A/N- Oi.. I really do need to be getting better at this! lol. But! Here I am with hopefully something for the next chapter or so. 3 Hope you all enjoy it
Disclaimer- I do not own anything but the general plot line of this story. Any background and halabaloo of the characters is owned by someone famous.
I've been home now for nearly a month and a half. I'm finally catching up on school work and the council work is fitting more nicely into my schedule. Life is going back to normal; even Kyo is back to normal. He's not sleeping above my room anymore. Not since a few weeks ago. I think he only felt guilty and for that guilt he felt an attraction. It must be the reason because he doesn't come anywhere near me now. I can't help but wonder if he only cared for me because he felt guilty about the accident. So what if he never did care about me? It shouldn't affect me, he's meant for Tohru. I'm his enemy. The reason he's not in the zodiac. It doesn't matter anyways. It's forbidden in so many ways. So I'll just have to get over him. It should be easy. I never got too deep into him.. us. I guess I can't really say that can I? There never really was a "us" or anything plural. There was never anything truly between Him and me. I guess that's a good thing. It makes this all easier. It makes everything all harder to think about. It makes me not want to.
My alarm buzzes off. This isn't the first time I've woken before my alarm. It's happened every morning since… Well since the hospital. I move my hand quickly to smack the alarm gently and shut it off before I sit up. I allow my body a few moments to rest and get ready to be active. I eventually stand, pulling out my clothes for today. It's Friday, the second to the last day of school for the week. I'm glad to get a break soon. I set my things at the end of the bed. When it's done I strip down, placing my bed clothes in a small hamper as I do, and then replacing them with my school uniform. When I'm finished I gather up my various school papers and put them in my bag before preparing to leave my room to get some breakfast. But I'm not hungry. I haven't been lately. In fact I've been throwing up the majority of meals. They don't want to stay down. Dinner usually will stay down. But breakfast rarely does. Lunch will on occasion. But none the less I have to eat, less Tohru worry for me. So I walk down the stairs to take my place at the Kotatsu. It's cold already. Time has been moving quickly, it's already going to be winter soon. I simply sit there, staring at the television. It's the daily weather report. They say it will be a seventy-five percent chance of rain. So I glance outside. It's raining. Does that mean that there's a twenty-five percent chance it will stop of that the weather man was twenty-five percent wrong?
Tohru sets an omelet in front of me. I remember loving her omelets; she always made them so sweet. She always puts too much sugar in it, but I like that. It makes it taste better in my opinion, give it a better taste. There's also a small bowl of rice I take a bit of the egg. It's quail. Even better. I dab a small bit of soy sauce on it and mix in a small amount of rice with each bite. It's a shame my stomach won't agree with it. I can feel it protesting now, just as id did yesterday. And the day before.
"uki-" I finally hear it and recognize it. I look up and around. Shigure and Tohru are sitting around the table. Kyo's not here yet. A small twinge of pain courses through me as I realize he's not awake yet. I didn't wake him up. Then again I'm not thinking about him anymore. So it shouldn't matter. No, he doesn't matter. Shigure's talking again. He thinks I've been paying attention. "So you'll be stopping by Hatori's on your way home."
"Hatori?" I find myself asking before I can stop my lips from moving. I was thinking too hard.
"For your check up?" It sounded like he wasn't of himself. Maybe he's just not sure of me. I'm not sure which at this moment, but I don't want to ask and find out. So I let it be, nod, and continue to eat my breakfast that won't stay down anyways. Enjoy what I can while I can…
English.. Kyo is in my class. I'm so lucky it's almost halfway through the day. I went to the bathroom to get rid of my breakfast in a private manor earlier. What a waste of food. I'm only worrying about this afternoon now. I didn't think about it earlier but Hatori will know, he'll find out that I'm not keeping anything down. That I haven't been sleeping. That I'm throwing up just about everything I eat. As if that would be the best part. He'll look at me. He will look at me with those eyes that I've been getting from everyone. But his will be worse. His will have the eyes of knowledge behind that pity and sorrow because he was there when it happened. He will look at me with pity, sorrow, guilt, and knowledge. As if anything was his fault. He couldn't have stopped what had happened. The things that- I'm not going to think of this. I'll just end up bringing up imaginary food from my systems. For now I'll concentrate on my work and get through the day. And hope to Hell that I can keep down my lunch.
I'm stopped at a convenience store now. It's stopped raining outside. So I'm wondering if that weather reporter would be right if it only rained seventy-five percent of the day. It's a question I'll have to keep pondering, I guess. I've bought three bottles of water. My lunch stayed down, but I still don't look as I should. I also weigh a few pounds less than I should. Maybe more. So I'm drinking all the water I can. My body will absorb what is can and make my skin look better. It will also weigh me down at least a little. Anything more than what I weigh now is better. So I begin drinking them as I walk to the main house, I'm not too far. I can practically see it. I feel my body protesting the water but I will force it with all I can. I will make sure that it stays down.
It isn't long before I arrive at Hatori's door. I make sure to go straight to him and not through the house to get to him. I don't want to meet anyone else. I don't even want to see him. But I have to, and so I knock on the door and wait patiently for someone to answer. His assistant does and I am momentarily reminded of the woman he once loved that was his assistant for a time. She smiles wide and greets me, formally of course, and lets me through the door. She takes my umbrella and bag and set them up. I kick off my shoes and make my way inside to his office. I ponder for a moment whether she's of the Sohma family or now. But the thought soon flitted from my brain as I walked into Hatori's office for my check up. And there it was, as he looked up. That look stretched and drooped and poured off his face. His mouth opened, his throat closing off the words. I opened my own mouth to avoid it all as quickly as possible. "It's been a while." A casual thing to say, to show I am normal and not wrong. That's what he wants. Me to be alright. Or maybe he just wants me to appear it so that he can pretend that nothing had ever happened. Maybe he really doesn't care.
"How are you feeling?" His face slipped back into it's calm reserve. "Anything odd? Are you sleeping well after that accident?" Does he honestly believe I will tell the truth to any of these? No. I won't. I lie to him about everything. Tell him I'm find and that everything is normal. The only thing I add is that my appetite has been off due to the medication the hospital had put me on. He further inquires on my days, how have I been doing at home, physically, mentally and emotionally. I lie to everything again, letting him hear everything that he wants to hear. What makes me feel bad isn't that I am lying straight to his face but that he knows it and still he writes down everything I say and doesn't repeat anything twice. He doesn't even give any physical sign that he knows. No deep sighs, no extended gazes or pauses. The only way I can tell is by the look inside his eyes, or at least the one eye that I can see. At least now I know he cares. The questions continue and my responses continue to be lies upon lies to let him hear what he wants. After that came the stethoscopes, the eye checks, the general checks that always happen and are concluded with the weighing. I step on the scale and he measures it out by sliding the weights. He stares at the numbers then looks at me. What is he thinking? Can my weight really be that bad? There's no way it could be so low. What is he thinking? He tells me to step off the scale and so I do. He then resets it and has me step back up on the scale. I stand there at attention as he calculates my weight once again. He stares at the numbers and then at me once again. I don't look up to meet his gaze. I can feel his eyes already, I don't want to see them. I don't want to see whatever is there. He tells me to step off and have a seat, and I do. I don't even glance in his direction. I'm too afraid what I might see. I hear footsteps padding away and the door open then closes. He's gone without a word. I'm left alone in the room, only the ticking of the clock on his desk to keep me company along with my worry. It only takes about eight minutes and forty-two seconds for the door to open again and the feet to pad towards me again. His arms wrap around me-
My body instantly freezes as I feel the contact of another body on mine. I don't look and I try my hardest not to smell, or even harder, react. A familure voice is speaking but I'm not hearing it, I'm only looping that room in my thoughts and that face. My head is spinning. My memories racing to those hours before the accident. His hand is moving to my cheek. Now caressing it, he's moving my face. I close my eyes tight. I don't want to see him. I don't want to be here any longer. I wish I hadn't come. I wish- and his hand is gone. There's no more contact at all. His entire weight has left me. I chance it. I peel a faction of an eyelid up. It's too blurry to see. My heart racing still. I open it more, put a hand up incase I need to defend myself. My eye opens the rest of the way and I see hatori holding back my dazed brother. Hatori looks scared. Maybe worried would be a better word. Ayame looks… hurt? And confused. I go to open my mouth before I realize it's already open. I can't think of anything to say so I close it and stare back silently. Hatori is the first to speak.
"Yuki… Are you okay?" A standard question. One that he already knew the answer for. A standard question that I would I would answer with a lie. A standard answer that he will know to be a lie. And he will ignore it and let me go. So I opened my mouth slowly, calculating myself precisely to make sure that this lie came out perfectly.
"I was only startled. I'm not used to contact. You should know that" I curved my mouth awkwardly into that position that represents happiness. It felt like it wasn't correct and something inside me because screaming that I shouldn't have don't that. I saw Ayame react first. His feature fell and he shook his head three slow times before turning to leave. He shut the door behind him as he left. Just as I knew this would happen. It worked.
"Yuki.. I think you should be seeing someone.. to talk to them about.. everything." It didn't work! I turned to look at him. My expression must have scared him because his features changed to shock for a moment. I had to admit, I was angry. He shook his head, as if shaking off a thought. "Yuki, you need help. You have things wrong with you. Something very traumatic happened and-"
I couldn't stand his words. "What isn't wrong with me?!" I didn't realize how my voice roared "I'm cursed, and on top of that curse I have another that forces me to hate someone against my will, to battle and defend my title constantly. On top of that the leader of our family has some psychotic obsession with me! You think my life was ever normal? At least a fraction of your normality? You think I can just go to a shrink and talk to them about all these problems?!" I was panting when I had finished, the verge of an asthma attack. That was the first time I said even a fraction of what I was thinking, what I was feeling, in a long while. Longer than the accident.
There was a couch in the other room before the office door re-opened. Both our heads snapped over to see who it was. Kuerno stood there, holding the door silently open. His face sagged in a way I could only hope mine would never mirror. Behind him was, as I had already figured, Akito. He walking in casually, straight to me. I moved my chair backwards to get away from him. It didn't seem to faze him, he knew I didn't have many option after I hit the wall. "You can talk to me" He smiled that wicked smile of his and I swear I felt needles prickle up my legs. "We can talk all day. All night. In fact, why don't you take off school tomorrow. We will talk come more."
All I could do was feel the tears at the corners of my eyes and the needles prick deeper and spread farther along my body. And I realized that my face would soon mirror the other member of the zodiac's. The only member who I could ever justify as having any similar curse as mine. Only I considered his worse.