An Unlikely Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a king and a queen who desperately wanted a child. Alas, the fertility test at the local clinic declared the queen barren. In a fit of desolation she hid the results from her husband and instead turned to the forbidden arts in order to conceive.

"Double, double, toil and trouble...I'm too lazy to come up with a rhyme. Just let me get pregnant!" The queen threw in a couple of questionable leaves into her bubbling potion, then gulped the gunk down. Immediately afterward, she passed out onto the floor.

The next morning, a messenger entered her chambers and prodded her awake with one toe.

"My queen," he said, "I bear news from the doctor's office." He handed her an official scroll and skedaddled.

"What's this?" the queen asked, groggily. She broke the seal and began to read the contents aloud. "'Excellent news, my Lady, the test results were mixed...up...instead...8 weeks pregnant'?! Oh shit."

The queen ran to the empty package she'd ordered from an infomercial ('Instant fertilization or your money back!') and read the back label. "Warning: do not take while pregnant. Possible side effects may occur. We at InstaBabies® are not liable for the abuse of our products."

She bit her lip. Double shit.

And thus, approximately 7 months later at a country home (she'd been on vacation since the potions incident) and with a trusty mid-husband at her side, she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy with hair as black as ebony, skin a healthy pink, oh, and slightly pink lips, too.

"Oh for -- now it's going to look like I cheated on him if I come back with this!" she wailed. Both her and her husband were beautiful brunettes with pale brown eyes, 3rd cousins from a long line of brunettes.

The baby wailed as well, prompting the queen into action.

"Mr. Wammy," she addressed her mid-husband who was tending to the newborn, "Take this child and set up an orphanage of super smart preteens and teenagers dedicated to fighting crime and the forces...of...EVIL!"


"I said I'll give you 1000 gold coins if you take this baby away and never speak a word of what happened today."

"Why should I do that?"

The queen glared, her face still red from the delivery, making her look even more pissy than usual. "Because if you don't, I can have you killed for having dared look at the queen in a state of undress."

"But...But it's my job. I'm a mid-hus --"

"Are we clear?"

"...Oh alright. Yes."

"Wonderful! Now take him away," the queen shooed, "His crying is giving me a headache."


Mr. Wammy did as he was asked/bribed/commanded and took away the baby, now officially named 'L' after his pen ran out of ink trying to write 'Lawrence' on the birth certificate. He set up Wammy's House with the 1000 gold coins and took in other orphans people didn't want, charging them a fee to take the child off their hands.

Now, 25 years later, the orphanage a lucrative business and the queen long dead after a freak carriage accident, our story begins...

(AN: I really don't know if I'll continue this random plot bunny…it's a little bizarre. :/ Hope everyone had a nice holiday!)