Disclaimer: Once, in a far-away land where unicorns and dragons roamed free, there lived a girl. This girl wrote Harry Potter fanfiction. Surprisingly enough, Harry Potter did not belong to her! What a surprise! I wonder who the girl is? (hint, hint…)

(To make it simple: Harry Potter and all associated works do not belong to me).

Lily's Diary

Sept. 23

I am so dead.

More dead than Professor Binns, even, and he's been dead…well, for what must have been forever and a half.

Somebody just kill me now, will you? It'll save me from my horrible pain and misery that I will undoubtedly suffer…

I can live the rest of my life as a shameful ghost, probably old and bitter, haunting students and spending the rest of my life locked up in an out of order stall, in the girls' washrooms.

I'll become Myrtle (or Moaning Myrtle)'s new best friend. We'll have wonderfully fascinating discussions about the…um…finer points of death.

My new home will be a grimy, but rather lovely toilet seat.

What a life I'll lead. They'll call me…Loner Lily.

I'm looking forward to my future title as Loner Lily, the ghost. It'll be quite refreshing, I'm sure. I won't be kissing my friend's crushes (or possible crushes) under the influence of marshmallows. It will probably all be for the greater good, really.

Visit me in the stall next to Myrtle when you can spare the time, won't you?

Loner Lily, the freak ghost

Sept. 23

You know what, that'll be my future title, from now on. I SO deserve it, argh.

Now that I think of it, we must get those monogrammed towels in the Heads' bathroom changed. Mine will be LL, not LE.

Agggghhh. Do I tell Minnie, Tessa, both, neither? AGGGHHHH!

It's the right thing to do—to tell them, I mean. But what if Tessa suddenly turns into a madman with a shiny silver axe, and waits to kill me when I'm asleep?

No, she wouldn't do that…

She'd probably use a spear instead.


Sept. 24

Officially dead.

I must now assume my title of "Loner Lily".

Tessa has found out.

I feel horrible.

I don't know why I'm talking in short sentences.

Deal with it.

I am under emotional stress.

A lot of it.


Sept. 24

So, I got back to the dormitory last night…they were both slumbering all peacefully, I didn't want to wake them up.

Somebody told her…agh, it's like national gossip! I bet even the Minister of Magic has been sent a couple dozen owls on the matter. The Daily Prophet will print it as a headline article, next. It'll be:

Lily Evans (or Loner Lily, as she will be called hereafter) Betrays Best Friend, Tessa, By Kissing Tessa's Crush

Rather long title, but so informative.

Minnie talked to me about it (about the 135th one, really).

She said, very logically (oh, how I wish I was logical!)—"Lily."

I said, "Yes?" (Brilliant comment, I know, I know.

She said, "Why'd you kiss Sirius?"

No beating around the bush, that girl.

"Agh! I feel horrible about it!" I responded. My face must have resembled a mutated hag's, because she looked at me sort of funny.

"So, why'd you do it?" she asked again.


Good question there, Minn. Way to put me on the spot.

She looked at me, waiting for an answer. Well, what if I had 2-second memory, like a goldfish? It'd make life a zillion times easier for me. I could just forget the horrid question and never have to answer.

Wow, you know things have hit rock bottom when you've started envying GOLDFISH.


Sept. 25

Am sitting here (in History of Magic) like a dead fish, all floppy (although I surely hope I don't smell) and… well, I feel nearly dead, I'm so bored.

Haha. Very fitting, that is, because in just my last entry, I remarked how I envied goldfish so very much.

It's a huge aquarium we all live in, really.

And the whole kissing-Sirius incident proves that I have the practically nonexistent brain of a fish.

Because if I WASN'T a fish, I totally would have realized how WRONG it was to kiss my friend's sort of-crush (even though she hadn't confessed it, it's bound to be her crush anyway).

You could probably fit my brain in a thimble.

Or maybe it would fall out and rattle about in the thimble, because it's probably so small.

My fish-brain's probably tiny. It's probably microscopic. It's like a little speck floating about in my head, and it isn't useful at all.

Ah, I've got to stop blaming my horrible choices on "fish-brains" and stuff.

I think I've gone much too long without Minnie and Tessa to keep me sane.

And it's only been…what, two days?...and I'm already discussing my microscopic brain, how we are really all half-fish, half-people, how the whole world is a huge aquarium, and thimbles thrown in there.

I really need to make up with them, soon.

If I don't…well, by the end of the week I'll have probably gone crazy. Stuck my wand into the potatoes at dinner, or something, and make them explode all over the Great Hall.

Or turn everybody into fish.

Wow, I have way too much thinking time here.


Sept. 25

I was sitting here, just pleasantly acting the part of a dead fish…when a note suddenly appeared on my desk, on the special note paper.

Anyway, I opened it up:


Meet me after class so we can talk?



But of course, I didn't write: "Agggh, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO." Because that would deem me very immature and anti-facing-my-problems.

Which I am, but let's just put that teeny fact aside for the moment.

I wrote back:



I am the girl of Few but Wise Words.

That sounds really Indian.

Although 'Sure' and 'Lily' aren't very wise, advice-ish words.


It sounded good, at least.


Sept. 25

Met Sirius after class let out. Heart was fluttering like a butterfly.

Only my heart doesn't have wings.

Well, it'd be useful if it did. It could fly away, far away and take me with it. That way, I could get away with not confronting the Boy I Kissed And Therefore Betrayed My Friend In Doing So.

A.k.a. Sirius.

He just made my heart pound worse, though. His eyes…they're all warm and nice, like liquid chocolate.

Anyway, he smiled down at me and I smiled up at him.

No, this sounds way too much like a cheesy romance novels from the '70s, when people wore bright purple tights as exercise pants, and when tye-dye was in.

Okay, anyway. Back to the story.

So, yeah, we've gone over the smiling part. And then he said, all mysteriously, "Wait here for a second."

Meaning wait outside the History of Magic room, because that's where we were standing then.

I felt really badly, though, when Tessa and Minnie exited. They didn't even say a Hello.

I mean, do I smell THAT bad?


Sept. 25

Okay, anyway. Back to the story.

So I was standing there like a nitwit outside the History of Magic classroom. Everybody else had left. People probably thought I was a freak for standing there; well, they wouldn't be wrong—I am a quite freakish girl.

And proud of it.

No, not really, but anyway.

He came back to me…arms laden with…

Sandwiches, and…


Must everybody on this universe remind me of the life-wrecking marshmallow-induced kiss?

The answer seems to be a resounding YES.

Still, it was sweet of him. I took the plate, and looked inquisitively up at him. (He's TALL).

"Shall we eat outside?" he asked.

I nodded, and we set off.

Outside it was all nice and sunny, unusual for a September day. Many groups of friends had situated themselves outside—Tessa and Minnie included. We sat near a tree, so I was in the sun and he was in the shade.

I love sun.

We ate, chatting about this and that. He really makes you feel all happy and at ease when you talk to him.

"Hey, your hair looks so red in the sun!" Sirius said, placing his plate down on the grass. He picked up a tendril of my long hair, glinting brightly in the sunlight.

"It IS RED, silly."

"Well, actually RED, not orangey." He amended, still playing with the lock.

"People said it's the color of a fire truck." I said ruefully.

Forgetting, of course, that Sirius was a pure blooded wizard and had no clue whatsoever about anything muggle-related.

"What's that?" he inquired curiously. I could have almost laughed at the look of his face, but I didn't.

"It's—well, in the muggle world, there're people—called firefighters—who come and put fires out and go into the burning buildings and save people. They ride in a bright crimson truck. That's a fire truck. People say my hair's that color."

Sirius looked fascinated, still marveling at my hair.

"Why don't they just put it out with their wands?" he questioned, twirling my hair between his thumb and index finger.

"They don't HAVE wands, they're muggles, silly!" I explained, laughing. Sirius laughed too.

It was all good and well, till I noticed Tessa and Minnie sitting a little away, looking at us.

Tessa had a very pained expression on her face, like she'd just taken a Potions test. She was looking at Sirius's hand, which was still twirling my hair.

I felt really bad. Agh, I feel like a horrible friend.

Scratch that—I AM a horrible friend.

So we chatted, and a while later we can to a topic of mild importance.

"So, Minnie's party!" Sirius said, starting on his marshmallow.

"Yes…" I said rather unenthusiastically.

"Let's talk by lake." Sirius suggested.

I nodded and followed.

I swear, if looks could kill, I'd be dead about fifty times over. Minnie hasn't stopped shooting me her special venomous glares—she sends them over every five minutes.

I've never been on the receiving end of one. It's rather odd.

We sat down by the lake. "So, er…." I began. Because that's just an amazingly informative sentence.

(To the particularly daft: Note the sarcasm).

"…Yeah." Sirius finished.

"Um…." I said, probably—no, DEFINITELY sounding like a complete and utter nitwit.

"…well, yeah…about…"

"…um…yeah…that…" I replied.

We were going in circles.

"…so…er, that." Sirius finished, playing with a smooth, flat rock.

"…um…yeah." I replied.

"…so…erm, well…what…will become…of…er, that?" Sirius asked.

For such a smooth talker to be so tongue-tied was weird.

"Um…I don't know." I replied, with an equally astounding vocabulary.

"…what…what do you want to…become of it?" Sirius asked.

This would have been a hilarious situation, since we were both talking like overly shy three year olds with a 10 word diction, but it wasn't…considering the topic.

"…what…do you want to become of…erm, it?"

"James is my best friend…he's really like my brother…his family took me in." Sirius said.

I thought it better to nod and not ask questions. Which is what I did, probably looking like a mute. But, whatever.

"So….oh, he's been mad about you since practically forever." Sirius continued.

I nodded, again.

"I can't—oh, I don't know what the bloody hell to do!" he said loudly, frustrated. He threw the stone into the pond, where it splashed noisily, sending water droplets flying.

I wouldn't be surprised if one water droplet landed on my head and therefore turned my whole mane of bright red (fire truck red!) hair as frizzy as…as…

Well, really frizzy, is the point.

So we've got a huge friend-betrayal issue…on BOTH sides.

Why don't we just set Tessa and James up and be done with it?

Except I'd feel bad, putting my best friend with such a total UGH.

Yes, ugh is not a noun, or a verb for any matter, nor an adjective. I don't think it's any part of speech, actually.

But I'm in the middle of a crisis, here. Is this REALLY a time to talk about grammar?

I think not.


Sept. 25

So, Sirius's agreed to bring refreshments to Minnie's party. We still have to alert people about when it is and whatnot.

I must talk to Minnie and Tessa. I haven't gone this long without talking to them since this time in second year…

Minnie and Tessa are of very repelling natures—Tessa, the quiet, shy, and generally sweet one; Minnie, the sharp, brutally honest one. And me…the freak-o girl.

I honestly belong in a roadside circus attraction, not Hogwarts.

I could be the "Friend Betraying Brat" and set up a stall next to the bearded lady and whatnot.

Anyway, about the second year fight, even though it's utterly off-topic.

So, Tessa has this cat—back in second year, when she'd just gotten it, it was this teeny ball of gray fur. I swear, you couldn't even see its eyes.

But whatever.

She still hadn't decided what to name it. Minnie, as her very nature suggests, isn't very fond of cats. I mean, she'll tolerate them, but she'll not go around feeding it liver-flavored biscuits or whatever disgustingly weird treats cats get.

So, on one stormy night (actually it wasn't a stormy night, it just sounds like a horror-ish novel that way—anyway, moving on)—well, so one normal, non-stormy night. We were all sitting on a circular couch, chatting about what to name Tessa's cat. The little gray dust mop (or that's what it looked like) was curled up on Tessa's chest, and all was well in the world.

For about five minutes, and after that, everything kind of shattered.

So Minnie had had a bad day; Christopher something-or-another (the constipated rat character—remember him?) had made fun of her, she'd gotten a bad mark on an exam, all that. Basically, bad mood land.

Tessa was all, "I'll name it Mr. Pigglewiggle!"

I tell you, ever since I mentioned that book, she's become obsessed. She doesn't care that it's obviously MRS. PIGGLEWIGGLE, noooooooooo. I mean, the cat was a male—so it wouldn't be fitting to call it a Mrs.—but anyway.

Then Minnie went, "That's such a stupid name for a cat!"

They went on bickering harmlessly for a bit, while I watched (it's often quite good fun to watch them squabble, I think it should be made an Olympic sport).

Finally, Tessa said, "So, if you hate all of my names, do you have a better one?"

She had an annoyed edge to her voice as she said this.

"Yes—Dust Mop Fur Ball Freak!" Minnie snapped.

Yes, it would have been bloody hilarious if they'd gotten into a catfight, but sadly they did not. Tessa merely stalked off.

They didn't speak for weeks…that is, until the matter was settled and Tessa named the cat "Dr. Seuss."

All I have to say is that at least the 'Dr.' goes both ways—that is, male and female.

I swear, that girl is obsessed with muggle kid book titles.

We call him Seussie for short. Okay, irrelevant but whatever.

But the point is not that Tessa named her cat after the creator of "One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish" and other such verses.

NO, the point is….WELL, so WHAT IF I'VE GOT NO POINT!

The thing to be learned is that I'm in a fight with my best friends and I really don't want to be. Also, that I accidentally snogged one of my friend's sort-of crush and the other friend is mad at me too, because of the snogging incident.

That made absolutely no sense, but I honestly could NOT care less at the moment.

I have many issues to resolve.

Yay. Not.


Sept. 26

Talked to Sirius again today.

It's rather pathetic, but I've got no other friends than him at the moment.

We were sitting outside again, in the sun.

We were chatting and there came a break in our conversation.

He said, "Oh…James talked to me about the, erm, the…Marshmallow Incident."

He said it like that, too. Like it was in capital letters.

"Oh. Um…what did he, er, say?" I replied, astonishing him with my wit (this is a joke).

"He, well, he basically said he was fine and if we wanted to have a—relationship or something, we could."

I nodded.

"He also had the expression of a very pained salmon while telling me this." Sirius continued.

I burst out laughing, and so did he.

"So, um, what do you want to do about this?" I asked.

"I don't know…how about we take it from where we left off?" he suggested, smiling in a rather handsome way.

"'Kay." I replied, TOTALLY betraying my friend.


Which is how we ended up snogging—again, but this time minus the marshmallows—behind the willow tree.

All I can say in my defense is that he's a positively amazing kisser.


Augh, I so need to talk to Tessa, I'm such a friend-betrayer!

A friend-betrayer with a really bad case of frizzy hair right now, which makes it, like, a double whammy!


A/N: Alright, I hope you liked it.

Um…yeah, guys. Do not fear. This is NOT A Lily/Sirius story. So, yeah. Lily and James will get together eventually, duh. It's just a matter of when (grins)…

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review…I love every one of them! They make me sooooooooo happy!

Thanks to: moi, GypsyBookworm: I'm so glad you like the story, and I hope you think I updated soon enough, charmingly-holly: Don't worry, it'll work out. I needed some conflict, it would be a horrendously boring story if everything was rainbows and fairies and smooth sailing. But stick around to see, taniita: Aww (blushes) thanks, mrsbillehboyd: Sorry…I update as quickly as I can. I'm happy you like the story, though., Chocolate-Chipps: Haha, your reviews are really amusing, keep it up! Haha. Anyway, what DOES boya mean? And yeah, I hope you liked this chapter also, Vanessa-Black and Zabini: Yeah, I feel really bad for James too (sobs)., Rebel Rose: Thanks for the very wordy, descriptive review, pigs can fly: I really like your pen name, DobbyGrl, certified-weirdo: Yeah, I'm really afraid of spiders also! Sorry about the spider-in-your-room-incident…I feel your pain, crazy turtle: Aww, thanks! I try to update as quickly as I can., fish30, sunsun18: I know, it's a first, isn't it, moon-fan-101, ScarlettChristineGiry: I'm happy you like the story, HarryluvsMoaningMyrtle, bobby