Word to the unkowing, this is a slight crossover with Castlevania. In the Castlevania canon, Dracula's right hand man is the Grim Reaper, Death. One has to wonder what the Reaper has been doing now that his master is sealed away by Hellsing.
Castlevania copyright by Konami
Hellsing copyright by Kouta Hiraino.
"It's… been a long time, Master." Death said, his voice sounding like the cold, biting wind that blows across the graveyard at midnight.
"It has indeed, servant," Alucard responded, crossing his arms.
"I am quite happy to see that you have finally returned," Death said.
"I will admit, it is good to be back."
"It is finally time then?"
Alucard nodded. "Yes, it is my servant."
Death nodded in return. "Very well then. Let us begin, my master." He turned around and drew a sheet off of a chair. "Take off your hat and sit down, if you would."
Alucard removed his hat and sat down in the chair in front of the mirror. He had often thought about asking his former servant how he had managed to locate a mirror that even reflected vampires, but then decided that he probably didn't want to know. He heard a grinding sound behind him as the Grim Reaper sharpened his scythe.
"So," Death said as conversationally as a man with a voice like a thousand coffin doors slamming shut could say, "how has your love life been? I don't suppose Sir Hellsing allows you much free time?"
"… I don't get out much, no. What time I have that do not spend hunting other vampires I am generally restricted to the mansion. While it is quite a nice mansion by today's standards, it is rather boring."
"I suppose the action makes up for it? After all, we were going to kill most of the trash that you kill anyway. The flames of Chaos do not spare the weak. Tilt your head please, Master."
Alucard sat straighter in his chair and leaned his head forward. Death floated behind him and began to trim at Alucard's hair with his scythe.
"That's exactly the problem," Alucard said, "They're weak. Pathetically weak. Painfully weak. No real challenge at all. Sometimes I find myself wishing that a Belmont would go rogue just so I could actually have the challenge of fighting them."
"So no enemies truly worthy of your power, my lord?"
Alucard smirked. "Only one to keep me busy. The Paladin."
"You know him then?" Alucard asked. He started to fidget in his chair.
Death reached out and held him down. "Stop that Master, I might cut you by accident. I only know Anderson by name only. He has an appointment with me on Friday."
"Excellent. I referred him to you the last time we fought. He may be the only worthwhile foe I have these days."
"And why is that, Master?" Death asked. He tapped the scythe and it began vibrating like an electric razor.
"He keeps coming back for me. I shot off all of his limbs the last time and he seemed ready to gnaw my ankles off." Alucard chuckled. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. "Do you think I should grow a beard?" he asked.
"Only if you wish to look like Alan Rickman, Master."
Alucard raised an eyebrow, then shrugged.
"You never answered my question sir. How is your love life?" Death said as he began to trim Alucard's bangs.
Alucard remained silent.
"You have to get over Lisa and Mina sometime, Master. Hopefully sooner rather than later."
Alucard stared intently at his reflection.
"Perhaps Sir Hellsing herself? She does look somewhat like mistress Lisa."
"You overstep yourself, servant. If you do not wish me to shove your scythe down your throat, I would suggest you end this topic of conversation now."
Death nodded. "I apologize my Master. I only ask because she has an appointment in three hours and I was wondering if you wanted me to remove the pictures of you from the 1940's."
Alucard's eyes widened. "You still have them up?"