Pairing: IchigoxIshida (CRACK)
Word Count: 655
Time: Like, 17 mins (with edits)
Spoilers: Not especially.
Summary: Ichigo and Ishida have an interesting relationship.
Dedication: JaB, damn her. DAMN HER.
A/N: OMG I swear, JaB releases some sort of strange internet pheromones that make me want to write Bleach crack-fic. It's not my fault. At all. It's not!
Disclaimer: Not mine. Otherwise I wouldn't have such a hard time trying to get the merchandise, dammit!
Distribution: Just lemme know.
"Oh for the love of…would you stop that!"
Ishida blinked at Kurosaki. "Stop what?" he asked blandly before resuming his knitting.
Ichigo pointed at him as if there were some thrice damning evidence somewhere on his person. "That!"
Uryuu arched a brow. "My knitting?" His glasses gleamed. "Does it bother you, Kurosaki?"
Ichigo turned his eyes heavenward at Ishida's mocking tone. "God hates me," he announced, glaring angrily up at the sky. "YOU HATE ME, DON'T YOU!"
"Maybe you should stop yelling at him, if he's up there. Then he might hate you less," Ishida prompted practically. "You'd be less annoying that way. Not by a lot, but it would help, I imagine."
Ichigo slapped a hand to his forehead. "You are such an asshole."
"And you're a buffoon." The rhythmic clack of the archer's needles went undisturbed as he continued working on his project, not thrown off in the least by Ichigo's frustrated (idiotic) posturing.
"Arrgh!" Ichigo made a garbled noise in the back of his throat and made squeezing motions with his hands, pretending Ishida's stupid pencil-neck was in-between them somewhere. "STOP IT!"
Ishida sighed, but did not yield. "I don't understand why you're so bothered when I'm working. Any intelligent individual would simply eat his lunch and ignore it."
"Fuck you." The other teen eyed his bento warily. "And I don't want it."
"Because I made it?"
Ichigo ran a hand through his hair. "Why the hell do you have to be so gay all the time?"
Ishida snorted. "Oh I'm sorry, should I stop it because my boyfriend finds it annoying?"
A hand clamped down around Ishida's mouth, even though the damage had essentially been done.
Well, it would have been if there had been anyone else on the roof with them.
"Don't say things like that out loud!" Ichigo hissed, looking left and right frantically to make sure no one had overheard the idiot.
Ishida, mildly irritated by the other boy's stupidity (though sadly enough, more than used to it), wrenched his face out of Ichigo's big dumb hands. "It's completely illogical to be so homophobic after all the things we've done…"
"Will you shut up?"
Ishida sighed and kept knitting, resigning himself to the fact that Ichigo was a complete moron. "Eat your lunch," he urged again flatly, with imperturbable patience.
Ichigo scowled. "Dammit, Ishida, this isn't funny."
"I wasn't laughing. Outwardly, anyway. I honestly don't know what you're so worked up about."
"I'm just saying…do me a favor, will you!"
"I already did last night. It's your turn, remember?"
The taller boy flushed bright red. "That's not what I meant!"
"Look, just…we're at school for cryin' out loud." Ichigo gestured helplessly, first to the pink bento box (packed with well, not love, but something that was less-vehement-than-hate) and then to Ishida's pattern-knitting. "I mean, could you try to be a little bit discrete!"
"Oh of course. Because everyone believes you're an authority on discretion in the first place," Ishida deadpanned. "And straightness, for the matter. Ne, strawberry-san?"
"I'm less gay than you are!"
"Oh, Kurosaki-san, I'm so sorry that my knitting and cooking are so offensively gay. Please teach me of your superior resistance to the pitfalls those of us who are overly gay constantly fall to so that I might follow in your footsteps. Please. Oh, by the way, last night you left your favorite shirt in my…"
"ARGH! Will you stop being such an enormous ass? Just for a second?"
"Enormous? I thought you told me to stop being such a tight…"
"Shut up now. Just shut up."
Ishida smirked. "As you wish. I will simply sit here and continue to knit. In silence. Any objections?"
"That's nice. Eat your lunch."
"Fine. Stop being so gay," Ichigo countered lamely, opening his bento. He grudgingly began to eat.
"Is it good?"
"I hate you so much."
"Don't talk with your mouth full."