause right at that moment, the other girl, the one that wasn't closest to Miroku launched herself at Inuyasha and put her arms around his neck."
"That little tart…" Kagome grumbled under her breath.
Shippou either hadn't heard or hadn't understood it enough to question it, cause he continued. "So, Inuyasha's face goes all red and he sputters for a moment and before he can peel her away, the door opens and in steps this old man with a sword and half the household."
"I think I see where this is going now…" Kagome mumbles.
"So the old man says that Inuyasha and Miroku have to marry his daughters or their honor will be ruined and he will not have their honor ruined," Shippou continues heedlessly. "So just as Inuyasha is about to use his claws on the whole lot of them to get them out of there, Miroku stops him and steps up to the old man…" Shippou giggled a little and looked up at them. "He had to pry the girl off of him cause she wouldn't let go…it was funny…"
Sango's face goes red. "Please continue, Shippou," she says through clenched teeth.
"Yeah, but you should've seen it, he was like…" Shippou proceeds to shake his arm like it had a bug on it and laugh.
Shippou looked up to meet Sango's eyes and what he saw must've made him realize the severity of the situation because he stopped smiling and continued his story as they continued to walk. "Yeah, so Miroku goes all monk-like and tells the old man that nothing improper was going on and that he was a…" here, Shippou's face turns into a remarkable likeness of Miroku's serene look. "Servant of Buddha," he imitates Miroku's voice, then laughs, but sobers as soon as he sees Kagome and Sango's faces. "And blah, blah, blah, he went into his lines about giving her spiritual healing and whatever, but the man raises his sword and says that it didn't look like spiritual healing to him and that he would marry his daughters." Shippou shrugged. "Again, Inuyasha tried to get us out of there by using his speed and his strength, but Miroku wouldn't have it, he stopped him and said that they were only humans and not really a threat so anyway," Shippou eventually got tired of walking and leapt onto Kagome's shoulder. "The only thing he could think of saying was that they were already promised to another woman and when that seemed to stall the village enough, Miroku told them they had left you to go hunting and to gather supplies but that the girl had needed spiritual healing and he had stopped to aid her and that's when they came in, but the village elder didn't believe them so Miroku asked that I be allowed to go find you and bring you back and once they see you and you guys pretend to be engaged with them, then we can all go home."
Kagome nodded and took Shippou from her shoulder. "Shippou, you go and wait for us in the next village."
"What?" he whined. "No, Kagome, I can't leave you two alone!"
"You must," Kagome insisted. "We will need someone to be waiting out there for us in case we come across trouble!" she insisted. "If we don't make it to the village in two days, you're to go straight to Kaede's village and tell her."
"But Kagomeeee…" Shippou whined.
"Shippou, please," Kagome insisted. "This is very important," she told him seriously. "If we become trapped in the village, we'll need someone to be able to alert the back up to come get us!" Kagome put Shippou down. "If you become captured with us, who will do that?"
Shippou gaspsed. "That's right!" Shippou lowered his head. "I hadn't thought of that," he told her.
"It's alright, Shippou," Kagome ruffled his head. "Now, please, do as I say…go and wait there for us."
Shippou stood up straight. "I will…you can count on me!" he exclaimed as he sped off in the direction of the next village.
Kagome sighed as she watched him go and started walking with Sango again.
"What are you thinking, Sango?" Kagome asked.
"That it sounds almost too easy," Sango mused aloud as they saw the first glimpse of the village cresting the horizon.
"I agree," Kagome shook her head. "But what can we do?"
Sango sighed. "Nothing, I guess…"
Kagome turned to Sango suddenly, grinning wickedly. "But you get the Hentai," Kagome told her playfully. "No way I'm pretending to be engaged to Miroku."
Sango's face dropped into a pout as she realized what pretending to be Miroku's intended might give rise to. "Kami-sama help me," she prayed. "I'm of a mind to just let them get themselves out of it," she mused aloud as they were starting to get the attention of the village women.
"Yeah, except two things," Kagome answered.
"What's that?" Sango prompted.
"One, I want to teach those floosies a lesson about trying to take men by trickery," Kagome answered with a bit more heat in her tone than she had expected. Sango nodded, validating her point. "And two…" she sighed as they walked into the village square and caught sight of Inuyasha and Miroku tied against a lone pole in the center of the square. The look in Inuyasha's eyes was murder. "I don't know how long Inuyasha's temper will last before he decides to stop playing nice."
Sango nodded again. "Good point," she agreed as they stood before the village elder.