A/N: Hi everybody! I'm sorry to say this won't make quiteas much sense to some one who has never heard the song "If You Were Gay". But I must say, if you haven't heard it you have no idea what you're missing! In fact, go buy the Avenue Q soundtrack. Right now.
And yes, it's Rin/Sesshoumaru. Go ahead and punjab me for it.
Some notes about reviewing this fic (if you are so inclined to do so…)
NOTICE: The rating is for one inappropriate line in the song, and not for anything else.
DO NOT: Give me closed-minded rants about how being gay is wrong. You're not proving your point, you're just being stupid.
DO NOT: Give me fangirl rants about how Sesshoumaru is not at all effeminate because… cough I guess it's a matter of opinion…
DO: Feel free to rant about the pairing. I'm not a fan, myself. It just worked so well…
Disclaimer: InuYasha and Avenue Q belong to who they belong to.
If You Were Gay
"Ready, Jaken?" Rin whispered to her bouncing friend. He nodded his affirmative and continued to jump up and down in excitement. She couldn't help but giggle at the sight and at the thought of their plans (which were to be carried out in but a few moments).
Rin wasn't sure how old she was. She could have sworn it had been three days or maybe fifty years since Sesshoumaru had saved her, but her appearance suggested she was somewhere in her twenties. A normal girl that age would be married by then and probably have a kid or two. She didn't mind being abnormal though; it was just how she was and how she would always be. And she supported anyone else who was somehow abnormal, too. She nodded happily to herself at this thought.
She, Sesshoumaru, and Jaken had been traveling for quite some time. For a while it had been all excitement and Sesshoumaru would constantly disappear on business that for the most part had to do with his half-brother, InuYasha. However, ever since the Shikon jewel had been made whole again, that crazy half-breed Naraku destroyed, and InuYasha and his pesky friends had all settled down to their own lives, things grew a lot quieter. Sure, humans continued to have their own wars, but Sesshoumaru took little to no interest in their affairs.
And so their lives turned to aimless wandering with the occasional exchanges with demons Rin was rarely allowed to meet. Not that she minded. She'd loved Sesshoumaru since the first time she saw him and would do anything for him.
"Anything…" she whispered. She looked down at Jaken again, who was busy tuning a ukulele.
Through the leaves of the bush they were crouched behind she saw Sesshoumaru come into view. He looked around suspiciously for a moment before throwing his fluffy-shoulder-thing to the ground and managing to plop down on it with more grace than is normally associated with that verb. He closed his eyes lazily, and probably would have been happy to sit, undisturbed, enjoying the sunlight… if he was into that sort of thing.
"One… two… THREE!" Rin cried, and she and Jaken leapt from their hiding place. Immediately Jaken began strumming his tiny hands along the ukulele while Rin addressed their target.
"Sesshoumaru-sama!" she said, "We've got something to tell you!"
"Not now, Rin," he replied in his flawlessly monotonous voice. Her grin only widened.
"But Sesshoumaru-sama, there's something we want you to know…"
They sang in unison, Rin in a cheery, singsong voice and Jaken in a shrill but passionate falsetto:
"If you were gay
That'd be okay
I mean 'cause hey
I'd like you anyway…"
Sesshoumaru's eyes snapped open. The other two continued on obliviously, caught up in their own excitement of doing a good deed.
For both of them had noticed something a bit… unusual about Sesshoumaru. He was quite obviously hiding something and it wasn't too hard to figure out what just by looking at him. It pained both Rin and Jaken to know that their beloved master and friend went on day to day keeping so much bottled up inside him. And so they had come up with the ingenious plan to get him to come out of his shell…
"Because you see,
If it were me
I would feel free to say
That I was gay!
(But I'm not gay.)"
Rin giggled as she danced around and dashed towards Sesshoumaru. She tugged uselessly at his hand for a while in hopes of getting him in a standing position while Jaken continued the cheery tune. The demon lord did not react to her tugging and apparently didn't notice it. He was too busy staring at the ukulele with as horrified an expression as his face would allow. Rin was certain she'd never seen him that way before and thus assumed that their plan was working.
"If you were queer
I'd still be here
Year after year
Because you're dear to me," the two of them sang on. Sesshoumaru's eye twitched slightly.
"And I know that you
Would accept me too
If I told you today:
"Hey, guess what! I'm gay!"
"(But I'm not gay!)"
In her giddiness, Rin didn't notice when Sesshoumaru finally complied to her wishes for him to stand, only that the arm she had been gripping with both of hers now swung easily to the beat of the music as she guided it. She beamed at him and finally noticed the expression on his face. It was a mix between disgust and disbelief.
"What's wrong, my lord?" she asked him cheerfully. He stared down at her wordlessly, which she took as a cue to continue. "Jaken and I worked all this out just for you! We noticed that, well… we've noticed a few things about you, Sesshoumaru-sama. And we just wanted you to know that we think it's just great!"
"So you decided to sing to me about it?" Sesshoumaru wondered, his voice completely level as usual. Rin laughed and nodded. She hooked her arm around his and began to skip; he grudgingly shifted his feet enough to allow her to move in a circle.
"I'm happy just being with you!" she sang. The ukulele reached a crescendo. "So what should it matter to me what you do in bed with guys!"
Sesshoumaru froze. "Rin. Where did you—?"
"If you were gay
We'd shout hooray!
And here we'd stay
But we wouldn't get in your way…"
"That's enough of this nonsense…"
"You can count on me
To always be
Beside you every day…"
"To tell you it's okay!"
"Stop this now!"
"You were just born that way!"
"And as they say: it's in your DNA! You're ga-"
The music continued as Jaken finished the final word of the song. Rin was cut off quite abruptly. This was because Sesshoumaru had kissed her.
Her eyes widened as she suddenly found his lips meeting hers. She'd never experienced anything like this before, but it did feel quite natural. Quite normal. In fact, she found she quite liked it.
She had to take a moment to catch her breath when he finally broke away, and she found the demon lord staring at her with cold calculating eyes, but there was something else there too. Almost... appraisal? Was he looking for her acceptance?
"I am not gay," he told her firmly.
"Sesshoumaru-sama…" she grinned, "If you were gay!" This time she kissed him.