Doesn't Mean I Don't Know How

Hey! Here's the chapter for THIS story. B/c i am TRYING to write as fast as I can!



Dear Diary,

Today, Robin told me what he thought of everyone. It was quite interesting to hear what he thinks of us. However, he did not describe me. As much as I was glad to hear that we agreed on Cyborg's attitude about being a little overzealous about the leadership issues he has, it was disappointing when he did not tell me what he thinks I am like.

I have also come to realize, that it was not the fact that Robin created Red X, it was that he built the suit and kept it away from us. This information makes the situation a little easier to bear, but every time I walk, the bruises still throb and it reminds me of X. He keeps making the same excuses. That Slade would have figured it out. Well, Slade is probably one of the most intelligent criminal masterminds I have ever encountered. Robin and I both knew he wasn't going to fall for the old "gotcha!" trick. Even so, I believe Robin was so filled with rage against Slade, that he was blinded to the criminal's strategies and forgot his opponent's intellect.

I just hope that I can help him before he completely breaks down….

Raven closed her ink bottle, feeling that was a good enough entry for today. Even so, she read it over.

'It seems to be satisfactory…' she thought, and closed her diary. She changed into her pajamas, a black, long-sleeved top, and blue long sleeved bottoms. As soon as she was done tying the draw-string there were four sharp knocks on her door. She glanced at the clock.

'Who wants to talk to me at 10:30?' she thought, shuffling over to her door.

She unlocked it and it opened with a whoosh.

It was Cyborg.

"Hey, Rae…" he said.

"Yes?" she said impatiently. She wanted to go to sleep.

"Um…tomorrow is the evaluations, you know that right?"

"Yes, Cyborg. Robin has reminded us of it on a daily basis for a month."

"Well," he continued, somewhat hesitantly, "You know how much I want to be in the upper ranks. I'm tired of being third in command. What I mean is—"

"Absolutely not," she said shortly.

"But, Rae—"

"Cyborg," she scoffed, cutting him off, "I will not lighten up tomorrow so that you can be second in command, and then challenge Robin for the leadership! That would be backstabbing him and the rest of the team, you know that. Not to mention that it would be cheating."

"You don't understand, Raven," Cyborg said, "I would make the better leader for this team! I would make better decisions! I wouldn't hide away all the time like he does! I wouldn't lie to the team."

There was a pause between them. Raven understood where this was coming from.

"Cyborg, Robin has to make some very difficult decisions. The choices he makes are a burden that you do not want to have. Most of the time, there is not a good choice and a bad choice," she said patiently, "There are only ones that will affect us negatively. He has to choose the consequences, whether they are good or bad. And that is why he is the best leader for this team, because he makes the decisions that will affect us the least."

"You still don't get it," pursued Cyborg, "You don't understand, Raven. He lied to us. What kind of leader does that?"

"And what kind of teammate goes behind their leader's back?"

He had no answer except a selfish one.

"It's best for the team."

"It's best for you," she retorted.

"So, am I supposed to completely disregard myself for the better of the team? Should I leave out my interests and wishes?"

"When Robin was Slade's apprentice, he chose to work for the man that he loathed more than anything in the world, agreeing to serve a life of abuse with that man, just so that we could live. Are you willing to make that kind of sacrifice, Cyborg?"

"I still don't agree with you. But, I can see that you don't want to cooperate."

"My loyalty lies with Robin. And I'm not sorry with the choice I have made," she said with a final tone.

"I am sorry," he said with an air she could not recognize.

He walked away and around the corner.

Raven sighed and leaned her back against the wall, sliding down to the floor. Her ankles hurt.

'Should I tell him?' she wondered, 'It would be the right thing to do, but Cyborg would be angry with me.'

She debated in her mind, and in the end, decided that she should inform her leader and let him choose what to do. She got up, ankles throbbing, and walked to his door, which was on the ninth floor.

All in all, it was kind of funny how much Cyborg wanted Robin's job and what he was willing to do to get it. But, Robin needed to know Cyborg's concerns. Even if Cyborg didn't want to consult his leader himself.

She found his door and knocked on it softly, not wanting to wake him up if he was sleeping. Apparently, he heard it, because she could hear shuffling around as if he was trying to clean up or something. Probably getting his mask on. Then it stopped and the door opened. There he was in all his glory, hair-unspiked (just washed), black top, red bottoms, and mask on.

He leaned against the doorway. "Hey, Raven."

"We need to talk."

"Come in," he said, unblocking the doorway. She was a little hesitant about going into a teenage boy's room, having seen Beast Boy's before, but gave in and walked in. It was a lot tidier than she expected.

"Surprised?" he said, chuckling at the look on her face.

"A little…."

"So, Raven," he said, sitting down in a chair, "What brings you to Robin's room at—" he checked the clock, "—eleven o'clock at night?"

"Well, being secondary commanding officer, I decided I should tell you about a brief talk that I had with Cyborg about thirty minutes ago."

He immediately perked up. He knew how much Cyborg wanted his position.

"What happened?" he asked.

"He asked me," she said, pausing, "if I would lighten up tomorrow, since it is evaluations. That way, he could be secondary commanding officer, and—"

"—and challenge me for leadership," finished Robin, knowing where this was going. He held his head up with his hand, palm supporting the weight of what he was hearing.

Raven saw how this affected him.

"I'm sorry," she said, looking down with guilt consuming her insides.

"Don't be. This isn't your fault." He seemed to be deteriorating before her eyes.

"Robin, I didn't know how you would handle it."

"Don't worry about it. I'll be just fine."

She examined her leader closely. She could see bags under his eyes and his once alert stare was becoming droopy and worn down. He still kept himself in shape though; his muscles were clearly visible under his shirt. His well trimmed arms and waist made him the most popular guy in Jump City with girls and least popular with the guys. They felt intimidated by him, but who wouldn't? After all, he had trained with the best…

Sometimes she wished he hadn't. The obvious resemblance of the Bat in her leader made him one of the hardest people to deal with.

"I'm sorry I disturbed you, Robin. You need to sleep."

"No, stay," he said, getting up. She stopped at the door.

"Stay. Please…."

She turned. He looked desperate for someone to talk to. And wasn't she the easiest person to talk to? She would listen and listen, never saying a word until they asked for advice.

"Please…" he repeated, walking towards her and grasping her shoulders gently.

"Robin," she said gently, "what has happened to you?" she asked, looking for answers in his masked face.

"I don't know, Raven. That's what scares me so bad. I don't know how I became this."

She wrapped her fingers around his forearms.

"Why haven't you told someone? How come you haven't told me?"

"I was so scared."

"Robin, I will always listen. I know how hard it is to keep your feelings locked away like this. I won't let you create that burden for yourself."

He pulled her into a hug.

"Can you go inside me and take everything away? Everything bad? All the memories that still haunt me and you? I know that you still share my burden of seeing my past, which wasn't the brightest. Can't you take it away?"

"No. I can't."


"It would cause your brain to go into shock. If I pulled out all those memories, it would be like taking the stitches off of a wound to soon. It would bleed again. Your mind needs to heal itself. Not to mention that you would have a severe IQ drop. The memories would regurgitate themselves again and it wouldn't work."

"Sounds bearable."

His embrace was so warm. His body was full of energy and heat, but his mind, his strength, was shutting down.

"I won't do it."

"I know. And thank you, because I think I would force it on myself if I had the power."

They stood there for a second. She willed her strength into his body, all of it. If anyone needed it, he did.

With an ear shattering annoyance, the alarm sounded.

They broke apart.

"What the hell?" said Robin, opening the door and rushing out to make sure everything was alright. When no visible solution came to him, he looked at Raven in confusion. She raised an eyebrow and followed him out into the hall, both still clad in pajamas.

"Titans! Wake up!" yelled Robin, banging on Beast Boy's door as Raven ran into Starfire's to awaken her.

Starfire, followed by Beast Boy entered the hallway, and Cyborg, being a floor down, came shortly after. He saw Raven and Robin standing next to each other and his eyes widened.

Raven turned and Cyborg's eye, but quickly released herself from the pressure and looked back at the others.

The alarms still sounded and the light flashed.

"What's going on!" yelled Beast Boy.

"I don't know!" shouted Robin, "I think some animal or something might have tripped the alarm! Cyborg, take the top floor! Beast Boy! Search the third! Starfire, you take the second! I'll scan the first and Raven, scan the basement! Search the perimeter and report back here when you're done! Move!"

The Titans, groggy eyed and dismal about the search ahead, sulked to their designated floor.

Raven glided down the stairs to the treacherous basement. When she landed on the cold hard concrete, she couldn't help but flinch at the sting it gave her skin.

"I can't believe I'm walking around like this," she said to herself, looking at her attire.

She felt embarrassed for something that wasn't even important. It didn't matter. The basement was creepy and she just wanted to get back upstairs.

If anyone in Jump City has a view of Titans Tower, they know just how enormous the creation is. Floor after floor of teenager time-consumers, all bought and paid for by tax payer dollars. Since there is quite a lot of weight at the top and it has virtually no support on the tips of the "T", it requires a foundation like no other. And with any foundation, comes a basement. And unfortunately for our reclusive hero, Raven, she was the one to search it. By herself.

She rolled her eyes.

"Thanks, Robin," she said to the air as she walked into the depths of the deepest part of the tower.

"Why did he have to make me do this? It would have been much simpler if Cyborg scanned this area. He has the night vision and can actually see what he is doing! But, no. Raven, scan the basement!"

She sighed.

Halfway through that sigh, she heard a scuffle. But, she didn't bother listening again.

"Probably rats or something."

Then she heard it again.

And her heart pounded in her ears.

Adrenaline rushed into her bloodstream, preparing to fight or flee.

She tried to see in the dark, but her attempts were futile.

And there it was again.


Her mind and body were telling her to run for her life, to get out of there fast.

But she stayed.

She was Raven; second in command of the most powerful fighting force in the nation.

She was not about to run because of a scuffle.

But her blood still pounded in her head.


"Show yourself!" she said.


"Fine, then I guess I'll just have to find you….."

"Azarath…Metrion…Zinthos!" she chanted, and filled the floor and room with her black aura. She used it as a sensor, so she could locate any moving pressure points on the cold floor. She found something big; as big as a human. And it was standing five feet away from her.


And at that point, she listened to her mind. She listened to her body. She listened to her heart pounding in her chest, giving her the message that something was terribly wrong.

She morphed into shadows and went right through the ceiling into the next floor where she returned to normal in the hall and sank against the wall. Luckily for her, Robin was just rounding that corner on the search. But, she didn't know that and thought it was the thing from the basement.

He turned the corner.

She jumped in her seat and broke the light above her. She tried to run but something grabbed her wrist as she turned.

"Raven! Wait!"

She saw who it was and suddenly realized that she was still panting.

"What's wrong? Did you find something?" he demanded, still holding on to her wrist.

"T-the basement. There's s-something really big d-down there," she said. She was still so frightened that she was shaking.

"What is it?" he asked, still holding on to her wrist.

She couldn't see straight she was so scared.

"I don't kn-know! It was big. I c-couldn't stop it from—from…."

"From what?" he asked.

She fell to her knees.

"It was so close…."

"You're safe. Don't worry. But we have to find out what it is."

The adrenaline that entered her body so quickly started to die down. She was coming to her senses. It wasn't going to get her.

"I'll have Cyborg take a look."

"No!" she yelled.

He looked at her.

"No…." she repeated, "It was a—an entity of some sort. I could tell it had a conscious to distinguish from right and wrong. I just was so scared. I was all alone and I heard this noise and…oh God I was so scared…."

"It's okay. Don't worry," comforted Robin, "We'll find out what it is. At least we've isolated it."

"I can probably do another search of the area with Cyborg."

"I'm coming too."

"Good. Have Starfire and Beast Boy stay with the scanners to make sure it doesn't go anywhere."

"Yes ma'am," said Robin. She grinned.

Titan009- I know I'm a bad girl for not updating my stories on April 30th like I said I would. Truth is, honest to God; I couldn't use my Microsoft word. Something was wrong with the "Normal" formatting and wouldn't open it right. Until my DAD fixed it! So you can thank him! Trust me, you don't want to read my chapters without spell-check. Please review. I understand if you don't.