An Assassin and White Porsche

Part 1

Crawford had a bad feeling. He didn't want to call it a premonition, because it wasn't really, he just woke up that morning with the oddest feeling that something was going to go wrong. Of course being Oracle he didn't really pay that much attention to it, because if something was going to go wrong, he'd have a vision, wouldn't he? He washed down a pair of green painkillers with a mouthful of coffee, and contemplated his agenda for the day. He had decided after a whole month that he could un-ground Nagi, but he wasn't letting him go anywhere without a specific and detailed sex education speak. He wasn't looking forward to it, in fact he had come to the conclusion through breakfast, and then dawdling over the paper to avoid it, it was the reason for his bad feeling.

He would much rather have root canal work with no anaesthetic than have that conversation but he had had visions of both Schuldig's sex ed talk, which went along the lines of "hey babe," a leer and a handful of condoms, visions of Farfarello's sex ed talk had given Crawford grey hairs. He was half tempted to take Balinese up on his offer, then he remembered what Aya had said about that. There was nothing to do but to gird his loins and just get on it with it. Or possibly have another coffee first and then do the crossword. And then Mitsuki was on, it was entirely possible it was about cross dressing midgets that emigrated to Missouri. Maybe he could go shopping with Schuldig.

"Let the bodies hit the floor," Nagi sang along with his ipod, "let the bodies hit the floor."

Crawford swallowed the last of his coffee, "Nagi," he said quietly.

"Let the bodies hit the floor," Nagi continued blithely pulling out a carton of orange juice and pouring the liquid into a glass.

"Nagi," Crawford repeated, louder.

Nagi continued to "sing" along with his ipod.

Crawford walked up behind him and tugged the buds out of his ears, "Nagi," he said loudly.

Nagi jumped and the glass on the counter shattered. "Crawford," Nagi scolded, "don't jump up on me like that." He lifted the tea cloth and started wiping up the orange juice that had exploded with the glass. "Look at the mess."

"I didn't jump up on you," Crawford said, "you just had your ipod on full blast and couldn't hear me." He took a deep breath as Nagi put the tea cloth into the washing machine and poured himself another glass of juice. "I want to talk to you."

"Is this about that program that was on last night when you were out with Takatori, because I did tape it and then Schuldig wanted to watch that film when he came in and I don't know what he did with it."

"No," Crawford said carefully folding the paper, "it's not about that documentary, but thank you for taping it. It's about Omi."

"I'm not giving him up, I don't care if he's Weiss, you don't understand." Nagi managed that in a breathless rush.

"I'm not asking you to give him up." Crawford said patiently, "I have spoken to Esset and they've decided he has enough potential for evil that he will make a perfectly suitable boyfriend, and if you promise to behave I'll not only let you out," Nagi's large blue eyes widened and it looked like he might whoop with joy, Crawford's cup rattled. "but let you see him without a chaperone, because I know you've been using one." Crawford put his hand down on his coffee cup, "but we have to set some ground rules first." The cup stopped dancing on the saucer.

"You and I need to talk about sex." Crawford's cup shattered.

Crawford went into the office with his hand strapped up in bandages. Aya was sat waiting for him in the waiting room. He took one look at the strapped hand, "Nagi's free then." He said crossing his legs, "do you need to go to casualty or are we on for our matinee?"

"I got Farfarello to pull out the porcelain shards out of my hand, the talk went well, we lost two glasses, one cup and a window." Crawford said bending down to kiss Aya on the cheek in greeting.

"At least it was nothing more expensive." Aya said, "now I'm sure that Farfarello has plenty of practise bandaging but let me have a look. How did you actually get cut?"

"I was holding the cup down when it exploded." Crawford said, giving Aya his hand. Aya pulled back the bandages and checked the deep cuts. "It's going to scar, but you don't need stitches" he said running his fingertip over it, "I'm glad I'm not the one to have told him."

"How did it go with Omi?" Crawford said as Aya deftly wrapped his hand back up, much tighter than Farfarello had and rather than tucking it back in, as Farfarello had, he pulled out a small pocket first aid kit and took out a safety pin. "Do you always carry that with you?" He said noting the small box, it was like a sewing kit and had basic essentials like band-aids, butterfly stitches, a pair of tiny scissors and a set of safety pins, there was even a tiny bottle of iodine with a dropper. It was just big enough so it didn't look out of place in his pocket.

"I was a boy scout, it pays to be prepared."

Crawford raised an eyebrow, "so was I and I don't even keep half of this stuff in the house." He sat down next to him on the small couch, "so how did it go with Omi?"

"It went perfectly well, he knew more about it than I did, Yohji sorted it." He said, "I imagine that he and Nagi will be out by now."

"I imagine so," Crawford said, "do you think they'll behave?"

"We can only trust that they do." Aya said sagely, "did we at their age?" Crawford shook his head, "me neither, but they're much more adult than we were at that age."

A sudden burst of Chopin distracted his attention and he fished out his mobile, pretending not to notice the small anime characters that Omi had affixed to the aerial this week and flipped it open. "Fujimiya desu."

Across the room Crawford did the same with the vibrating phone in his hand, then they looked at each other. "I've got to go." They said together, "there's been an accident."

Reiji Takatori loved his car, he loved his car a lot. In fact he loved his car more than his late wife and his two adult sons. The only thing in the world he loved more than his car was his money, and it was a close call. In fact if there was a way to store his money in his car he'd love his car more. However, he didn't like his driver. Hirofumi seemed to have gotten him from lackies'r'us on a buy one get one free deal. The man kept talking to him. He made a mental note to have Schwartz eliminate him.

He was just having a rather pleasant image of meeting his daughter for supper and thereby securing himself a rather nice alibi when the car came to a sudden screeching stop that ended in a bang and he hit his head on the seat in front. "You bungling fool," Takatori said getting out of the car, "What did you hit?"

Takatori looked at the scene in front of him from outside of the car with his bungling idiot driver beside him, a large black sedan had gone into the back of his car and then when his driver had tried to stop he had hit the small bike in front knocking both passengers clear. "Don't just stand there, you bungling fool." He shouted, "call an ambulance."

"Um sir," the driver said going over to the two boys, "isn't that Mr Crawford's brother, the little one that he's freakishly over protective of?"

Takatori looked at the boy and the realisation dawned. He said the only thing one can say when they've been in a multi-vehicle pile up and he had accidentally knocked down one of his body guards. "Well, there goes my no claim discount."

Later at the magic bus hospital Aya burst in like a tornado with Crawford fast behind him. "Fujimiya-san?" The nurse said, "what's the rush, your sister is fine."

"I'm not here about my sister," he grated. "I am the legal guardian of Omi Tsukiyono, I understand he was brought in earlier."

The nurse gave him a winning smile, "certainly, Fujimiya-san, and is your friend here to see Tsukiyono-kun as well." She veritably beamed at Crawford.

"No, I'm here to see Nagi Naoe as his legal guardian."

The nurse checked her clipboard, "well isn't that convenient they were brought in together, it seems the vice prime minister of Japan knocked them down when someone ran into his car, but."

"Takatori!" Aya shouted.

"Yes, dear," the nurse said, "they're both fine, well, Nagi has a broken collar bone and some broken ribs and Tsukiyono has a broken wrist and ankle, and they both have concussions, but they can leave the hospital tomorrow, we just want to keep them in for observation."

Both men breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Thank god for that." Crawford managed, "of course I will have to have words with Mr Takatori."

"I have words for him."

"Yes, dear," the nurse said patiently, "but Shi-ne isn't really polite now, is it."

Any answer that Aya might have given was nicely cut off by Yohji's timely arrival. "Answer me, woman, where's Omi?"

"He's tucked up in bed with some jello and the television on." The nurse answered with a bright and disarming smile, "I was just bringing your friends along, Kudoh-san."

"Why does everyone here know your names?" Crawford whispered.

"Kritiker hospital." Aya whispered back. "But don't worry, they're neutral in these things. They won't poison Nagi in his sleep."

Crawford went white, "that's good to know."

"They'll just pump him full of truth serum and question him." Yohji whispered with a wicked glint in his eye.

"They won't learn anything," Crawford whispered back, "he's fifteen, even when we do tell him stuff he doesn't listen so he can shout you don't tell me anything."

"Sounds like Ken." Yohji answered to that.

"Speaking of which," Aya said, "where is Ken, you did tell him?" He asked Yohji.

"I specifically explained to Ken that Omi had been in an accident and that he was in the Magic Bus hospital. He's probably just on his way." Yohji said waving his hands about, "you know how protective of Omi Ken can get, he'll be here."

Ken walked into the hospital and up to the front desk with his helmet under his arm. The receptionist looked at him with a winning smile, chewing the end of her pencil appreciatively at the windswept young man that just walked in. "Hi, I'm looking for Omi Tsukiyono, I understand he has just been admitted here."

"Well, honey, I'll just check the records, I'm Kazumi by the way, and here's my phone number." She typed the name into the computer with one hand handing him a piece of paper with the other, "what's your name, just so I can cross reference."

"Ken." He answered.

"Well, honey, we don't appear to have an Omi Tsukiyono on the books, is she your girlfriend?"

"Oh no," Ken answered, "he's my brother."

"I'll just check again," She ran her heavily made up mouth over the end of the pencil so he could watch as she ran the search, "well, I'm sorry, honey, but we don't appear to have him here, what kind of surgery was it he wanted?"

"Omi needs surgery?" Ken yelled.

"Well, of course, honey, everyone in here needs surgery, that's why they come to the Magic Bust cosmetic hospital. Me, I had my boobs done," she lifted them to show him, "what do you think?"

"I think I might have the wrong hospital. My brother was in an accident." Ken managed to stammer.

She gave a lipsticky smile that showed her teeth, "it sure sounds like it, honey, I think you want the Magic Bus hospital." She arranged her outfit to show more of her bosom, "don't worry, honey, it happens all the time. Do you play sport?"

"soccer." Ken answered woodenly.

"Oh, and a motorcycle, I bet you have the girls hanging over you?"

"Oh no," Ken answered, "I work for a flower shop so everyone assumes I'm gay."

"And are you?" She was leaning over the counter so he could see into her bra, not that he was paying any attention to it.

"No, but thanks for your help, Kazumi, I'll just go and see my brother now."

Kazumi blinked, "hey, honey, what flower shop do you work for? You see we always need flowers for the hospital."

"The Kitten in the House." He answered. "I really need to be going now. Thank you again."

"No problem at all, honey." She said with another winning smile, "you come back now, ya hear." She watched his soccer players ass walk out watching every stitch of the tight denim with fascination, "and call me, we can totally date."

Author's Note: The normal one.

I know it's mean that Takatori ran over the chibis, but if anyone was going to do it face it and I need them postponed for now, not seriously hurt but not participating in missions.

I know the Magic Bust Cosmetic Surgery hospital is a cheap joke but I wanted to introduce Kazumi, Ken's stalker because OC or not she has a role to play.

So here follows an explanation of the characters that will appear with all legal disclaimers and some such.

Explanation (introduction) Author's note, you pick

While conferring with Trixie (author of the amazing Rattlesnakes which I super highly recommend and Nightwing yaoi fanfiction) we came to the conclusion that Anime fans don't really look at normal comics so I need a little explanation of the characters. So if you avidly read any of the comics I am borrowing from (Batman, Gotham knights, teen titans, Robin, Nightwing, Batgirl) you can skip this and go straight to chapter 2,

I'm only stealing four (though I may mention Oracle), DC, so you can breathe again, and its not like I'm making a profit from them, and I'll put them back laundered when I'm done.

First we have Batman, aka The Bat, (as the Joker calls him) Bats, or Bruce Wayne. Since I assume that you would have to be living in the congo photographing silver backed gorillas since the 1930's I'm not going into that aspect of his personality. Nevertheless he belongs to Bob Kane and not me.

Bruce Wayne - Spiffing (yes I said spiffing) american businessman with an eye for the ladies, the more evil the better as far as I can tell. Super intelligent and very very very very very rich. (the batfamily don't have super powers just a massive overdraft). The general consensus is that Batman is the dominant personality and he made up Bruce Wayne.

Second we have Nightwing, aka Dick Grayson.

I can hear you "Dick Grayson's Robin", yes, he was but Batman fired him when the tights looked a bit strange because he was eighteen and he grew up into Nightwing. The tart of the DC universe, no really. Even in canon. In fanon, if it's going he'll be in there, kind of the Yohji of superheros but with slightly better dress sense. Looks kind of like Crawford minus glasses with a pony tail. (fingers itch towards scissors), around 25 give or take.

Next we have Robin, aka Tim Drake.

The third and fifth, Robin (Robin 2 met an unfortunate end in Death in the Family and went to the big bat cave in the sky. Robin 4 was a girl, and she's in the big bat cave in the sky too), he's about sixteen (I'm not messing with that I like that, suits my agenda nicely) and super intelligent, shaping up to leader of the teen titans, umm usually paired with superboy in fanon.

Last, but definitely not least, we have Batgirl, aka Cass something or other.

Doesn't speak, kinda scary, will only be mentioned as keeping an eye on Gotham as I know next to nothign about her and well, she's a girl, and they don't fit in WKFF.

As this is a Weiss Kreuz fanfiction I have to say that there will be no spoilers to the DC universe at all beyond what I've already said, I'm putting them in another universe not the other way around, this is in the nature of the cameo appearances that have already featured in AAW, I got the idea from Kia Asamiya's Child of Dreams in a if I'm going down for this I'm taking you all with me kind of way.