See main page for full summaries.
Ahh yes… The scent of a fresh page. Just waiting for my crazy ideas to spill all over them and make them messy. Joy.
So, here is my latest brainstorm which really should not have graced Microsoft Word. But sadly, it has. Oo
No flames please, that would be greatly appreciated.
Sasuke Pee is made up of direct quotes from a conversation I had with a friend of mine. Please check out my main page for links to her, links to art and the actual conversation! )
Some quotes were altered to make spelling and grammar correct
By they way, I should clear this up. You may not like this story because it wasn't necessarily meant to be a fan fiction. Its true purpose is to satisfy my crazy, fan-girl mind and just for fun. The whole thing is basically dialogue (but I tried my best to be descriptive), so, it's rather pointless. But, if that does not scare you away from something you most likely wont find funny, then read on, and have a cookie! You get two if you review. D
Pardon any spelling mistakes. Especially in the name area ;)
Rated PG for rudeness… or whatever…
Today was a wonderful day. So wonderful in fact, it even looked beautiful! Yes, today had been nearly perfect. Everything about today was so positively positive, our favorite Uchiha Runt was humming a hum-less tune as he made his way home after a long (but wonderful) day of training with his team.
Oh yes, our favorite Uchiha finally had a good memory to store in his Memory Bank. Well, good by his standards.
Naruto had been less annoying today than he ever had in his entire life, Sasuke judged. It was like he wasn't even there! Or… wait… maybe he wasn't… No matter, that was only one thing that made today so great.
Another thing was Sakura didn't say much at all! She was so busy concentrating on whatever pointless activity their teacher had planned for that afternoon. She also hadn't asked him out on a date! Oh peaceful sigh! 'They' were right when 'they' said that there was a first for everything!
Sasuke himself had even worked up a sweat (not to mention an appetite)!
And to top off the greatness of this Greatly-Fine day, Kakashi had only flipped open his perverted book once, (closing it soon after Sasuke threw a dangerously sharp kunai in their teachers' general direction – Oops! His had "slipped", you see… ) and never opened it again.
Oh yes, the register could go on and on and on listing all the superb things that this day had created. Sadly it was nearly over. Maybe tomorrow would be just as fantastic? (Dare to dream, shall we?)
Yessiree-Bob, today had been magnificent. But, there was one bad thing about this equally fine evening, (no fan girls were following him home! Imagine that!) Our favorite Uchiha Runt had a slight discomfort (emphasis on slight…) as he walked carefully to the top of a hill that looked over a small lake which was currently reflecting the sunset (need I say that it was a simply gorgeous sunset?). – And look! Was that a fish jumping out yonder? Amazing! – Meanwhile, this slight discomfort was easily taken care of.
But since there were no available bathrooms anywhere close by, he would just have to find a nice bush somewhere. Ahh, there was one now…
Sasuke calmly walked up to his bush of choice and looked all around the perimeter to make sure the coast was clear. When he was satisfied and dubbed nobody was watching, he unzipped his shorts…
Aaaahhhhh…….. hmm… maybe it wasn't as slight as he thought… Oh well, he was dealing with it now.. Good thing too, this might have gotten messy if he had waited much longer…
And as soon as he was done, he was going to enjoy a looooong, hot, and well-deserved bath all to end such a –
"BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Naruto screeched. Tears were starting to form at the corner of his eyes.
"Hmm…. Interesting…" Kakashi clicked the camera.
Sasuke whipped around, zipping up his shorts as fast as humanly possible. "I…" He trailed off. He should have known. Wonderful things never last.
"GO AWAY! I'M PEEING!" he finally yelled. Damn them! Hopefully they didn't hear him whistling. That would top everything off nicely. Like a big, fat, juicy cherry. He hated cherries. Sakura started to giggle… Oh dear, now Kakashi was joining her.
"Oh man… stomach… hurts…" Naruto burst into another fit of laughing and fell to the ground. He was rolling. He was rolling and laughing at HIM! How dare he… (Oh, how the mighty fall.)
"Sasuke, tch tch. Foolish little brother. You didn't honestly think that I wouldn't see that would you?" Itachi suddenly appeared.
"YOU! YOU DID THIS TO ME!" This day was turning out to be not so great.
"Thanks Itachi-San! You're like, my new best friend!" Naruto managed to fit in between ferocious giggles. The older Uchiha gave the blonde thumbs up and said, "No Prob!" Sasuke slowly reached for a kunai… They would pay for this…
"Sasuke-Kun? You didn't really, did you?" Sakura asked timidly. He must NOT lose his most loyal fan! That would ruin him! Everything he -hadn't really- worked for!
"NO!" he cried shaking his head then glaring at Kakashi who was raising his camera again.
"Good one, idiot!" Naruto laughed now holding his stomach. Kakashi took another picture.
"Insert Swear-Word Here OFF! Can't I get any privacy?" Everyone kept laughing. "STOP IT ALREADY! IT'S GETTING OLD!" Everybody stopped laughing suddenly and looked at him, then started to laugh harder than ever. "I shouldn't have done that." He mumbled under his breath turning away from his audience. (Poor Sasuke.)
"It's okay," Sakura came up beside the raven-head and placed her hand on his should comfortingly. "This will all blow over in a month or two."
"...I hate you."
"Now, now, don't be mean…" Itachi said coming up beside Sakura.
"HOW DID YOU GET HERE TO BEGIN WITH, ANYWAY?" Sasuke barked up at his brother.
"That is my secret."
"Oh! And mine!" Naruto added helpfully.
"Mine too." Kakashi coughed. Sasuke turned to Sakura, putting on his best puppy face. 'Loving, loyal fan?'
"No... I had nothing to do with this..." She said seriously. 'Loyal fan!'
"It was YOUR idea!" Kakashi, Itachi and Naruto all glared at her. Sakura blushed.
"Eheh... okay, so I helped a LITTLE." She looked down and started fiddling with the edge of her shirt. 'Damn. Loyal fan my ass.' Sasuke nearly cried.
"What did he do?" Gaara asked walking up to the now forming crowd of unwanted, purely evil people.
"AH! How did you get here!" Naruto stopped laughing abruptly and paled.
"That's my secret." Gaara stated coolly.
"Okay!" Naruto's face light up once again. Apparently he was over his fear. "Sasuke was caught peeing!" He grinned. Everybody started laughing again. 'Are there queue cards or something out there with LAUGH written on them? This is so unfair.'
"That's it?" Gaara looked like he was going to yawn as he blinked lazily at all of them. Silence. 'Thank God.'
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT'S IT!" Naruto's eyes widened. (How shocking! He didn't find if funny! Weirdo.)
"Never mind." Gaara sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Hey guys!" Ino cried happily as she joined the group with Neji.
"Oh GOD no." Today was officially horrific. Sasuke smacked his forehead and sighed heavily.
"What's going on?" Ino looked around at everybody happily.
"Oh the humiliation...ugh" Sasuke sighed again and slowly removed his hand from his face. May as well face this like a man.
"Soooo… um, what happened?" Ino asked again, eyes widening with curiosity as she looked around and everybody, staring for a moment longer at Itachi (what was he doing there, anyway?).
"SASUKE, HE..." Naruto started, but Sasuke leapt over to him using a boost of Chakra and covered his mouth. He was not going to lose Ino-Pig too. "Mph...mmmmmMM! MMM!" Naruto finished eyes wide and sparkly.
"Huh?" Ino cocked her head and eyed Sasuke suspiciously.
"So troublesome." Shikamaru stated plainly leaning against a nearby tree.
"WHAT IS EVERYONE DOING HERE!" Sasuke screamed on the edge of insanity. This was bonkers. And this wasn't even his luck! This should have been Naruto! (Who's mouth was still covered, by the way, and he was starting to squirm since Sasuke's hands were doing a good job of depriving him of air.)
"Heard something from Gaara..." Temari said looking at her nails. Sasuke glared death in the red-heads direction.
"Hey! Only I'm supposed to glare like that!" Gaara growled matching Sasuke with a scary gaze.
"Oh, go to hell!" Sasuke screamed giving up the staring contest.
"I was RAISED in hell" Gaara roared, a rather disturbing grin appearing on his face.
Temari's eyes widened.
"Well...you could say that..." Kankuro pointed out helpfully, eyes equally wide. Temari promptly slapped him. "Sorry sis…" He rubbed his red cheek.
"I Heard from Kiba who heard from Shino who heard from Chouji who heard from Sakura." Shikamaru decided to add in a bored tone. Sakura sweat-dropped as Sasuke looked at her ready to kill.
"I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!" Ino cried throwing her hands into the air. ((Love the drama!))
"He was peeing and we all happened by while he was doing so. Quite beautiful and actually. What with the dramatic back lighting and all..." Kakashi looked over the top of his book at Ino. He winked. Anger started to bubble in Sasuke's gut and was coming awfully close to making him explode. Everybody but our poor, but favorite nonetheless, Uchiha Runt and Ino sweat-dropped.
"I MISSED THAT? And Sakura? You SAW?" The blonde girl was positively raging.
"Everything!" Sakura grinned. 'Is it hot out here? It's pretty hot out here… I wonder if anybody else is as hot as I am…?' Sasuke looked around and pulled on his collar nervously, his face particularly warm. Sakura started giggling, a blush of her own finding its way to her cheeks.
"Okay can we PLEASE GET OFF THIS SUBJECT!" Sasuke cried starting to shake. He finally let go of Naruto who fell to the ground from lack of oxygen.
"I'm going to write a book of my own!" Kakashi said proudly snapping Icha Icha Paradise shut and puffing out his chest.
"Hey! I'm gonna write it first!" Jiraiya said loudly.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!" Kakashi's eyes widened with shock and maybe a hint of dismay… but admiration was there as well. I mean really, this was the author of his favorite books!
"I was spying on you, and it was priceless!" He laughed, his long white hair spilling in front of his face.
"NO! My image!" Sasuke collapsed to his knees.
"My stomach hurts!" Naruto giggled who had long since started rolling on the ground and laughing. Again. Even Gaara had started snickering!
"Shut it, Sand Nin." Sasuke growled. He would not have the death-obsessed freak laughing too! Since when did he laugh anyway? …Apparently now. The red-head fell to the ground and started laughing so hard, tears were forming at the corner of his eyes. Oh, what a sight.
"Well... I'm gonna write a NEW book... and SASUKE will be the STAR!" Kakashi said still on the topic of book-writing.
"I'LL SUE!" Sasuke dropped to his hands and barked up at Kakashi.
"But since I don't want to be sued, I'll rename him Bob! That's always a good name!" Kakashi smiled and whipped out a pen and paper, all ready to start his new career.
"I'LL BUY IT!" Naruto said excitedly jumping up and down, clapping his hands.
"Sign me up for that..." Gaara said still smiling (odd sight, by the way) "Will pictures be included?" His smile slid slightly "I haven't laughed since... well.. never mind since..." Sakura beamed at him and shrugged.
"Stupid Sakura! She gets everything... grrrr..." Ino glared at the pink haired girl as she mumbled rude phrases under her breath.
Kiba's dog randomly appeared and barked.
"My leg hurts. What's going on?" Rock Lee suddenly appeared as well. And how he did so suddenly will remain a mystery. Everybody blinked in his direction.
"I'm going to die." Sasuke sighed heavily.
"Yes! You are right!" Itachi smiled happily. He pulled out a camera "Smile, brother!" the camera clicked.
"CURSE YOU ITACHI!" Sasuke shook his fist. He was going to get his hands on those pictures if it was the last thing he did.
Heelllooo, SSSSasuke-kunnn. I want your bodyyy!" Orochimaru said slithering over and joining the now rather large crowd.
"Oh my -Beeping- god!" Sasuke took a step back.
"You wouldn't want his body after what he just did!" Gaara said starting to laugh all over again.
"SO true my friend! SO true!" Naruto said, eyes glossing over as he watched everybody from the ground. Gaara stopped laughing.
"I am not your friend." He said seriously.
"SHUT UP!" Sasuke curled up into a ball and covered his ears.
"Can someone tell me what happened?" Lee asked pouting, his massive eyebrows turning up as far as they could. ((shudder))
"Why is Orochimaru here?" Sakura asked nervously, taking a step closer to Sasuke, then changing her mind and stepping closer to Naruto.
"The randomness!" Ino cried.
"…" Shino leaned in and whispered into Kiba's ear.
"He did what? That's priceless! I should have seen it!" Kiba nearly peed himself with excitement. Which would have added to the comedy and taken the spotlight off of our favorite Uchiha Runt, but sadly, he calmed himself down before doing so. Sasuke's hopes fell when he didn't mess himself. He sighed.
"Ummmm...Whaaat happpeneed?" Orochimaru asked, his tongue flickering into view for a moment.
"Don't worry! We can all watch it again and again whenever we WANT! I got it all on video!" Konohamaru suddenly popped up from behind a rock waving a video camera in the air madly.
"YES!" Everybody jumped up (excluding Sasuke of course). "WOOT!"
"Will you NEVER let me live this down?" Sasuke asked finally getting to his feet, eyes starting to get watery. He faced the last sliver of sunlight so everybody wouldn't see him crying now too (all in frustration of course. And Uchiha never cries without reason… usually). The sun sank away and shadows started to stretch out across everything. Sigh. Today sucked.
Sadly, nobody heard him because they were all crowding around the video recorder so they could watch the Kodak moment again.
"Oh look! There I am! I'm so pretty on camera!" Ino fingered the edge of her hair and wiggled her shoulders.
"I sssssssso want that bodyyy..." Orichimaru said hungrily. Sasuke nearly barfed.
"What is going on here?" Tsunade asked walking out of the Konoha Gates, a large group of people following close behind. 'NOT THE HOKAGE TOO!' Sasuke started backing away slowly.
"Ahh… so troublesome." Shikamaru scanned the sky for interesting night-clouds.
"Tsunade-baba!" Naruto said happily, "YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED!" He grinned.
"He did WHAAAAT?" Tsunade said extremely shocked after Naruto told her the entire story, expanding greatly on details.
"AND I HAVE IT ON TAAAAPE!" Konohamaru said gleefully and running up to the Hokage to show her.
"OMG! LET ME SEE!" She leaned in beside the small boy and watched the video with stars in her eyes. She started giggling. "He's so preeeeeetty!"
"I cant believe I missed it!" Ino sobbed.
"By the way, Naruto…" Tsunade said calmly, turning to Naruto who had just stopped rolling on the ground, "Never call me baba… EVER again." The blonde laughed nervously.
"MY LIFE SUCKS!" Sasuke said, very much crazy. He turned around and ran down the hill. He must escape the insanity. He must!
- - -
Today was a terrible day. So terrible in fact, it even looked ugly! Yes, today had been very much imperfect in every way. Everything about today was so negatively negative our favorite Uchiha Runt was growling deeply from the back of his throat as he made his way home after a long (and terrible) day of training with his team.
Oh yes, our favorite Uchiha had yet another bad memory to store in his Memory Bank. That place certainly was filling up.
Naruto had been more annoying today than he ever had in his entire life, Sasuke judged. It was like there was ten of him! Or… wait… maybe there was… No matter, that was only one thing that made today so horrifying.
Another thing was Sakura never stopped talking! She was so busy concentrating on winning him over that she completely ignored the pointless activity their teacher had planned for that afternoon. She had also asked him out on a date at least fourteen times! Oh aggravated sigh! 'They' weren't right when 'they' said that there was a first for everything! (Because obviously, there wasn't.)
Sasuke himself hadn't done enough to work up even the tiniest sweat, which bothered him greatly. (He wasn't even hungry yet!)
And to top off the ghastliness of this Horribly-Horrific day, Kakashi had his perverted book open the entire time, (not even closing it when Sasuke threw a dangerously sharp kunai in their teachers' general direction – Oops! His had "slipped", you see…) Their Sensei ignored him for the rest of the day.
Oh yes, the register could go on and on and on listing all the abysmal things that this day had created. Thankfully, it was nearly over. Maybe tomorrow would be better? (Dare to dream, shall we?)
Yessiree-Bob, today had been pitiable. And to make this equally unpleasant evening, (6 fan girls were following him home! Imagine that!) Our favorite Uchiha Runt had a major discomfort (emphasis on major…) as he stalked angrily to the top of a hill that looked over a small lake which was currently reflecting the sunset (need I say that it was a simply repulsive sunset?). – And look! Was that a fish jumping out yonder? Stupid fish. It was just going to get eaten within the next week. – Thankfully, this Major discomfort was easily taken care of.
But since there were no available bathrooms anywhere close by, he would just have to find a nice bush somewhere. Ahh, there was one now…
Sasuke agitatedly walked up to his bush of choice and looked all around the perimeter to make sure the coast was clear. When he was satisfied and dubbed nobody was watching he unzipped his shorts…
Aaaahhhhh…….. hmm… maybe his major distress wasn't as bad as he thought… Oh well, he was dealing with it now.. Good thing too, this might have gotten messy if he had waited much longer…
And as soon as he was done, he was going to enjoy a looooong, hot and well-deserved bath, all to end such a…
Who was that?
"…WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
"Peeing! What does it look like you idiot! Like I'm quilting?" Sasuke blinked. He quickly finished what he was doing and spun around.
AH! Just his luck! EVERYBODY was right there! AHAH!
"OMG! DID YOU SEE?" He cried waving the whole town over to where he was standing. Some snickered behind their hands as politely as they could when they saw who it was. Sasuke ignored this. "I can't believe my luck! Did you see? Gaara was standing here peeing! HAHA! Hey!" Sasuke chuckled and nudged Konohamaru "Did you get that on tape too? You could like… Add it to mine and start a series!" The boy looked up at him with big, round eyes.
"What?" He asked, backing away from this clearly insane being. Everybody looked at Gaara who was standing perfectly innocent a few steps away. He shrugged.
"Sorry Sasuke," Kakashi said, not taking his eyes off his book. "We missed that one." (Oops.)
"……MY LIFE SUCKS!" he cried to the sky. "ARRRRG!"
"Sasuke, honey," a woman came up to him cautiously and put her hand on his shoulder. "Come, you should get inside, its cold out!"
"Where's my lawyer?" Sasuke glared, but going with her nonetheless. "I need a Phsycietrist."
"I know, sweetie, I know."
Everybody watched him go, shocked. Witnessing the downfall of the towns' greatest prodigy is always hard to take.
"Gaara?" Sakura asked timidly, pushing her way through the crowd. "You didn't really… did you?"
"NO!" Gaara said, eyes innocent and glittery. Sakura smiled.
And everybody left shaking their heads sadly. (Poor, poor Sasuke.)
"Heh heh heh…" Gaara turned and skipped happily down the hill and into the sunset. "If only they knew…"