Disclaimer: I do not own Remus or Sirius. Sometimes, though, I think they might own me.
"Awake" was originally published on FictionAlley on 16 June, 2004.
Remus lay in bed that night with his eyes closed. This was not to say that he was sleeping; on the contrary, he was wide awake. But he felt sure that if he stayed perfectly motionless and kept his eyes shut, the rest of his body would eventually take the hint and let him go to sleep.
Needless to say, it wasn't working. His mind was too full of what had happened down in the common room earlier that night – not to mention, his stomach was too full of Firewhiskey. The vision-blurring effect of the drink had worn off by this point, but an unpleasantly queasy feeling lingered in its place, which made staying still a difficult task indeed.
He shifted, trying to find a more comfortable position, but that didn't really help. His stomach growled ferociously at him, and he shifted again in attempt to appease it. This didn't work either – and it was beginning to annoy him.
Out of pure frustration, Remus gave up his pretense at sleep and sat bolt upright in his bed, eyebrows knitted crossly as he blinked in the darkness.
And he gasped out loud as he suddenly realized that he was face to face with Sirius Black.
Sirius was sitting calmly at the foot of the bed, his gray eyes fixed on Remus in an expression that the latter wasn't quite sure how to identify. How had he got there? Remus knew from years of experience that you could always tell when someone else sat on your bed, even if you weren't looking at them. The bouncy mattresses made it impossible to be sneaky about sitting on other people's beds.
Well, evidently not completely impossible.
"You woke me up," accused Remus in a loud whisper.
Sirius grinned. "Did not," he countered in a much quieter whisper. "You weren't sleeping."
"I could have been," said Remus crossly.
"But you weren't. I could tell."
"Mm." Remus fidgeted with the edge of his quilt.
"Couldn't sleep either?"
"Not really, no."
"Me neither," said Sirius needlessly. "Listen, about tonight—"
"Let's not tell anyone, all right?"
Sirius blinked. "That wasn't what I was going to say, but… sure. That's fine. As long as we can keep Peter from squealing."
"Right," said Remus with a worried smile. "Right. Er. What were you going to say?"
"Just… I was just… well, wondering."
There was a pause.
"Wondering about what?"
Sirius suddenly seemed to find the hem of his pyjama shirt very interesting; Remus watched with a small measure of amusement as his fingers toyed with the material.
"You said it was weird," declared Sirius after a moment.
"What was? When I kissed you?"
"Well, it was weird."
Remus looked suspiciously at his friend. Sirius was never this quiet. Not unless he had something up his sleeve. "What?" said Remus.
"Didn't you think it was weird to kiss one of your best mates?"
"Well, sure it was weird."
"Then what's the problem?"
Sirius was still fidgeting, and Remus was beginning to feel a little disconcerted by the fact that his friend wouldn't look him in the eye.
Sirius mumbled something under his breath.
"What?" said Remus, who hadn't heard him properly.
"It was kind of good weird," whispered Sirius.
Remus blinked. He considered for a moment, and then said, "Oh."
"Are you," faltered Remus, "I mean… do you…?"
Sirius finally looked up. "Do I what?"
Remus paused for a moment. He knew what he wanted to say, but it would sound awfully conceited if he came right out and said it. "Er," he said.
"I mean… um… is it me?" said Remus. "Or is it, you know, that you just like snogging in general?"
Sirius looked at him with a rather bewildered expression.
"'Cause it's okay if you don't like me like that," clarified Remus.
"I don't know if I do," said Sirius in a voice rather more forceful than Remus had been expecting. "I just thought that maybe…."
"Maybe?" Remus prompted.
"Maybe we could, um…."
Remus' insides gave a lurch as he realized what Sirius was about to ask. He held his breath, and he waited.
"Maybe," whispered Sirius slowly, looking down at the hem of his shirt again, "we could try it again so I can find out?"
Remus smiled, and the smile turned into a grin despite his efforts to control it. It was not, of course, a grin at the prospect of kissing Sirius again. Naturally. He was just happy that he could be of use to his friend.
"Sure," he said.
"Really?" said Sirius, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise.
"Yeah," said Remus. "I don't mind."
Sirius smiled at Remus… but he didn't move. After a moment during which he felt more than a bit lost, Remus remembered that he'd been the one doing the kissing last time. Maybe Sirius wanted him to do it this time as well.
As he looked at Sirius' expectant face, he decided that this was probably the case. So he quietly leaned over and planted another kiss on Sirius' lips, withdrawing just as quickly as he had last time.
Remus frowned too. Had he done something wrong?
"So?" he said nervously after a moment. "Is it me?"
"I don't know," said Sirius. "That was, you know, kind of fast."
Remus felt his face begin to burn – but it wasn't the kind of embarrassment he'd felt earlier. This had less to do with the fact that there were people watching them (which there weren't now)… and a lot more to do with his sudden realization that he wanted Sirius to ask for another, a better, kiss.
"You don't suppose that you could… um…?" Though Sirius didn't finish the question, Remus knew how it ended.
"You can if you want to," said Remus, who had become aware of a funny thumping sound in his chest.
He wondered if Sirius could hear it too.
"Right," said Sirius, passing a hand nervously across his brow. "Right, if I want to."
"Do you want to?" said Remus.
The question hung in the air between them for a long moment. But Sirius boldly pushed his way through it, leaning over Remus' lap and pressing their lips together.
"Mm!" said Remus in surprise.
"Mmm," responded Sirius.
Sirius did not pull away nearly as quickly as Remus had expected. Rather, he deepened the contact into a real kiss, complete with all the tugging, tasting, and tenderness that Remus had come to associate with kisses.
Remus was rather impressed.
Sirius nudged Remus' mouth open with his tongue, and a shiver coursed through Remus' body as their tongues touched. He found himself leaning into Sirius, and before he realized it, one of his hands was threading itself through his friend's dark hair.
That was when Sirius pulled away.
But when Remus opened his eyes, Sirius' eyes were mere inches from his own.
"You liked it," Sirius breathed. It wasn't a question.
Without thinking, Remus nodded.
"Me too," said Sirius, his eyes wide and shining as though he'd just made a brilliant discovery. "It's you, Moony. It's definitely you."
Remus' lips curved into a smile. "It's still weird, though," he said quietly.
"So what?" said Sirius.
"Yeah," whispered Remus. "So what?"
Author's Note: This was intended to be a one-shot story, meaning that there will be no further updates. However, if you enjoyed it enough to be interested in reading more along these lines, please click on my author name and check out "A Drink and a Dare," another fic of mine which takes place directly before "Awake." Thanks for reading, and please don't forget to review!